All stories indexed here written by the site's archivist. Hi. Incredibly Short Fic DISCLAIMER NOTICE: is probably longer than the story itself, but here goes: None of these characters belong to me. Chris Carter, FOX Network, and various groups of lawyers have stronger legal claims than I do. Also what these characters do have no real bearing on the show, the people playing these characters, and anything having to do with their religious/political beliefs. Thank you. SUMMARY: This is an incredibly short fanfic. The elevator door opened, and Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder entered. Mulder sighed, pressing the button for the basement. "Don't you get tired of doing this?" Scully asked, not bothering to glance at her partner. "Not really." Mulder didn't shrug or show any emotion, instead taking a moment to glance at the folder in his hands. The elevator door closed. THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic II: The Keys DISCLAIMER: Fer crying out loud, I'm not making any money on this! Chris Carter, FOX Network, and various other groups represented by very powerful law firms have no need to hunt me down like a duck! So please, just take this in the spirit it was intended... SUMMARY: Follow-up to "Incredibly Short Fic." Hoover Building Two minutes later The elevator door opened, letting out Agents Mulder and Scully. They walked briskly around the corner through the narrow basement hallway to their office. Mulder continued to read the file. Scully continued her argument from the elevator. "But you do have to admit," she noted, raising one arm up to point toward the file, "that..." "Hold on." Mulder had stopped in front of the door leading to their office. He glanced up from the file and stared at his partner. "Do you have the keys?" "Wait a sec." Scully patted her pockets. "Oh, wait, here they are." She pulled out her keychain and unlocked the door. She entered first as Mulder followed, holding the file up to his shoulder as he turned and closed the door. THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic III: the Revenge DISCLAIMER: This disclaimer is probably longer than the story itself. Anyway, I do not own any copyright to this story. Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and 99 percent of the characters from "Jose Chung's 'From Outer Space'" all belong to Chris Carter, FOX Network, and a secret cabal of pizza chain managers (although this last bit hasn't been proven in a court of law...yet...). Do not send money. Do not send lawyers as there is no money. Thank you for your time. SUMMARY: The writer of these Incredibly Short Fics has way to much time on his hands. Hoover Building Basement "Ow!" Mulder rubbed his shoulder. The pain wasn't excruciating but it still hurt. "You didn't have to do that." Scully stepped away from her partner as he swivelled in his office chair. "You asked for it." THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic IV: In the Dark DISCLAIMER: Yes, you have to read the disclaimer, mostly because it's the longest part of the posting. I do not have any copyright control. Absolutely none. Nada. Not a clue. Oh, I can tell you where the books on copyright and trademark are on the library shelves (Dewey # 346.73), but I haven't read them. Therefore, to the guys who do have copyright control - Chris Carter, FOX Network, and anyone else named in David's lawsuit - PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME. Your lawyers are busy enough as is. SUMMARY: Yet another incredibly short fanfic. Oh, you can't stop me! You'll be calling me Pulitzer Paul after this one! ;-) Somewhere in Maryland Night Mulder tapped his flashlight. "Say, Scully, you wouldn't happen to have an extra set of batteries, would you?" There was silence for about a minute. Finally, in the darkness, she answered, "No." THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic V: The One Where Mulder and Scully Drive Down the Jersey Turnpike In Search Of a Rest Area But Instead Spot a Deer Hopping Across the Street At Night DISCLAIMER: What? Someone's actually going to read this story?Okay. The characters Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. Whether or not they drive up and down the Jersey Turnpike a lot remains a speculative notion at best. The Jersey Turnpike itself is not owned nor represented by the writer of this story. Any possibility that Jimmy Hoffa is buried somewhere along the Turnpike is also a speculative notion at best. SUMMARY: Oh, sure. Summary. Uh, well, there's this deer... Somewhere along the Jersey Turnpike Night "Gee, that's a pretty deer," Scully noted as the animal darted across the road, the bright headlights reflecting its white and light brown hide. "I just hope it figures out that running out in front of cars like that isn't a smart thing to do," answered Mulder, who gauged the distance between car and animal and decided there was no need to slow down. Scully hummed to herself in agreement, and the car continued down the road. THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic VI: The Contest DISCLAIMER: Well, let's see... I, the writer, do hearby proclaim that I do not own the characters Mulder and Scully. I am not receiving any payment for writing this, and considering the quality (or lack of) I should not be getting payment anyway. Any attempt to sue me will be more expensive than any recompensation a legal decision could provide, so I recommend that I not be sued (as I have no money). Thank you. SUMMARY: Well, there's this deer...oh, wait, that was part V... Somewhere Some time "Done," Mulder declared aloud. "Oh, you would be," Scully retorted in kind. "Huh. And you just had to wear down the eraser on that pencil, didn't you? Next time, use a pen, dammit." THE END -- Incredibly Short Fic XCVII: Same Old Same Old DISCLAIMER: You cannot blame this story on the writer's intake of Prozac. You cannot blame this story on any sunspot activity. You could blame this story on the fact that Jesse Ventura is the governor of the state of Minnesota, but it's not recommended you do so. Oh, and the characters in this story cannot be blamed, either, since they're copyrighted to such people as Chris Carter, FOX Network, and a few others represented by law firms. SUMMARY: A new twist on an old plot... The elevator door opened. Agents Mulder and Scully stepped in as Scully pressed the button for the basement. "Don't you get tired of doing this?" she asked as her partner tapped his finger on an opened file in his hand. Mulder thought for a moment. "Actually, yes." He pressed the emergency stop button. "You're right, Scully. Let's get out of here and go on a crime spree as we drive south before getting shot to death by a Texas Rangers posse on the Mexican border." She didn't have to think about it. "Sure." They let the elevator finish its ride down to the basement before pressing the button to the parking garage level. They stepped out, heading for the car, and when they got in they drove off into the sunset. THAT'S IT. I'M DONE. SO THERE. (But sadly, I suffered a relapse and wrote a few more...) -- Incredibly Short SkinnerFic NC-17 DISCLAIMER: The character of Walter Skinner is owned by various legal groups representing Chris Carter, FOX Network, and as always some guy named Ralph. The writer once again would like to remind these legal groups that suing poor people is not a sound plan, so please, be gentle with me. WARNING: This story involves some extreme imagery. Young people are advised to look away and ask their parents later the moral and ethical complexities of this story. SUMMARY: It's Skinner's turn to be abused with Incredibly Short Fic... Washington DC Day Assistant Director Walter Skinner glanced one direction, then another, before growling, "All right, who's got my shirt?" THE END. SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM. -- Yet Another Incredibly Short Gunmenfic: Balance In All Things DISCLAIMER: I've tried to warn you all, but I guess I have to try again. FOR GOD'S SAKE, this is not a story being published for financial gain, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't SUE ME! The characters portrayed in this story do not belong to me, and more than likely wouldn't be caught doing the weird things I have them doing in the paragraphs below. Also, since I'm doing my best to make the DISCLAIMER larger than the story itself, I have to add that I'm 29, single, professional librarian with a masters' degree, looking for a SWF of similar age and interests for LTR, hopefully matrimony. Being a fan of the Tampa Bay Bucs is a plus. Please call 1-800-555-GODHESDESPERATE ;-) SUMMARY: The writer is having another slow day, and decides to do something silly to pass the time... Somewhere in Washington DC Night Byers took one look at the situation and grimaced. "Are you sure you need to be doing that?" Frohike didn't turn to answer, instead focusing on the task at hand. "Almost finished." Langly nodded in agreement. "Once that's done, we should have no problem." THE END -- Incredibly Short Krycekfic: What the Right Hand Knows... DISCLAIMER: Forget it. I'm sick and tired of writing disclaimers. Go ahead. Sue me. It'll be good for a chuckle. SUMMARY: Krycek is not yet prepared for the humiliation that is Incredibly Short Fic... Undisclosed location in Maryland Night "So what I want to know is," Krycek whispered as if someone was listening, "who was the idiot was cast my prosthetic arm with an extended middle finger?..." THE END. BEGIN THE LAWSUITS NOW. -- Incredibly Short UST Fic DISCLAIMER: Will you stop sending me junk mail?! I don't want these damn credit card offers anymore! Just...stop it! Stop ITTT! Oh, um, this story is not written by me (well, actually it was, but you didn't hear it from me...) Please inform Chris Carter, FOX Network, and Ralph to please not sue. SUMMARY: Like this needs a summary?! FBI Headquarters Basement Afternoon "I...I can't tell you..." THE END -- Incredibly Short Bree Sharp Fic DISCLAIMER: Oh, no! It's too late! Ralph's suing me! I'm DOOMED! SUMMARY: Bree Sharp. Nuff said. Somewhere in L.A. "DAVID!" she screamed, running down the street. "Where are you? I LOVE YOU! COME TO MEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee..." THIS STORY ONLY ENDS AFTER TEA SERVES A RESTRAINING ORDER ON BREE. Bree Sharp appears courtesy of whichever record company she signed for. Some names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent, or at least the ones who have sound legal counsel. -- Incredibly Short Cell Phone Fic DISCLAIMER: There's a hurricane blowing in on where I live, so this might be my last work as the sea monsters will most likely attack me from the toilet. Therefore, to all you lawyers...thhhhhpppptttt! SUMMARY: Yet another incredibly short fic. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere Time unknown "Dammit! My cell phone just went dead." "Lemme check mine...hey, mine's not working either!" "...Uh-oh..." THE END? -- Incredibly Short Sea Monster Fic DISCLAIMER: AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SUMMARY: YEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! Ft. Lauderdale, FL Hurricane season There was a lot of screaming. THE END -- Incredibly Short Slash Fic NC-17 Some space to protect sensitive readers. DISCLAIMER: Do not read this story. You'll go blind. SUMMARY: Incredibly Short Fic takes a wicked turn. Washington DC Night "OUCH! That hurt..." REPEAT AS NECESSARY. THE END -- NOT SO NEW: Incredibly Short Map Fic DISCLAIMER: Rand McNally is going to kill me. Otherwise, I'm cool. SUMMARY: Did you ever have one of those days? Somewhere in the U.S. Noon There was a shuffling sound of paper from the passenger side of the car. "Well, this doesn't seem to be the right way to go." "Which way is the right way, then?" The silent pause was deafening. Finally, there was a prolonged and unconvincing "Ummmmmm..." THE END -- NEW: Incredibly Short Crossover Fic (1/1) DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are owned by me. The situations that are developed in the story derive from situations created by others. In no way do I receive...aw, screw it! I'm sick of writing DISCLAIMERS! SUE ME! SUE ME!!!!!!! SUMMARY: What you would expect from an Incredibly Short Fic. An undisclosed street corner Night Scully turned. "Oh. It's you all." "I figured you were the ones who left the message," Mulder nodded at the arrivals. "Well, the damage has been done. There's not much left to go on." THE END -- NEW: Incredibly Short End of The World Fic (1/1) DISCLAIMER: Who cares? C'mon, if any lawyers try to take me to court to fight over this harmless piece of lousy writing, the judge will get a good laugh and toss the case out. So there. SUMMARY: It's short. THE END. -- NEW: Incredibly Short Unfinished Fic (1/??) DISCLAIMER: Well, if they're going after Tiny Dancer, it's only a matter of time until they chew up my sorry ass, so...HA! SUE ME YOU BASTIDS! SUMMARY: The ongoing story of a quack, who's gone to the dogs... Somewhere Wednesday "Now hold on a second," Scully retorted, "if you can just give me a chance to finish what I was saying..." TO BE CONTINUED (?) -- NEW: Incredibly Short Christmas Fic (1/1) DISCLAIMER: There were dark, dangerous things to be said. None of which were protected by copyright. And thusly was the writer of this story subjected to the possibility of being hunted down by lawyers representing Chris Carter, FOX Network, Ralph, and the Unnamed One... SUMMARY: Other than that, though... Washington DC Christmas "What? Another green shirt?! Damn! Christmas is ruined..." There was much weeping afterward. THE END -- Incredibly Short Pregnancy Fic (1/1) Paul Wartenberg (z004799b@bc.seflin.org) wrote: : Barb Sterling (redland@agt.net) wrote: : : The season only ended 1 hour ago, but I need some fanfic NOW! Please : : lets all get to work and write some possible scenarios for next season! : Okay. NEW! Please archive!!! : Incredibly Short Pregnancy Fanfic (1/1) : Scully's bathroom : Scully's mom held up the thin plastic device, tears forming as : she turned to face her daughter. "Honey..." : Scully arched both eyebrows in shock. "Oh, hell. I knew we : should have purchased some condoms..." : The Beginning. See you in 9 1/2 solar months (10 lunar months, I : believe, is the correct measure for pregnancies...) : : Kim EDITOR'S NOTE: I forgot COPYRIGHT for this story. At the time, I wasn't receiving proper legal counsel, so... -- NEW: Incredibly Short Mulder's Abduction Fic (1/1) SUMMARY: Mulder's gone... RATING: This story contains massive amounts of nudity, sexual content, vulgar language, and exploding penguins. For GOD'S SAKE, don't read this story! It will rend your soul within the darkest pits of HELL!!! (actually, it's pretty tame, but hey creative advertising always helps...) FBI Basement Three days after the season finale Scully strolled into the X-Files office, calmly seized Mulder's nameplate off the desk, tossed it over her shoulder right into the trash can near the doorway, and walked around to the chair. Leaning back, placing her legs atop what was *her* desk now, she smiled and waited for the quartermaster's office to show up with her nameplate. THE END -- Subject: NEW (Archive at own risk) Incredibly Short Doggett Fic (1/1) Date: Friday, September 22, 2000 3:44 PM COPYRIGHT: None of the characters are owned by me. Well, in fact, there's just one character in this story. Well, in fact, there's not much of a character, since season 8 hasn't started and I have no idea how Chris Carter is developing the character or dialogue or style of clothing or socks or anything. SUMMARY: Greeting and salutations to a brand new character. Welcome to the horror that is Incredibly Short Fic. Somewhere in the desert Two days after Mulder's abduction FBI Agent Doggett stood there, glancing about. After a few minutes he called out, "Line, please!" THE END? -- Subject: NEW (Archive at own risk): Incredibly Short Doggett Versus St. George Fic (1/1) Date: Sunday, September 24, 2000 11:54 AM YES! Because you demanded it! You, you, you, that guy over there, you, you, yes you, that group back there in the corner, you, you and you...and...actually, just Kipler, Mary and Maureen, but what they hey, they at least sent compliments, thanks. ;-) COPYRIGHT: I do not own the characters. Doggett is contractually obligated to FOX Network, Chris Carter, that evil lawyer Ralph and his evil cat Jo-Jo Furryfeet, and a few others hiding in the shadows. Jackie St. George is contractually obligated to Sheryl Martin, her idealistically driven solicitor, and a few others hiding in the showers. I don't think Sheryl will have me sued, she's a good egg. Ralph, on the other hand, takes his orders from Jo-Jo... SUMMARY: It's a follow-up to the exciting nail-biting conclusion of Incredibly Short Doggett Fic. Still, it's Incredibly Short Fic. Still in the desert A few minutes after the previous story Doggett watched as the car pulled up. Jackie St. George, warrior, Canadian, and occasional bartender stepped from the driver's side, tossing a wrapped package to the waiting federal agent. Doggett unwrapped it, lifting up the burger bun. "Hey! I said no pickles, dammit!" "What, you think I'm driving back to Burger King AGAIN?! Up yours!" groused St. George. THE END? -- NEW: Incredibly Short DeadAlive Recovery Fic (1/1) SUMMARY: Incredibly Short Fic returns once again to humiliate all in its path. DISCLAIMER: I'm poor. Just try and sue me. BWHA-HA-HA! Just in case, though, the characters involved belong to Chris Carter, the FOX Network and Ralph The Evil Lawyer. If you don't know who Ralph is, you haven't read the earlier Incredibly Short Fic stories. Georgetown Medical Afternoon Mulder sat up in his bed. "Okay, I'm feeling a lot better now, Scully. What was it you wanted to tell me?" Scully stood up, letting her partner see her fully for the first time in months. Mulder noticed the rotund belly. He promptly fell back into the bed, eyes rolled up, as the monitors plugged into his body sounded every alarm built into their systems. TO BE CONTINUED? Nah... -- Paul Wartenberg ------------------ | --Chat channels----- z004799b@bc.seflin.org ----------- | --Undernet, #seflin- -----NEW WEBSITE ----------------- | --Chatnet, #obsse--- http://home1.gte.net/cpq2p4sr/ | --you will know me-- -----X-Files 'Shipper Archives---- | --As roguelibr------ -- back