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The Ultimate Poopie List
Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but
there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the
toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it
still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your
butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skid marks.
Second Wave Poopie- It happens when your done poopie-ing, and you
have pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize you have to
poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie- The kind where you strain so
much to get it out, you almost have a stroke.
Richard Simmons Poopie- You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.
Lincoln Log Poopie- The kind of poopie that is so huge, you're
afraid to flush without breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet
brush.
Corn Poopie- Self Explanatory!
Gee, I Wish I Could Poopie, Poopie- It's the kind where you want
to poopie real bad, but all you do is sit, cramp, and fart a few
times.
Spinal Tap Poopie- That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd
swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)- The kind that comes out of
your rectum so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of
your butt and splatters all over the toilet, and at the same time
chronically burns your tender poop chute.
Mexican Food Poopie- It smells so bad the room is condemned.
The Girlie Poopie- The people that think their poopie doesn't
stink.
Fisherman's Bobber Poopie- That's the kind where you're in the
public rest-room, and there are two people waiting for your stall. You
poopie and flush two times, but several golf ball-sized pieces are still
floating on the water..
The VanGough Poopie- That's where after you poopie, you are
shocked to see all the different colors in your poopie, and try to
figure out what you ate to do it again.
The Show-and-Tell Poopie- You're so impressed with your own
poopie, you leave it in the bowl so all your friends can appreciate it
too.
The Wipers Nightmare- That's the kind that breaks off too soon,
so half falls in to the bowl and half stays hanging.
Ambush Poopie- That's when you're in public and you think you have
to fart,but you get a sneak attack squirt instead.
Paralyzing Poopie- When you're sitting poopie-ing so long your legs
fall asleep.
He Just Poopied, Poopie- When you get done poopie-ing, you put
your shorts back on and go out in public with those identifying
bright red pressure circles on the back of your legs for all to see.
The "What Crawled Up Your Butt & Died?" Poopie- Also sometimes
referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the
poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door
and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The Snake Charmer Poopie- A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil
itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Ritual Poopie- This poopie occurs at the same time each day
and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Ranger Poopie- A poopie which refuses to let go. It is
usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but
quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of
toilet paper.
The Premeditated Poopie- Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
The Porridge Poopie- The type that comes out like toothpaste,
and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:
1) Flush and keep going.
2) Risk it piling up to your crack while you sit there helpless.
The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie- An adorable collection of small
turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you cannot poopie.
The Peek-A-Boo Poopie- Now you see it, now you don't! This
poopie is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle
control.
The Mood Enhancer- This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of
constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The "I Think I'm A Bunny" Poopie- When you drop lots of cute,
little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing
sounds when they hit the water.
The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Poopie- When the bag of
Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your poop shoot
on the way out in the morning.
The Honeymoon's Over Poopie- This is any poopie created in the
presence of another person.
The Groaner- A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal
assistance.
The Energizer Poopie- "Still Going!"
The Crowd Pleaser- This poopie is so intriguing in size and/or
appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Cliffhanger- Where you just sit there patiently and wait for
the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it's going
to smear all over the place.
The Back-To-Nature Poopie- This poopie may be of any variety but
is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the
passenger side of your car. Beware of poison ivy wipes.
The Aftershock Poopie- This poopie has an odor so powerful that
anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The Terminator- You poopie so hard you fall off the toilet.
T2- More extreme then The Terminator, you require some medical
assistance to restart your heart. Clear!
The Cowboy- You've got to poopie so bad that you proceed to buck
and holler until finally the poopie's been tamed.
The Runner's Poopie- Experienced by long distance runners who
don't want to stop so they poopie in their shorts. (inspired by
Jeff Reigal of BadAxe, MI)
Poopszopherenia- Fear of poopie-ing, can be fatal!
The Pool Poopie- Usually performed by younger children. It's
too much fun in the pool so why get out? Makes a great floatie toy
afterwards!
Painter's Poopie- You're up on the scaffolding and it takes to
long to get down so you just cramp it and wait.
Lost Poopie- That's when there's a poopie in the urinal.
Farmer Poopie- The jiggling of the tractor gives you the urge to
surge so let it fly and watch the corn grow to the sky!
Hallmark Poopie- You're so touched by the sentimental value of
your poopie you've just gotta send it to someone for their
birthday.
Seat Slider Poopie- You've leaned a little too far back and now
there's a racing stripe left for everyone to see.
"Bomb's Away" Poopie- This one is distinguished by the whistle
through the air and the loud thud when it hits ground zero.
Outhouses only! (a.k.a. "Da Bomb!")
Chills and Trills Poopie- The arctic air has frozen your
hands so there's no telling if it's your hand or the paper your
wiping that blessing up with.
The Shiver Poopie- The Lord has blessed you so much by this one
that it's followed by a quick shiver and a giggle, sometimes even
goose-bumps.
The Thrift Shop Poopie- Always a great value!
The Recycled Poopie- The Earth can't lose when you reuse!
The Vegetarian Poopie- Looks a lot like lentil loaf. Tastes like
it too!
The Dragster Poopie- Starts off slow, but gets out of the hole
quick.
The Polaroid Poopie- Gotta have a picture.
*This is the end of the Poopie List. Pass the Poop or face the
fatal consequences!*
The Blue Torpedo
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