The Rhyming Game
classic skit with Bert (Frank Oz) and Ernie (Jim Henson)
Bert: (reading aloud from an oatmeal recipe book, "Cooking With Oatmeal")
You take four cups of oatmeal ... two pitted mangoes ...
Ernie: Hey, Bert!
B: ... buttermilk ...
E: Hey, Bert! It's time for the rhyming game, Bert!
Bert: Oh, no, Ernie, thanks, I don't want to play a game, I'm reading my book.
Ernie: Oh, but you'll love this game, Bert!
See all you have to do is, you say something, and then I'll say something that rhymes with what you just said!
Bert: Uh-huh, yeah, but I really don't want to play a game.
Ernie: Maybe not, Bert, but we'll do it all the same!
You see that, you said "game" and I said "same", and "game" and "same" both rhyme!
Bert: Yeah, uh-uh, rhyme, I know. But, Ernie, it's just not what I want to do.
Ernie: Wiggle your finger, and waggle your shoe!
(drums start)
Bert: Uh, Ernie, I'd much rather sit and read my book.
Ernie: With ears you hear, and with eyes you look!
Bert: Now come on, Ernie, cut this out.
Ernie: Easy, old buddy, no need to shout!
Bert: I don't want to play a game with rhymes!
Ernie: Nice going, Bert, oh ring my chimes!
Bert: I don't wanna do it!
Ernie: There's really nothing to it!
Bert: It's so silly.
Ernie: A boy named Billy.
Bert: Stop it, please!
Ernie: A dog has fleas!
Bert: Oh!
Ernie: Mow!
Bert: Ernie, please, this has got to stop!
Ernie: Some people like to jump and hop!
Bert: I don't wanna do it ... (Ernie interrupts) anymore.
Ernie: What what hmmm?
(Note: I like this part because Jim messed up and they were able to recover wonderfully)
Bert: What what hmmm?! I don't want to do it anymore!
Ernie: Oh. One and two and three and four.
Bert: Ernie!
Ernie: Bernie!
Bert: Stop it!
Ernie: Mop it!
Bert: Stop!
Ernie: Flop!
Bert: No!
Ernie: Flow!
Bert: Mmmmmmm .... Hippopotamus!
Ernie: Ahhhhh ... rhipototopus!
Bert: Egh! Alright, alright! I give up!
Ernie: Eat from a plate and drink from a cup!
Bert: I guess I'll just have to play along.
Ernie: It plays like a game and sings like a song!
Bert: You may be right, I may be wrong.
Ernie: A clock goes tick and a bell goes bong.
Bert: This game is really kinda kicky!
Ernie: Sugar's sweet and glue is sticky.
Bert: Yeah, water is wet and dust is dry!
Ernie: Dogs gotta walk and birds gotta fly!
Bert: It's a great kind of game to play with a friend!
Ernie: And now old buddy we've come to the end!
(drums stop)
Bert (still in rhythm): Yah! You're right Ernie, that's a great game ... you.
Ernie: Ah ... w-well, Bert see, I think I'm gonna go read my book now, okay?
Hmm hmm hmm ... (hums to himself as he leaves the room)
Bert (to the lamp, still in rhythm): Hey there, lamp, that's a nice shade .... you ....
(Points at the lamp which, naturally, doesn't respond)
*sigh* It's not the same."
Transcribed by Wonderlily