Last night was a disaster, but almost in a comical way.
First, we assembled the rails to Her canopy bed, even though she does not yet have the matresses, which seemed to go ok, so we proceeded to sit on her air matress, having drinks and talking, with no incidence other than my usual confussion. (I truely am chaos)

    Then for some reason, perhaps lack of sleep, or forgetting to eat yesturday, I lost conciousness for a momment. I went into her bathroom, to get a bottle of my home brewed scented oil (Main ingredients are still a secret), but simply fainted. All I remember, was opening the cap to the bottle, then I recall breathing heavily while somebody was banging on the door asking if I was ok. When I did wake up, I was lying on the floor, against the door. She kept asking if I was ok, and said that she heard me hit my head on the door, but all that concerned me, was that she would be upset that I made a mess with oil and broken glass on her bathroom floor. I think for a momment, that I'd rather have loss consciousness on the expressway at 80 miles per hour, than to have suffered such weakness and embarasment in her presence.

    Then shortly after we almost forget about that, her air matress splits completely open, unable to be repaired. She has no other furniture yet, and therefore no place to sleep. We plan a bon fire to celebrate getting rid of the accursed air matress, and think nothing else could possibly go wrong but soon 4:30 am shows it's face upon the clock, and I must get home to get ready for work. (Sleep, who needs it, I think about how I had just finished typing a page to my writings which had said that the avoidance of sleep had not yet caused any illness or loss of conciousness, not even 24 hours before the time in which I fainted in her bathroom).

    Then on my way home, I end up dozing off while driving, not just blinking, but REALY dozing off. I'd be at a red light, and wake up to see it yellow again, or even worse, driving down Easter parkway, remembering seeing "Denny's" across the intersection, and then waking up with my car moving at 30 miles an hour pointed just to the wrong side of the side-barrier of an overpass (kinda scarry, 1.75 seconds later would have led to a falling sensation, 2.5 seconds would have felt a sudden stop from an odd angle). I find myself sleeping for quarter-mile or more stretches. It kind of reminds me of a more humerous time, when I'd always be asleep at the wheel, but still no accidents (that I know of), there is still a bit of graffitti on the headliner of my car from years ago, which states "Driver not responsible for accident or injury do to narcolepsy or other loss of consciousness". For the record, still no accidents (that I know of), and I haven't touched the edge of the pavement yet. (may have ran a few lights and stopsigns, there are quite a few which I don't recall seeing, but am sure that if there were others around, they would have woke me up with their horns, or sirens if police). I guess I'll write this up as "Chaos Luck".

    But good news, (sort of), While she was reading some of my notes, (she is one of only 3 or 4 people who I can confide in about almost any situation or thought, even those concerning her), she read of a dream I had which I've written down.

    Durring my long wait for the right time, when niether of us were attached, she began showing interest in a good friend,  Being concerned only with her happiness, I offered encouragement that they "get together". Well, since most of what I hear of "them", is primarily rumors, and nothing solid said otherwise, I had assumed they had in some way parted ways when I first confessed my true feelings for Her. Then there are times when she goes to his house, or out to eat, so somehow I get the picture that they are still together. After spending time with her (I mean REAL time, late night, you get the picture...) I begine getting the idea that since their relationship is a bit open at times, that maybe I'm like an "extra". This does not bother me, I have a few old ways of thinking, in which if all involved are happy with a situation or rather, an unusual relationship, than there is nothing wrong with it.

    I had recently read through part of a book entitled "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins, in which one part is about a king, in a time of early spread of Christianity, who like many royalty of the time, had numerous wives. So it is no wonder that I find it easy to picture the same roles with reversed gender, a woman with several husbands. I begin to think, (mainly because of the dream I had written down, but also because I had nothing else in which to draw from to sort my confusion), that maybe I am her "second", that "he" is the one she loves most, and I am her "concubine/confidante", her "teddy bear". I would have been satisfied with such a role, if that were all it was to be, happy just to be so near her. But after she read about the dream, she pointed out that she and he were no longer "involved". (Cool, huh?)

    Guess I better get some sleep, but first I need to make more oil!

    Someday after this confusion subsides, I may find a way to organize this, and all of my writings and ramblings into a single volume. (addendum to "Liber 565" - Discordia)