Cookie Monster Goes To The Library
a skit starring Cookie Monster (Frank Oz) and a Librarian
(The scene starts off in a library, with several tall shelves crammed with books. Behind the desk, in the foreground, sits, if memory serves correctly, a purple Anything Muppet with graying hair, and glasses. Cookie Monster enters.)
Cookie Monster: (Shouting) Wow, look at all these books! Me no seen so many books before!
Librarian: Shhhh!
Cookie Monster: (Whispering) Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
(Cookie walks toward the desk, and stumbles over something. You hear a metal container falling over.)
Cookie Monster: (surprised) Whoop!
Librarian: (Quietly) Quiet, please.
Cookie Monster: (Whispering) I did not see de wastebasket.
(Librarian sort of nods, and goes back to work.)
Cookie Monster: Uh, Sir ... Sir ... (Librarian looks up) Could you tell me what you doing with all these books?
Librarian: Well, this is a library. We have all kinds of books for people to read.
Cookie Monster: Really? Well, me want book about Little Red Riding Hood.
Librarian: All right. (Gets up to go get it.)
Cookie Monster: And one box of cookies. (Starts looking around.)
Librarian: (Stops in his tracks, and looks at Cookie.) (Pleasantly) Maybe you didn't understand. You see, this is a library. We only have books; we have no cookies.
Cookie Monster: Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Well, me want book about nursery rhymes.
Librarian: All right. (starts off to get it.)
Cookie Monster: And one box of cookies.
Librarian: (Sharper than before, yet still pleasant.) We don't have cookies! We only have books. Just books, no cookies.
Cookie Monster: Oh, right. Uh, me want picture book.
Librarian: Picture book. (Starts off.)
Cookie Monster: And one box of cookies.
Librarian: (He's infuriated now, and starts breathing heavily, and yelling.) How many times do I have to tell you WE DON'T HAVE COOKIES?! WE ONLY HAVE BOOKS! YOU UNDERSTAND?! JUST BOOKS!! BOOKS!!!
Cookie Monster: (Calmly) It OK, no need to get excited, me not fussy, just give me box of cookies.
Librarian: NO!!! WE DON'T HAVE COOKIES!
Cookie Monster: (After a pause.) You know what? Me get the feeling you only have books.
Librarian: THAT'S RIGHT, JUST BOOKS!
Cookie Monster: Me got it now. OK, OK. (Clears throat)
Librarian: (Calms down for a second.) Fine. Now tell me, (stresses) what do you want?
Cookie Monster: Me ... want ... BOOK ... about cookies.
Librarian: Fine, that we have, a book about cookies, good! (Starts to get up.)
Cookie Monster: And a glass of milk.
(Ending music of two notes plays, Librarian sighs a couple times, and tips over in his chair. You hear the wastebasket falling.)
Cookie Monster: (Looking over edge of desk) Book about cookies and a glass of juice?
Transcribed by Eric Berger