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What can I get you?
Coffee's a dollar
I hope you like whip cream.
I just love the Voice of the Night. We have this
special connection.
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PAGE 3
Nancy Ge's Llanview
Minute-to-Minute CASE
FILE No. 7 January 15, 2004
Llanview
Standard Time:
2:00 Opening Credits: A corncob appears featuring the heads of cast members in
the kernels. Niblet is prominently featured.
2:01 To honor Keri, River has volunteered to teach a course in human sexuality
at Llanview University.
2:02 Greg is seen in the student union looking befuddled and scratching his
head. RJ appears and asks where the class on human sexuality is. Greg doesn’t
know, says if he did he would be there offering his expertise. RJ tells him to
shut the f… up and leaves. Greg follows him.
2:05 RJ finds River’s class. Does not like River honoring Keri; punches River;
gets his hair caught in River’s yucky hair.
2:07 Commercial Break
2:09 Greg defends River to RJ; RJ slugs Greg and tells him to STHU. RJ stomps
out and Greg stays to relate his expertise on sexuality.
2:12 The four students left in class after meeting instructor River, flee as
Greg starts talking. In the doorway they yell, STHU.
2:15 Greg leaves to find Marcie.
2:17 Commercial Break
2:20 Marcie and Jessica are talking in the student union about the Todd-Blair
situation. Greg listens in and then tells Marcie, he’ll pick her up for dinner
and leaves.
2:23 Greg is seen at Todd’s jail cell. Tells Todd that women have a right to
decline sex at any point-says it usually happens to him right after he gets his
shirt off. Todd reaches through the bars and grabs Greg and yells STHU.
2:27 Commercial Break
2:33 Todd offers to introduce Greg to his cellmate Bruiser. Greg makes a hasty
retreat.
2:36 Greg is seen talking to Blair. Offers to be a friend of the court in her
suit against Todd. Blair tells Greg to STHU.
2:38 Commercial Break
2:41 Greg is seen talking to Marcie at a table at the Palace. Greg is relating
his day to Marcie and her eyes are glazing over.
2:43 Michael and John are having an animated discussion a few tables over.
Marcie is starring at them while Greg drones on. Michael with something in his
hand comes over to Marcie and Greg’s table. Whispers to Greg he noticed his
fly was open when they came in. While Greg bends over to adjust his zipper,
Michael throws some buffalo wings down the back of his pants. Greg screeches
loudly, falls over and bumps his head on the table.
2:45 Commercial Break
2:48 Greg is now on the floor trying to get the buffalo wings out of his pants.
Accidentally grabs Marcie’s foot. She thinks he has a foot fetish-kicks him
and yells.
2:50 Greg is back seated at the table telling Marcie he didn’t mean to grab
her foot and he would never try to make her do anything she wasn’t comfortable
with. She tells him to STHU.
2:53 Greg is squirming in his seat. Reaches down and unzips and starts pulling
out a buffalo wing.
2:54 Marcie, mistaking the buffalo wing for something else, is horrified and
leaves. Asks John and Michael if she can join them.
2:55 Greg comes to the table and tells John that his brother tried to throw
something in his pants. John tells him it doesn't look like anything of
significance is in his pants and to STHU. He hauls Greg out of the Palace.
2:58 Tomorrow’s scenes: Greg is seen with an icepack. Marcie and Michael are
sharing wings at Rodi’s; Marcie starts laughing.
CASE FILE No. 8
April
6, 2004 Llanview
Standard Time:
2:00 River has decided to honor Gabrielle by writing a fashion column for the
Banner where he critiques the fashion sense of several Llanview denizens. Among
the fashion items reviewed: Michael’s power tie, Blair’s post-brain surgery
doily, Riley’s haircut, Roxie’s St. Paddy’s day outfit and Jessica and
Antonio’s matching poodle cuts.
2:03 Cast is shown in their fashion faux pas as described by River.
2:04 In response to complaints from the citizenry and because he does not like
Gabrielle being “honored” by River, Bo arrives and tosses River in a cell at
the jail. River calls Dorian for bail.
2:06 Marcie and Michael are on the rooftop of the Hunk Hotel. They are on a
blanket sharing cheese, crackers, strawberries and champagne and listening to
music on the radio. Michael’s pager goes off. He is called away on an
emergency.
2:09 Commercial Break
2:12 Jen is seen in the emergency room at Llanview General. Michael ushers her
into a private room and asks her what seems to be her problem (bites his tongue
to avoid saying “other than being a drunken, skanky ho who can’t keep her
clothes on.”)
2:15 Jen claims her elbows aren’t bending right and has been having trouble
dressing and more importantly undressing. Michael again bites his tongue to
avoid saying: “That’s because you’re a drunken, skanky ho,” and instead
diagnoses a sexually transmitted disease. He calls the Disease Control Center
who arrive promptly. He heads back to the rooftop.
2:16 River’s call has interrupted David and Dorian but she agrees to come post
bail. David is heard yelling in the background.
2:17 Jessica has moved out of the apartment she shares with ‘Tonio who is left
with Jamie and the cat. The combination of the ‘Tonio poodle cut and the
hyperventilating freak out the cat who flees the apartment and takes up
residence on the rooftop of the Hunk Hotel.
2:18 Commercial Break
2:21 Marcie and Michael are again getting cozy on the rooftop; are interrupted
by sounds of the JAVA cat yowling, scratching, and screeching as she mates with
several alley cats she has attracted to her new home.
2:24 Michael and Marcie throw several hunks of cheese smeared with catnip over
the side of the roof. By now the cats are in need of a smoke and nourishment;
flee the roof and go after the cheese.
2:26 Commercial Break
2:30 Michael and Marcie are alone again on the roof. She receives a call from
the Police Station.
2:32 Marcie has been called in to process the paperwork to free River from jail.
Shannon is waiting for him. Marcie completes the forms, smacks River and Shannon
and heads back to the roof.
2:35 Commercial Break
2:39 Back on the roof, Paul Cramer has landed a helicopter. Kelly’s cat has
disappeared and he is looking to replace it before Kevin finds out. Michael
tells him the cats have left so Paul heads to Pine Valley to steal a cat.
2:41 Marcie is back on the rooftop but unbeknownst to her has been followed by
Shannon and River. She and Michael are getting comfortable but are interrupted
by sounds of Shiver yowling, scratching, and screeching as they “connect” on
the roof.
2:43 Commercial Break
2:46 Michael and Marcie try to figure out what to throw over the side of the
roof to drive Shannon and River away; contemplate throwing them over the side;
decide to try catnip smeared cheese.
2:51 It works! Shiver has left the rooftop! Marcie and Michael resume cuddling.
2:53 Michael’s pager and Marcie’s phone erupt at the same time. Both calls
are from Jen. Michael gave her a prescription and she wants to know where she
should put it; they both tell her.
2:55 Commercial Break
2:57 Scenes for Tomorrow-River and Shannon surrounded by a group of angry cats,
Michael and Marcie back in his hotel room with a deadbolt lock on the door; Paul
presenting Kelly with a new cat who doesn’t look like a Buchanan.
CASE
FILE No. 9 May 5, 2004 Llanview
Daylight Time:
2:00 River has decided to honor Sam Rappaport by giving up his “briefs.”
Announces it as Spirit of the Night on his radio cast.
Opening Credits: Sprocket twins, Kyle and Kay, Kathryn, and every dayplayer
working during today’s filming.
2:03 The conjoined twin siblings of Kyle and Kay named Dyle and Day are seen
outside Llanview’s new strip joint Club Calypso waiting for the newest
stripper-Banditonio to emerge after his show. Dyle is listening to River’s
broadcast and gets pretty excited.
Asks Day if she wants to try to catch the “Spirit” after his show. Day says
she hopes to have her hands full soon and can’t be bothered.
2:05 McDick receives a call at the Hunk Hotel; the twins have been spotted at
the Club Calypso and he is hoping his undercover sting works. Goes downstairs
and notices Roxy fussing to Marcie.
2:07 Roxy is concerned that Ron hasn’t come up for “wear” in weeks; Marcie
asks if she means “air”
2:09 Commercial Break
2:11 Wear, hair, air whatever says Roxy; all she knows is that since Ron got his
new girlfriend Kimmy, he has barely been out of his room.
2:13 Inside the Club Calypso, Banditonio is dancing up a storm; he wears a
bandit’s mask and is throwing off clothes with abandon.
2:15 Viki enters Club Calypso-she misunderstood Dorian’s instructions to meet
her at the Country Club. Looks up at the stage and sees a familiar sight. Starts
to faint: McDick calls his bro McDoc who revives her and sends her home with
Natalie.
2:17 Commercial Break
2:20 Banditonio exits stage left and heads outdoors with John right behind; he
wants to catch the stalking twins in the act.
2:23 Dyle has convinced Day they’d have more fun chasing the briefless Spirit
of the Night. They head off to the campus radio station.
2:26 Commercial Break
2:31 John and Antonio get to the outside of the club and notice Dyle and Day are
gone. John’s cell phone goes off. Dyle and Day have been spotted outside the
campus radio station.
2:34 Dyle and Day are in a huge fight-Day thinks they should have stayed put at
Club Calypso to meet Banditonio-she has seen 5 of his performances already and
knows he can deliver-the Spirit is an unknown quantity. At this moment River
exits the radio station. “Ohhhh,” yell Dyle and Dee and surround him.
2:36 Commercial Break
2:39 Dyle asks River if he’s seen the Spirit and if it’s true, he’s going
commando. River, who is indeed going commando, sees no reason to let these two
in on his identity. Tells them the Spirit is inside and is not at all
attractive.
2:41 River having escaped the clutches of the twins, phones Gord0 and the
Midnight Marauder to warn them off. Gordo calls the police.
2:43 John tells Antonio they’ve got a hot tip on the whereabouts of the
stalking twins. They head off to the radio station. In the meantime, the twins
are again fighting about whom to chase. Dyle says she spotted this hot roofer
who’s staying at the Hunk Hotel. Day says there’s also a gorgeous doctor
there but that there’s also a detective staying there.
2:46 Commercial Break
2:49 John and Antonio arrive at the radio station and find Dyle and Day gone.
John decides to call it a night and returns home.
2:51 Dyle and Day are at the front desk of the Hunk Hotel harassing Roxy about
when the doc and roofer are making an appearance. Roxy is confused; she thinks
they are referring to the rooftop rendezvous and thinks the “roofer” refers
to Marcie.
2:53 The loud mouths of Dyle and Day have disturbed Marcie-Michael and Kim-Ron;
Kim and Marcie go downstairs and slug Dyle and Day respectively.
2:55 John arrives back at the Hotel to find the twins in a heap on the floor and
Marcie and Kim walking off. Arrests Dyle and Day.
2:57 Tomorrow’s scenes: Dyle and Day behind bars and bellowing; another pair
of Devo twins arrive in Llanview: Ryle and Ray.
MINUTES
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