We, the sensible people of the United States,
in the attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice,
avoid any more riots, keep out nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings
of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
delusional and other cry-baby, bleeding hearts.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by
the "Bill of Rights" and are so dim that they require a "Bill of No Rights."
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth.
More power to you, if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that
means freedom for everyone...not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, etc... but.. The World is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to
be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable
people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of
subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing
more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice,
but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally
maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the
goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and
lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen.
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to
soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you
from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not
want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and funny hat.
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly
help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education
and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to
pursue happiness---which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the "Bill Of Rights"..
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