Here I am eighteen years old, two GCSE’s to my name and last week I was just another cashier at the local Marks and Sparks.  Now I’m a time traveller with a queer woman who’s libido seems to stop just short of paying for it.  Don’t get me wrong she’s a nice enough person but every other conversation we have is about sex.  I thought I was bad but the graphic detail she employed made we think she should work in the health profession.  There was this time we were in the showers after swimming and she whistled at another woman, as she got undressed.  I didn’t know what to do.  Like I said she has a sort of innocence about herself and it wasn’t her who ended up getting slapped.  She did apologise afterwards to me and she bought me a coffee to make up for it.

The Eye of Orion had been fun for a while but after a while we both wanted to move on to somewhere else.  Haana was the strangest girl I had ever met, she seemed to be both a brash American youth and almost childlike as if she was seeing everything for the first time.  We got on well however and she was great fun to be with, she knew a lot of filthy jokes and had a perfect sense of timing as she told them.  She also got me a credit card with unlimited credit and a bag that seemed to hold more than it should.  I bought a lot of stuff from sexy bikinis to demure evening gowns and no matter how crumpled they were when I put them in the bag they were creaseless when I took them out again.

We were now on her home world or something.  It was called Gallifrey and she was talking to one of her friends who turned out to the President.  I wondered whether to curtsey or not when I was introduced to her.  “Hi there.”  I tried to play down my Cockney accent a bit.

“Hello Penny.”  Romana replied to me.  “Welcome to Gallifrey.  Any friend of Lady Haana is a friend of mine.”

Romana seemed very nice; usually the politicians of my world didn’t have time for the average working women and men.  “This place is fantastic.  I love all the robes.”

“The Panopticon is one of our most regularly used meeting places.”  Romana explained to me.  “The robes are part of our ancient heritage but Haana prefers to wear casual attire.”

“Jeans are more practical.”  Haana laughed.  “Besides I wear the Prydonian colours like all the others students.  Do you know how much that bikini cost to have custom made just for me?”

“I will show you to your room.”  Romana exclaimed.  “You will want to settle in no doubt?”

“Rooms.”  I stated.  “We’re not together, we’re just good friends.”

Romana nodded slowly.  “Most of Haana’s female friends preferred to share a room, it is no problem however.”

“She’s straight.”  Haana pointed at me and I nodded.

“I like guys.”  I added quickly.  “Except all the ones I meet loose interest after a few months when they realise I’m not going to mother them.”  I rubbed a hand through my long orangey red hair, getting a few stray strands out of my eyes.

My room was larger than I expected, it even had a selection of clothes in it.  I took off my tatty old M&S uniform and ran myself a deep bath, it was sheer bliss after all the gravel quarries we had visited recently.  Lying back in the tub without a care in the world I opened my eyes to see Haana standing over me, copping an eyeful.  “Hey.”  I said.  “I’m taking a bath.”

“I can see.”  She replied.  “I’m just popping over to see a few old friends.  I thought I’d better let you know in case you needed me.”

“Yeah, well next time knock ok?”  Normally I wasn’t that bothered about being nude around other women, well you were got used to it at school didn’t you?  With Haana however I knew for sure she was checking me out even though she probably didn’t mean to.  Once I felt my toes going all wrinkly I washed the last remaining traces of soap off of myself and wrapped a huge towel around myself and another smaller one around my hair before letting the water drain out of the plughole.

I got dressed in an elegant yellow and blue robe, forgoing a bra and I needed to put it into soak to get the three-week-old stench of armpits out of it.  I admired myself in the mirror before brushing my hair.  One hundred brushes on each side and another hundred for the back just to make sure.  I had just found a small compact of make up and was applying some eyeliner when Haana swept into the rooms wearing an orange and brown kimono like outfit.

“Sorry about this but I got caught up in affairs of state.  I just had the most boring junior council session ever.  That’s this student council the various academies have to debate all these stupid topics.  Anyway they thought that since I was here I could argue for a more pro-intervention policy.  I like your dress.  Where was I?  Oh well it can’t be important.”

“You didn’t knock.”  I pointed out.

“Didn’t I?”  Well I was so eager to tell you how bored I was that I forgot.  “Anyway are you ready for a spot of sight seeing?  I want to show you the Academy and the Capitol.”

As it turned out a lot of the ‘tour’ was corridors and rooms full of things I wasn’t supposed to touch.  My feet were killing me when finally we made it to a huge ornamental fountain and I slipped my heels of and dunked my feet straight into the cool refreshing water.

“What the Other are you doing?”  Haana gasped.

“Resting my feet, what does it look like?”  I wriggled my toes to emphasise my point.  “We’ve been walking for miles.”

“This is the Fountain of Omega, it could be dangerous.  Omega was some sort of weird bloke and nothing he built is quite what it appears to be.”  Haana started to lift my legs out of the water.

“Spoil sport.”  I gently chastised her before two long snake-like metal tendrils reached out and grasped my ankles.  They started to pull them back into the water and it hurt so much that I screamed involuntary.  They pulled me into the water and Haana started to hit them with some sort of metal object.

“Let go of her.”  Haana shouted at the fountain.

I felt pain in my thighs and realised it had injected me with something and my whole body went numb and limp.  I couldn’t struggle anymore and I was pulled under the water and into the main body of the fountain.

I awoke with a gasp; I had just had the most terrible dream.  Haana was sitting on a chair beside my bed.  “You would not believe the nightmare I just had.  There was this fountain…”

“It wasn’t a dream.”  Haana said to me.

“I was soaking my feet in the cool water.”  I realised what she had said.  “What do you mean not a dream?”  I enquired.

“It actually happened.  There’s something you need to know Penny.”

“What is it?”  I laughed softly.

“You were trapped inside that fountain for three weeks.”

I laughed some more.  “Pull the other one, it’s got bells on it.”  I saw the look on her face and realised something was up.  “What’s up?”

“It changed you.”  Haana sighed.  “Your body has been covered in some sort of metal.”  She dragged me out of bed and over to a mirror.  I gasped; my whole body was covered from head to foot in a shiny metal covering.

“As far as we can tell it’s molecularly bonded to and through your body.  Its as if that metal has replaced the organic molecules in your body.  We suspect its Omega’s take on the Game of Rassilon, eternal life but as this rather that a statue.”

I panicked, I didn’t know what to do and I cried tears of liquid metal on Haana’s shoulder.  “I didn’t know this would happen to me.  I just wanted to rest my sore feet for a few minutes.  What about my hair, at least that looks normal.”

“We tested everything.”  Haana explained.  “It’s a synthetic polymer with a copper base to give you your natural ginger look.”

She kissed my forehead gently before passing me some clothes to wear.  “There’s a card game on in the Patrexes Institute.  I’m playing for the Academy, I want you to come along and be my cheerleader.”

I gasped in shock.  “I can’t let people see me like this!”

She took hold of my hands.  “You had an accident but you’re still alive.  You need to get out there girl and prove to yourself that your confidence will be all the better for it.”

The card game was so boring and I found myself talking to an extra cute guy with double helpings of oh yeah.  He seemed really interested in me and found my silvery skin interesting and not the hideous freak of nature I felt like.

“Your eyes are like mirrors.”  He told me before moving his head closer to mine.  I felt so attracted to him and when his lips touched mine it felt like my body was full of tingling.

He kissed me again and I held him close to me.  “You’re such a great guy.”  I whispered to him.  “Do you want to go somewhere more private?”  He led me along a corridor until we got to his room.  It was filled with the most beautiful paintings and sculptures.  “Oh wow.”  I said looking at a beautiful landscape painting of ochre sand and trees with silver leaves.

“My collection is almost complete.”  He started to undress me and I didn’t stop him.  “You will be the final piece.”

“What do you mean?”  I asked but he started to speak in a strange language.  My body felt stiff and I could barely move.  Strange symbols started to appear all over me in glowing blue light.  What the hell was going on?  I found that I couldn’t move or say anything.

“I think I’ll call you the silver goddess.”  He lifted my inert figure somehow and put me down on a low stone platform.  “You are far better than any mere sculpture.”

I realised that he had turned me into a living work of art.  He must have known something about my condition.  There was a crashing sound but couldn’t see anything.  I heard a woman’s voice and then I caught the scent of Haana’s perfume. I heard arguing and sounds of violence.  Then Haana was next to me, speaking more words of that strange language.

“You’ll soon be back to normal.”  She said as I found I could wriggle my toes.  “Hey there’s some more control phrases in here.”  She started to speak once more and my head felt dizzy.  I heard my body clang as I hit it quite hard before passing out.

I woke up once more and quickly checked my self out.  I was back to normal; somehow it must have been reversed!  I looked over to see the sleeping figure of Haana in bed next to me.  I pulled the sheets back to see that we were both naked and quickly I got out of the bed and got dressed.  We hadn’t had we?  My mind was a blank.  I went for a glass of water and when I returned she was awake and wandering around the bedroom still quite starkers.  “Put some clothes on will you?”  I called to her as my cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“I see you’re back to normal then.”  Haana grinned at me.  “You don’t remember last night do you, you little trollop?”  She tapped me on the nose and winked at me.  “You don’t do you?”  Her voice seemed panicky.

“What are you talking about?  We didn’t do the business together did we?  Oh my god, I’m a slut.”  I chastised myself.  “A total slut at that.”

“Hey don’t beat yourself up about it ok?  You’re mind and body were messed up.  You must not have been feeling right.  You were good though.”

“You took advantage of me?”  I shouted at her.

“You seduced me.”  Haana shouted back.  “I said are you sure this is what you and you almost ripped my clothes off.”

My head reeled with shock and confusion.  “I don’t feel well, my mind is all over the place.”

Haana put her hand on my shoulder.  “I understand.  It was a one night only event but we can still be friends ok?  Besides the way you were doing Yurgi in front of everyone else last night before we got back here means you still like guys.”

“Kill me.”  I wanted to crawl under the bed and die after this revelation.  I had made love to some guy in front of a crowd of people.  My life was over.

“Penny.”  Haana called out my name as she finally put some clothes on.  “April Fool.”

The shock filled me with rage.  “You call that an April Fools Day prank?  I was pissing myself with fear.  I don’t know what to say, get out of my room now.”

She started to laugh and so did I as shock gave way to realisation.  “Look Penny you’re cute but I like you and respect you.  I didn’t think it would upset you this much.  There was this one time I dyed Claire’s eyebrows one green and one purple, she didn’t notice for a week.  Then there was the time I faked her gynaecology exam results and made her think she was pregnant.  That one wasn’t so funny, in fact she cried a lot after that for a while.”

“I don’t blame her.  You don’t have any sense of proportion.  At least you stopped that weird silver thing.  I’m grateful for that at least.”  I handed her jacket over to her.

“That one may take some time to figure out.  That artefact changed your body somehow.  Your body can be changed with the right control phrases to serve a number of functions.  That’s the curse of the immortality you’ve been granted, however as I have the only copy of the Liber Omegis safely under lock and key, you need not worry too much.  We can travel the Universe together for as long as we want now.  Think of a year long shopping spree or spending a decade on a holiday planet and never looking a second older.”

“Lets just go somewhere dull and boring?  After all this I could do with some time to sort my life, such as it is, out and make some decisions.”

Haana looked oddly at me for a second before grinning.  “Ok, I’ll take you to…”