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It's time. Derek and Allison have tortured each other enough. Even though Derek is a 20th century playboy type, he has managed to become a knight - now all he has to do is win Lady Allison's heart. She's a trifle miffed at him, but a beautiful, tender,romantic love scene should set everything to rights between the two of them.
He gazed into her eyes.....
"Mom?"
I look around at my flu-infested, 12 year-old son. "Yes, sweetie?"
"Can I have pancakes for breakfast?"
"Sure."
I turn back to my computer.
He took her hand in his.....
"Mom?"
"Yes?" I say absently.
"Can I watch T.V.?"
"Yes, of course."
He pressed his mouth to hers.....
"Mom!"
I jump in my seat and look up into my son's accusing green eyes.
"Are you writing that ICKY stuff?"
"Um, well, yes," I say. "It's a book about two adults who are in love."
"Yuck," he responds, then leaves.
I go back to the love scene.
Allison tears her mouth away from his. "Yuck!" she cries......
Oops. That's not what I meant, I meant to say --
"Mommy?"
I look at my 10 year- old daughter who has a holiday from school for some unknown reason. "What, sweetie?"
"Can I have some onion soup for lunch?"
"Okay."
I go downstairs and make onion soup. I return to my computer, my eyes streaming, my hands smelling like onions. I erase the last few sentences I wrote and start over.
He pressed his lips to hers. She pulled away, tears in her eyes. "I feel sick," she said. "It must be that onion soup I ate for lunch."
Onion soup? No, no, no! Delete, delete, delete!
I decide to go watch cartoons with the kids.
Ah. The kids are back in school. It's time. After everything Derek and Allison have been through, they deserve a really romantic, really tender love scene.
Derek stared into her eyes.....
THUMP! THUMP!THUMP!
I jump in my seat and stare at the ceiling. Oh, yeah. My husband mentioned something about the roofers coming today. Well, that's ok. I'll just ignore them.
I love you, my darling....
STOMP!STOMP!STOMP!
Geez, the roofers sound like a herd of steer. Are they going to start mooing next? Well, never mind, back to the love scene.
He swept her into his arms and stomped over to the bed.
No, that's not right.
He swept her into his arms and strode over to the bed....
POUND! POUND! POUND!
....and pounded into her.
Hey, wait a minute. That was awfully fast. I wanted this to be slow....
POUND! POUND! POUND! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!
Hmm. Maybe I better wait until the roofers are gone.....
Okay, today is DEFINITELY the day. The kids are in school. The roofers are gone. Finally I can write the love scene I really want - passionate, yet tender; sexy, yet romantic. I know I can do it.
They kiss.....
RING! RING! RING!
Allison pulled away. "The phone's ringing." "There aren't any phones in Medieval times," Derek said. "Besides, I hate it when a ringing phone interrupts the love scene. Ignore it....."
RING! RING! RING!
I can't ignore it. I answer the phone. It's my agent. "Great news! Berkley has made an offer for your next book!"
"Great!" I say. "How much?"
She tells me.
"What!?" I yell. "Is that all? Tell them I want more on the advance, more on the royalties, and more on the foreign rights...."
I hang up and go back to the love scene. Where was I? Oh yeah.
"More!" she panted. "More! More! More!"
RING! RING! RING!
It's my agent. "They say no more."
"No more?" I exclaim. "But I really want more. Can't you beg?"
"Well...." my agent says. "I can try."
"Okay. Call me b
ack and let me know what they say."
I hang up and turn back to the computer.
"No," he said gently. "No more." "Please," she begged, sobbing. "Please!"
RING! RING! RING!
"Okay," my agent sys. "They'll give you just a little bit more."
"Okay," I say. "Thanks." I hang up.
"Are you satisfied now?" he asked tenderly.
"Well....I guess. But I thought romance heroes were supposed to be able to do it more -- five times a night at least. Two times seems pretty piddly if you ask me...."
"Sweetheart! I'm home!"
I turn off the computer and run downstairs. My husband gives me a hug and a kiss. "How'd the writing go?" he asks.
"Horribly," I say. "I kept getting interrupted. Now it's the weekend and the kids will be home and I won't be able to get anything done."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
I think a moment. "Yes, there is...." I whisper in his ear.
He smiles at me. "Yes, my darling. Anything you want."
(Two days later) I have finished the love scene! I pack up my computer and go down to the front desk and pay the hotel bill.
Then I drive home to where my true hero of a husband is watching the kids.
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