It was yet another day of boring lectures. Lady Haana tried to keep her eyes open as Cardinal Ouwidgetiduo droned on about Gallifrey’s policy of non-intervention. She had visited and been terrified of more aliens than everyone else in the vast lecture hall put together. Her best friend Anni nudged her. “What?” She asked the blonde girl.
Anni grinned. “I have a date tonight with Timbernost.”
“That’s great.” Haana lied badly. She fancied the pants off Anni herself but respected her too much to try anything. “We need to plan what you’re going to wear.”
“Oh yes and will you do something with my hair? It looks like a wind has turned it into a real mess.” Anni showed Haana Timber’s note. “Oh he’s so sensitive.”
Haana tried not to laugh at the note; it had all the wit of a ten year old that thought love was kissing. Still Anni was crazy in love with Timber, that was clearly obvious. She slipped Anni a packet of three. “Just make sure you take precautions ok.”


Back inside her rooms Haana dumped her hastily scribbled notes on the desk, beside her hologram images of Lucky, before collapsing onto the very comfy bed. They had tidied up again, despite her pleas for them to leave her room in a state of organised chaos. She could remember exactly where she had left everything, but if they were put away neatly how could she ever find them again?
Finally she got up and pulled off the top layer of her robes. Why she had to dress in this ridiculous Prydonian Academy she didn’t know. Back in Miami she was used to wearing skimpy bikini’s while she was working as a swimming instructor. She just wasn’t used to all these layers of fabric, even after fifteen years of wearing them. Give me a thong and I won’t complain she mused to herself.
Outside of lectures she could wear pretty much what she wanted, within reason of course. Stripping off the last few garments she pulled on some faded denims and a halter-top in the Prydonian colours. A couple of hair clips and bangles completed the outfit, and she slipped on her really battered sneakers. Closing the door behind her she left to go and help Anni get ready for her big date, wishing that Anni was really interested in her.


Anni’s room was fifteen stories up and Haana took the elevator. She found Andred inside along with one of his lackeys. “Hi Andred, err I mean Lord Castellan.”
Andred laughed. “I’ll forgive you this time. I hear you’re settling in quite well.”
“I’ve been here for fifteen years Andred.”
“To us that’s only yesterday.”
“I know, fifteen years and I don’t look a day older. If only I could bottle it and sell it. I’d make a fortune on Earth.” She laughed at Andred’s look of panic. “Only kidding. I know better than to meddle.” She crossed her fingers behind her back. “Anything interesting happening in the Capitol? We never hear anything out here.”
“Just the usual business. Romana is favourite to be re-elected as President but Regan is slowly increasing his lead.”
Haana choked. “Regan? Ronald Regan? I knew he was from another planet, I just didn’t suspect this one. He used to be President of the States.”
“No, no.” Andred shook his head. “Cardinal Regannerkonteflon is a chapter master of the Patrexes Academy.
“This is my floor.” Haana chimed. “Anni has a date and I’m helping her get ready.”
Andred spoke to Haana as the elevator doors started to close. “I’m sure she’s very appreciative of your help. Until next time Lady Haana.”


Haana scrutinised the rack of dresses. She knew Anni’s clothes almost as well as her own. She had borrowed half of them over the years. She picked out a classy and very uber-sexy red and gold dress with a very deep neckline. “He’ll just love you in this.” Haana laughed. “He won’t know where to put his eyes.”
Anni pulled on the dress and tugged at the hem. “It is very revealing” she worried.
“Hey you need a dress that looks as good as you do. Now get it off so I can do your hair.” Fussing over Anni’s long blonde hair Haana put it up, too kit down, platted it, put it in buns before finally opting for ringlets. She also did Anni’s nails while they waited for her hair to dry. “Now just remember to have a nice time and only sleep with him if it’s what you want to do. Don’t let him force you into anything if you’re not ready. And for Rassilon’s sake use those condoms unless you want to explore maternity wear from necessity. If he doesn’t like you looking like this then he needs his eyes regenerating.”
“What will you be doing tonight?” Anni asked Haana.
“Our homework of course. Luckily I can imitate your handwriting, so you can just relax and be the centre of Timber’s devotion.” Haana made Anni stand perfectly still while she put the dress on her and zipped it up. “Taa daa!”
Anni looked at herself in the mirror. “Oh my. I look so beautiful.” A tear welled up in her eye. “How can I thank you?”
A snog would be great. Haana thought to herself. “You can do the same for me if I ever get a date, which will probably be never. Gallifrey doesn’t seem to have my kind of coffeehouses and bars. Now get going and have a good time, that’s an order.”


It was late now, two sets of homework lay completed on the desk and the room’s student had fallen asleep on her bed. A knock at the door woke Haana up. “Wassit?” She jumped up and pulled her dressing gown on. She opened the door to see Anni standing there. “What is it? Did you have a great time?”
Anni smiled. “Haana, hybrid species. Unsuitable for possession. Eliminate.”
Stifling a yawn Haana let Anni into her suite of rooms. “I don’t have time for games Anni. I’m wrecked.” She handed Anni’s homework to her. “Here you go, you did option a for Cosmology, Red Dwarf stars.”
“This host is perfect for our needs. You are not and are thus a potential threat to us. You must be eliminated.”
“Look I appreciate the come on, I really do and I fancy you something rotten but I’ve got to get to sleep and did you say host?” Haana looked around for something to use as a weapon.
“We are the Diiyan, we travel from planet to planet infecting hosts with ourselves. We lay eggs inside of them and our young have a ready-made food supply. Then when our young are ready we emerge from the husk and go to a new planet. Your body is a hybrid and unsuitable so we must eliminate all risk to our young.”
Haana’s hands clasped round a metal rod and she swung it at Anni. “I’m sorry Anni.” She examined her fallen friend and discovered a large hole in her stomach that contained a thousand wriggling worms. She threw up all over Anni’s dress, which was a shame because she had planned to borrow it. Finding some petrol and matches she covered Anni with the combustible liquid and cremated her. This set off a hundred fire alarms inside the Academy.


Haana rushed into Andred’s office. “Where’s Andred?” She asked Leela. “It’s important. There’s some sort of creature infecting people. It killed Anni.” Haana broke down into tears while Leela comforted her.
“There there Haana. Andred has been called to see acting President Kellner.”
“We need to do something, the creature said I was unsuitable because I’m a hybrid. Your son should be ok too but I dunno about you or Andred.”
“My son can look after himself.” Leela smiled. “He would make a good husband.”
Haana hadn’t gotten round to exactly explaining that she was gay to Leela. She’d dropped a few hints and hoped that she would work things out for herself. “Some girl will be lucky to be with him.” She replied diplomatically. “I hope I’m just as lucky one day.”


Haana found Andred standing over Kellner’s dead body. She gasped when he fired again into his belly. “Oh my god you killed the President.” She cried when shock had loosened its grip on her vocabulary.
“The acting President was not feeling himself.” Andred explained. He tried to attack me.
Haana examined Kellner’s body. This time she managed not to throw up. “He’s just like Anni was and oh my I didn’t make sure the emergency services responded to the fire alarm. Quick, make sure they’ve put the fire out.” Haana shouted at Andred. “The Prydonian Academy could be burned to the ground, and my homework as well.”
Andred spoke sharply into his wrist communicator and listened to the reports. “I see.” He said finally. “They got the fire out in time. Thank you.”
Haana’s heart lifted. She was panicking that she’d killed all her college friends. “They’re all ok?”
“Yes Andred smiled. Although you were officially listed as dead until I corrected them. They thought Anni was you.”
“The thing inside of her was totally ruthless. It wanted to kill me because it couldn’t possess me. It did kill Anni. Oh my, there may still be more of them. I think only your son and I are immune and Leela wants me to marry him but I can’t.”
“Leela has lived a long life here, she has undergone cell restoration therapy several times now but underneath it she is an old woman. Even we do not live forever, which is the way it should be. I love her more and more each day but I can sense that she does not have many more years remaining to her.”
“There could be a way. Infect her with your DNA; turn her into one of us. She could regenerate.”
Andred shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s a selfish choice. If she were to ask me I would agree in an instant, now that we know it’s possible.”
“We may need to anyway, at least on a temporary basis. We know that Time Lord DNA is more aggressive than Human DNA. In fact Time Lord DNA has a few things in common with most viruses. It penetrated my cell walls and replaced parts of my original DNA. Now if we do this in reverse, use some human DNA on Time Lords then it would make you all temporary hybrids until your immune systems overcame the invading DNA.”
“That’s a brilliant plan Haana. I can see you’ve taken full advantage of your Prydonian education.”
“Yeah, well I’d better make the most of it. I’m sure they won’t like me setting fire to the Academy like that.” Haana looked down at Kellner’s body. “I hope they don’t fire you for this.”
Andred grimaced. “My position as Castellan is to maintain the security of Gallifrey, I have done so. Even so I hate killing anyone, I feel like I failed somehow. There should have been another way.” He put his arm around Haana’s shoulders and escorted the junior Time Lady out of the President’s office. “We had better make a start on this plan of yours.”


Both Haana and Leela had agreed to donate samples of their DNA. The DNA was cultured and cross-matched to make it as potent as possible. When it was perfected Andred was the first test subject. Haana watched as he started to sweat profusely before he jumped up from the gurney and took Leela in his arms. Haana turned away as they kissed; she made vomiting hand gestures to one of the nurses and winked at her. She had a fantastic ass in Haana’s opinion.
The medical students and staff of the Landralau Preceptory were next to be immunised, the nurse who Haana fancied threw her arms around Haana and tried to taste her tonsils. I’ve turned them into nymphomaniacs Haana thought to herself and moved her hands slowly down the nurses back.


“We need to distribute the cure.”
Haana’s concentration on the nurse’s anatomy was interrupted. “What?” She asked Andred, who was now back to normal.
Andred repeated his words. “We need to distribute the cure, get it out fast to everyone in the Capitol and the outlying regions.”
“Yeah.” Haana gave the Nurse a peck on the cheek. “Then you can all put me on trial.”
“It won’t come to that.” Andred reassured Haana. “As Castellan I have the final word on all criminal and civil legal proceedings. Only the Chancellor can advise me on such matters.”


The long wait was the worst part about the whole affair. Everywhere there were reports of possessions. Haana was especially concerned for her classmates, her friends Rodan and Romana. And Leela. Yes she worried about Leela too. Would she accept Andred’s proposal and risk infection and possible death? Haana’s twin hearts pounded as she looked over at the grey haired mother and wife. Finally she could take no more, she just had to go for a walk and stretch the old legs. She might bump into that nurse again, Carthipayui. She thought about spending the night in her arms and wished it could happen.
The Panopticon was quiet. She wandered around its circular expanse for a while before heading off to see Romana. Romana didn’t seem to be in, as one of the Presidential candidates no doubt she would be somewhere secure. Only one thing for it, she headed towards Rodan’s rooms.


“Yes? Oh it’s you.” Rodan smiled at Haana. “I hear you’re the heroine of the hour.”
Haana smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, though I did almost burn down the Academy.”
Rodan offered Haana a cup of tea. “Drink this, it’ll soothe your nerves.”
Haana sipped the tea. “Thanks. This really hits the spot. I haven’t seen a real tea bag since the stash the Doctor sent me ran out. How did you get some?”
“The Doctor left some for me, in case you popped by. She said that you liked it.” Rodan laughed. “Oh she also said that she was thinking of popping by to see you in the next decade or so. Failing that she definitely promises to be at your graduation along with your parents.”
“The Doctor’s been to see my folks?” Haana panicked. “She actually talked to them? My parents all but disowned me Rodan. Only my brothers kept in touch with me after Mom threw me out, literally. She said she didn’t want ‘no whoring dyke for a daughter’ she seemed quite firm about it.”
“I am only repeating what the Doctor told me.” Rodan explained. “Perhaps they are more understanding of who you are now?”
“I doubt it. My Father sent all of the Christmas presents that I gave him back still in their wrapping paper.” Haana stared at the floor. “That’s not something you forget easily. He rang Gran up and told her I had died.”
Rodan gasped. “Oh my, that’s not very nice at all.” She poured a second cup for Haana. “I think you need to let all this built up emotion out. You shouldn’t let it build up like this. Come on, tell me all about it.”


Three hours later Haana had just about recovered from telling Rodan all the details of her past. The older Time Lady had comforted and supported her the whole time, never showing anything but genuine concern and compassion. She had cried, laughed, broken down into the depths of despair but finally she had gotten through it.
“You’re a very remarkable woman.” Rodan said at length. “You have great depths of courage and love.”
Haana laughed. “Yeah and I have doormat tattooed on my ass.”
“Really?” Rodan asked. “That’s most unusual.”
Haana laughed now. She felt happier than she had done in ages. “It’s a metaphor. It means I’ve been letting people walk all over me. You know what? To hell with them, I’d rather have you and the Doctor and my other friends there at my Graduation.”
“They are still your family. That is a bond that transcends all love. It is a connection of the flesh. You still need to understand your own feelings. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing and one of the few things you can give that really means anything.”
“I guess.” Haana replied. “I’m not sure how though.”
“I can advise you, as much as any friend can, but you must look in your own hearts to see what truth lies in them.” Rodan finished her cup of tea. “We should go and see if all this infection business has finished now.”


They found a number of assembled Time Lords in the Panopticon. Many of them applauded Haana for her fast thinking cure. In total seventy two people had lost their lives including Anni and Timbernost; the casualty list would certainly have been in the billions if not for her.
“Lady Haana.” Romana began to speak formally. “On behalf of the High Council of Gallifrey we wish to thank you for your quick thinking in saving us all from such a perilous situation. The damage to the Prydonian Academy is not great and I am told it will be repaired in about a year. Your actions while drastic were very necessary as these parasites are most vulnerable to fire.” With the boring stuffy nonsense out of the way Romana thanked Haana more personally. “Great job, I’m sorry about your friend’s death and all of your stuff got burned as well. We will make it up to you by getting you some of the finest garments from the entire Universe.”
“Thanks, but I’ve been thinking. It’s going to take some time to sort this mess out…” Haana detailed her thoughts to the President-elect
“It is a reasonable request. I will have a word with your tutors.”
“What did you say?” Rodan asked Haana.
“Oh just for some time off to cope with all of this. A working holiday was how I put it. A year out to study alien cultures from a seasoned veteran.”
“You want to travel with the Doctor again, don’t you?” Rodan figured out to whom Haana was alluding to.
“I really miss her and lately I have been thinking about wandering the Universe. There’s only so much books can teach you. There’s no real substitute for practical experience is there? Besides I somehow knew that this wasn’t going to be forever, someday I would be with her again, running away from Daleks and screaming at every Sontaran warrior I see.”
“With a friend like you she is very lucky. We’ll miss you of course, we all will. Perhaps your visit here was only temporary? You needed time to adjust to the changes forced upon you. I think you have coped with it in a remarkably mature manner for one so young.”
“Oh quit it, I’ll be back one day. Unless I meet a really hot chick who wants to get really intimate with a half-alien Time Lady.”
“Perhaps you will Lady Haana.” Rodan winked. “Until then stay safe.”
Haana watched as Rodan left. “Do you have it?” Haana asked Romana. She took the bronze Time Ring from her and put it on. “The last time I used one of these I lost bladder control.” She confessed to Romana. “I hope it’s a smoother ride this time.” Activating the Time Ring Haana waved to Romana as she vanished out of reality and into the vortex.