Kermit's What-Happens-Next Machine
skit starring Kermit the Frog (Jim Henson)
not complete yet
[Kermit is standing next to a rope on a pulley that's attached to a sandbag. The sandbag is suspended over a seesaw. The other end of the seesaw, pointing down, has a string on it attached to the closed lid of a box containing an inflated helium balloon. Its string is trailing out of the box and is tied to the switch of a radio. Forgotten opening dialogue.]
Kermit [who has a pair of scissors]: First of all, I'll cut the rope. Then the sandbag will fall on the seesaw. Then that end of the seesaw will go down, and the other end of the seesaw will go up.
[Something about the string on the seesaw opening the box.]
...and the balloon will float up in the air! And you will notice that the balloon is tied to the switch of the radio.
[Something about how the balloon will turn on the radio. More forgotten lines.]
Kermit [going over to the radio]: You see, in the old days I had to walk all the way over here to turn on my radio. It would tire my flippers. [NOTE: Could be "It would tire me out."] It would waste time. But not anymore ... thanks to the magic of What Happens Next!
[More lines?]
First I cut the rope!
[He does ... and the sandbag stays supsended in mid-air.]
Kermit: And what happens next is ... the sandbag seems to be stuck! The rope must be tangled ...
[He gives it a few good whacks, but it still doesn't fall.]
Oh, well, we'll just skip the sandbag part and go on to the seesaw. I'll just give it a push.
[He does, but it won't budge.]
The seesaw seems to be stuck ...
[He gives a few determined grunts and shoves, but to no avail.]
Kermit: Oh, well, we'll just ignore the stuck seesaw and move to the box. And what do you know, I'll bet the lid won't open.
[He gets it open on the first try, though.]
Oh, there.
[The balloon refuses to rise. Forgotten lines.]
I'll give it a few good kicks!
[He does, but the balloon stays put. By now he's really upset.]
Come on, balloon! Are you going to float up in the air or not?
[Kicks it again.]
All right, balloon, I'm giving you one last chance! You float up in that air right now, or I won't be responsible for what happens next!
[He gives the box a vicious kick, and finally the balloon floats up in the air, turning on the radio, which starts playing music.]
[Kermit says something about "Thanks to the magic of what happens next." and something about "... perfectly! Once I get all the bugs out." Just then, he sees the balloon carrying the radio away. More lines?]
Kermit: What happens next is I gotta get another radio!
[He jumps as the sandbag suddenly falls on the seesaw, which breaks in two.]
Transcribed by SilveryShoe@aol.com