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Fushigi Yuugi is the property of Watase Yuu, Flower
Comics, Studio Perriot, Pioneer Animation and Viz Comics. All rights remain
theirs and I'm not making any profit from this at all (Tamahome would undoubtedly
take it all if I did).
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She sighed, resting her hand lightly upon the painted surface, softly touching the representation of that which she could no longer touch.
It was late, so late that the new day's dawn would be upon them shortly. She would have to return to her chambers by then; it would not do for anyone to realize that she had been awake and wandering the corridors of the Palace for most of the night. She had a position to maintain, after all.
All her life, it seemed, was about position.
She had arrived, along with every other girl in the seraglio, fully prepared to live the rest of her life cloistered, as either a lesser Imperial wife or as the wife as one of the Emperor's advisors or favourites, should he choose to give her to one of them. She had never considered living her life any other way. Until she met - him.
Like a comet blazing across the sky, eclipsing both the sun and moon, he had dazzled her from the first minute she laid eyes upon him. His movements were to her eyes grace incarnate, his voice the purest music she'd ever heard.
And, even now, so many years later, it was still restful to her soul to look upon his face. This was not the first sleepless night she'd spent here.
He, of course, knew nothing. How could he? She was silent, not significant. Where he was lively, she was calm. Where he sparkled with quips, she spoke infrequently, with a quiet wit that often went unnoticed. His demeanour ran so close to the edge of propriety that one was tempted to hold one's breath, waiting for his fall, while she cultivated an image of unfailingly correct behaviour.
So many times she was shocked at her own feelings. How could she? It simply wasn't right to care for that person in such a way!
She smiled gently in the darkened room at the blind wisdom of her younger self.
When he had been revealed as a Suzaku no Shishiseishi, she had acknowledged to herself what she had always known, that his path was so far from hers that she had more chance of winning the Rabbit Emperor of the Moon's hand than his. He served Suzaku no Miko, and with this truth she managed to heal her divided heart.
It had not been easy, and had taken more time than she thought possible. But no sooner was she heart-whole once more than she fell again, for a beautiful young man as wounded as she had been. Loving him was easier than one might expect; marriage to him both wondrous and heartbreaking.
He had shared with her, in the quiet of their nights, many of his pains and secrets. Among them had been the secret of the one she'd loved first, a secret still kept from the court and people today.
She had been saddened and enlightened. Saddened that she had not seen the truth for herself and that she had not made herself enough of a friend for the one she'd loved first to share it; and enlightened, for the truths placed her feelings in perspective and let her lay the last ghosts of her heart to rest.
Winning her husband's heart was not easy, but she'd succeeded. Her love had won his, and if only they'd had a little more time-
She chuckled dryly in the predawn gloom. If only. Wasn't there a saying? 'The greatest regret is 'it might have been''?
There are those who claim that an unrequited love is the most painful, while others say that losing one whom one both loves and is loved by is the true agony of the heart. Having experienced both, she would agree with the latter.
She spent many sleepless nights, now. Most in front of the portrait of her husband; but sometimes, like tonight, it was more restful to look upon the one she'd never dared approach.
But now, it was time to return to her rooms and pretend to sleep, so her little maids could come in and awaken her to prepare for the day.
Houki, Dowager-Empress Regent of the Empire of Konan, picked up her lamp and walked to the door. Stepping through and turning to close the door behind her, she whispered softly to the darkened room.
"Oyasumi nasai, Nuriko-sama."