fastfwd 4 freakin yrs!..


tis now feb 2002, n here i m again, notin down life's most recent changes....the period has seen me go thru a lot of shit, a lot of good things too tho =) plenty of life-changin events ..blah......
which ve led me to where i m now...


been hangin out here abt 2 yrs now since i got bk from the land down under.. fell in (n out) of love ...had a job n lost it..n i say good riddance!....but i also lost one of my babies end july 2001...fuck, one of the worst days of my life :( ..but jinneys keepin me alive n gd - so is tht special someone in my life - both remain my main reasons for livin as we speak...currently life is treatin me ok, n i have gd as well as bad days ...after all, life is never a breeze... but nothin i cant handle..becos i have promised someone tht i will think positively from now on.....or at the v least, try my v best to... onto the not so lurid details...


in may 1999 whn i graduated from uni i did a few really useless jobs...was a researcher for some horrid witch who paid a team to write up her dba paper (yea seriously)... then i also temped as a receptionist..which was fun coz i dint ve to do much....i also taught n i absolutely loved it...i loved the little brats...adorable little things..i worked all these jobs together w a few other teachin stints in tow, which kept me really busy but the money rollin in made me one happy camper indeedy.... moved on to pursue nother deg, but this time in sydney..met a hell lot of cool ppl, a handful of whom i proudly call my friends today....n theyre a varied bunch..most of em r socially aware n conscious ppl, now workin for a better tomorw in ngos, a few r in destitute lands teachin or workin to make a difference in ppls lives..its quite somthin to b in a rm full of ppl from all over the world, eager n wantin to learn n share, to trade views on jst abt nethin...was real fascinatin, kinda cool when ppl of diff color n creed come together ...b it if jst to talk abt everyday stuff, or to work together as a team.....even the debates were amazin...enriched my life like nethin, widened my perspectives..one learns acceptance, u learn to embrace everyones differences...u learn abt ppl as both a culture n as individuals...the diversity n also the fragility of the human race is never more obvious than whn u xpand ur social circle to include jst abt neone n evyone....u appreciate ppl more, u get educated on the diff things diff ppl r concerned abt..u become less selfish, more tolerant....


well in sydney i had my own place, well after a really miserable semester of livin in the dorm puttin up w no privacy, shitty food, n god awful music from upstairs! ...but i totally loved bein on my own for once....it wasnt easy all the time but id do it again netime..well actually i wanna do it really soon....all in all sydney was a major growin up time for me but it was well worth it, esp bein away from the fam n doin wht ive always wanted to do.... when i got out of uni i movd bk to hk...thn grew to b this assured, self confident, wonderful person hahahaha...but not long after i got there..er ... i crashed.....n fell...n dived head first.. into this really bad phase where i lost myself totally....n everything else...again...ugh..phaps it was a case of havin too much too soon ...


n where m i now u ask? hmm ..after sev mnths of gettin to know myself, n someone else who jst happened to walk into my life (the poor sod tht he is..lol..jk).. i tink maybe who i m rite now is the real me, becos im so much more at ease w who i m, n wht im doin...i mean my xperiences both gd n bad hve cultivated my identity and person, massively so ... wht i learned, the milestones i achieved, the life decisions i made, the personal growth i xperienced - esp in the past few mths - all ve shaped me into becomin the person i m today, redefining my role and purpose...n naturally i do get into bad troughs sometimes, but gen speakin im quite happy w wht sort of person i m n the cards life has dealt for me..


a certain someone has played a huge part in this newfound happiness n joy i feel whenever i wake up to a new mornin...n i thank him for bein there for me, for lovin me, for acceptin me as who i m, for teachin me so many great lessons....


yea i do stress over what the future holds for me...will i ever find what i am lookin for...tht utopia, tht perfect dream, tht garden of eden.....or does that perfect place even exist, or am i settin myself up for disillusionment and disappointment?..will i die in peace, or bitter n full of regret and resentment? oh heck..as if nebody knows the answers to these questions...so best not ponder too much, else ur life slips away without u knowin..n before long its passed u by n u have done nothin ...so...ill jst do the best i can to make my dreams happen, as impossible as they seem..


but one things for sure ..i firmly believe in followin ur heart no matter what it takes...i rather die knowin i lived chasin my dreams as opposed to regrettin tht i couldve, or shouldve, or wouldve done this n tht....... in the meantime... life goes on..


im hangin in there n i trudge on, ready for the challenges life has in store for me, ready for the shit lol ....ive come to realize tht lifes a precious thing u gotta hold on to real tight, n also tht its ok to make mistakes once in a while ..bcos its thru our mistakes we learn lifes most important lessons ...

things can change, n we can change to make our lives better ..."its all in the mind" my best friend says....n hes perfectly rite ...if u have the will, everythin is possible .....


so carry on regardless ...n b happy....