Catering, an intensive study
by kimball ford


The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as
"long pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is
not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the
anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built
nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much
flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer
breaks down to pro vide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large
central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also interfere with
achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to this however,
especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh
between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person with
sufficient leverage.


Captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make
sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This
fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily
wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Here the
caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT
to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly
controlled environments with their health and diet carefully
maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person
of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range
of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad
habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages,
the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm
animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen
months old is a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously
want a youthful but mature p hysically fit human in apparently good
health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a
juicy, flavorful quality to the meat.


The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an
interior location is suggested), and a lar ge table for a butcher's
block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed
ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for
blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source
close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools:
sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and
a hacksaw.


Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best
results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in
captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make
sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This
fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily
wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier.


Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be
hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands; let the head hang
down. This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope
may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar
or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a
meathook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The
legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders,
with the arms roughly paral lel to the legs. This provides access to
the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for
removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the
level of the butcher's head.


Bleeding: Place a large open vessel ben eath the animal's head. With
a long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep
"ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side.
This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major
blood vessels carryin g blood from the heart to the head, face, and
brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and
allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of
blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a
rece ptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities
down in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing,
"pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six
liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless s ome source
is waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes.


Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can
be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck,
from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament
have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it
on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the
spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be
used for dividing other b ones or joints, in that the meat should
generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone
then separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull
as a trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human
skull may c all suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly,
thorough cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is
hard to remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to
eat. Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it
outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small
scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the
bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers,
such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may
retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to
sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.


Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down.
Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in
removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the
task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying
the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also
get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce
sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing
into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer
thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning,
first score the sur face, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and
direction. The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of
strip-style skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to
handle. Reflect the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one
hand, while bri nging the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to
cut away connective tissue. You need not bother skinning the hands
and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless you plan
to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or
made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer,
then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil until
puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne pepper.


Gutting: The next major step is compl ete evisceration of the
carcass. To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point
between the breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very
careful not to cut into the intestines, as this will contaminate the
surrounding area with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does
happen, cleanse thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the
knife inside the abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making
cautious progress.


Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine.
This also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any
material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone,
or "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin
to pull the organ masses (large and small intestin es, kidneys,
liver, stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.


For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner
surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides
the upper, or thoracic, and th e lower abdominal cavities. Remove the
breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects
to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar
bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on
the ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs
may be detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and
trachea. Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away
any blood vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the
interior of the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.


Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to
begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the
arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop
the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is
between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and
due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way
of cutting this portion is to cut a way the deltoid muscle from the
upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk)
before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable
meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the
shoulder blade. Pur ely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and
break apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm
are now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be
properly cooked before eating.


Halving the Carcass: The m ain body is now ready to be split. Some
like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This
leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the
ribs. The meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we
find it more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus,
our preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by
cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on
through.


Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your
preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate,
and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side
at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also
the time to begin thinking a bout how you would like to serve the
flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to
make. These will also be greatly affected by the muscular
configuration (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the
feet off at a point about th ree inches up from the ankle. The bones
are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to
divide the side of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs
and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank"
or belly , which may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough,
or even bacon strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide
strips of flesh may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast.
Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you
will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve
accordingly.


And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of
storage space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned
smokehouse (just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a
shitter). Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a
number of ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a
few. Bones will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and
can be pulverized.


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