Okay, so Kitten ditched me on this one. I'm on my own. *sniff*
1 The Vampire Irisa
1.1 By
1.1.1 Heather
1.1.1.1. Who.
1.1.1.1.1.1.1. Sucks.
Hello, and please allow me to introduce myself.
NO!
My name is Irisa De Light.
*Just cracks up laughing* And I'm sure that's what it says on her birth certificate. Oh, I'm sorry… her DEATH certificate!
I am a vampire. I live in a nice quiet house in a small town in the state of Michigan, called Richmond.
MICHIGAN? Who the FUCK lives in Michigan?
about 30 minutes from Port Huron, and though it may seem dull to mortals, I rather enjoy this small city
One would think a small city would be a bad place for a vampire as that whole leaving bloodless victims thing might attract attention faster than in a big city.
I have met a few young mortals that go to Richmond High School, some are rather decent but there are those that are just complete fools.
"I swear the main character is in no way based on me. At all."
Most of the kids that DO attend the High School are druggies and dope heads, and then there are those that I think you young people today call Jocks and preps, which are total assholes.
I thought this was a vampire fic, not a commentary on high school life. Ugh. I feel dirty.
The last line is pretty telling though… we now know for sure that our author is a cute widdle social outcast who probably like Evanescence and shops at Hot Topic. "Preps must DIIIIE!" scream the hordes of Baby Bats.
There are only a few mortals that have caught my eye within this city and one of them happens to be a girl named Jade. I have got to sit and talk with her quite a lot; she seems to have problems left and right with her family. She is only in the 11th grade and is tired of this existence and I can see she is close to taking her life.
Show me a teenager who doesn't have family problems. Show me a teenager who isn't at some point suicidal. Show me a Vampire Chronicles rip-off fic that doesn't use a "loftier than thou" tone.
I pity her, though in a way I can relate to her problems.
My dad won't let me take the car out on Friday nights either. Oh the ANGST!
When I became a vampire I wasn't quite fond of the idea of killing others in order to live forever, but I however adapted to this lifestyle and have dealt with my fears and problems ever since.
That 'ever since' really shouldn't be there.
Jade however cannot do anything on her own any longer, and I for the last few months have been thinking of making her a vampire...I long for a companion, a friend, even a lover to be with, though due to me being a vampire, making love means nothing to me. I feel nothing; it is merely the blood that thrills me. If you've drunk from another vampire, you would know that the blood is so erotically intoxicating it feels ten times better then sex!
Uhm. *snork* So she wants to have sex… even though it feels like nothing and drinking blood is better. This vampire has issues.
If you fuck a vampire… is it necrophilia?
I suppose you're wondering now what can actually hurt me and so forth?
Probably unkind reviews.
Well the stories about the cross and the holy water are a bunch of hogwash. Even now as I write this tale of mine, I wear a lovely silver cross necklace with a golden rose design etched over its surface. A wooden stake through the heart cannot kill me, though I've been staked in the heart twice and believe me it isn't pleasant to have a chunk of wood protruding out of your chest. It of course hurts and will weaken me somewhat.
Dear god, she's like the Godzilla of vampires! Nothing can stop her! She is destroying Tokyo! WE MUST FLEE THE CITY!
Stories of vampires turning into bats, wolves and mist are all false aswell, although it would be nice to turn into a wolf, as they are splendid creatures.
Splendid creatures that would hopefully maul you, dear.
I am not like Dracula or indeed, anything close to him, so put any image of him out of your mind. I wish I DID have the gift to turn into mist and sneak through cracks, windows and any other places that a vampire would love to get into.
Vampire gas - it's deadly.
Another thing I find amusing among all the mortal vampire tales is the notion that we need to be invited into someone's home. Well that's another lie, I can enter any place I want, and no curse or spell can keep me out.
Gojira is immune to all magic! FLEE THE CITY!
Now I guess I should say what could kill me?
Yes, reveal all your weaknesses to us, please. Then step out of the room and leave us in an easily escapable trap of some kind ala Bond-films.
The stories of vampires fearing the light of day are true. I can be killed by the light of day.
She quite likes the phrase 'light of the day.'
"If they only made spf 5000. Oh well, such is… AFTERLIFE!"
Fire can kill me aswell, but sometimes the elder vampires can survive combustion.
I am now picturing vampires just spontaneously combusting while sitting in a dark, smoky club. FOOM!
If someone were to slice off my head from my body I would almost certainly perish, but I've seen vampires live. If they can put their head back onto their corpse within a minute they survive.
You think that would be hard to so, since your BRAIN couldn't control your body any more. Maybe vampires don't have brains. It would explain a lot of vampire fiction.
I have seen it first hand and never wish to know the full extent of the pain other immortals have gone through with that disgusting decapitation.
"Severed heads… how tacky, m'dear."
I do need to sleep inside of a coffin but I can also sleep on a bed, providing the room it is situated in has no windows. It's rare I do that though, I prefer my coffin which is hidden someplace within my home.
It's in the utility closet.
Now I guess your wondering why I am here telling you these things? Well to be honest I don't know WHY I am really, but I know I am breaking a rule of exposing myself to the mortal race, but what do I care?
Who wrote these rules, I wonder?
You other immortals or mortals for that matter can try and track me down and kill me, but try as you like I won't give up and fall down to my knees and beg for forgiveness. If I am to die, let it be in a fight. I find more honour in it, then just allowing someone to kill me.
Babe, if they catch you in your utility closet at noon then you ain't gonna put up much of a fight…
Now I am going to take you back to a few recent events that have happened to me. I am going to tell you of how I came to know my young mortal friend Jade, and if I am feeling kind, the tale of my life.
I am shivering with anticipation. Oh wait, that's just shakes from the nausea.
I am very fond of Jade, she is like a sister to me,
Yeah, one you want to screw. That's nasty.
and I would do almost anything in my will to see to it she is happy, but sadly she can find nor have no happiness, nor peace of mind for that matter. So with some unease, allow me to tell my tale...
Whoop-de-fucken-do.
There's more chapters but… aaah, not even worth it. The hour draweth late and I must FLEE THE CITY!