Ernie's Picture Of Four Elephants
skit with Ernie (Jim Henson),
Lefty the Salesman, and Bert (both Frank Oz)
[Ernie is walking along humming to himself. He walks past Lefty the Salesman]
Lefty the Salesman: Hey, bud. PSSST! Come here.
Ernie: Who, what me?
Lefty the Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: (whispering) Who, me?
Lefty the Salesman: Riiiiiiiight! I got a terrific picture here to show you.
Ernie: You have a picture to show me?
Lefty the Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
Ernie: Oh, let me see it, sir.
Lefty: Ok. Feast your eyes. 'Cause here it is.
[Lefty unveils the item, revealing a painting of four elephants.
Ernie ducks down and then slowly comes back up]
How about that? A picture. A beautiful hand-painted picture of ...
[looks around quickly]
... elephants.
Ernie: Elephants?!
Lefty the Salesman: SHHHHHH!
Ernie: (whispering) Elephants?
Lefty the Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
Ernie: Ah. Let me see.
Hey! I don't see any elephants in that picture.
Oh, I see a tree there. And some leaves and birds.
But I certainly don't see any elephants in that picture.
Lefty the Salesman: Oh, you don't huh?
Ernie: No. No.
Lefty the Salesman: All right. Tell ya' what I'm gonna do:
If I can show you four elephants in this here picture,
if I can do that, then will you buy it for one nickel?
Ernie: Will I buy it for a nickel?!
Lefty the Salesman: SHHHHHH! Riiiiiiiight!
Ernie: (whispering) Will I buy it for a nickel?
Lefty the Salesman: Yeah.
Ernie: Oh, you bet I will. Because there are no elephants in that picture.
Lefty the Salesman: Ok. Step a little closer and I'll show you.
As you will notice, there's one elephant.
[one elephant is outlined to the sound of a ding]
There's two elephants.
[another elephant is outlined]
There's three elephants.
[another elephant is outlined]
And there, ya' got ya' four elephants.
[the fourth elephant is outlined]
Ernie: Hey, wow! It really is a picture of four elephants.
Lefty the Salesman: Riiiiiiiight!
Ernie: Gee, that's great. Hey, here's your nickel.
[Ernie pays Lefty]
And thank you very much.
Lefty the Salesman: Any time, kid.
[Lefty chuckles as he leaves]
Ernie: (to the camera) And you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna play this trick here on ol' buddy Bert.
[Laughs and sees Bert coming]
As a matter of fact, here comes Bert now.
Hey, Bert! Bert, come here. I got something to show you.
Bert: Hey! Look at that picture, Ernie. Hey, it's a picture of four elephants.
You notice that? 1, 2, 3, 4. It's great!
Oh, I'm sorry, Ernie. Hey, what did you wanna show me?
Ernie: (crestfallen) Nothing, Bert.
Originally transcribed by Silvery Shoe
with extra special help from David Frangioso (including the great pics)