N: Like herpes, its…

THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL ch. 4

My name is Lilith and I am an immortal, sent to earth to protect the humans from themselves. In lamins terms to stop the humans from screwing themselves over. And this is my story......

N: She spelled 'immortal' right this time.
Kitten: Whoa, stop the presses.

What is love?

N: Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me… no more!
Kitten: Oi don't care if Monday's blue… blahblahblahdoodeedoo.. it's Friday Oi'm in LUV!

This is a Question that humans have been trying to answer since the begining of time.

Kitten: Bullshit! I just bet a bunch of caveman sat around going, "what love? Love make horny make baby hump-hump."

Or at least since I've been around. Everyone has wished for it, philosophers have defined it, and poets create it.

N: No, poets write shitty poetry about it. That's what makes them poets.

If your looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it?

Kitten: I like to think so.

Many people have grown up with it there entire lives, others couldn't know it if cupid himself was staring them straight in the face, like a stranger.

N: … What?
Kitten: That's dumbest line ever. And what kind of love are we talking about? Family-type love? Romantic love? Friend-love? The love I feel for ripping this story apart?

But apart from good love there is bad. An obsesion, the kind of love that makes you hate, that burns inside of you like a grease fire.

N: Like Kouji Nanjou.
Kitten: It burns like GREASED LIGHTNING! John Travolta, NO!

It will drive you insane.

N: Again, like Kouji Nanjou.
Kitten: Insane with insainity?

To the point where you'd do anything to feel a mere touch of that persons hand.

Kitten: On your cock.
N: It IS Kouji Nanjou…

And there's so many things next to love. Lust, sexual desire, attraction, and friendship.

N and Kitten: "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong…!"

If only love came with an instrution manuale.

Kitten: Yeah, no kidding. I wish it came with that, too. And a dictionary to tell me what the hell it was you just said.
N: Manuale. Huh. Comprende espanol?

The dictionary destribes love as "strong affection for another, arising out of kinship or personal ties........ I feel so warm and fuzy inside, watch as my heart bleads .

Kitten: What the fuck? If this is supposed to be a soulful yet witty and no-nonsense look at the Big Eternal Questions of Life… it's failing miserably. This is like crackhead poetry. She' s jumping all over the place, here.

N: Heh. 'Bleads.'

Right. If only love could realy be that simple to define.

Kitten: Love is… crack poetry.

Thank god that I got rid of that disgusting couch. I would have burnd it myself, but than what would the neighbours think about me?

Kitten: Well, technically your landlady is DEAD, so…
N: Oh guy mod. Her corpse is still in the apartment!
Kitten: She gets rid of the couch, but NOT the dead landlady. Fucking brilliant.

So I gave it to old man Joe. He's a street bum who lives around the corner, he's the one always asking you for a peice of cheese cake.

Kitten: "I like to have sex with him."
N: "And my couch. Threesome."

He needed a pink couch more then I did. But that's not the only change for me, Artimas is coming hunting with me tonight. Joy.

Kitten: Hunting for COCK, maybe.

"So are we looking for any particular demond or do we hate them all", asks Artimas.
"Every last one. Anything that even looks at you cross eyed, go for the heart", I answer, trying to sound smart.

N: And failing miserably.
Kitten: If some little retarded cross-eyed kid goes by… he's dead. That's great.

I take out my disc-men

N: Slut.

to listen to my heavy metal, it always gets me in the mood to kick the living daylights out of something.

N: Oh, sure, blame the music for your violent tendencies.
Kitten: Hey, is that a bright idea? She could be listening to that thing and a demon attacks and her gay boyfriend is all, "LOOK OUT! A demond!" And she'd be like, "SHEEE'S MYYY CHERRY PIIIE…" "No, seriously, he's about to kill your ass!" "Look so good make a grown man cry-" or whatever.

"I can't believe you listen to that heavy metal shit, that's why you have so much represt anger inside you. You should try some jazz or some classical once in a while.

Kitten: Way to rip off Empire Records.

It would be good for you", he says, and ends it with a big goofy smile across his face.

Kitten: "I like Diana Ross!"
N: Cher. He's so a Cher fan.

He is so immature for his age. "lets go stumpy."
"It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it", he jokes.
"Well she lied", I shot back at him.

Kitten: This is the crappiest banter I've ever read.

It was a full moon that night and a lite fog covered the city in mist and cool unsettling air.

N: Fog-Lite - with less calories!

I didn't like it. It's a were-wolf season, and you can sense it on the hairs of your back.

Kitten: She has a hairy back?! Eww.

"Be carful Artimas, I don't like the air tonight. It reaks of death."

N: Reaks, huh?
Kitten: I hate it when it does that.

And just on quie a sound of foot steps creep behind me. I turn with my wepon in hand and are ready to strike, and with a clean cut I swing my sword, just missing Sky's head by an inch.

N: DAMMIT! I'd also like to pause to bring attention to the author's masterful command of the English language.

"Remind me never to through you a surprise party", she says, with the look of shock still in her eye's.
"Sorry, I thought you were something esle", I apologies.

Kitten: "I thought you were some hideous demon. I was close. Ugh."
N: "Fuck you, Ms. Hairy-Back."

"I hope so! Any way I saw you two walking and I thought you might...ah..... you know, need some back-up", she mumbled. And before I could answer her Artimas cried out,"we have company Red!", there were only two but two was enough. Werewolfs

N: Not 'werewolves' but 'werewolfs.'

are strong, there senses out number ours and they have the abillity two hunt a falcon on a cloudy day.

Kitten: NOW we're ripping off The Princess Bride.
N: What a useless power. "Damn, it's too cloudy…" "I can track a falcon!" "We're hunting grouse!" "Aw, fuck."

And in this moment they had both attacted Artimas. He was no match for them and I knew that.

N: "I just didn't' care.

"Artimas! hold on", I shreiked.
"Hold on to what?", he belowed back at me, before he was hit across the head by one of the drooling beasts, without mercy, and hit the ground with out a sound.

Kitten: He's without mercy and without sound.
N: I guess…

I had never ran so fast in my long life than I was just now. And I never felt so much panic, for the welfair of another. But Artimas wasn't just any one he was my friend, and you have to give him credit, because I didn't have alot of those.

N: Maybe due to your horrible personality. Just a thought.

And I wasn't about to loose him just as quick as that. Pulling out my sword, while running, I charge in for the battle.

Kitten: Bad. Subtitling.

Leaving Sky behind me.

N: "Masturbate in hell!"

Although they could hear me coming from far away they weren't expecting me to charge them.

Kitten: Give me a break.
N: She's running RIGHT AT THEM. They can SEE her coming.
Kitten: Didn't you know? Werewolfs are BLINDEDED!

And I was about to find out that this would be the greatest fight of my life. I had never fought with more determanation to kill. That, I think, is the only difference.

Kitten: Only difference from what?

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! chew on this!", I howled, stabbing my sword through his throat so fast he had no time to realize what I had done.

N: I hope she's attacking the werewolf. I mean, she didn't actually SAY…

With a small twist of my blade I could hear the bones of his, over sized, neck dislocate and spread apart.

N: Random, commas. What, is Christopher Walken dictating that line?

And after that the other wolf had no intension of retreat. With my blade once again free I took it back into the fight. Not even giving him the chance to retaliate I squeired him from his throat to his navel in less then a second. And before his corpse could hit the ground I was by Artmas's side. By this time Sky was just ariving to the sene.

Kitten: Squeired? What the hell is she doing to him?
N: Do we want to know?
Kitten: ... No.
N: Also, for the fight of her life that was pretty lame.

"That was amasing, I've never seen anyone move so fast", she said, gauking down at me as I crouched infrought of Artimas.

Kitten: … Is she farting? Infraught? Fart? What?

"And pray you never need to again", I said, as I placed Artimas's head on top of my knees. "Artimas, can you hear me? Please wake-up", I wispered. I didn't want to cry but he wasn't making it easy. I kissed his forehead and prayed that he wouldn't leave me. And than, as if like a gust of wind had blown through him, a comming breath drew for his lips.

Kitten: WHAT?
N: It's almost poetic in its badness, isn't it?
Kitten: NO.

And more than 100 pounds seemed to melt off my sholders all at once."Come on Sky, we have to get him back to the appartment.''

N: Dude, he was hit ONCE.

Your probably wondering why I was so affraid that Artimas was going to die? Well I said we are imortal but it's not as simple as that. We're what you would call, fast healers. What would kill a human, like being stabbed or something, would be a mere paper cut to us.

N: HE WAS HIT ONCE.
Kitten: Wuss!

The only sensitive part of are body is are heads. Vary few people know this, but it's the only way to really kill and imortal.

Kitten: What, to hit them on the head? So… if I had a golfball and I bounced it off your forehead, you'd die? Good. Let's try it.
N: "The secret weakness is… the head! They'll never guess! It's only a huge fucking target!"

And for a human or demon to take an imortal life, the power of imortality is passed on to them and that rairly ever happens.

Kitten: Because it's so fucking stupid.
N: Wouldn't demons already be immortal?

But the feeling's that I experienced today were a surprise to me to. And that's not all. I think some old forgotten feelings that I used to share with him are coming back to me. It's been such a long time, even in our standards, but could I be falling in love. I'm no expert in the field, and I rarely practice it at all any more. But.......Oh! Lilith get a grip on your self, how can you even think about such things right now.

Kitten: Yeah. Shut up.

There better left in the past, were they belong. Although my time spent with Artimas has always been the happiest of my times. I fined myself scared to be close to him,

N: She gave herself a ticket? Whu?

his warm breth across my face,

N: "HWWWOAAAHHH!"
Kitten: "Ugh, stinky."

the touch of his hand which make my knees weak. Hell, he is my weakness, always has been. He's been my friend, my lover, my support. Ever since Mave killed the only real family I've ever known.

N: I smell a flashback. To the year 123…

memory time

Paris 1881,

N: Wheee.

The only sound made was the one I never heard.....

Kitten: *cackles* Whaat?! Is that some sort of Zen thing?

I wasn't there to hear it. the screams my mother made, the noises of torture and death. I never heard a word............

N: The noises aren't exactly WORDS, you know…

The blood I saw that night is something i'll never forget. How there lifeless bodies were placed so neatly around the dining room table. How Mave had put so much detail into the realism of the room.
She even set the table in the best china-wear they had. Napkins placed perfectly on there laps, as thought they were just about to eat a meal.
All the life had been draind from the house, she had even taken the time to kill the family cat.

N: Oh guy mod, this is the story you pull out when you're having a "who had the shittiest day" contest. "My whole family died." "So?" "They even killed THE CAT!"

The walls even felt different, the whitness faded and became more of a gray, as though the house it's self was grieving for what had happend there that night. Rose petals traild through the house. The curtans had been torn to rags. Nothing was left and i never heard a word...........

N: We get the idea: you're deaf.

They weren't my real family. My real family had long ago moved on.

Kitten: They disowned her because she sucks so much.

But they were the first to treat me with more of a loving touch then a serious fearful misunderstanding.

Kitten: Whoooa, loving touch? Gross family!
N: "Show me where the bad man touched you."

They agered to take me in. They were apart of secret group, called the stablests. kind-of an exchange progarm involving imortals. If an imortal were needed some where they volintere to take them in, feed then and give them a place to sleep.

Kitten: Awww. She's this all-powerful demon-slayer immortal and she needs a babysitter.

NOOOOOooooooooooo...............

Kitten: Uhm. Apparently they don't do this willingly.

END

He walked into the room.

Kitten: Way to go.

And right away sensed the tension going through my body.

Kitten: *snortcackle* "Maybe it was the fact that I was sitting there shaking like I had Parkinson's…"

I don't know why I tensed up, usually there's a calming aura around a room when he's inside of it. And then more troubles came to mind. Did I just say that out loud........please god no!

N: What? I mean, even if she did, she thought nothing incriminating.
Kitten: If she can't tell when she's thinking ro speaking, she's a dumb twat.
N: I think we've established that already.

"Is some thing wrong?,"he asked.
"No!....no? I was just thinking that's all , " I hope that sounded more convincing to him than I think it did.

Kitten: "I don't really think!"

I don't beleive her.

N: … *head implodes*

Kitten: Random point-of-view change.

N: AGGHHH! It's just the next paragraph! And, ugh, NO, BAD!

Some thing was wrong I could sense it from the moment I came in to the room. Was it me?

N: *sniffs armpits* "Nope, not me."

No. Maybe she has alot on her mind..........damn my head hurts. Some thing is wrong I just know it.

N: Thinking… hurts.

hummmm.

Kitten: He's signaling he wants a hummer?

I've always been able to know what she's thinking, or wether she's lieing or not.

N: the how come he was just wondering what she was thinking?
Kitten: he's too busy thinking about cock.

It's funny because she does this weird thing with her dimpals, it's rather ammusing accutaly.....

Kitten: Like what? She rips em out of her face and throws them around the room when she's nervous?

but she knows me just as well. I've never been closer to any one but her. Hell, I've seen her naked more then once.

Kitten: Nudity automatically equals closeness. Uhhuh.

Before we were lovers we were the best of friends. And look at us now we're....friends again. some times I think "what if " .

N: The Watcher!

What if we were never seperated in Grease,

N: "What if *I* had played the part of Sandra Dee?"
Kitten: "I'd be zooming off into the sky with John Travolta right now…"

if the fighting had never came to make us forget the love we shared......No it wasn't that we forgot our love. I could never forget her. Love is like a flower. With attention it blooms, but when you forget about it and leave it to die it will simply find some were else to grow.

N: No, it'll DIE.
Kitten: Love as flowers. He is so gay.

That may sound pretty cold but love can be a cruel. And in time, like all wounds of the heart, it doesn't seem to hurt as much. And if your lucky you find some thing just as precious, friendship. But me and Red will always have each other.

Kitten: How nice for you. Hm. Maybe Lilith looks like a man.

And I have no doubt that we will have another chance at love. There can only be one true love in a mans life,

N: "Football."
Kitten: Bullshit.

dispite what most hairy armed feminists might think, and thats Red.

N: What do the feminists have to do with anything?

It is so silent. What could he be thinking?

N: Well, just read the previous paragraph.
Kitten: Not much - flowers and feminists.

"What are you thinking about?", He beat me to the question.
"Ohhh nothing, except your naked body, I mean nothing!" I said, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence.

Kitten: See? She is a man - her voice is cracking.
N: That's not a Freudian slip there, that's severe brain damage.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck beginning to stand up and tingle, god I hope he took that as a joke!!

Kitten: "I hope he doesn't notice my hairy back standing at attention!"

"My what?!", he asked raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing!" I snapped, embaresed at the fact that my face was going many shades of red. If only I could take it back...
To take the heat off of myself, I turn my eyes towards the open window where the night stars were shinning cruely.

N: *Scottish accent* The Shinnin'!
Kitten: I wish she'd misspelled it as 'shitting.' 'The stars were shitting cruelly.'

"How much did you love her?"
"Love who?" He asked, even though he knew perfectly who I was hinting at.

Kitten: Well, WE don't.

"That woman who you loved so much but ended up withering away in the flow of time." I reminded him.

Kitten: Oh, that's specific.

Artimas sighed deeply, "Her name was Marie,

N: "But she meant nothin' to me baby, I swear!"

and I loved her very much..but not with all of my heart. Part of that will always belong to you Red.." He trailed off, looking into my eyes.
Oh shit, now what?!

N: How about you just end right there? Please?

I felt flushed, and the blood in my head was running everywhere setting in a slightly dizzy feeling.

Kitten: "It was especially running to my penis."

My god he was beautiful, with the moon light across his skin and his light eyes peering into mine, I could see myself in them.

Kitten: She must be really close to him already. I mean, how easily can you see yourself in someone's eyes?

The blue highlights adorned his black hair with a radiance of a perfect opal, was he going to kiss me?

N: Oh dear god. This just became a Harlequin romance!
Kitten: Let's hope we get some 'quivering members' then. Because you know there's more than one.

He seemed to hesitate, I hate it when men do that...so I moved first. And not casting my gaze away from his perfect blue eyes I leaned in closer until his lips touched mine.

N: Fishy-kiss!

After that, there was no question that this was ment to be, eternally.

Kitten: Yark.

He knew how to use his hands,

N: Well, that's good.
Kitten: Yeah, otherwise he's a retarded. "Artimas! Pick up my sword!" "I caaan't, my hands don't work! By the way, could you jerk me off…?"

with a gentle touch his hands moved from my waist to the base of my jaw.

Kiten: That's a smooth transition. Waist-JAW!!

"I love you Red," he whispered into my left ear.

Kitten: Too bad for him that she's deaf, remember? "I love you." "What?" "I SAID I LOVE YOU!" "Yeah, you can use it!"

Sending shivers down and up my entire body.
"You better," I said coyly.
"Oh I thought we were just going to base this on the whole sex thing." He smirked, and I lightly slapped him.
"Your getting lucky so don't push it buddy."
And the passion between us only mutiplied after that point.

N: "I like it when you hit me."
Kitten: Does it stop now? Cut-away to the next scene?

We backed up onto the bed, that was conviently nearby.

Kitten: Dammit.

And kneeling on it, wrapped together still kissing, the shirts came off. Despite his need for sex,

N: "I'll DIE if I don't get it, baby!"
Kitten: *truck show announcer voice* This Sunday-Sunday-SUNDAY… fulfill your NEED FOR SEX! At the coliseum! Freeadmissionforchildrenunderfive.

he slowly stripped it above my head and lightly released it to the floor.

N: It ballooned down gracefully like a frockin parachute.

And of course, his shirt had to have fricken buttons on it.

N: I thought the shirts were already off…?

Undoing them one by one to reveal his amazing pecs. He slipped out of it, but then bent down to my abdominom and kissed it lightly.

N: Holy shit, what is he kissing down there?
Kitten: What do YOU think?
N: I dunno, I don't have an 'abdominom'.

Then with some force he pulled me underneath him and went straight for the part of a woman's body men just LOVE to handle, the breasts. While he was occupied with those,

N: She sounds really bored. "Here, honey, you play with these."
Kitten: "I'm gonna watch Letterman."

I took the opurtunity to work on his belt.

Kitten: "It was a shabby thing and I thought I'd give it a little pizzazz. A few rhinestones and a label that read 'Mr. Belty.'

It slidded right off and met the floor,

N: "HI! How ya doing?"
Kitten: "I'm Mr. Belty!"

the leather on his pants was smooth and vinyl and easy to remove.

N: Wait a minute. The leather ON his pants? He's got random leather strips? And leather is NOT vinyl.

Revealing his glow in the dark, honey nut cherio whitie tighties.

Kitten: Maybe he's NOT gay after all…

"What the fuck?!" I proclaimed in disbeif.

N: Mmm. Beify.

He looked over my chest and wiggled his eyebrows, "Yep, i got the Honey Nut Bee glowin on my butt!!"
"You sexy thang you!" I teased in my best southern accent.
Back to the love making!!

N: Because we really missed it.

He once again found interest in my stomach, while at the same time undoing the buttons of my Levis. And of course I let him slide them easily off my body, he marrveled for a moment at my legs.
"Whoa, you got legs from here to yaya!!"

N: This is news? I thought they've fucked a hundred times.
Kitten: yeah, he's really more like, "I see you still don't shave your back, huh?"

He struggled to get the jeans from around my ankles, not noticing how close we were to the edge of the matress.

THUD!

"Oh! My pelvis!!"

Kitten: Good.

N: That was hot.

He groaned, from under my arm. I sat ontop of him, straddling him between my legs and looked at him with disgust and cruelty.

Kitten: Oh my god. NICE lover. "God, you disgust me! I can't bear to touch you! Let's fuck."

"Don't be such a pussy."
He grinned at me, and pulled me closer.
"Speaking of pussy....." He commented sugestivly, and I chuckled.

Kitten: I chuckled all over him. It was messy.

"But we're on the floor." I brought up, but he shrugged it off and smiled.
"A hard surface is supposed to be good for posture."

N: but not your pelvis.

"Good point, who needs a bed!"
I go to kiss him again, and make my way down his chest with my tounge.

Kitten: Uhm… what the hell is that?
N: She's like, alien-woman with all her extra body parts here.

He played with my hair and grinned.
"Want me to go get the chocolate sauce?" He joked, halfly anyway...
"No time, I don't think we need it right now.."

N: "I'm gonna blow!"

Being quite forcefull I removed the honey bees and chucked them across the room. He giggled with excitement, and made a crack about his precious shorts.

Kitten: Ok. He's giggling.

He grabbed my back and rolled me so that I was on the bottom, once ontop of me he proceeded to kiss my forehead, nose, lips, chin, neck, collarbone, and so on down the line. With as much talent I have ever seen, he managed to remove my bra in one liquid quick movement with his fingers

Kitten: SHRRRIPPP!

never disrubting the moment or his kisses. He fondled them with great joy, he was a guy after all,

Kitten: BOOBIES! Boobies-boobies-boobies! Boingboingboing!

at this point I moaned or something.

Kitten: She's really in the throes of passion, here. "Ugghhh. Baby."

Guys love that, as long as you don't let them know that your faking it and so on, I know from experience.

Kitten: So. She's faking it.
N: If I were thousands of years old, you can bet your ass I wouldn't settle for faking.

Not that I was faking with Artimas, heavens no! This boy knew how to get me going...

Kitten: Because you sound SO into it. "Uuuughhhhhh. Baby."

And after the panties came off, the rest was simple. I smoothly wrapped my legs around his waist, and he entered with liquid grace. SCORE!!

Kitten: the fact that it actually SAYS 'Score'…
N: I think I'm speechless.

As familiar as it ever was, it still felt new and thriiling. As much as I wanted to make a sound I didn't want the sound to involve breathy, huffy, panting, helpless qualities. But it was no use, it felt too damn good!

Kitten: So, she didn't want it t sound like she was enjoying herself - she'd rather lay there like a corpse.

He was also trying to conceal his groans and pants of effort, so to increase those sounds I began to nibble on the lobes of his ears. And boy did it work! He held nothing back,

Kitten: WOOOAAAAALLLGHGHGHHHH!

I think he found Nirvana...

Kitten: "Here we are now, entertain us…"

So I took control of the situation, with my hands on his shoulders I rolled him over onto his back with my legs still srtaddled around his hips. Having control over my own pleasure and ecstasy, I began to speed up the pace. Wanting me to be with him in heaven, he helped by caressing my upper body with his warm touch. Sending me to cloud nine!

N: Mommy, is it over yet?

I could feel it coming, the waves of pleasure overcame my mind, heart and soul.

N: "Not to mention my crotch."

I didn't want it to stop. The climax was at hand, noise appeared from the depths of my diaphram.

N: It was just there. Poof.
Kitten: The noise crept out.

The volume of my ecstasy echoed and filled my empty apartment, I hoped the neighbours wont complain...

N: Who're they gonna complain to?
Kitten: The landlady si dead and still on your floor. Oh, she's having SEX next to it!
N: Oh, gross!

When it was all over by 8:30 in the morning. We had watched the sunrise over the lonely and desperate city, embraced within eachothers arms. Having my bed sheet warpped loosly around the two of us,

Kitten: The bedsheet is warped by their bad sex.

my head laid upon his chest. His hands stroking and running through my hair.
"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" He asked playfully.
"I've had better.." I joked, and pushed him back onto the floor and reveale to him, once again my love for him.

N: Did she just flash him?

MEAN WHILE...................

Kitten: you know it's important because it's in capitals and bold.

"Love looks not with the eyes,but with the mind. And therefore is wing'd cupid painted blind. Nor hath love's mind of any judgement taste. Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste. And therefore is love said to be a child. Because, in choice, he is so oft beguiled",

Kitten: Random pointless Shakespeare.
N: The bard is wincing somewhere right now.

Mave smiled cruley from inside the dark void in which she found her santioary from the sun's light,

Kitten: Santiory?

and the light of the world. Where she could be content in her darkness, until night came, revealing her evil playground. Knowing that she would once again be able to play with her favorite toys.

Kitten: Her vibrators. BZZZZZzzzzzzzz…

To be continued...

N: But thankfully this is all she wrote.

Kitten: Personally, I want this to be published and go on the bestseller's list. Thank you, lord, for sarcasm.