A Christmas Pageant

a Prairie Dawn Production
starring Bert (Frank Oz), Ernie (Jim Henson), Prairie Dawn (Fran Brill),
Herry Monster (Jerry Nelson), Grover, and Cookie Monster (both Frank Oz)

Bert: Hey, ah, what part do I play in the Christmas pageant, Ernie?

Ernie: Itís the lead, Bert.

Bert: [gasp] The lead!

Ernie: Youíre going to be the star of the whole play.

Bert: Ooh, me!? Whatís the part, Ernie?

Ernie: We took a vote and everybody voted for you, Bert. How Ďbout that?

Bert: Yah, how about that! Well, well, who do I play?

Ernie: Bert, we said who could play this part better than anybody?

Bert: Yah Ö

Ernie: And who got every single vote?

Bert: Yah, who?

Ernie: Old buddy Bert, thatís who.

Bert: Me?

Ernie: We said old Bertís the only one who can play this part.

Bert: Oh, wow. Oo oo, what do I play, Ernie? Santa Claus. No, no, an angel.
The spirit of Christmas past, right? Well, who, who, who, who?

Ernie: A tree.

Bert: I knew it.

Ernie: You just stand here and hold your arms out, sort of tree like.
Hold out your arms there, Bert.

Bert: I knew it.

Ernie: Oh, thatís good. Um hm. Now donít move, Bert.
Keep your arms out and try to think like a tree.

Bert: Ernie.

Ernie: Shh, Bert.
Okay, Prairie.

Prairie: Oh .. okay.

Ernie: Okay, Grover. Open the curtain. [Audience claps] Hold still now, Bert.

(Prairie plays the piano as she sings-speaks the lines)

Prairie: Welcome, oh welcome, to our little play.
Weíre so very glad that you joined us today.
To celebrate Christmas, we must find a tree,
So come to the forest with Herry and me.

Herry: Here we are, Prairie and Herry, marching through the forest, looking for a Christmas tree.
March. March. Look. Look.

Prairie: Oh see, we have found one, so straight and so tall.
Weíll take it, and set it, right in our front hall.
Itís green and itís lovely, why nothing it lacks.
Itís perfect, dear Herry, so get out your axe.

Bert: Hold it. Stay away from me, Herry.

Herry: Oh, donít worry, Bert. I donít have an axe, anyway. Iíll pull you out by the roots.

Bert: Címon, Herry. Put me down.

Herry: Shhh Ö I got to carry you home. Itís part of the play.

Bert: [Wimpers]

Harry: Now fancy the tree, now they like it a lot.

Ernie: Ooo, look at that.

Prairie: Itís soo beautiful.

Bert: [Wimpers]

Ernie: Now that is what I call a Christmas tree. See how it comes to a nice point on top?

Bert: Ernie.

Ernie: Shhh, Bert. Trees donít talk.

Bert: Alright, alright.

Herry: Oh fancy a tree, now they like it a lot.
I take it and stuff it in a flower pot.

Bert: Ohh Ö. Herry!

Herry: Then pack in some dirt.

Bert: Herry, what are you doing?

Herry: You gotta put a tree in dirt, Bert, or it will die.

Bert: Herry Ö.

Herry: Thatís why I pulled you out by the roots, Bert, so I could transplant ya.

Bert: Alright, alright. But, hurry, my arms are getting tired.

Herry: Yah, yah, yah, yah Ö. then pack in some dirt, and pour on some water.

Bert: Ahhh!

Herry: Gotta water a tree, Bert.

Bert: Yah, but itís cold. Thereís mud in my saddle shoes!

Herry: Shh shh Ö and pour on some water, and transplant a Christmas tree just like I oughta.

[Audience claps]

Prairie Dawn: Grover Ö

Grover: Oh, hi, Prairie.

Prairie: Itís your turn.

Grover: Oh oh oh oh Ö
And these decorations we hang on the tree,
Make it cute and adorable, not unlike me.
I throw on the tinsel, it glitters and glows,
And hangs from each branch, not to mention Bertís nose.

Bert: Quit it Ö

Prairie: Cookie. Now you, Cookie.

Cookie: No.

Prairie: Yes.

Cookie: Oh oh Ö

Prairie: [Sighs]

Cookie: Me hanging up candy canes, me got a whole bunch.
One for tree, one for me, then me save one for lunch.
Arrhhh! [eating candy canes]

Ernie: Then we add Christmas balls, all shiny and bright, and long strings of popcorn.

Cookie: Uh, me ate them last night.

Ernie: Cookie!

Cookie: Sorry.

Bert: Ernie, my arms!

Ernie: Shh, Bert. This is almost the end of the play.
Next to last come the lights, wound around and around,
From the tippy tip top, right on down to the ground.
A hundred bright lights, coloured bright green and red.
And last comes the star right on Bertís pointy head.

Bert: Oh, Ernie.

Prairie: Our tree is all finished and so is our play. Just one more detail.

Bert: My arms feel like clay!

Prairie: Shhh, Bert. Turn out all the lights. Be as still as can be.
Now itís dark, now itís quiet, now turn on our tree.

All characters: Ooohhh!

[Audience claps]

Prairie: Youíre the strongest, most handsome Christmas tree I ever saw.
[Kisses Bert]

Bert: Mmwwaaaa Ö meh eh eh [Bertís ďmachine gunĒ laugh]

Grover: Close the curtain, Herry!

Ernie: Hey, Bert, you were wonderful.

[Sound of crashing as curtain literally falls]

Herry: Oops. Pulled a little too hard. Sorry, Bert.

Transcribed by Wendy Nichols

originally released on the album

Merry Christmas From Sesame Street

Merry Christmas From Sesame Street (1975)
Children's Television Workshop

available on the CD

A Sesame Street Christmas
A Sesame Street Christmas (1995)