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>

>             And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going

>         to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and

all
>         the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good

people,
>                and two of every kind of living thing on the planet.

>

>        I am ordering you to build Me an Ark," said the Lord.

>

>        And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an

>        Ark.

>

>        "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the

blueprints.
>

>        "Six months, and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd

better
>        have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."

>

>        And six months passed.

>

>        The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw

that
>        Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

>

>        "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt

crashed
>        into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

>

>        "Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there

> were

>        big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark

>        construction project, and your plans didn't meet Code. So I had to

>        hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight

> over

>        whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors

>        objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my

>        front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning

>        commission. "Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the

Ark
>        because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I

>        had to convince U.S. Fish & Wildlife that I needed the wood to save

>        the Owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. o no owls. Then

>        the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to

>        negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board

before
>        anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we got 16 carpenters

> going

>        on the boat, and still no owls.

>

>        "Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal

>        rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.

Just
>        when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I coldn't

>        complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement

on
>        your proposed Flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they

> had

>        no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.The the Army

> Corps

>        of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent

> them

>        a globe.

>

>        "Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal

>        Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I'm

> supposed

>        to hire, the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to

> avoid

>        paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from

the
>        state about owing some kind of use tax. "I really don't think I can

>        finish your Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.

>

>        The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched

>        across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not

going
>        to destroy the earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.

>

>        "Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has

its
>        advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something

far
>        worse than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."

>

>        "What's that?" asked Noah.

>

>        There was a long pause, and then the Lord spaketh his Last Word,

>        "Government."

>

>                             Copyright 1999 by Hugh Holub

>

>

>

> Submitted by Ty B., Phoenix, AZ

>

> --

> Kathee Runo

> I love life story writing!

> http://www.lifestorywriting.com/

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