Lois Fogg
Fire
Email: SireneCall@hotmail.com
PG-13
[Author’s Notes at the end of Chapter Eight]

A Purgatorial Interlude:

	Raye woke with a start, groggily staring around the darkened
room. She had had a nightmare, but the memory was already slipping
away, leaving her with a vague, formless sense of fear and danger. The
room was bathed in an eerie red light, and she looked out the window,
noticing the red moon. She wondered if she was seeing things, until she
remembered hearing something about a lunar eclipse tonight. As she
woke up, she began to sense that something was missing. She looked
out the window again, past Serena’s bed, and then realized what was
wrong: Serena was gone. For some reason, Raye’s stomach clenched in
fear. It wasn’t unusual for Serena to disappear, but she had been
dangerously depressed over the past week, and Raye had the guilty
feeling that she was chiefly responsible for it. Raye tried to pass it off,
lying back down in her bed and closing her eyes, but sleep eluded her.
No matter how irrational the feeling, she knew that Serena had gotten
herself in trouble. As terrible as things had been between them lately,
Raye couldn’t stand the thought of Serena helpless and alone.
Muttering angrily to herself—what right did Serena have to disappear
and make her worry like this, anyway—she got out of the bed, and
walked over to Serena’s side of the room. It was then that she noticed a
sheet of paper taped to the window. She wrapped her arms around her
body, feeling a cold penetrating inside her bones. With a shaking hand,
she peeled the paper off the window, realizing that it had been ripped
from a book. Probably that strange book of poetry that she had been
obsessed with this past week. Still annoyed, Raye read the poem.
	Her hands went limp, and the paper fluttered to the floor.
Something was wrong. Something was terribly, fatally wrong and it
was all her fault. In light pencil, Serena had underlined the words
“while I live.” She should have seen it coming, she had seen the signs
all week, but she had chosen to ignore it, pretending that Serena was
just being melodramatic. And now it might be too late. Roughly wiping
the tears from her eyes, Raye pulled on some clothes in record time,
grabbing her hat, scarf, gloves and boots. Finally she picked up the
paper and shoved it in her pocket. There was only one person she could
talk to, only one person who might know where Serena had gone.
Perhaps, if she went quickly, she could redeem herself. Raye ran out of
the dorm and down the snow-covered path. She had to find Darien.

	Darien lay awake in his bed, wondering when he would fall
asleep. His dreams had been tormenting him lately, making this state of
strained wakefulness preferable to sleep. He could not seem to get his
thoughts off of her. Raye was just a distraction, a method of
forgetfulness. It wasn’t working though. Even when he was with her,
all he could think about was how it felt to be with Serena, how
incredibly happy he had been with her. Why did she have to be Ken
Johnston’s daughter? It had been perfect for a time, and then everything
had been destroyed. He saw how he was hurting her, and he knew how
he was hurting himself, but there was no helping it. He could never
truly love, never truly understand someone who was born to privilege
like Serena. At least, that was what he told himself. That was what he
repeated to himself every day, when he felt like giving in, like loving
her the way he wanted to. Because if it wasn’t true, then everything he
had done—to both of them—was a lie and unnecessarily cruel. He
remembered how he had seen her the other day, asleep in the lecture
hall after class. She had looked so cute, so relaxed. With her eyes
closed, he could see none of the pain that she accused him with every
time their eyes met. He could pretend, as he watched her, that
everything was okay, that he was not destroying both of them. Tossing
over in his bed, Darien fell asleep again, against his will. He knew the
nightmares would come, and this time they did, with a vengeance.
	He was freezing. He had not known that it was possible to be
this cold and still be alive. His blood seemed to slow down in his veins.
He did not know where he was, he only saw an eerie red glow that
made him inexplicably afraid. Gradually he grew aware of another
presence, someone who was calling to him. It felt like Serena, he
thought. She was calling his name—he could hear her clearly now. She
was upset and in trouble. Darien called out to her, but his words stuck
in his throat. He tried to struggle to reach her and save her from
whatever was happening, but he could not move. He could not see. He
was trapped in this world that was the color of blood. She called his
name again, more faintly this time, and he could tell that she was
slipping away. He knew that if he didn’t get to her soon, she would die.
The prospect of her dying scared Darien more than he wanted to think
about. He struggled even harder, straining to force his limbs to work, to
reach her before it was too late. Nothing worked, he called her name
again and again, trying to tell her that he was coming, but he could not
speak and her cries grew fainter. The last thing he heard, in a voice that
ripped him apart with guilt were these words:
	“Please remember me.”

	“Darien, for God’s sake, wake up!” Raye shook him violently,
wondering what dream he could be having that would make him look
like that. His face was contorted with grief and frustration. His lips
were moving, but no sound came out of them. She recognized what he
was trying to say, though. She should have known before this that he
was still in love with Serena. She had tried to deny it, but when she saw
him, even in sleep, calling her name, Raye knew that she would never
have a chance. She also knew that to go along any more with this farce
would be impossible. She would tell Darien that, she had to, but first he
had to wake up. After a couple more shoves, Darien’s face went slack
and he opened his eyes gradually.
	“Where…” He muttered, staring at her in confusion.
	“Come on, get up Darien. This is important.” He blinked
again, and seemed to regain more of his composure. He sat up, and
Raye felt a momentary thrill at the sight of his exposed chest. No more
of that, Raye told herself sternly.
	“What is it, Raye? What are you doing here this late?”
	Raye stood up and began pacing around the room, running her
hands through her hair. She couldn’t believe that this was happening!
“Serena’s gone.” She said flatly.
	If she held any remaining doubts about Darien’s true
affections, his reaction when she said that should have removed all
question. He started violently from the bed, and ran in his boxers to the
closet where he began putting on some clothes.
	“Do you know where she went? Did she say anything to you?”
He asked, pulling on a pair of pants.
	“She hasn’t talked to anyone for a week.” Raye said,
frustrated. “We’ve known she was depressed, but I don’t think any of
us…admitted the extent of it.” Darien’s expression when she said that
looked about as guilty as she felt. Yes, he held a fair share of the blame
in this fiasco, Raye realized.
	“But,” she continued, “she did tape this to her window. She
ripped it out of this book Amy gave her, Dorothy Parker, I think.” She
handed it to Darien, wondering what he would think when he saw it.
She hoped, she prayed to God, that she had been right and Darien
would know where she had gone.
	Darien read it over and over again, his stomach clenching in
panic when he read the words she had underlined. He thought back to
his strange dream and the last words he had heard Serena say. He
thought about the strange red lunar eclipse. He went back further, to the
first time he had denied a part of himself to her, and suddenly he knew.
He knew with absolute certainty where she had gone, and that it may
already be too late.
	Raye watched with a growing sense of horror as Darien stared
at the poem for an impossibly long time. Did he know? Finally, he
released it and buried his head in his hands, whispering her name. Raye
felt suddenly distanced, like a spectator to a great romantic drama. She
had played her role, and now she had to save the two who were really
meant to be together. If she resented it, she still knew that after all she
had done to Serena, it was her obligation. Besides the fact that Serena
was her friend, and she wanted her to be happy.
	“Do you know where she went?” Raye ventured, finally.
	Darien lifted his head, a violently determined expression on
his face. “Yes.” He said stonily.
	“Where?”
	“A small beach, about half an hour away from here. I…took
her there, one day.”
	“Darien, it’s negative thirty degrees out there, and it’s
snowing!” she said, staring outside.
	“I know.” He said quietly. “But we have to try.”
	He put on the rest of his clothes in silence. Raye noticed, when
he reached for his scarf, that his hands stilled and his expression
changed to guilty pain. Had Serena given it to him, Raye wondered. It
did look strangely feminine, now that she thought about it. She never
got a chance to ask, though, because Darien was already walking
towards the door.
	“Do you know anybody with a car?” Darien asked.
	“What about your motorcycle—“ Raye began, and then cut
herself off. Of course he couldn’t use it. If Serena really was freezing to
death out there, she would be in no condition to ride on the back of a
motorcycle.
	“Well,” she began again. “We can ask Mina. Her family lives
around here, they probably have one that we can borrow.”
	That decided, the two ran back across campus, fear adding
urgency to their steps. Darien knocked roughly on Mina’s door, and she
opened the door sleepily, revealing heart-printed long pajamas. When
she saw Darien and Raye, though, she knew that something was wrong.
She lost the last residuals of sleep immediately.
	“What the hell is going on?” She asked, but she wondered if
she already knew. Darien’s presence could only mean that it had
something to do with Serena, and from their expressions, it couldn’t be
good. She braced herself, but she still wasn’t prepared when she heard
Darien’s quick explanation.
	“She went *where*?” Mina exclaimed. “Why would she do
that? Doesn’t she realize that she could kill…” Mina trailed off, an
expression of newfound horror on her face. “I can’t believe this.” She
said finally. “I just can’t. You guys go wake up Amy and Lita. They
ought to know about this too, I guess. I’ll go get dressed and call my
parents. We can meet in the lounge in ten minutes, okay?”
	Darien looked as if he were going to tell her to hurry up, but
Raye quickly grabbed his elbow and steered him away from the door.
Ten minutes later the five of them stood in the empty lounge. Darien
was pacing restlessly, running his hand through his hair. Lita looked as
if the slightest touch might make her burst into uncontrollable sobs. She
had already lost her parents, and she could barely stand the thought of
losing Serena like that as well.
	“We can use the van, but it’s stick shift and I don’t know how
to drive it.” Mina said as soon as she ran into the room.
	“I can. How far away is it?” Darien asked, wheeling around.
	“Maybe ten minutes, if you walk quickly.”
	“All right, I’ll go and one other person should come with
me…”
	“I will.” Raye volunteered quietly. She needed to talk to him
anyway.
	“Um…Darien?” Amy began, “If Serena really has done this,
then it might have been a while. And you don’t know how…bad her
condition is, so it might be a good idea to call the paramedics.”
	Darien stopped pacing. Of course, he thought to himself. He
had to think this thing through properly. If he messed up now, it may
cost Serena her life.
	“You’re right. But they’ll never find it on their own. I’ll have
to show them where it is…but I don’t want to wait much longer…”
	“There’s a cell phone in the car. I know the number. You go
with Raye now, and we’ll wait here, call the ambulance, and then I’ll
call you and you can tell me how to get there. Here’s the key.” Mina
said, tossing him one of the spares her parents had pressed on her when
she had gone to college. She had thought it stupid that they insisted she
keep the key to a car that she couldn’t drive, but now she was just
grateful for it. It seemed that danger made her mind work faster,
because she felt an unnatural calm over the rush of adrenaline.
	“Where’s your house?” Darien asked, over his shoulder.
	“I know where it is.” Raye said. She had been there once for
dinner and it wasn’t that hard to find. The two of them pushed back into
the snow, walking as quickly as possible through the deserted streets. It
was good, at least, that they had a van, because driving in this weather
was going to be a problem. He hoped that it wouldn’t be too long
before they convinced the paramedics of their story. It must seem a
little implausible to them, he realized. In seven minutes flat he and
Raye reached the house and the van. Wasting no time for conversation,
Darien quickly brushed the snow from the windshield with his hands
and opened the car door. They were on the road in minutes, Darien
practically flooring the car in order to get there faster. They were silent
for several minutes. His attention was focused completely on saving
Serena. Raye had that in mind too, but along somewhat different lines.
She had to talk to him. Now was probably the only good time she
would have to do it anyway. Taking a deep breath, she began what she
knew she had to say since the moment she read the poem.
	“Darien, she’s in love with you. You have to know that.”
	He gritted his teeth and pushed the gas pedal harder. “I do.”
	“You also know that this…relationship of ours isn’t working. I
can’t go out with someone who is in love with someone else. When I
heard what you did to her…I’ll admit that I was happy, but I also
couldn’t believe it. Darien, I know that you love her. Anyone who saw
you two together for five minutes would realize it. What I did
was…wrong. But it never would have happened if you hadn’t been
such a bastard! Don’t you realize that the reason she did this is because
of you? You, with your misplaced pride. You rejected her because of a
father that she doesn’t agree with and a lifestyle that she hates! Do you
know that she’s barely eaten for a week and a half? I know that if you
think about it, Darien, you’ll realize that what you’ve done was
wrong.”
	Darien’s hands tightened painfully around the wheel, until
they were almost white. “All right, maybe I deserved that. But Raye,
it’s not like you’ve been an angel yourself. She’s your roommate and
your friend. Why did you agree to go out with me in the first place?”
	“Because I liked you!” Raye shouted, crying. “Because I
fooled myself into believing that you really could fall in love with me,
and not Serena. And you used me, instead. I should have known.”
	“You have no idea what it’s like, to betray everything you’ve
ever known because of one girl. She’s a rich soon-to-be president’s
daughter, and I’m just the poor orphan grandson of a fruit farmer…”
	“For God’s sake, Darien! This is Serena we’re talking about,
not Grace Kelly! Do you think she cares about any of that? She loved
you before she knew about it, and she still does, which is more than
anyone can say for you. She’s still the same girl you fell in love with.”
	Darien was, mercifully, spared from replying to that by the
ring of the car phone. He picked it up immediately, grateful to hear
Mina’s voice on the other end. Darien gave them directions as well as
he could, although there was no real landmark he could describe to tell
them where to enter the forest.
	“We’re going to get there about ten minutes after you.” Mina
said, reporting what someone was telling her. “You’re supposed to find
her and if we’re still not there take her back to the car and try to keep
her warm.”
	“All right.” Darien said, pulling off the highway. He hung up
the phone and he and Raye sat in strained silence as he navigated the
back roads. Almost too soon, he stopped the car in the middle of a long
stretch of wooded road. Raye didn’t know how he could know where
he was—everything looked the same when it was so dark. She and
Darien got out of the car, and she stood behind him. He looked about to
move, but then stopped, and turned around to look at her.
	“Raye, before we find out what…happened, I just want to tell
you that you’re right. Totally right and I’m sorry, I guess. For
everything.” He did not give her time to reply, quickly turning and
plunging into the forest. She rushed after him, trying not to fall over
tree roots hidden by snow. Abruptly the forest ended, giving way to an
expanse of pristinely white snow at least a foot deep. The water was
frozen, Raye noted, before she realized the source of Darien’s horror
stricken expression: Serena wasn’t there.

	Darien stared at the unblemished expanse of snow before him,
numb with shock. This couldn’t be happening. She had to be here. If
she wasn’t, then he was lost. He raked the ground again with his eyes,
praying that he had missed her. He ran further into the snow.
	“Serena!” He called, distantly aware that his voice held a note
of hysteria. He could not contemplate what he would do if he couldn’t
find her. Her faced loomed before him, accusing him. Her blue eyes
were no longer sad, they were angry. He had driven her to do this, and
now he couldn’t even save her. He stared at the moon, in a vain attempt
to ignore the image. Of course, she was there too. He had called her
Usako that night, he remembered. She had looked so happy then. *He*
had made her happy and the thought amazed him. Without conscious
thought, Darien walked to where they had been on the beach that night.
Perhaps it was his strained state, or the power of the moon that night, or
even the power of his love, but as Darien moved forward he tripped
over an inordinately large stone, hidden under the deep snow. Even as
he fell headfirst, he knew that he hadn’t tripped over a stone. It was
Serena, and somehow, he had found her. He scrambled up, frantically
brushing the snow away from where he knew she was, revealing her
bulky coat that he had always made so much fun of. He was silent, but
only because he could not seem to speak. For one horrified moment he
looked at her face, pale and slightly bluish around her lips, and thought
that she was dead. He felt everything, his happiness, his existence,
crash around him. He knew, in that moment, that Serena’s death was
tantamount to his own. He could not survive a blow like that. The
moment past, however, and he gratefully felt the faint puff of air on his
cheek when he held his face above hers. No, he had not been too late.
Giddy with relief, he dug his arms in the snow beneath her and picked
up her recumbent form. She hung limply in his arms, and he was
painfully reminded of the last time that he had held her so—under such
drastically different circumstances. He was surprised again at how light
she was. He walked quickly back through the snow, forcing himself not
to run. If he fell now, he knew that it would be a disaster. He could feel
how cold she was, even through his gloves. He knew, even without his
pre-med training that she was near-death. Frantically, he searched
through his brain for a few sentences in a textbook about hypothermia.
One thing stuck out, he remembered, that it was imperative to treat
hypothermia patients extremely gently. Any wrong move on his part
now would cost her life.  A few more minutes and it may have been too
late. It may still be, he knew. Raye ran forward when she saw him
carrying Serena, her eyes carrying the fatal question.
	“Yes,” he said aloud, answering, “but maybe not for long. Run
ahead of me and start the car.” She took the keys and ran.
Remembering again something, he called after her: “Don’t turn on the
heat!” She just turned and nodded, and continued running, aware that
now was not the time to question. Darien had just realized that if
Serena were exposed to warm air immediately, the shock might send
her into cardiac arrest. [AN: all of this information is true, I got it off 
of
www.hypothermia.org.] Darien followed Raye closely behind,
hampered by his need to protect Serena. As badly as he wanted to
sprint, his rational mind had taken a firm hold of his actions. He would
save her this time, and he would do it right. He had to redeem himself.
	“Please live.” Darien repeated, as he made the tortuous walk
back through the forest. “Just live, Serena, and whatever you want…”
he could not get anything else out. The emotion was foreign to him, but
unavoidable. Finally, he emerged from the forest. He quickly scanned
the road, but the ambulance still hadn’t arrived. Raye leaped out of the
car and opened the back seat, he gently placed Serena inside, and then
climbed in after her. Raye had not turned on the heaters, as the car was
meat-locker cold, and he thanked her silently. He quickly stripped
Serena of her snow-caked clothing, revealing a charming set of bunny
pajamas underneath. He almost cracked when he saw those, almost
broke down and cried over her, so remorselessly sorry over what he had
done. He almost did, but something again held him back, and he
roughly regained control of himself. He could give into that later, when
Serena didn’t need him. As far as he knew, that might be for the rest of
his life. Raye was calling the ambulance back, as Darien tried to keep
Serena warm. She showed no signs of reviving, he noted, in fact, it
looked to his inexpert eye as if she were in a coma, and slipping away
from that fast.
	“Tell them they have to get here, now!” He thundered to Raye.
She didn’t bother relating the comment over the phone, they had heard
Darien loud and clear. Raye turned on the headlights to assist the
ambulance in finding where they were. About two minutes later it came
wailing to a stop, efficiently dragging a stretcher out of the back and
wheeling it over to the car. Darien helped them load her onto the
stretcher, and resisted the temptation to get in their way as they loaded
her back into the ambulance. All he wanted to do was stay beside her,
but he knew that it would only be an inconvenience. He knew enough
about medicine to realize that Serena was dangerously ill. He had done
all he could—of course, the situation was all his fault to begin with.
	Lita, Amy and Mina all ran out of the ambulance as they
loaded her on. It couldn’t carry the three of them and Serena. In fact,
only one person could ride with them.
	“Darien, you go.” Raye said seriously, pushing him forward.
	“Who will drive the van?” He asked, desperately wishing to
just follow her advice and forget about the van.
	“I can drive stick.” Volunteered Lita quickly. He thanked her,
and sprinted into the ambulance. Almost as soon as he ran in, they
closed the doors and sped off to the hospital, sirens blaring. Darien
strapped himself into the special seat and prayed.

	“Well, at least I *knew* how to drive stick.” Lita amended,
after the ambulance had roared off.
	“Lita!” Mina said accusingly, “You mean we’re stranded out
here?”
	“Well, I sort of know how to do it, which is more than any of
you can say. Besides, you all know that he needed to go with her. If
worst comes to worst, we can always call a tow truck.”
	Mina sobered. ‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. This whole thing
is just so scary, though.”
	“I know.” Raye said quietly. “You should have been here
when we first came. She was buried completely under the snow, we
didn’t even see her on the beach at first. Darien…he found her…I don’t
know how…”
	Mina silently put her arm around Raye’s shoulder. Raye was
shaking, more out of shock than cold, and she was crying without really
being aware of it. She led Raye to the car, and everyone climbed inside.
Lita put the key in the ignition and started the car to turn on the heat,
but she didn’t feel like driving just yet. She knew that she had to calm
down a little before she attempted it.
	“Amy,” Lita began, “she’ll be all right, won’t she?”
	Amy was crying too, silent tears coursing down her cheeks.
“I…don’t know. I hope so. But…I heard them talking when they found
her…it…it might be hard. We may be too late.” She buried her head in
her hands. “It’s all my fault!” She whispered vehemently.
	The others turned to her, surprised. “Of course it’s not, Amy.”
Mina said, wiping away her own tears. “Why would you think that?”
	“I gave her the book!” Amy choked out between bursts of
tears. “You saw the poem, you saw what she underlined. If I hadn’t
given it to her…” She couldn’t continue.
	“Nothing would have changed.” Lita said firmly. “I don’t
know what she was planning to do out here, Amy, but she would have
done it with or without the poem. We all knew how depressed she was.
Maybe we didn’t do the best job we could of helping her out of it,
but…this is no one’s fault.” Amy nodded, but the image of the ripped
out page, the lightly underlined words still seemed like an indictment.
	Silently Lita put the car in first gear and said two prayers: one
that Serena would be okay and the second that she would remember
how to drive the damn car.

	Darien knew what purgatory was. He also knew what hell
was, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t it. This wasn’t painful unceasing
agony. No, it wasn’t nearly so satisfying. It was more insidious, an
intense frustration and despair that wedged its way into his soul until he
wanted to cry out and relieve the pressure. But he couldn’t do that. He
couldn’t distract the only people who could save her life. So he kept his
mouth shut and masked his eyes so no one could see inside him. She
could always tell, he thought. No matter how well he hid himself from
the outside world, she always knew what he was feeling. She had an
ability to stare into his eyes and draw him out. He loved that about her.
He loved everything about her—no matter whose daughter she was.
Why had it taken him so long to realize that? Why, now when it could
be too late, did he realize how important she was to him? It was more
than stupidity, it was the bitterest, most painful irony of all. Now he
was forced to wait, to live with the knowledge of his inadequacy and
failure, and wait, praying that Serena would live to hear the truth.
	He could not so much as hold her hand. It was driving him
crazy, this extreme proximity to her form and his inability to touch her.
He knew rationally that it would do no good, and might possibly cause
some harm, but he could not dispense with the idea that if he could just
hold her again, everything would be all right. They had put an oxygen
mask to her face and attached an IV almost immediately. Her breathing
was so shallow that it was nearly unnoticeable. Darien continually
fought back waves of panic that she would die here, naked in an
ambulance, and nothing that he did could save her. Her fingers and toes
were mildly frostbitten, and the rest of her body was tinged a pale blue
with cold. She was in a coma, they told him, and her temperature was
still below thirty degrees Celsius, in the extremely critical range. There
was equipment at the hospital that could save her life. The hospital
however, was still fifteen minutes away, and no one knew how long she
would last. Incidentally, no one knew how long he would last. Darien
gripped the edge of the seat so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
	“Serena,” He whispered to himself, his eyes riveted to her
slack face. “Just stay alive. Hate me all you want afterwards…I deserve
it…just please live. I’m so sorry….”
	Just fifteen more minutes. Time, however, does not make
much of a difference in purgatory.