MSTing EM103: "Name of the Game", with the short "Teamwork"

--- Part 1 of 8 ---

DISCLAIMER
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters Copyright 1999 Best
Brains, Inc. Law and Order and its characters Copyright 1999 Dick Wolf Productions. "Name of the Game" Copyright 1998 Kit Montague. "Teamwork" Copyright 1998 Eddie Delaney Jr. This work is not meant as a personal attack on Kit Montague or Eddie Delaney Jr., and is for entertainment purposes only.

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[OPEN ON: Best Brain's version of deep space - Opening credit sequence]

THEME SONG GUY:
In the not-too-distant future!
Somewhere in time and space,
Mike Nelson and his robot pals-

[CUT TO: <SOL> Pearl, dressed in a black jump suit, is agitated.]

PEARL (interrupts song): -AREN'T footing your paycheck anymore, theme
   song guy! Have you missed a story meeting or something? Tony
   Or-Nelson and Dawn are gone, history, cavorting around Interspace 
   trying to escape the clutches of Smelson's- wait, let me do the 
   quote thing here-

[Pearl takes two fingers from each hand and makes the "quote" gesture.]

PEARL: "Evil Twin". Who in turn, stuck ME up here on this crummy
   Satellite of Luffa 'til he finds them. Which means, Harry Chapin
   Carpen-turd, that I'M in charge now! And I'd better start getting
   some star consideration, including but not limited to: a fridge full 
   of Diet Dew, a personal stylist named Jean, Claude and/or Luc, oh and 
   did I mention? A brand new Forrester-centric theme song befitting my 
   new lead status! Now you just rewind, and start singing my praises. 
   And and and! In key this time!

[CUT TO: Brain's deep space, but a mirror takes up half the screen. Pan
 through: On the right is a smiling Mike Nelson, while on the left, in
 the mirror, is a sneering Evil Mike.]

THEME SONG GUY:
In the not-too-distant future
In space that's parallel
Mike Nelson had an evil twin
As mean as he is swell

[CUT TO: Pearl checking her lipstick in the <Rocket Van> rear view
 mirror.]

THEME SONG GUY:
Pearl Forrester and her rocket van
messing with things she didn't understand

[CUT TO: A model of the van flying through space bumps into the mirror
 and its view of Evil Mike. The mirror lurches out and takes over all
 the screen rather than half of it. Evil Mike laughs triumphantly in
 full screen.]

THEME SONG GUY:
Gave reality a firm hard shove
And now Evil Mike's her master
on the Satellite of Love!

PEARL (spoken over): Now that was hardly my fault!

[CUT TO: Evil Mike in the <House of Pain>. His hands are fanning
 computer printouts and dime novels. He then moves to a chalkboard map
 of the galaxy, which has "MINE ALL MINE" graffitied over it.]

EVIL MIKE:
"I'll send her crummy postings!
The worst that there are!
While I work to rule the universe
Every planet, moon and star!"

PEARL (spoken over): The ham!

[CUT TO: Framed photos of Brain Guy and Bobo, by a single lit candle.]

THEME SONG GUY:
Now keep in mind Pearl's sidekick pals
are missing, presumed dead.

[A hand holds a cigar over the candle. PULL BACK, we're on a smoke-
 filled <SOL Bridge>, Pearl, lounging in a La-Z-Boy, brings the cigar
 to her mouth for a puff. A static portable TV with a beer can on it
 sits on the desk. Clothes are strewn everywhere, including over
 Gypsy, who's swiveling around in a daze.]

THEME SONG GUY:
But now she's on the satellite
Filling everyone with dread!

Robot Roll Call!

THEME SONG GUY: Cambot! 
[CUT TO Pearl, arms folded, an unused mirror on the desk.]
PEARL: I ain't holdin' that!
THEME SONG GUY: Gypsy! 
[CUT TO Gypsy, with a dirty bra over her eye.]
GYPSY: I'm blind!
THEME SONG GUY: Magic Voice! 
MAGIC VOICE: We're doomed.
THEME SONG GUY: Peeeeeeeearl! 
[Pearl knocks Gypsy out of shot.]
PEARL: Fried chicken!

THEME SONG GUY:
If you're wondering how she eats and breathes,
and other science fare,
just remember that we don't like her much,
and we really just don't care!
On-

[CUT TO: <SOL> Pearl stares heatedly into the camera.]

PEARL: Mister, I sure hope you like the wallpaper at the unemployment
   office, 'cuz if you think I'm cutting you a check after that 
   tuneless piece of cra-

[CUT TO: <House of Pain> Evil Mike is writing a check.]

EVIL MIKE: -ftsmanship! Sheer craftsmanship! I think I'll make it the
   national anthem of Portugal after I take over the universe! We'll be
   right back!

[Commercials - Two guys in a Volkswagen. Da-da, da, da!]

---------

[OPEN ON: <SOL> Pearl has collapsed in a dirty Laz-E-Boy on the bridge,
 nursing a Red Dog. She is lit by the glow of a portable TV, playing a
 Bears-Redskins game which we hear in the background.]

TV ANNOUNCER: Reskins back to pass... intercepted! The Bears
return... fumbled! Redskins turn their heads to the action...
whiplash!

[Pearl sings morosely to herself. Gypsy, hesitantly, enters.]

PEARL (sings): I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm... something-or-other...
GYPSY: Um, Pearl?
PEARL (ignoring her): I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I... (vamps) fry it
   up in a pan!
GYPSY: Pearl!
PEARL (not looking up): I don't talk to Shop Vacs, sweetie.
GYPSY: I just wanted to see how you were doing. I mean, it must be
   hard, going from evil overlord to-
PEARL (looking up in a very unsettling way): To what, dearie? A loser?
   A failure? The merest smear of slug slime squashed by the shoe of a
   nitwit not fit to CLEAN UNDERNEATH MY REFRIGERATOR?!?
MAGIC VOICE: Hey, newbie! Lay off the Gypster. She's just doing what
   comes naturally for her.
GYPSY: Yeah.
MAGIC VOICE (muttering): Diving headlong into codependency.
GYPSY: Why you little-! (lunges toward camera)
PEARL (holds Gypsy back, then turns off TV): Whoa! Cease! Everybody
   take a moment. We're all on the same James Cameron luxury cruise to
   hell here. I think maybe we need to do one of them (shudders) girly
   wussy bonding things you see in ABC sitcoms.
GYPSY: Yay! Let's give each other makeovers!
MAGIC VOICE: But I don't have a body!
PEARL (flummoxed): Well... jiminy hosophats! That didn't stop Kate
   Moss, did it? (light flashes) Oh, The Pretender's calling.

[CUT TO: <House of Pain>.  A dungeon, with patented mad scientist 
 consoles and Jacob's ladders and shiny blinking buttons to press.  
 Evil Mike commands center stage.]

EVIL MIKE: Ahoy there, Oyster Spit! Time now for the part of the
   show I enjoy next-to-the-most. That's where I drive a well-oiled,
   chopped and channeled comedy dragster down dead man's curve to boffo
   laughs, whilst you do a sad, rote little recitation that makes you
   question your will to breathe. Ready? Begin!

[CUT TO: <SOL>]

PEARL: What's he talking about?
GYPSY: Oh, well about now Crow would come onto the bridge and start a
   premise.
PEARL: What kind of a premise?
GYPSY: Oo, I don't know. I was usually cleaning the dishes they'd
   left after snacktime.
MAGIC VOICE: Mike would laugh at the premise, and Tom would disparage
   Crow's lack of intellectual capacity.
PEARL: Huh.

[Awkward pause.]

GYPSY: Oh! Then Crow would leave the bridge and destroy himself.
PEARL: No soap?
GYPSY: Then he'd come back on the bridge, smouldering. And they'd
   laugh again.

[Yet another awkward pause.]

MAGIC VOICE: It was quite... disturbing, really. But... in a sad kind
   of way.

[Still another awkward pause.]

MAGIC VOICE: You were their captor! You must have seen them.
PEARL: Oh. I was... um... well... Anybody got a premise, or
   anything?

[Gypsy looks around, signaling a completely different awkward pause.]

GYPSY: Um... you know how you only see the top two feet of my tubing?
PEARL: No.
GYPSY: Oh.

[Son of the awkward pause.]

MAGIC VOICE: Well what about the fact you can only see the top two feet
  of your tubing?!
GYPSY: I don't know. I just seems odd to me.

[U.S. Awkward Pause Marshals.]

PEARL (to Gypsy): What was your name again?
GYPSY (infuriated): You're not even trying! (storms off)
MAGIC VOICE (as light flashes): Well that was fun.
PEARL: Oh, bite me, HAL of Troy.

[INSERT graphic of a night skyline of an undefined city, declaring that
 we're going to see "Another Late Show with Evil Mike". Theme music
 plays, a rock/jazz fusion of "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts".]

EVIL MIKE (pretending to be announcer): It's "Another Late Show with
   Evil Mike"! Mike's guests tonight are...

[INSERT b&w head shot photo of Evil Mike smiling at a kitten puppet.]

EVIL MIKE: Himself!

[INSERT b&w photo of Evil Mike smiling slyly, and pointing to a carrot
 he's holding up.]

EVIL MIKE: Mike Nelson's twin! And,

[INSERT b&w photo of Evil Mike looking demure in a blonde wig.]

EVIL MIKE: Teri Garr! And now, a man so funny you'll remember to
   laugh, EVIIIIIILLLLLLLL, me!

[CUT TO: <House of Pain>, with a curtain lit by various colored
 spotlights. Evil Mike, in a three-piece suit, strides out confidently
 to canned applause.]

EVIL MIKE: Ha-hah! So good to be here. Just flew in from a parallel
   universe, and boy! Huh? 

[Silence.]

EVIL MIKE: I tell ya. Do we have any parallel universe people here 
   tonight? 

[Dead silence.]

EVIL MIKE: Oh. Well... I guess... that material wouldn't make much sense,
   then. But everyone hates the airlines, right? Ha! What is with... 
   (suddenly realizes he doesn't know where he's going) these... 
   airplane guys. And their airplanes! I mean... two wings? What, one
   isn't enough? 

[Dead silence.  Somone in the audience coughs.  EM is petrified.]

EVIL MIKE (desperate): Ha ha! Ha! Ha! Well, I bet... whoever ruined 
   those airplanes... um... I'll bet you... uh... it was a woman!

[CUT TO: <SOL>.]

PEARL, GYPSY, MAGIC VOICE: HEY!

[CUT TO: <House of Pain>. Now Evil Mike is wearing a motorcycle jacket,
 smoking a cigarette, and talking in a deeper voice, as if he were from
 Bensonhoist.]

EVIL MIKE: Hey, yeah, I tell you what. Women suck! BOOM!

[The audience laughs at the slur.]

EVIL MIKE: Ha! And what with them stinkin' immigrants, huh? They think
   they're better than us? I say, I say, I say, BOOM!

[Audience laughs, and applauds. A hooting chant rolls down from them.]

EVIL MIKE: Ha! Yeah, baby, that's right! You know you want it. BOOM!

[CUT TO: <SOL>. Pearl is fuming silently, scarily.]

MAGIC VOICE: Boom? What's with the boom?
GYPSY: I always thought "boffo" meant something dirty, but my word!

[CUT TO: <House of Pain>. The audience laughs at every BOOM!]

EVIL MIKE: Hey yeah, you been a great audience, up yours! BOOM! Ha!
   Now tonight we have with us another example of something you chicks
   ruined. It's called "Name of the Game", and it's a very disturbing
   fanfic of the Emmy award winning drama "Law and Order", full of evil
   twins and burgeoning loins and three minute kisses and all that
   other Barbara Cartland crap! BOOM! But first, let's make degrade 
   and welcome our first guest, a female growth fantasy called
   "Teamwork". BOOM! 

[Audience applauds.]

[CUT TO: <SOL> Dark, except for a sinister spotlight on Pearl.]

PEARL: Oh, you'll pay for this, Bride of Nelson. Mark me well- you-

[Buzzer interrupts, movie sign flashes.]

GYPSY: Whoa, Pearl, we got fiction sign!
PEARL: Huh? No, no, I gotta finish my portending threat here.
GYPSY: No time! Fiction sign!

[Pearl is pushed to the side.]

PEARL: Ugh! Pay! You'll- oh, fudgebuckets.

| 6 |... ( 5 )... [ 4 ]... > 3 <... = 2 =... / * \

[CUT TO: Theater.  Gypsy and Pearl enter.]

PEARL: Oh, man. My achin' dogs.
GYPSY: Why did Dr. Forrester design a six-door airlock for the theater
   anyway?
PEARL: Oh, probably some federal hazardous waste regulation. If he'd
   taken over the world, he wouldn't'a had that problem!

> TEAMWORK

PEARL: Oh, Teamwork! The story of a... team. That... works.
MAGIC VOICE (suddenly, from nowhere): Don't force it, newbie.
PEARL (startled): Gah!  What- you?!
MAGIC VOICE: Oh, what? You thought I was just gonna putter around the
   bridge baking cookies?
PEARL: Stop sneakin' up on people like that! Get a body, like a normal
   person!
MAGIC VOICE (muttered insult): Corporalist!

> by Eddie Delaney, Jr.

GYPSY: Oo. You know, by the time this is through, I'll bet we wish they
   stopped at the first one.
PEARL: That could well be.

>
> Dr. Timothy Ryan had drastically miscalculated the strength of his
>formula.

MAGIC VOICE: It made him all urpy!

> He cursed himself for not being able to fore- see this
> outcome, or finding an antidote as well.

PEARL: Wow, a reckless scientist's experiment runs out of control.
   How unforseeable.

> The tiny chimp had grown into
> a monstrous colossus,

GYPSY: Flagrantly violating a series of RKO trademarks.

> destroying half of the city, killing thousands
> of people.

PEARL (as Charlton Heston): I finally did it! Damn me all to hell!
GYPSY: He destroyed half the city, but only a thousand died?
MAGIC VOICE: Yes, welcome to Casper- opportunity capital of
   Wyoming!

> All of his studies had been done, none of the results
> showed this type of amaz- ing growth.

PEARL: -in his real estate portfolio- with no money down!

> The chimp had only taken 2
> ounces of the formula, and it grew from a little under 2 feet, to an
> unbelievable 400 feet.

GYPSY: What'll they tell FEMA?
MAGIC VOICE (newscaster): Authorities were unprepared for the sudden
   appearance of Hurricane Zippy.

> Remarkably, it's musculature increased
> dramatically as well.

PEARL: Unremarkably, its head stayed the size of a small cantaloupe.

> Now, the newly-created monster was wreaking its'
> havoc,

GYPSY: You know, chimps are pretty smart. Maybe he's carefully
   conducting some strategically-planned havoc.

> and Dr. Ryan did not know what to do.

PEARL: Put you head between your knees and kiss your-
GYPSY: You watch your mouth, young lady! The Satellite of Love is not
   a construction site!
PEARL (resentful): Hey, who's running this show, anyway?
MAGIC VOICE: Gypsy.
GYPSY: We can talk about it, Pearl. I just don't know if I can do that
   and keep Life Support running at the same time.
PEARL (after a pause): I think I have newfound respect for you, Shop Vac.

> He was person- ally
> responseable for the greatest disaster in this city's history.

MAGIC VOICE: What, he directed the community theater?
ALL (sing): JO-seph! JO-seph! Is it really you?

> *****************************************
> The giant chimp had a hold
> of the traincar,

PEARL: Yes, that's right - THE traincar! No autographs, please! 
   Make way!

> closely exam- ining it

MAGIC VOICE: Oh, no, it's the Barefoot Executive- and he's downsizing!

> before throwing it hundreds of
> feet.

PEARL: (laughing) It's a 400-ft monkey with the arm strength of 
   Emo Phillips.

> The train ex- ploded on impact,

GYPSY: Oh, my! I didn't know they made gas-powered trains!
MAGIC VOICE: This could negatively impact the light-rail zeppelin
   industry.

>instantly killing all of the people inside.

PEARL: But, we didn't know them very well, so screw'em!

> The monster looked around, hearing a heavy rumbling
> sound.

MAGIC VOICE: Mighty Joe Dung!
PEARL: Hey! That was way dirtier than what I said before!
GYPSY: You two play nice.

> Tanks were making their way towards it.

ALL: (silent-movie sneaking music) Dum, dum, dum, dum, DAAAAAAAAH, 
   dum-dum-dum-dum...

> They stopped to zero in
> on their target and fired away.

GYPSY: No, men! TOWARDS! Fire towards!

> The shells exploded harm- lessly on
> the chimp, merely annoying it.

PEARL: How rude!
GYPSY: How gauche!
MAGIC VOICE: This simply ISN'T Marquis of Queensbury rules!

> It reared up its e- normous fist and
> came crashing down on 2 of the tanks, crush- ing them flat.

PEARL: You know, this was Spielberg's original ending to "Saving
   Private Ryan".
GYPSY: I don't think that's true, Pearl.
PEARL: No, it's a joke, honey. It's just a joke.

> The other
> tanks quickly fired again,

GYPSY: The army's sort of one-trick pony, isn't it.

> this time at a much closer range.

MAGIC VOICE: Oh, the new supersonic tanks.

> Again,
> the shells had no effect,

PEARL: The shells aren't working! Ready the manicotti!

> and again the angered chimp crushed the
> remaining tanks.

GYPSY: This is some poorly-considered tank spacing.
PEARL: Attack formation by Admiral Kimmel.
GYPSY (confused, turning to Pearl): Was that a Star Trek reference or
   something?
PEARL: No! Admiral Kimmel! The guy who kept the planes parked too
   close together at Pearl Harbor! (pause) Anybody?
MAGIC VOICE (derisively): Ach! Newbies!

> It was beginning to look as if nothing could stop
> this gargantuan- monstrosity.

MAGIC VOICE: Ethnocentricity strikes again. Hyphenated Americans beget
   hyphenated monstrosities.
PEARL: Meanwhile, there's a group from PETA, marching down the street,
   waving banners, cheering the monkey on.

>*******************************************
> Joyce Ryan

GYPSY: Meg's sister.

> had seen her
> husband at both ends of the emo- tional spectrum.

MAGIC VOICE: Dull surprise, and surprisingly dull.

> Pure joy over his
> discovery, and absolute dejection as it all went horribly astray.

PEARL: Monkey eats town. Bummer.

> He
> was in a state of shock over the monster he had unwittingly created.

GYPSY: Well why was he trying to make a big monkey in the first place?
MAGIC VOICE: He should have used a yellowfin tuna. Then there'd be
   sashimi for everybody!

> Usually Timothy was the strong one, but in this case, she would have
> to be the one to take charge.

GYPSY: Oo, I read in "Redbook" that most marriages fall into that
   pattern.
PEARL: Men take out the garbage, and women exterminate the 400-ft
   gibbon. It's only fair.

> In the process, she would gain the
> notoriety that her husband had usually grabbed.

MAGIC VOICE: She would be the one with the ill-conceived hare-brained
   scheme this time!
PEARL: She would be the one grilled by Tim Russert on "Meet the Press"!

> She would take the
> formula that had turned the little chimp into a col- lossus.

MAGIC VOICE: It was in the fridge, next to the water from the 
   Holy Grail.

> She
> wondered, what would it do to her.

PEARL: It would lecture her about her eating habits and make her take a
   spinning class!

> Joyce knew it was up to her and her
> girlfriend Laura to stop this creature.

GYPSY: Why Laura?

> She called up Laura, telling
> her to come over,

MAGIC VOICE: I made blondies!

> she would need her help for this.

PEARL: Yeah, no rush though, the chimp's just destroying our remaining
   infrastructure, but you finish up your bagel there.
GYPSY: But why Laura?
MAGIC VOICE: We don't know! Quit asking!

> Joyce took the
> remaining amount of formula, about 1 quart, and divided it in half.

PEARL: No, not with a knife! <CRASH!>

>There was a knock on the door,

MAGIC VOICE: It wasn't supportive of its friends in hard times.
GYPSY: Hey, quit knocking the door.

> and in walked Laura.
> " Oh my God, what the hell is going on," Laura shrieked as she
> walked in!

[ALL laugh.]
PEARL: That's the best entrance since Barbarella's weightless
   striptease in a furry spaceship.

> We should be
> evacuating the city like everyone else."

MAGIC VOICE: No, that would make sense.
GYPSY: So how did Laura make her way across town with a giant monkey
   on the rampage?
PEARL: Well, maybe it's San Francisco, and she used public transport.
GYPSY: Oo, BART runs through anything.

>" I have something else
>in mind, a way where we'll be a lot safer," Joyce responded calmly.

PEARL (narrator): There was a darkness in her eyes that day...

> " What have you got in mind....I mean how are we....."

MAGIC VOICE (Laura): 'Cuz I can't touch your... unless you take off
   that...
GYPSY: You can see why General Hospital was so dependent on this
   character.
PEARL: Um, that's a different Laura, actually.

> Joyce walked
>over to the table where the formula was. " You know the old saying,
>'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?,

MAGIC VOICE (Joyce): Well, put on these tap shoes and that gorilla 
   costume! We're gonna sing "Abba Dabba Honeymoon" like it's never 
   been sung before!

> well, we're gonna take that old
> monkey down to size!"

PEARL: Oh, look. Why don't you just give the formula to Joan Embry and
   let her take care of it?

> " We're gonna what, Laura cried
> incredulously, " how the hell do you plan on doing that?"

GYPSY: I know this is written, but Laura sounds dubbed.
PEARL: Do NOT have Fran Drescher help exterminate your marmoset.

> " Simple, we just drink this," Joyce held up the form- ula.

GYPSY: One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small!
MAGIC VOICE: Here are the ones mother gave me... kinda lame, actually.

> " Are you crazy or
> something, I don't want to turn into a monster....."

PEARL: It's a bit late for that, darlin'.

> Joyce was
> amazed at her friends' reluctance,

MAGIC VOICE: She fell for the Herbal Essence commercials, but
   not gigantism! Go figure.

> "a mon- ster?, are you nuts, we'll
> be giantesses, absolutely huge goddesses.

[All chortle.]
PEARL (Joyce): We won't be monsters, we'll be hideous mutants!
GYPSY: Well, one man's mate is another man's monster.
PEARL: That's true, I guess.

> If you don't like it, Thomas
> will give you the antidote after we take care of that overgrown
> chimpanzee."

GYPSY: You mean, the antidote he's not using right now because he
   didn't make one?
MAGIC VOICE: Uh, sorry, there's a no-return policy on genetic
   mutations. There's a small sign by the register there.

> "All my life I sat around as my husband tried different
> things.

GYPSY (Joyce): Like duct tape, and those chocolate-covered coffee beans!

> I did'nt because I was too scared to try anything,

PEARL (Joyce): Even gravy gave me the heebie-jeebies!

> but its time
> that I do something crazy.

MAGIC VOICE (Joyce): I'm gonna star in a Joe Esterhauz movie!

> Its time that little Joyce Ryan becomes
>someone,

GYPSY (Joyce): Like Alice McFennery, or Betty Calypso!
PEARL: Huh?
GYPSY: Well, they're someone... aren't they?
PEARL: No.

>besides, what have we got to lose. If we don't take the
>formula, there's a good chance we'll die anyway.

MAGIC VOICE: Oh, there's an upside!
GYPSY: This is the weirdest remake of "Lorenzo's Oil".

>This way we get to be
>heroes,

PEARL: -just for one day.

>or heroines for that matter.

GYPSY: Heroin's not for any matter, young lady! No more Courtney Love
   records for you!

> Come-on Laura,

MAGIC VOICE: Sexy Sadie's cousin!

> what do you say?
> Laura thought about it for a second and then quickly a- greed,
> "oh, what the hell!"

PEARL: Well as long as she took a full second.
GYPSY: Yeah, it would be different if she were rushed.
MAGIC VOICE: This moment of conformity brought to you by Big Tobacco!
   If your friends jump off a bridge- it must be pretty cool!

> Joyce handed Laura her portion of the magic
>formula.

PEARL: Play a swamp, Mox Emerald, tap-tap, then get a life.

> They both looked at it before finally drinking up every fan-
> tastic drop.

MAGIC VOICE: Hey, don't bogart the radioactive growth hormone!
PEARL (Joyce): Oh, say, you didn't have epilepsy or a heart condition, 
   did you?

> The effect was instantaneous, Joyce felt a surge of
> power shoot through her entire body.

PEARL: <Buuuurp!>
GYPSY: Hey!
PEARL: Sorry.

> She looked down and was astonished to see herself growing out
> of her clothes.

MAGIC VOICE (Joyce): My DK's!

> She looked over
> at Laura and was amazed to see how muscular she was becoming, then
> she realized the exact same thing was hap- pening to herself.

PEARL (Joyce): The expected is a constant surprise to me!
GYPSY: So, does this make Emily's List obsolete?
MAGIC VOICE: I don't think so.

> Layer upon
> layer of thick, massive muscles were sprouting up all over their
> bodies. It seemed as if their muscles were growing right on top of
> each other.

MAGIC VOICE: (sings) Ch-ch-ch-chia!

> They were growing 10 feet a second,

GYPSY: They're breaking the taste barrier!

> rapidly bursting
> through the roof, passing 100 feet tall easily.

PEARL: Their heads hit the ceiling at ten feet per second, smashing
their skulls like clay pots, and they die of internal hemorrhaging.
The end.

GYPSY: No, it's not the end, Pearl. See, there's lots more after this.
PEARL: It's a joke, Gypsy! Jeez Louise! Get with the program!

> Their breasts were
> growing out of proportion to their newly-immense bodies, if that was
> at all possible.

GYPSY: Pearl, what are breasts?
MAGIC VOICE: Yeah, and why would we care what size they were?
PEARL: Uhhhh... candy! Auntie Pearl has candy! Who wants candy?
GYPSY: Yay! Candy!

[Logo, Commercial - Can't the car just knock that kid and his tuba off 
 the screen?

--- End Part 1 ---

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