Bert and Ernie in Egypt

skit with Ernie (Jim Henson) and Bert (Frank Oz)

(The scene is the inside of a pyramid. A statueís foot comes into view as Bert and Ernie enter.)

Bert: Wow, isnít this terrific, Ernie? A real Egyptian pyramid!

Ernie: Uh, I donít know, Bert. Iím afraid.

Bert: Afraid of what? I mean, this is wonderful! Look at all the exciting new discoveries!

Ernie: Yeah Ö

Bert: Look at all the knowledge here! This pyramid must be centuries or thousands even of years old!
This is great! Look at the hieroglyphics, all this funny writing!

Ernie: Pretty spooky to me, Bert!

Bert: Oh boy! How exciting! And look at this! Look at this funny statue!

(He beckons toward a statue in a case that looks like Ernie but is wearing glasses and has a black goatee.)

Ernie: Thatís a pretty neat statue!

Bert: This oneís a handsome statue!

(Beckons toward a statue of himself wearing glasses and a mustache.)

This is nice.

Ernie: I think I prefer this one!

(Beckons toward his lookalike statue)

Bert: We have all kind of different tastes. Boy, oh boy. Isnít this exciting?

Ernie: I donít know, Bert. Iím still --- Letís go home!

Bert: Why?

Ernie: ĎCause Iím kind of afraid, Bert.

Bert: Oh, Ernie, this is a wonderful opportunity. I mean we spend all this time getting here!
Címon, címon, follow me! Okay. Letís look around some more!

Ernie: Yeah, Bert.

Bert: Oh, Ernie, look! Look at this! Itís a spooky dark tunnel here! You wanna join me?

Ernie: I think Iíll wait here, Bert.

Bert: Okay, Iíll take a look! (Goes into tunnel) Wow!

Ernie: Oh dear. Maybe Bertís right. Maybe there isnít anything to be afraid of! Itís all in my imagination!

(Walks over to statues)

Iíll just go over here, and look at these statues over here. Hmm. Look at that.

(He looks at the Bert statueís mustache.)

(Ernie Statue taps Ernie with his cane)

Ernie: (turns around slowly) Bert? Bert? Did you tap me? Bertís not here! Who tapped me?

(Ernie Statue reaches out his cane to tap Ernie a second time and scares Ernie)

AHHHHH! BERT!!!!!! BERT!!!!!!!

Bert: (comes out of the tunnel) What, Ernie? What is it? What?

Ernie: Bert Ö Bert, this statue tapped me!

Bert: This statue tapped you?

Ernie: It did, Bert!

Bert: This statue here made of stone thousands of years old tapped you?

Ernie: Thatís right, Bert!

Bert: Ernie, donít you think you were using your imagination? It didnít really tap you, you were just imagining it?
Now címon, leave me alone, Iím gonna go explore this tunnel! (Goes back into tunnel) Oh boy, oh boy!

Ernie: Maybe it was my imagination! You didnít tap me, did you Statue?

Ernie Statue: Sure I did! (Trademark Ernie laugh)

Ernie: BERT!!!!

Bert: What is it, Ernie?

Ernie: This statue just talked to me, Bert!

Bert: What?

Ernie: This statue talked to me, Bert!

Bert: This statue that tapped you before, and now it talked to you?

Ernie: Talked to me!

Bert: Oh, it talked to you! Well, then letís let it talk then! Címon, Statue, talk! Címon, Statue, talk!
Uh, whatís the capital of Delaware?

Ernie: Come on, Statue, say something!

(Statue says nothing)

Bert: Okay, uh, where did I park my bicycle?

(Once again, Statue says nothing)

Bert: Ernie, come here. Donít you think maybe, maybe that it was your imagination?
Maybe you just let your imagination run away with you Ďcause you were so scared?

Ernie: Maybe, Bert.

Bert: Why donít you sing a song? Hmm? Thatíll make you feel better! You wonít be that scared, then!

Ernie: Okay, Bert! (Bert goes back into the tunnel)

(Ernie begins to sing ďRubber DuckyĒ and Ernie Statue soon joins in!
They dance and sing until Bert comes out of the tunnel)

Ernie: Hey, Bert!

Bert: What? What are you doing?

Ernie: Me and the statue are dancing, Bert! Heís a great dancer!

Bert: The statueís dancing now?

Ernie: And singing too!

Bert: Ernie, why donít we just go home?

Ernie: But the statue knows ďRubber DuckyĒ, Bert!

Bert: Sure, sure, címon, letís go home.

Ernie: But, honest, we were dancing!

Bert: Sure, letís go home!

Ernie: (begins to leave) But Ö Bye-bye, Statue!

Bert: Yeah, uh, bye-bye, Statue! (His trademark sheep ďahhhhhĒ thing)

Ernie Statue: Bye-bye! (trademark Ernie laugh)

Bert: ERNIE!!!!!!!! (leaves)

Transcribed by Ashley

available on the video

The Best of Ernie and Bert

The Best of Ernie and Bert (1988)