SCULLY: You didn't mention yesterday, this case has already been investigated.
MULDER: Yeah, the FBI got involved after the first three deaths when local authorities failed to turn up any evidence. Our boys came out here, spent a week, enjoyed the local salmon which, with a little lemon twist, is just to die for, if you'll pardon the expression. Without explanation, they were called back in. The case was reclassified and buried in the X-Files, till I dug it up last week.
---Pilot, Season 1
MULDER: I'm not crazy, Scully.
---Pilot
SCULLY: Mulder, Did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned...
MULDER: Ho-hoo! If you were that stoned what?
---Deep Throat, Season 1
SCULLY: Oh my God Mulder, it smells like...I think it's bile.
MULDER: Is there anyway I can get this off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
---Squeeze, Season 1
SCULLY: Well, I've got to be in Washington by 7:30, so...
MULDER: Why? You got another birthday party?
SCULLY: No, I have a date...
MULDER: Can you cancel it?
SCULLY: Unlike you Mulder, I would like to have a life.
MULDER: I have a life!
---The Jersey Devil, Season 1
SCULLY: Are you saying Lauren Kyte crashed our car?
MULDER: Either that or a poltergeist.
SCULLY: They're heeeere...
---Shadows, Season 1
HODGE: You seem a little bit stressed out.
SCULLY: What the hell are you trying to say?
---Ice, Season 1
SCULLY: It's open.
MULDER: What?
SCULLY: It's unlocked.
MULDER: That's weird. I'm sure I locked it.
SCULLY: Must be an X-File.
---Fire, Season 1
SCULLY: Last time you were that engrossed, it turned out you were
reading the Adult Video News.
MULDER: I didn’t think you’d be in today. How are you, Dana?
SCULLY: Dana? I’m fine, thank you.
---Beyond the Sea, Season 1
SCULLY: There's something up there Mulder...
MULDER: Oooh!! I've been saying that for years...
---Genderbender, Season 1
MULDER: I know what I saw, Scully. I saw you about to do the wild thing with some stranger.
SCULLY: You think he was trying to kill me?
MULDER: Maybe it's the sex that kills.
---Genderbender
AGENT BRUSKIN: This isn’t one of your X-File theories, is it?
---Lazarus, Season 1
SCULLY: Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how they could think that they say is even remotely plausible.
MULDER: I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.
---E.B.E., Season 1
ISH: Go home, FBI.
MULDER: How did you know?
ISH: I could smell you a mile a way.
MULDER: Well, they told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man.
---Shapes, Season 1
STUDENT: Are you okay, Agent Scully? You kinda sounded, uh, a little spooky...
---Little Green Men, Season 2
WOMAN'S VOICE on answering machine: Mulder, you hounded me to have lunch with you today and you don't show? You're a pig!
---Little Green Men
SCULLY: Apparently [the flukeworm] had attached itself to the bile duct and was feeding off the liver."
MULDER: Lovely.
SCULLY: Believe it or not, something like 40 million people are infected worldwide.
MULDER:This isn't where you tell me some terrible story about sushi, is it?
SCULLY: Well, maybe you'd rather hear what you could catch from a nice rare steak?
MULDER: So, what...? The murder weapon was a top sirloin?
---The Host, Season 2
FROHIKE: So, Mulder? Where's your little partner?
MULDER: She wouldn't come... She's afraid of her love for you.
FROHIKE: She's tasty.
MULDER: You know, Frohike, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name...
MULDER: Hey Frohike. Can I borrow those [binoculars]?
FROHIKE: If I can have Scully's phone number.
---Blood, Season 2
KRYCEK: You know, Chernobyl, Exxon Valdez, Three Mile Island... they were all linked to sleep deprivation. The U.S. Department of Transportation estimates that over 190,000 fatal car crashes every year are linked to sleepiness.
MULDER: Did they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?"
---Ascension, Season 2
SCULLY: (to Agent SPENDER) I want you to do me a favor. It's not negotiable. Either you do it or I kill you.
---Triangle, Season 6
MULDER: (sarcastically) That's great.
SCULLY: I don't see you doing any better.
---Triangle, Season 6
SCULLY: What was that about?
MORRIS (as Mulder): What was what about?
SCULLY: "I'd give you his name if I had it"? Whatever happened to
protecting our contacts? Protecting our work?
MORRIS (as Mulder): (defensive) What?
SCULLY: What is going on with you?
MORRIS: Will you please stop trying to pick a fight
with me?
SCULLY: Mulder, you are acting bizarre!
MORRIS: Jealous?
---Dreamland, Season 6
JOANNE FLETCHER: It's just that you don't want to ever make love to me ever again, that's all. That and you mumble something about Scully in your sleep. Who is Scully, Morris? Is it another woman?
MULDER: (as MORRIS) Does Scully sound like a woman's name to you?
---Dreamland
JOANNE: I've heard enough from you for one lifetime, Morris.
Go tell it to that tramp of yours, that Scully, whatshername.
MULDER: Dana Scully- Special Agent Dana Scully.
JOANNE: Special Tramp Dana Scully.
MULDER: She's my partner, Joanne.
JOANNE: I'm supposed to be your partner.
MULDER: (as MORRIS) My name is not Morris Fletcher. It's Fox Mulder.
Special Agent Fox Mulder with the FBI. Dana Scully is my FBI partner.
I am not your husband, we are not married, we are complete strangers
and I have a whole other life that I'm desperately trying to get back to.
JOANNE: You know, Morris, most men when they have a
mid-life crisis they go out and buy themselves a sports car. They don't
run around calling themselves Fox.
---Dreamland II, Season 6
SCULLY: You're not Mulder.
MORRIS: What? Baby...
SCULLY: "Baby" me and you'll be peeing through
a catheter. Your name is Morris Fletcher. It was Mulder who was arrested
in the desert. He was telling the truth about you. Now, how do we get things
back to normal?
MORRIS: How should I know? I wouldn't do it
even if I could. You saw my wife. Do you think I want to go back to that?
Two kids who'd probably kill me in my sleep for the insurance money.
A $400,000 mortgage on a house that just appraised at $226,000.
And my job... Yee-gods. You think being a man in black is all voodoo
mind control? I can see the paperwork.
SCULLY: Are you through?
MORRIS: As far as I'm concerned this thing is a gift from
heaven. Besides, no one is ever going to believe you so you might as well
just get used to me being here.
SCULLY: Or I just shoot you... Baby.
---Dreamland II
LANGLY: You're trying to say that Saddam Hussein's a government plant?
MORRIS: I'm saying I invented the guy. We set him up in '79.
He rattles his saber whenever we need a good distraction. Ah... If you boys
only knew how many of your stories I dreamed up while sitting on the pot.
---Dreamland II
SCULLY: All right, I want you guys to analyze that data. Morris...
MORRIS: (shows her the headline "Monica Lewinsky: Minx
or Mandroid") This is one of mine.
SCULLY: Get your butt in gear.
MORRIS: You're going to miss me when I'm gone.
FROHIKE: Fat chance, laughing boy.
MORRIS: Back off, Sneezy.
SCULLY: Enough.
---Dreamland II
MULDER: Scully, I don't think it's a coincidence that a cow gets hurled at me just as we're down here investigating the weather.
SCULLY: Mulder, did they check you for head trauma?
MULDER: I'm telling you, Scully, that cow had my name on it.
---Rain King, Season 6
SCULLY: (on phone) Holman?
MULDER: Yeah... [Holman] wants advice. Dating advice.
SCULLY: The blind leading the blind.
---Rain King, Season 6
MAURICE: Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? I'm in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.
MULDER: Wow. I didn't know such a thing existed.
MAURICE: My specialty is in what I call soul prospectors-- a crossaxial classification I've codified by extensive interaction with visitors like yourself. I've found you all tend to fall into pretty much the same category.
MULDER: And what category is that?
MAURICE: Narcissistic, overzealous, self-righteous egomaniac.
MULDER: That's a category?
---How the Ghosts Stole Christmas, Season 6
LYDA: I hope your partner finds you a lot more charming than I do.
---How the Ghosts Stole Christmas
SCULLY: Rob and Laura Petrie?
MULDER: Pee-trie.
SCULLY: Mulder, if we ever go undercover again I get to choose the
names, okay?
MULDER: Fine.
SCULLY: This tells me that you're not taking this seriously.
MULDER: I'm taking it seriously. I just don't understand why we're on it.
It's our first catch back on the X-Files. This isn't an X-File.
SCULLY: Sure it is. It's unexplained. What do you want, aliens?
Tractor beams?
MULDER: Wow. Admit it, you just want to play house.
MULDER: (joking around) Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich!
(SCULLY goes to answer the door)
MULDER: Did I not make myself clear?
---Arcadia, Season 6
WIN: So... Where'd you two meet?
MULDER: Actually, it was at a UFO conference.
WIN: Flying saucers? Interesting.
Wouldn't have thought you folks would have been into that.
MULDER: Well, it's not me so
much as Laura. She's quite the New-Ager. I mean, she's into those
magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings, what have you.
(SCULLY smiles and kicks MULDER under the table)
I mean, God bless her she's a sucker for all that stuff.
---Arcadia
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