A Christmas Pageant
a Prairie Dawn Production
starring Bert (Frank Oz), Ernie (Jim Henson), Prairie Dawn (Fran Brill),
Herry Monster (Jerry Nelson), Grover, and Cookie Monster (both Frank Oz)
Bert: Hey, ah, what part do I play in the Christmas pageant, Ernie?
Ernie: It’s the lead, Bert.
Bert: [gasp] The lead!
Ernie: You’re going to be the star of the whole play.
Bert: Ooh, me!? What’s the part, Ernie?
Ernie: We took a vote and everybody voted for you, Bert. How ‘bout that?
Bert: Yah, how about that! Well, well, who do I play?
Ernie: Bert, we said who could play this part better than anybody?
Bert: Yah …
Ernie: And who got every single vote?
Bert: Yah, who?
Ernie: Old buddy Bert, that’s who.
Bert: Me?
Ernie: We said old Bert’s the only one who can play this part.
Bert: Oh, wow. Oo oo, what do I play, Ernie? Santa Claus. No, no, an angel.
The spirit of Christmas past, right? Well, who, who, who, who?
Ernie: A tree.
Bert: I knew it.
Ernie: You just stand here and hold your arms out, sort of tree like.
Hold out your arms there, Bert.
Bert: I knew it.
Ernie: Oh, that’s good. Um hm. Now don’t move, Bert.
Keep your arms out and try to think like a tree.
Bert: Ernie.
Ernie: Shh, Bert.
Okay, Prairie.
Prairie: Oh .. okay.
Ernie: Okay, Grover. Open the curtain. [Audience claps] Hold still now, Bert.
(Prairie plays the piano as she sings-speaks the lines)
Prairie: Welcome, oh welcome, to our little play.
We’re so very glad that you joined us today.
To celebrate Christmas, we must find a tree,
So come to the forest with Herry and me.
Herry: Here we are, Prairie and Herry, marching through the forest, looking for a Christmas tree.
March. March. Look. Look.
Prairie: Oh see, we have found one, so straight and so tall.
We’ll take it, and set it, right in our front hall.
It’s green and it’s lovely, why nothing it lacks.
It’s perfect, dear Herry, so get out your axe.
Bert: Hold it. Stay away from me, Herry.
Herry: Oh, don’t worry, Bert. I don’t have an axe, anyway. I’ll pull you out by the roots.
Bert: C’mon, Herry. Put me down.
Herry: Shhh … I got to carry you home. It’s part of the play.
Bert: [Wimpers]
Harry: Now fancy the tree, now they like it a lot.
Ernie: Ooo, look at that.
Prairie: It’s soo beautiful.
Bert: [Wimpers]
Ernie: Now that is what I call a Christmas tree. See how it comes to a nice point on top?
Bert: Ernie.
Ernie: Shhh, Bert. Trees don’t talk.
Bert: Alright, alright.
Herry: Oh fancy a tree, now they like it a lot.
I take it and stuff it in a flower pot.
Bert: Ohh …. Herry!
Herry: Then pack in some dirt.
Bert: Herry, what are you doing?
Herry: You gotta put a tree in dirt, Bert, or it will die.
Bert: Herry ….
Herry: That’s why I pulled you out by the roots, Bert, so I could transplant ya.
Bert: Alright, alright. But, hurry, my arms are getting tired.
Herry: Yah, yah, yah, yah …. then pack in some dirt, and pour on some water.
Bert: Ahhh!
Herry: Gotta water a tree, Bert.
Bert: Yah, but it’s cold. There’s mud in my saddle shoes!
Herry: Shh shh … and pour on some water, and transplant a Christmas tree just like I oughta.
[Audience claps]
Prairie Dawn: Grover …
Grover: Oh, hi, Prairie.
Prairie: It’s your turn.
Grover: Oh oh oh oh …
And these decorations we hang on the tree,
Make it cute and adorable, not unlike me.
[Giggles].
I throw on the tinsel, it glitters and glows,
And hangs from each branch, not to mention Bert’s nose.
[Giggles].
Bert: Quit it …
Prairie: Cookie. Now you, Cookie.
Cookie: No.
Prairie: Yes.
Cookie: Oh oh …
Prairie: [Sighs]
Cookie: Me hanging up candy canes, me got a whole bunch.
One for tree, one for me, then me save one for lunch.
Arrhhh! [eating candy canes]
Ernie: Then we add Christmas balls, all shiny and bright, and long strings of popcorn.
Cookie: Uh, me ate them last night.
Ernie: Cookie!
Cookie: Sorry.
Bert: Ernie, my arms!
Ernie: Shh, Bert. This is almost the end of the play.
Next to last come the lights, wound around and around,
From the tippy tip top, right on down to the ground.
A hundred bright lights, coloured bright green and red.
And last comes the star right on Bert’s pointy head.
Bert: Oh, Ernie.
Prairie: Our tree is all finished and so is our play. Just one more detail.
Bert: My arms feel like clay!
Prairie: Shhh, Bert. Turn out all the lights. Be as still as can be.
Now it’s dark, now it’s quiet, now turn on our tree.
All characters: Ooohhh!
[Audience claps]
Prairie: You’re the strongest, most handsome Christmas tree I ever saw.
[Kisses Bert]
Bert: Mmwwaaaa … meh eh eh [Bert’s “machine gun” laugh]
Grover: Close the curtain, Herry!
Ernie: Hey, Bert, you were wonderful.
[Sound of crashing as curtain literally falls]
Herry: Oops. Pulled a little too hard. Sorry, Bert.
Transcribed by Wendy Nichols
originally released on the album
Merry Christmas From Sesame Street (1975)
Children's Television Workshop
available on the CD
A Sesame Street Christmas (1995)