Okay, my turn!  My humble offering for the 'What if the characters showed up to give the author hell?' challenge.  My take is a little different, but oh, well. ***************************************** Disclaimer time once again! Twentieth verse same as the first . . everybody *sing*: I don't own these characters, (chorus) Paramount does! I don't own this venue, (chorus) Paramount does! I am making no money off of this, (chorus) Paramount does not either! This story involves assumed relationships between two sets of two men, but no sex.  If that is *not* your cup of tea, sweet as it is, then don't read it!  (simple, ain't it??) Feedback is *very* much appreciated, and always answered.  Flames will be passed around to friends and chuckled over.  :) Rated 'G', I think. 'Fairness' by Amirin ******************************** "There you are.  I've been looking all over for you." "I don't want to talk about it." "Harry, please.  It's not what you think." "Really?" "Sarcasm doesn't become you, you know." "Sweetheart, don't look like that.  It wasn't my fault, honest." "A *jefferies tube*?" "*She* made us, it wasn't our idea.  Hell, I don't even like 'Tag'." "The game or the story?"  "Harry, I didn't mean it.  It was just the once, you know that. Hell, Amirin never *does* anything more than once." "Oh, Har, please.  You'd know I'd never do anything to hurt you.  I *love* you, more than anything." "Oh, thank *you* very much!" "Oh, hi Chakotay." "Oh, hi Chakotay.  Harry, quit giggling.  That's an order, Ensign." "Sorry." "So, what's going on here, as if I didn't know?" "Harry's upset about the 'Tag' story." "Ensign, speak up." "I said, '*and* the handcuffs story, the one with the *spanking*'." "Yeah, Commander, *that* one." "Harry, please.  That one wasn't our fault, either, you *know* that." "It's not like you didn't deserve it." "Chakotay!" "What?!?  You've been stringing both of us along for months, now." "It's not my fault, *she's* the one who keeps writing me that way." "Oh, like you're not enjoying the *hell* out of yourself!" "Yeah!" "Guys, wait a minute, I didn't *mean* it." "I don't know why you ever had to go for Harry, anyway." "HEY!" "What?!?  I was here first.  'Stewing' gave me squatter's rights." "I don't believe this.  Chakotay, stop it, please." "Oh, yeah?  That was a PWP, *I* had him for three and a half *years* in the YMO trilogy, and galactically hot, biting, scratching, clawing sex, so *there*!" "I still have the hot tub, Ensign!" "I thought Mona had it." "Hers is real.  I've got the holographic one Tom programmed for *us*!" "Yeah?  Well, I have the bed from 'Consecration'!" "That's right, Commander.  And it's still got *his* blue streamers winding up the posts, right next to mine!" "Why, you little . ." "Guys, stop it." "Harry, I've got the 'A' series, so there!" "That's what *you* think, oh, mystic warrior.  You're losing him in the next story, because of your stupid jealous streak.  And guess who'll be there to pick up the pieces?  That's right, Chief, *ME*!" "Tom, tell me it isn't true, please.  Tom?" "Chakotay, it isn't true." "It's the story after that one." "WHAT!?!?!" "Ha!  Told you so.  *And* I still have the whole *entire* heat series.  'I FEEL HOT'???  Well, I do!  And I will, with Tom!!!  Three more stories in that one, count 'em, 'H', 'O', 'T', *three*!" "Harry, please, this isn't helping." "Tom, be quiet, he needs to hear this.  Chakotay?  One word, bucko. 'Darkly'. "That's right.  She wrote us with a telepathic link in one universe and all you got was a kiss on the beach.  And the two of you are fighting in the other universe, because you're an idiot!  And she has no ending for the story.  Two-hundred and forty 'K' and he's all *mine*, because she can't think how to end it after she gets you two together.  And guess what?? That's right, Chakotay, she hasn't *gotten* you together in 'Darkly'. Hah!" "Harry, sweetheart, please don't do this." "*SWEETHEART!?!*" "Yeah, that's another thing.  All the nicknames I've given him, because I love him, and you don't have one!  Remember 'Cougar'? 'Thumper'?  'Tomcat'?" "Yeah?  Well, I got to be the only source of comfort for him in 'Falling'. He couldn't sleep without me and it was killing him!" "Gods, you sound like you enjoyed that.  Thanks a lot!" "Tom, I didn't mean it *that* way." "Ensign, what the hell are you grinning at?" "He would've been doomed to the life of a wild animal if I hadn't mated with him. Now *that's* sacrifice!" "Hey!  I resent that.  I think." "'Animalia'.  Shit, I forgot that one.    You two were so cute in it."  "*CUTE*!?!?!" "Yes, cute.  And cuddly.  Tom was usually dozing with his head on B'Elanna's lap in that one.    And you were usually on mine." "Yeah.    I forgot about that.  You give a mean ear-scratch, Chakotay."  "Thanks, Harry."  "I'm sorry.  Really, I am.  And you're right, it's not fair that I get him more than you.  Maybe we could talk to her about it." "You wouldn't mind?" "No.  I wouldn't like it, either, if I was the one getting short shrift." "Thanks, Harry." "Har, you sure it'd be okay?" "Yeah.  I'm sure.  Just remember, Chakotay, that I went to bat for *you*, in case she ever goes C/P crazy, okay?" "I'll remember, Harry.  I promise.  If she does, we'll have another talk with her, okay?" "Okay.  Thanks Chakotay.  Hang on, was that the door?" "Damn, she's home early."  "Guys!?!  What on earth are you doing here?" "Amirin, we want to ask you why I get more stories with Tom than Chakotay does." "I wondered if you'd ever bring it up.  You're right, it's not fair. Tom always gets lucky in *all* my stories, and the two of you have to share, take turns.  But, I had an idea how to make it up to the *both* of you. See, I'm working on something a little different with the 'A' series. Gods, I hardly dare mention it.  Everytime I do, people start complaining, practically in tears, 'Why does Tom have to die?  Why? Can't he just go away for a while?'  It's so . . Guys?  Tom, sit down, it's okay.  Breathe, Tom, breathe." "You're going to *kill* him?!?!" "You can't do that!" "I'm going to die?" "Yes, but you're going to die *well*." "That's not much comfort, Amirin." "They'll both be with you, at the end.  You'll get to say good-bye to both of them.  And one last kiss from each.  It'll be heartbreaking, yet beautiful.  I love you, Tom, would I ever do anything to royally screw things up for you?  Hell, no one dies permanently in Trek.  And it's not like you're one of those 'phaser-bait' red-shirts, ya know.  You'll come back, and I'll finish the sequel to 'Consecration'." "What the hell are the two of us supposed to do without him??" "Yeah, my gods, I can't even *think* about it." "Well, actually, you guys . . um, the two of you . . well, you both . . see, you . . Oh, hell. How else was I supposed to get a C/K to work? Hmm?"  "Oh, you're kidding." "Wait a minute. Me and *Chakotay*?" "Well, you don't have to say it like that, you know." "I didn't mean it like that, you know.    I could get into that." "Yeah, me too.  Could you do the cat thing?" "Dunno, it's Amirin's deal.  But, you know how weird she can get." "Harry, we could have the rest of our lives together, in that universe.   If Tom's not there." "I know, Chakotay.    I've *always* loved your tattoo." "I've always loved your eyes."  "Yeah?"  "Yeah." "Guys??  Hey, what about me?? I'm *dying* here!" "Gods, he's so damned egocentric." "Yeah, flyboy, not everything's about you, ya know." "And it's not like it's forever, jeez, Tom, lighten up." "*LIGHTEN UP*??  I'm dying some horrible death and all you can say is 'lighten up'!?!" "Sequel?  To the YMO trilogy?  A *wedding*? Happily ever after??  And two *big* C/P stories?  Oh, *Amirin*.   Okay, okay.  Kill me if you have to.  Do I have to suffer much? Yeah, painkillers are *good* things.  Wait a minute, what do you mean I'll be suffering plenty in the P/Q story?  What's Picard got to do with this? *WHAT*!?!?    Sorry. *Paris*/Q?!?!  Are you out of your *mind*??  Amirin??  Amirin, get back here!" ******************************end