Self Acceptance

I have had as a recurring theme in my musings a feeling of what are the stages of SELF ACCEPTANCE for those of us that are CD. Christians often have the added burden that we feel that Cross dressing is a sin based on two verses mistranslated in most versions of the Bible. Deut 22:5 and 1Cor 6:9. I have dealt with this with two CD’s recently one that contacted me as a result of my listing in the Tri-ess directory and my reference to this subject, and the other Kathy, (dialog below) who is a new comer to the TG-Christian list.

We have also played around with this in a lighthearted manner at one of the Lambda-Mu meetings.

I am beginning to see a pattern here.

As a young CD there is a sexual component to dressing (it is a big turn on)

As mature CD when we have fully accepted ourselves in all aspects (for those of us that are Christian coming to terms with that). There is no longer a sexual content and a more mature outlook hopefully a desire to  help others In similar circumstances.

There is a middle stage where most/some of us are partially dressing and are just a guy in a dress. It is when we go the rest of the way wig, makeup, etc. when that final transformation seems to take place!

This is when we see ourselves not just as a guy in a dress, but as our female self an outward and inward expression of that second nature. It is that lens, dressing fully, that may focus the second self.

 

Subject:            Too many questions.

FROM KATHY:

 

I have so many questions and they are not the sort of

questions I can ask of just anyone. So please be patient

with me, I will eventually get up to speed. I must sound

like the kid in the back seat of the station wagon

asking every five minutes, "When are we going to get

there?" ,or, "Where are we now?"

 

SANDRA WROTE BACK:

Dear Kathy

I would be concerned if you were NOT asking questions.

You want to know! Integration of both aspects of you,

fem/male, is a goal that is good to aim for. Many CD's

never achieve this. For me one of the biggest barriers

to self acceptance was a very strong relief that it was

inherently sinful. So I fought it for most of my life.

 

K:

Sandra,

 

WOW! You have been there-done that. It is nice to hear

that my experience is not that unique. I was beginning

to wonder..

I too wrestled with the sin aspect, spent many nights

crying out to the Lord to take away my "thorn in the

flesh." This he never did, and only after about oh 30-40

years, told me why. God's timing? I suppose so.

 

S:

With efforts in finding out what the Bible really says,

I came to realize that being T* is not inherently sinful

(what we do with it can be).

 

K:

I am really glad you said that, I whole heartedly agree

with you. Being "dressed to kill" does not really give

me "license to kill."

 

S:

This opened the door and one morning a couple of weeks

after I told my wife about Sandra I had a catharsis

experience. The pain and hurt and frustration left me in

a flood of tears. Since that time I have been both

Sandra and Tom.

 

K:

I experienced the same thing. But I didn't cry, I

laughed and shouted for joy! (same thing) Two become one

when I married, and I felt as if two became one when I

CDed. Wasn't that the best experience? Skin care aside,

maybe that is why people say I look ten years younger--I

feel ten years younger.

 

S:

My fantasy life vanished. Where dressing was very much a

sexual experience (you know what I mean) it is no longer.

This confused my therapist she thought I might be TS, I

am definitely not. I have found a number of others that

have had similar experiences. It sounds like you are

already most if not all the way there.

 

K:

I experienced the same thing. Partial "cross dressing"

usually ended with a sexual experience. This only

exacerbated the feelings of sin. The two together felt

wrong. When God said "OK" and I finally found the right

wig, and look, and Kathy was born, I felt as if I had

come home. It was not sexual but very fulfilling in a

more honest way. Having sex with Kathy would be like

kissing my sister. (not that I know what that's about)

I wonder if I should say that to my therapist?

 

S:

Do take it easy I know it is hard to go slow but you are

in what we call gender euphoria and have been cooped up

so long you want to roar.

 

K:

Bingo. What does she win? Good thing my wife is using my

car this weekend, I could end up in Vegas.

 

S:

That is one of the reasons I strongly recommend Tri-ess,

it will give you support and there is nothing like being

in a room with other CD's and realizing I am not alone!

Lambda Mu I about 2hrs away which has some advantages

(less chance of being recognized).