Scary Product #1: The Stimulator

My father, a chiropractic orthopedist, recieved one of these as a free sample in the mail. Its intended use is as an electrical muscle/nerve stimulator. It contains a piezo generator, similar to that used in barbecue ignitors. When the red plunger is pressed, a high voltage pulse is passed between your fingers (on the metal finger rest) and the gold tip at the end. Experiments conducted here at my "shack" proved The Stimulator's voltage and current to be sufficient to brightly light an F40 flourescent bulb for an instant.

Scary Product #2: BNC HT antenna hat clip

Whoever thought up this one has obviously been standing WAAAAAAAAY too close to the antenna. This product allows you to place your handheld VHF/UHF transciever's antenna only INCHES from your head... and they want HOW much for it? pfft...(From the Ham Radio Outlet catalog)

Scary Product #3: Rejuvinique!

Didn't I see this one as a medevil torture device in a nightmare I once had? This product promises to improve the facial tone of anyone stupid enough to strap it to their face.... egads! and I thought zapping myself with RF from that hat clip antenna was a bad idea...

Scary Product #4: The Ionic Hair Wand

Now I have to admit I've done strange things with my hair... but zapping it with an ionizer seems a little too wierd, even for me. This hairbrush, from the Sharper Image, claims to eliminate odors and improve the hair's condition by blasting it with a stream of negative ions. I know from personal experience that ionizers work great for eliminating odors .... but, hmm, have these people ever heard of shampoo and conditioner?
Category: Strange Supplements

Scary Product #5: Metabolize And Save!

With a name like Metabolize And Save.... umm... oh geez. No wisecrack possible.

Scary Product #6: The Enforma System

Okay, screw Metabolize And Save, THIS has to be the least believable product on the list. The manufacturer's infomercial claims that you'll be able to lose just scads of weight by using Fat Trapper and Excersise In A Bottle... HOLD IT. "Excersise In A Bottle?" Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot, over.
Category: .... OTHER!

Scary Product #7: Tofurkey

I saw this one on Jay Leno one night and snapped a photo from WIN/TV. This is a meatless turkey substitute, which Jay sampled and promptly spit out. It comes in an attractive little white box with a simulated meatless drumstick. No further info is available.

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