Scene 2 Scene opens in Hopes living room, there’s a group of people visiting, standing and sitting chatting amongst themselves, light music can be heard. Ester enters from the kitchen carrying finger food that she offers around. Everyone holds some papers from the meeting.

HOPE Does anyone else have any more thoughts on the Mayday celebrations?

Pause

STANLEY Balls. . . . (Everyone looks at him.)

EMILY (hand to her mouth in surprise) Ooh.

STANLEY We need at least two more balls for the ladies rounders match.

HOPE I’ll make sure we have plenty on the day. . . .Well, if that’s it, thank you all for coming and I’ll see you on Sun. . . .

Some of them begin to get up.

ESTER Don’t go yet, (To Hope) You haven’t told them about. . . you know. . . .

HOPE I don’t know if today is the right. . . .

EMILY What is it, Hope?

ESTER Go on.

TRUDY Well, don’t keep us in suspense any longer, I can hardly stand it.

COLONEL You’re pregnant!

He thinks this is hilarious but nobody else does. Emily, who is obviously embarrassed tries to hush him.

HOPE I’ve decided to write another book.

People are politely surprised and encouraging.

EMILY That’s wonderful Hope.

TRUDY Is it another story about the Elf?

ESTER Gnome, dear.

TRUDY (She thinks she said no) Oh, it’s not about the elf?

ESTER GNOME! It’s not an Elf, it’s a gnome.

TRUDY (Sarcastically) Oh, gnome. Well, that sounds . . exciting, what happens to him this time?

HOPE Nothing happens to the gnome Trudy. . . .

DENNIS Well that sounds like a Bag of laughs!

COLIN Shut up Dennis and let her get on with it, or we’ll be here all night.

HOPE Nothing happens to the gnome because it’s not about the gnome!

They all look at each other and chatter

ALL Well, I wish she’d make up her mind/why did she say it was about eh gnome/she didn’t say it was about the gnome Ester did/ etc. . .

HOPE Excuse me. .please. . . (They all go quiet) The book is about. . .well, it’s about my life here in Little Compton.

DENNIS Like I said, that sounds like a bag of laughs.

EMILY Dennis, that’s not nice.

COLONEL Well I think it’s a bloody good idea. Hope has been involved in the workings of this community for many years, it’s about time she got some recognition for it.

HOPE Thank you Colonel.

COLONEL Wouldn’t have a drop more of the old er’. . . (holding up his glass) would you?

HOPE Oh, yes. . .

ESTER I’ll get it Hope.

She goes over and tops up the colonel’s glass. Some talk quietly amongst themselves.

ESTER (looking at Stanley who hasn’t said anything yet.) What do you think Stan, you’re sitting there very quiet?

STANLEY What, oh ay, I don’t have much to say on anything really, I don’t take to books, too many words if you ask me, prefer a good radio show myself.

TRUDY Will it be about your work in volunteering and fund raising Hope, or will it be more personal?

HOPE A little of both I suppose.

TRUDY So you’ll be writing about your bitter separation from Jack then?

Everyone stops in stunned silence.

HOPE (Obviously very uncomfortable) I. .I’m not sure about that, I haven’t made a decision on that yet.

ESTER (Breaking the ice) Hope’s lived such an interesting life, she’s got enough to fill three volumes if she likes.

COLIN God, I hope not, trilogies completely lose me halfway through the second book.

COLONEL You get lost reading the newspaper Colin.

TRUDY Don’t call him Coin!.

COLONEL What would you prefer then, Fred?

TRUDY Councillor, have some respect.

COLIN It’s alright Trudy. .

TRUDY Shut up! My husband has worked very hard to get where he is today.

COLONEL (To Emily) And if I was where he was today I’d be on the next ship out of here.

TRUDY If that’s a reference to. .

ESTER Excuse me, can we stop this childish bickering! Hope has gone to a lot of trouble today to invite us over and tell us all about her new book.

COLIN Then why doesn’t she get on with it.

COLONEL Awfully sorry Hope, please continue.

They look at Trudy.

TRUDY (Looking surprised) What, I didn’t do anything.

HOPE One thing that might interest you about the book is …. You are all to be featured in it.

SILENCE.

EMILY Us?

HOPE Yes.

TRUDY Well that’s very kind of you dear, I’ve never been featured in a book before.

COLONEL (Confidentially to Emily) Not true, Godzilla!

TRUDY I heard that Colonel. .

DENNIS When you say we’re to be featured, in what way exactly?

HOPE Well, that can vary. . .

COLIN And what about WHAT you write about us?

Everyone looks at her.

ESTER (Interjecting) Why are you asking Councillor, is there something that Hope might include in her book that makes you nervous?

COLIN Well, of course not, but if someone’s going to write stuff about me in their book then I think I’d jolly well like to know what it is.

DENNIS Here, here.

ESTER Dennis?

DENNIS Yes, well, I’ve got nothing to hide either but I’m a private man, I keep myself to myself, I don’t pry into other peoples business and I don’t like people prying into mine.

TRUDY Will there be photographs?

HOPE Yes, there will be some photographs.

TRUDY I’m not sure I like the idea of you exposing me to the world like that.

COLONEL A bit old for a centrefold aren’t you Trude?

Snickering

TRUDY Actually Colonel, I’m not. I have been told on more than one occasion that I have the body of a twenty five year old.

COLONEL Well, you’d better give it back Ma’am, you’re wrinkling it.

TRUDY (To her husband) Are you listening to this. Do you care?

COLIN Yes. .well. . .ignore him.

TRUDY That’s always the way with you isn’t it, bury your head and pretend it didn’t happen.

HOPE If there were photographs included in the book they will be of Little Compton. If I were to use a photograph of anybody I would ask permission before including it of course. As for what I write, I haven’t made a final decision about that yet.

ESTER If you want to find out what Hope has written about you, you’ll have to buy the book.

COLIN But it’ll be too late then.

COLONEL I say, isn’t that a little unorthodox?

ESTER Absolutely not! Look at all of the celebrities and stars who have biographies written about them, do you think they have any say as to what’s written?

DENNIS No, and look at the trouble it causes, that book about Rudolf Valentino for instance. . .

Everyone agrees and expresses their concerns amongst themselves.

ALL They say he was a drunk/I’m not sure about this/she’s got a nerve/what if we were to write a book about her/who knows what she’ll write about, etc. .

HOPE Listen, the main composition of my book will be my involvement strictly in the context as a volunteer and fund-raiser, you’ve all been involved with me in these activities. For instance, Trudy, you have hosted the annual bake sale since it’s early beginnings, I can hardly write an article on that without mentioning all the hard work and dedication you have given to the cause now can I?

TRUDY (Talking to everyone) People did say this year’s was the best yet, and my scones stole the show.

COLONEL Pity someone didn’t steal the scones before we tried them.

HOPE Er. . and Stanley, you run the youth cricket club with me every summer come rain or shine.

STANLEY I don’t know about this year Hope, the old joints have seen better days.

HOPE Oh, you say that every year. Colonel, the pig roast, Emily, far more fund raising than I can think of here and the rest of you all involved in helping run the community.

COLONEL If I could interject here, what about the Councillor, I don’t remember him doing much in the way of fund raising or volunteering in the last few years?

COLIN I beg your pardon. . .

HOPE That’s not fair Colonel. Colin’s role as Councillor is a very demanding position and who was it that used to run the annual athletic showdown against Hampton Hill?

COLIN Fifteen years, never missed a year!

HOPE And the interesting thing about that is,. . .

Hope goes over to her desk and retrieves a box.

HOPE (CONT’D) I came across this box the other day, it contains memorabilia from the annual athletic showdown.

ALL Oh, how interesting/what’s in there/etc. .

HOPE As you all know, my job was to officiate the races. (Taking out a whistle) Here’s the famous whistle. (blows it) still works. .. (bringing out a roll of tape) The tape, a few winning ribbons. . and here was my. . . (goes to bring out something else but is interrupted)

TRUDY (Beaming) And we all know who broke the tape in thirty-nine, the last time the cross-country race was run.

They all look at Colin and clap and pat him on the shoulder with words of encouragement.

ALL Councillor/what a race/first time we won it/I’ll never forget that day/etc. .

COLIN (Modest, but loving it) Ladies and gentlemen please. . .it was a long, long time ago.

HOPE That’s right, our very own Town Councillor, who was just plain Colin to us back then, won the ten mile cross-country race. . .

TRUDY (Cutting her off again) In the best time ever recorded no less. (she gives him a kiss)

Hope closes the box.

HOPE So, to go back to what I was saying about the book. . .

TRUDY (Standing) Hope, I think I speak for everyone here when I say go ahead and write your book, include me in it as much as you deem necessary to captivate your readers and put me down for. . . . . I’ll get back to you on how many copies, I’m sure I’ll need several. (looking at Colin) Colin!

Colin gets up and helps his wife with her coat. The others get up to leave also.

EMILY I’m kind of excited, I’ve never had anything written about me before.

COLONEL Actually ma’am, that’s not completely true, but there again, you probably wouldn’t know about that.

EMILY Know about what?

COLONEL (Opening the door to the apartment) What’s written about you on the door in the men’s change room.

EMILY (She smiles) Oh that.

She exits.

COLONEL Isn’t she a Sunday school teacher?

ESTER Only on Sunday’s

They all exit.

ALL Bye Hope/see you soon/thanks for the tea/etc. . .

Ester closes the door.

HOPE That went better than anticipated.

ESTER (Suspiciously) Hm mm. Considering. . .

HOPE Considering what?

ESTER Considering you were not telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Handing her a glass of sherry.

HOPE We’re not in court Ester dear.

ESTER Not yet you’re not, but you write about some of those things you told me about earlier and you might just end up there. Articles on volunteering and fund-raising indeed, you had them fooled.

HOPE Not really, like I told you, I don’t know what I’m going to write about yet. But it’ll be interesting to see how all this plays out in the next few months.

They clink glasses.

BLACKOUT.

Scene 3