On chosing a bride.Subtitled: Dad...what should I do? |
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Georgette and I had been going 'steady' as the saying went in those days for nearly four years and I somehow knew, deep down within myself that she was the one I would marry if I ever was to marry. There was no doubt whatever in my mind. My parents knew her very well and were more than enthusiastic about the upcoming 'nuptuals'. They both loved her very much and couldn't count the days when I would announce to them that I had made the big decision to ask her hand (in those days, you did things proper or else). In early '58, I told my folks that this was it: I would ask Georgette to marry me. And I did. And, bless her, she accepted. It was heaven-City.
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This may not hold true these days, given the seriousness of the matrimony issue but in the fifties, and in the circle I lived in, we married 'for keeps' or to use part of the vows we gave... until death do us part. And we meant it. So I suppose it is only natural I, like so many others, had had second doubts and this does not reflect in any way, shape or form on the 'worthiness' of my bride to be. Only on my lack of guts, I suppose.
Well, in any case, I felt at the time I should ask my father for help. I had no doubt whatsoever in my mind that his response would be highly biased and I expected him to quickly recommend that I not lose the one chance in my life and that I marry. You see, it was a known fact that my dad loved her and wanted this union. He would often find excuses to make the 130 mile trip and go visit so he would meet her. I took my courage in both hands, so to speak, and asked my dad "Dad, I don't ask your advice very often but right now, I need it," I said, or something to that effect. I continued with "I don't really know if I should marry just now. I love her for sure but, I don't have much money and the promotions don't seem to come along very fast, and... and... " and on it went with more excuses.
And that's when I got the surprise of my life. I had expected my dad to go on in a long harangue saying things like "Are you crazy or something? She's the girl for you and you know it. You're just scared silly that's what. Marry her and quick" and so on, and so on... I knew how much he liked her and also how much he realized I should 'settle down' and quickly. But he didn't say that. Not at all.
He instead gave me the best advice I ever received, besides the 'mirror' advice described in another chapter. He said "I won't tell you what to do. I won't even try to influence your decision at all. But I'll tell you this: Ask yourself 'What do I like best in her? Is it her hair? Her eyes? The way she looks? The way she talks? Then ask yourself "If she was to lose her hair... would I still love her?" If her general attitude changed a lot, would I still love her?" And he gave a few more examples of 'if... would I?'
He didn't try to force a decision on me. He just threw the ball where it belonged: right in my court. It didn't take too long for me to come to my senses and make the right decision which of course, by now, is history!
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