WHY IS MY CHILD GAY?
Parents often ask this question for a number of reasons. They may be grieving
over losing an image of their child. They feel they did something wrong. They feel that someone
'led' their child into homosexuality or they wonder if there is a biological cause of
homosexuality.
Some parents react with shock, denial and anger to the news that their child is gay. One
response is to wonder, "How could my child do this to me?" This is not a rational
reaction but it is a human response to pain. We liken this reaction to a grieving process. You
are grieving over losing an image of your child. As you work through your feelings, you may
discover that the only thing your child has 'done' to you is to trust that your relationship
could grow as a result of you knowing the truth about him or her.
"When I found out my son was gay, my reaction
was, "What can we do to change it?"
You may feel that your child has been led into homosexuality.
It is a popular homophobic assertion that homosexuals 'recruit'. The truth is that no one 'made'
your child gay or lesbian. He or she has most likely known he or she was 'different' for a very
long time. No person or group of people 'converted' your child.
Other parents feel that their parenting is the cause of their child's sexual identity. For
years, psychology and psychiatry have bandied around theories that homosexuality is caused by
parental personality types (the dominant female, the weak male - or by the absence of same-sex
role models). Those theories are no longer accepted within psychiatry and psychology. Part of
PFLAG's work is to help erase these misconceptions from popular culture. Gays and lesbians come
from all kinds of families - those with dominant or submissive mothers, weak or strong fathers,
etc. They come from families with siblings who are gay, lesbian or bisexual and from families
with siblings who are not.
Many parents wonder if there is a genetic or biological basis to homosexuality. While there
are some studies on homosexuality and genetics, there are no conclusive studies to date on the
'cause' of homosexuality - or heterosexuality, for that matter. We would encourage you to ask
yourself why it is important for you to know why.
Does support or love for your child rely on your being able to point to a cause? Do we ask
heterosexual people to justify their sexuality? Remember that gay, lesbian and bisexual people
exist in every walk of life, religion, nationality and racial background. Therefore, all gay
people, like straight people, are different and have come into an awareness of their sexual
identity in different ways and at different ages. Although we may be curious, it should not be
important to know why your child is gay or lesbian in order to support and love him or her.
Just accept that your child is naturally who he or she was meant to be.
| Previous | Next |
|
[Before Coming Out to your Parents]
[Be Yourself]
[Our Daughters and Sons]
[About Our Children] |
|
Where would you like to go?
A new window will open
[ PFLAG Canada ] [ PFLAG USA ] [ GLBNBA ] [ Building Bridges ]
Make sure you
for easy come back...
We hope to see you again...
Last updated: 01/13/2001
© 1998-2001
PFLAG, North Bay, Ontario, Canada, parent, parents, mother, mothers,
mom, mommy, father, fathers, dad, daddy, gay, gays, lesbian, lesbians, bi, bisexuals,
transgender, transgenders, transgendered, transexual, transexuals, cross-dresser, crossdresser,
cross-dressers, crossdressers, infant, child, children, student, students, teacher, teachers,
school, schools, high school, high schools, violence, bully, bullying, harassment, sex, sexual,
sexual harassment, suicide, teen suicide, youth suicide, depression, tolerance, acceptance,
coming out, self-acceptance, son, sons, daughter, daughters, grand-parent, grand-parents, aunt,
aunts, uncle, uncles, cousin, cousins, friend, friends, understanding, homophobia, homophobes,
family, families, northern, northern Ontario, canadore, nipissing, nipissing university,
university, college, group, support group, rainbow, flag, stonewall, red, orange, yellow,
green, blue, purple, rainbow flag, mission, links, resource, resources, contact, glbnba, gfnba,
area, Take Pride, Take Pride!, community, equal, same, equality, rights, respect, freedom,
individual, dignity, safety, natural, choice, tolerate, accept, protection, bashing,
discrimination, society, affirm, prejudice, unequal, gender, lifestyle, adults, adult,
lifestyle, ignorance, color, colour, brother, brothers, sister, sisters, celebration, pride,
parade, people, person, persons, better, humankind, world, harmony, unity, newsletter,
OUTspoken, outspoken, vianet, tripod, AIDS, ACNBA, AIDS Committee of North Bay and Area, gay
fathers, gays lesbians and bisexuals of North Bay and area