NIMR
SKUTTLEBUT
SPECIAL
EDITION
PUPPY PALS
BYLINE BY LT. CMDR.
'DOC'.
It was so quiet you could hear a pin
drop as the brown paper bag was passed around four weeks ago and not because of
its lingering odors of Admiral Nelson's baloney sandwich.
This was the day of a great decision
but the souls who would be the most affected were elsewhere, just down the hall
as a matter of fact, as Cmdr. Crane, on his knees, scrubbed an area of his
office carpet due to an 'little accident', while the culprit licked his face
and nose and generally made it difficult for the Skipper to finish.
Yes, he was having increasing
difficulty housebreaking the furriest addition to his household, his mother
having arrived last week to take over watching over his new pet for those times
he'll be at sea far far away.
In 'loco parentis' for her son, Mrs.
Crane was designated to pull out one of the several names placed in the bag, to
be the Border Collie's official name, the Skipper having been unable to decide on one. Some suggestions had been
refused outright, some deemed a bit too odd, though personally he did like the way
'Whisper' sounded. "Just not a dog's name," Cmdr. Morton convinced
him.
"Well?" the Captain finally
arrived with his shadow, (which had also been touted as a pretty good name as
she's pretty much always at his side) just as his mother was about to unfold
the winning name and handed it to him.
A slow grin turned into a huge smile
as he knelt down (seems to be doing a lot of that lately-perhaps we should
procure some knee pads for him) and scruffled her ears. "Anyone want to
join Taffy and me for a game of Frisbee?"
It may take some getting used to and we
may have to resist the temptation to hurry over with mouth watering morsels
whenever we hear the Skipper's 'Here, Taffy, Here, Taffy'.
At any rate, Taffy Crane is a welcome
addition to the NIMR family.
A
BYLINE BY
ANGIE MCPHEARSON
A Frank by any other name...would be Admiral Roy Park who had
won 'Best Overall Costume' for the recent contest after votes were tallied. He
also lived up to his namesake over last weekend when, at a local baseball game,
impressed with the food, he asked what brand of hot dogs they'd served.
'Ballpark franks, what else?" the vendor said. When he
found out why colleagues Admiral Nelson, Lt.Cmd.r's Jamison, Morton, and Cmdr.
Crane that this was Admiral 'Park', the
NIMR costume party 'hot dog' who's picture had been in the local paper, the
vendor treated him to a second helping and popcorn for all.
APPLICATION DENIED
BYLINE
BY LT.CMDR. WILL JAMISON
It was a sorry group of sailors who
treaded toward and dreaded their meeting with the Captain in his NIMR office two
weeks ago.
Even I was at the ready after having
been warned by Angie that no sooner than he'd received some mail he was
groaning and rather firmly and specifically, ordered several members of his
crew to his office straightaway, front and center.
He had his back to them by the window as
they entered upon his 'come in' to their knock. He was rocking on his heels,
careful not to step on Taffy's tail. Mr.
Morton was in the office with him, and not looking forward to the coming
altercation at all.
"Mr. Morton has something to say to
you..."Crane began.
"Me? Why is it always me?" he complained.
"Well, you're the one who
suggested they help me out in the first place, isn't it?"
"I didn't know they'd bungle it!"
"Did you, or did you not,"
the Skipper turned and handed the men a document, "take this application
to the K-9 Training School for me?"
"Uh, yes sir," Kowalski was
the first to respond, confused. "The lady told us it wasn't complete and
we had to fill the rest of it in....I told you goons to be more
legible..."he turned to his fellow shipmates.
"Oh, its legible enough,"
Morton said, "how can well trained, highly sophisticated able seamen be so
stupid?? The application was for Taffy, you idiots, not him!"
"Huh?"
"Never mind, Chip," Crane
said, "Even I can see it was a gross misunderstanding, not a bad joke...or
else they were drunk at the time...All right, men, you can go. Chip? Remind me
of the old saying...'if you want something done right, do it yourself'...that
right Taf?" he scratched her ears.
"You know, "the Skipper
continued, "I never noticed my shots and coat were in such disarray..."
I
left them laughing as Crane made a phone call to the K-9 Training School and
took a look at the document...below with permission. Perhaps some good came out
of it too, if the Skipper's laughing with the lady on the phone meant anything,
and her letter that had accompanied the returned application on his desk.(also
below with permission)
APPLICATION
YOUNG OR OLD
WE TRAIN SO YOU
WON'T BE DRAINED
Name: Owner:
Taffy Lee B. Crane
Breed:
Border Collie
Gender: Address:
Female C/O
NIMR
Is applicant going to be or currently a working dog? If so, occupation and employer:
Capt. of SSRN Seaview
Admiral Nelson of NIMR is his
employer.
Shots:
Too many. Yeah, he's up to date, unless you can
overlook that little incident when he had to spend a couple of days in
quarantine after coming down with jungle rot that still pops up now and then. No
known cure for this variety.
Condition of coat:
They
look okay except for some stains on the khaki one from when he bumped into me
by accident and I spilled some axle grease on him.
Condition of nails:
Gee, I don't
know, he keeps' em pretty clean most of the time, except for times like when he
had to change Miss Angie's printer and the ink cartridge stained them, or like
when they got all sharp and pointed when he turned into a man beast.
Special dietary needs:
Coffee.
Strong and black. A lot, available All the time.
NO Jell-O!!!!
No garlic (during a full moon.)
Armenian Vodka. Likes it straight. But also as the mixer for the occasional
martini. Also likes the Admiral's Glen Livet-but with ice, which makes
the Admiral cringe that he's not getting all of its flavorful nuances.
Dr. Pepper and Cheerios (together) Hey, we know it's weird, but
he's the Skipper so it's allowed.
Special medical needs if hospitalized:
Bed restraints
Blindfold
Straight jacket
Sonar
pings and bubbles recordings would help.
Special medical needs on a daily/weekly/monthly basis:
Well, it's not exactly
medical, but he kinda goes into withdrawl if he
doeson't get his weekly chocolate cherry pie.
Coffee-same here. Goes into 'Mega
mood' without it.
Specialized training:
USNA-B.S. in ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
US
US NAVY SEALS
FRED'S BAR AND GRILL -FRY COOK- helped out when Fred was down
for the count.
AGENCY STUFF (classified)
SMALL
CRAFT MASTER'S LICENCE-sail and powered-CIVILIAN (US COAST GUARD)
Vic's Vintner's Wine and Cheese Class
LARGE CRAFT MASTER'S LICENCE –sail and powered CIVILIAN (US
COAST GUARD)
Mrs.
Field's Official (Branch Office) Semi Monthly Cookie Taster
MASTERS
LICENSE- SUBMARINE-US NAVY
FAA CIVILIAN PILOT'S LICENCE- PROP.
FAA CIVLIAN PILOTS LICENCE- JET
JET PILOT LICENCE-US NAVY /FAA
US NAVY FOREIGN
Obstetrics-
helped Mrs. Keeler give birth when they were trapped together alone in a NIMR
elevator and none of the emergency phones or buttons were working, even if he
had to be revived after it was all over and he passed out from the goo and
stress of it.
US
NAVY DIVING SCHOOL-SCUBA
US
NAVY DIVING SCHOOL-DEEP DIVER APPARATUS
Any unusual personality traits:
Don't get in the way of his eyes
when angry. They can cut through lead!
Too easily suckered into charity donations and volunteer work. Or
taking on so-called emergency missions when we could really give them to
another institute or to the Navy. Also takes on specialty agency assignments at
the drop of a hat when he's supposed to be recuperating from his last one or a
really bad cruise!
Can't abide Tex Mex food.
Not all that partial to Italian either.
--- --
---- ----- -----
----- ----- -----
----- ----
YOUNG OR OLD
WE TRAIN SO YOU
WON'T BE DRAINED
Dear Mr.
Crane,
We
are returning your application herewith as you may be unaware of its many
omissions of vital information.
Our
receptionist says the men telling her they were acting on your behalf filled
out most of it there.
Indeed, when first read the application, we
assumed it was a practical joke, but upon further review and research we've
come to the conclusion that it was a simple case of misunderstanding our form.
Be assured once the pertinent information
is returned to us (we're enclosing a new application); 'Taffy' will be enrolled
in our 12 step training program and will be on her way to a healthy obedient
and housetrained or in your case, sub-trained life.
Sincerely
Miss Snuffie Woofie
(Specialty
business name-my real name is Samantha Woofe.)
I
look forward to meeting both Taffy and her owner soon.
*FOR PHOTOS SEE
INSERT*