Penny hurt inside to see him like this and gently Haana led her away before one of the greatest chapters in Earths history was closed forever.  Their return to Gallifrey was interrupted somehow and they found themselves standing on a wooden raft in the middle of a large flat blue ocean with no land in sight at all.

DAY ONE

“This is odd.”  Haana exclaimed while shaking the Time Ring about.  “I hope it hasn’t malfunctioned.”

“We’re stuck in the middle of nowhere.”  Penny pointed out.  “I’d say this is a malfunction.”

“Not necessarily.”  Haana started to lecture Penny and stopped.  “Well perhaps it is but it could also be deliberate.  If someone wanted the Doctor in a certain location at a certain time but couldn’t get to her directly…”

“They might try and get to her through us.”  Penny finished off Haana’s sentence.  “So what do we do call for help and get your Doctor friend in trouble or tough it out until one of us breaks a fingernail?”

“I’ll send the signal but also warn the Doctor that it could be a trap.”  Haana made her mind up.  The Time Ring was still on the blink so she resorted to plan B and took six pieces of light grey plastic out of her handbag and arranged them into a rough cross formation.  The cards them assembled themselves into a cube and it pulsed gently with an inner pink light before vanishing.

DAY TWO

Things were going well, if a little boring.  Penny was engrossed in a book she found in her bag.  The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner; it was quite a good book but she was having trouble trying to identify with the lead character.

Haana decided to follow Penny’s lead and so she started to flip through one of her required texts on Quantum Singularities, called Heaven Can Wait, for a while.  However it was about as interesting as watching iron rust and so she pulled a seven foot fishing rod and tackle box out of her small, dimensionally transcendental, handbag.  In total she caught three fish, each of which she threw back.  She couldn’t bring herself to cook them so she took out a box of meal pills and chewed on a roast pork with apple sauce one for half an hour.

DAY THREE

Penny didn’t know what to do with Haana.  She had taken to hiding all the mars bars in her cleavage so she had hidden all the snickers in hers, away from Haana’s hopeful eyes.

Haana didn’t know what to do with Penny; she had taken to hiding all the snickers down her yummy front so she had hidden all the mars bars from Penny, well it padded her small chest out nicely.

Penny tried to clear the air by cooking them both a pizza in the small pizza oven she found inside of her bag.  They ate the meal in stony silence each totally sure about the others chocolate hiding activities.

DAY FOUR

Penny was so sure that Haana was going to try and hit on her, she tried dropping subtle hints about her time with Alexander.

Haana was so sure that Penny wanted her to hit on her so she dropped subtle hints about how nice her hair was and who needed men anyway when you had a nice lady friend?

Penny woke up to find Haana snuggled up next to her, she thought nothing better until she found Haana’s lipstick on her stomach.

DAY FIVE

Haana kept seeing the Doctor everywhere, she was floating on an airbed nearby, standing on the raft and waving hello, swimming in the sea around the raft.  Sometimes she was even wearing clothes.

Penny recounted the snickers; there was one missing.  That greed cow must have eaten one when she wasn’t looking she guessed.  Carefully she put Clyde, Rupert, Cecil, Thomas and Liam back in her bag.  She would hold a funeral for poor Kevin later once Haana admitted that she was the murderer.  She had all the proof she needed, why else would Haana be wearing her undies on her head?

Haana had taken to wearing a spare pair of underwear on her head to make sure none of Penny’s nasty hetro vibes got near her.  She knew that Penny was trying to make her like men but she would be strong and resist.  She had to resist...she had too.

DAY SIX

Juanita the talking mermaid told Haana that she was still quite gay and said that she would pop by later to prove it if she was still unsure about herself.  Haana liked the mermaid; she had such a nice personality unlike Penny - The Bitch Queen from Hell.  She couldn’t stand the way she just sat there all teasing with her gorgeous body.  Look at her, Haana thought, if she put on any more tarty make up she’d turn into one, literally.

Penny stroked Albert the Albatross.  He told her that Haana was going to scoop out her brain and eat it any day now.  He was very certain on the fact.  That and she needed to wear more make up to attract men.  Albert also told her that the mermaid was in on Haana’s plan to take the raft to a nearby island populated only by lesbians once she was out of the way.

Both girls knew what to do and they drew up their plans.

DAY SEVEN

Haana had stripped off out of her clothes.  She wouldn’t need them anymore when she moved into Juanita the mermaid’s place.  She covered her legs in green paint and put some seaweed in her hair.  This was definitely a gorgeous outfit to marry Juanita in, once she found a veil.

Penny got the knife ready, it was kill of be killed.  She decided to wait until Haana made her move before reacting.  She was curious when Haana jumped off the raft though; maybe she was going to try to ambush her.

Haana stood on a large expanse of sand.  Somehow the raft must have washed up on a beach.  Now she would never be with Juanita the mermaid and live happily ever after forever and ever and ever and ever.

Penny looked at the yellow water for a while, expecting Haana to come bursting out of it any second now.  She tried slashing at it with the knife but the water was very think and a lot like sand.  They were on a beach!  Quickly Penny put everything in her bag in case Haana tried to get the single remaining snickers bar.

Haana pulled some clothes on since she wasn’t going to be with her beloved mermaid now.  Suddenly all the hairs on body began to prickle up and a strange blue box appeared in front of her.  She knew it from somewhere and the blonde Valkyrie who emerged from it looked almost like the Doctor.

“Ah there you are Haana.”  The Doctor grinned.  “We got your message, no sign of any traps so I think it’s your Time Ring that’s packed up.”  She studied her companion carefully.  “Are you all right Haana?  You look a little peaky.”

“Big peaks and deep valley.”  Haana giggled before falling over.  “Have you met Juanita the mermaid, she’s very nice once you get to know her.”

“Jean-Marc, give me a hand with these two would you?  They’ve been out in the sun for far too long.”  The Doctor went to check on Haana’s friend Penny.

“She’s hiding them.”  Penny muttered.  “She’s hiding all the mars bars.”  Penny frowned.  “They are such nice people too.  She does things to them.  She kills them and eats their bodies.”

“Yes, yes.”  The Doctor said while shaking her head.  “Come into the nice blue box and Aunty Jane will make you a cup of tea.”  She picked the young woman up and escorted her into the TARDIS.

“What are we going to do with them Doctor?”  Jean-Marc asked.

“Take them back to Gallifrey and hope its not too late.”  The Doctor held up Haana’s Time Ring.  “This crudely built thing is to blame, catastrophic systems failure.  They’re both lucky to be alive.”  The Doctor input the destination settings into the TARDIS before going off to make another pot of tea.