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This is David's story He
is an F to M CD. I am very nervous while I write this. I feel obligated to tell you I have a severe learning disability called dysgraphia. It means I can not handwrite or spell much better than a 2nd grader. I’m also gifted and could read at high levels at three. Read and comprehend ,The Tell Tale Heart, anything by Poe etc. So be forewarned about my utter lack of ability to spell and some bizarre need to write in huge run on sentences. Having
said this Shall I begin.
I was a breech baby that had a severe congenital hip defect. The Dr. >said
my legs were twisted all the way around but, I can’t remember any of >that.
I do remember those horrible twister braces (like Forest Gump) and the >even
worse Denacen splint , >two
brass shoes with a bar between them. I walked around the house like >Frankenstein,
nothing kept me from being mobile. the day came for my mom to >get
them taken off, ( my father was a real piece of work) and she asked, what >do
I want now, (meaning hotdogs or ice cream). I said (and I only started to >speak
about two moths before, and in complete sentences weird hugh)” I want a >pair
of pants just like Adam (my brother)
the ones that have patches in the >knees.
She was startled but put it of to me wanting to wear pants now that I >could.
My back ground is odd in general. Both my folks are 1st generation >Americans
(I say this lovingly, screaming liberal Jews) but they were hip and >tried
to understand what was going on with their tomboy daughter.
I started >cross
dressing full time after my Mom made the mistake of making me wear a stupid pink
>dress with ruffles! Yuck
.and stockings to school. I proceeded to cut the >stockings
off and tied the ends of the dress together and ran around with the >boys
playing something rough. The
moment the leg braces came off I knew I’d be >an
athlete one day. The folks gave up until I was 12 so the first years were >bliss,
My Mom even tried to sneak me into the boy scouts at age 7. I didn’t >want
to be an brownie, and learn to cook and sew I wanted to make fire by >rubbing
a stick in tinder, camp out, catch snakes cool stuff. Things
started to change in a really twisted way when my body >began
to mature. I started bleeding at ten and by 12 was the same size I am >now,
(I am a bit shorter) My folks wanted me involve in sports so they put me on >a
roller derby team, In school for PE I took weight lifting and Still cross
dressing full >time. Here
is the twist. At 12 I was considered, by the culture I was raised in, >to
be marrying age. So now my mom has the dilemma of making me, what she >thinks
is a lovely daughter, feminine looking. Here
came the make up and >dating
rules. I was not allowed to leave the house with out a full face of make >up
and all dates needed be 3 yrs my senior min, and when I got to high school
it meant someone in Collage. In the mind of my mother I would educate
myself while married, just as she had. >
Dealing with school was a lot worse. In the early grade not so
bad, but by grade 5 The young men that were my friends, now wanted to date me.
In 9th grade I had a boyfriend force his way to second base, (It was
like as soon as I grew breasts men I’d known for years treated me like my
brains oozed into my bosom) and I started to cry, he said “so everyone’s
right you are a lesbo, a carpet munching ,muff diver. I ran all 3 miles home,
crying But it was too late,
He had told my best friend and when I say her telling everyone else in this town
house complex we lived in I was a muff diver. All the friends I had >had
since I was 7 were chattering are there any queers in the theater tonight ."Get
them up against the wall” (it was from a song). I lost it went for my best
friend and almost killed her with my bare hands. It took 5 cops to get me off of
her and I broke out of the restraints in the ambulance, I got a nice fortnights
vacation in the Northridge hospital youth ward for the mentally ILL(nice ring to
it LOL). Coming back to school was a nightmare. My locker was smeared with tuna fish with an arrow spay painted on saying Dike here. That day at lunch, I think more food was thrown at me than eaten by students. When
I left the mental hospital the Physiatrist said you have a gay child but she is
in denial. I was not gay and knew it . I also knew people are afraid of the
unknown, and Me a strong Dike was the unknown. I started to stick up for my
self. REALLY stick up for my self. High
school was much better. My rep followed me so no one bugged me much. I did make
the wrestling team, (only gal) and won about a third of
my matches. I won a scholarship to Cal arts and was engaged just as I
planned but, when my folks found out I wanted to do theater makeup they were
very angry. IT was MED or Ed or no $$$$$$$for school. So I told them I'd
figure something out, married my 1st husband and worked days and went
to night school. But,
when this man drank he was scary so ,I got out. I
lived with my brother Adam for a year while I prepared to move to Las Vega, this
being where my folks lived then, and I gave in to becoming a teacher. Moving
to Vegas was a Huge cultural shock for me and I’m still not over it. I wore my
best Zoot suit to UNLV first day of class, from that moment till just now I
purged everything. The
whole thought of dealing with the gay label was to much for me. While Living
here I met and Married a Man named Max, He was a Palestinian Muslim, I never
told him! After
he died an untimely death, I moved
back in with my folks again, I got really lonely and placed a personal ad, Sara
answered. On
our third real date he told me, Now I was really confused. I figure we focuses
on one of us at a time. It took almost >4
years, but I now have Tri-Ess and really feel at home. I just sometimes wish >I
was still in California. I could CD fulltime there and my paper thin ego could
take it..
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