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ARNOLD ON . . .

"Cats & Dogs,"  the Movie:  This new movie casts cats in a disparaging light. It depicts them as evil Ninjas, organizing for world domination. I've never had any problems with my three kitties . . . Wilbur, drop those numchucks!

Pig Cloning: Pigs should be allowed to clone things. After all, humans do!

Current Affairs: Dunno.  I've never had an affair with a currant!

What's this about you suffering from an identity crisis? What identity crisis? I'm a 500-lb. cat.

Arnold's Book Club: This week we're reading "Tiger's Revenge" by Claude Balls.

My Most Recent Embarrassing Moment: Standing in line for an hour to see the movie "Cast Away," and realizing later that it wasn't about cats and the title wasn't "Cats Away." 

Facing the music: And it gets worse--I just heard that Beethoven's Fur Elise isn't about a cat. 

Pinnacle Moments: Becoming an unofficial member of the Planetary Society. Pssst . . . don't tell 'em I joined.

Would You Do Me A Favor?: If any of you come across a copy of the movie "Ffolkes" (aka "North Sea Hijack"), I'll swap you for it--one of my tusks that busted off. You see, this movie is my all-time favorite. It's about a cat-loving man who battles terrorists threatening to blow up an oil rig. In the movie, cats are depicted as positive role models and worthy objects of affection. If you're interested in the swap--your video for my tusk--just email me for more details at: sus_scrofa@lycos.com 

NEXT WEEK: Taking the cat out of catastrophe . . .

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