The chilling irony of the Cabana scene was not lost on her--the delicate, beautiful sounds floating through the air above...the sick, violent insanity playing out in the bed below. She felt hysterical laughter building in her mind... What were you thinking...? What possessed you to believe that you could deter him by depriving him of a frightened victim...? He's determined to hurt you and destroy himself... He's not going to stop until he does serious damage... He's punishing himself for loving you... Proving to himself that he's a disgusting monster... You've just made it worse, Téa... Now, you've pushed him to be even more vicious by refusing to show fear...

She waited, barely breathing. The seconds dragged by, each one an elongated expression of pure agony. She shivered slightly as Todd lowered himself down, placing his arms over hers on the soft pillows around her head. She felt the suppressed tension vibrating in the muscles of his arms and body as he covered her. His rapidly beating heart pounded against her chest. She recognized the exaggerated rhythm--it mirrored, beat for beat, the tortured cadence of her own...

The seconds began to add up, accumulating into one long, endless minute. Téa slowly opened her eyes. She watched the candlelight play across the ceiling and lace bed canopy in ever changing patterns of light and shadow. Suddenly, her emotions crystallized, forming vividly poignant images of pain and longing in her mind. In the deep, soft stillness of the night, the beauty of haunting music mixed with flickering flame moved--and then consumed her. She felt suspended in an ocean of abject, boundless sorrow--pierced by bittersweet grief to the core of her being. As she floated there, her soul finally let go of all remaining doubt and surrendered, drowning in an unbearable flood of selfless love and compassion...

Heartbroken, tears escaped her eyes and slid slowly across her temples into her hair. She no longer cared what happened to her. Like a mother with a suffering child, she cared only for him. Letting down the last of her defenses, she opened herself to him willingly. “I know that you love me...” she said softly into his ear. “You'd rather kill me than admit it...but I know deep down inside you do.” She gently moved her cheek against his. “If hurting me is the only way you can deal with that love...then do it...” She lost control of her quavering voice, letting it drop to a husky whisper. “Take whatever you need from me, Todd... I won't fight you... Use me to ease the pain... Let me share the weight of your suffering...”

“Stop it!” he growled angrily, jerking his head up to look at her. “Don't start with that crap... don't analyze me.” His body eased back slightly, assuming a less threatening position against her. He released her hands and grasped her head firmly between his palms, engulfing her skull with his long fingers. “Don't pretend I have those kinds of feelings in my head,” he snarled. “Don't try to make me out to be someone you can love, Téa...”

He paused, searching her eyes for a moment, pain and sadness clouding his expression. “You don't know what you're talking about...what you're asking for...” he whispered tensely. “You know nothing...nothing about anything that has to do with me. You don't know what I think, how I feel...who I am...”

*  *   *   *

The ghostly image of his mother faded slowly away in the haze of his inner mind. Todd reached out in vain to retrieve the vanishing vision. “Don't leave, Mom...please... don't leave me again...” he pleaded dejectedly, watching the last remaining traces of her face disappear. Anguish descended in a black fog around him, mingling fluidly with the unabated pain that flowed freely through his mind...

For many dark moments he knew nothing but the lonely, aching sorrow of abandonment and loss. Then slowly, as the intense pain and sadness eased, he began to regain an awareness of his surroundings--to have an understanding of what was happening. He had no concept of time, but he knew that it had passed, that events had occurred while he'd been distracted. He looked down at Téa, suddenly feeling the wetness of her tears on his hand. Confusion and concern for her quickly pushed aside all other emotions... What's happened? Why is she crying...?

“Of course she's crying, she's with you isn't she?” His attention whipped away from Téa as another form materialized before him. “That's the effect you have on women Todd,” Marty teased, smiling sweetly. “You always move us to tears...”

“Marty, what...what are you doing here...? Todd gasped, recoiling in shock from the apparition, trying desperately to piece together what he was experiencing. The warm, comforting numbness that had encapsulated and protected him earlier in the evening was now completely gone. The soothing voices had all disappeared. The pain began to pulse steadily through him again, twisting his mind up into tangled little knots...

“Oh, I'm always around, Todd. You know that. We're old friends, you and I. What's the matter? Aren't you happy to see me?”

“No...no... You're not real... I don't want to see you anymore,” he protested as she advanced on him.

“Sorry, Todd, but you're stuck with me... You're stuck with me...forever.” She came close, floating before him, studying his face intently. He flinched as her cool fingertips lightly brushed the scar on his cheek. “You belong to me, remember...?” she breathed softly. “Besides, you're about to provide me with a little company, so I thought Id pay you a visit...”

She turned her head and looked down. “You have your next victim firmly in hand I see... What was her unforgivable sin, Todd? Did she try to help you with a little problem? Did she fall for all your lines, forgive your lies once too often?” Her fingers slid down his jaw to rest lightly against his neck, each fingertip tracing a frigid little path in his skin. “Or maybe...maybe she asked a little too much of you--a little understanding, a little warmth, a little human compassion?” Her eyes fixed on his again, glittering with undisguised malice. “Did she get under your skin, Todd...? Did she make you...feel something?”

“Oh, she made him feel something all right.” Todd jumped as a familiar, taunting voice spoke near his ear. “She got him so hot and bothered that he's been pretending to be five different people for months just so he can stay out of jail and hang on to her.” Nora laughed, materializing at his side. “Gotta hand it to ya, Todd--you pulled it off. You fooled everybody. You even fooled yourself...”

Her shrill laughter rang painfully through his head--leaving him dazed and disoriented. “You know... you're truly amazing--just amazing!” she continued, circling him slowly while Marty backed silently away. Nora shook her head, eyeing him appraisingly, as she completed her circuit and stood before him. “You're the most loathsome creature in all of Llanview, and yet you manage to worm your way into the hearts of the most beautiful, intelligent women. How do you do that? How do you pull the wool over their eyes so completely...?

Do you use that sweet, innocent face?” she teased, suddenly close to him, searching his eyes. “You know--the little puppy dog one that you used on me when I represented you at the rape trial? Do you plead guilty to being a disgusting animal, promise never to do anything bad again, and throw yourself on their tender mercies? Or... No, wait... I know... It's those heartfelt, soul searching proposals, delivered on bended knee--such theater, Todd...!” Her mocking laughter sliced through his mind like a hail of razor blades...

“Or maybe...maybe it's your sweet, tender caresses that get them?” she continued, struggling to control her mirth. “I gotta tell you, Todd,” she smirked, patting him maternally on the chest. “You can grab a woman by the throat and take her down better than anyone I've ever seen. Now that's where you really shine.” She winked conspiratorially at Marty. “Oh yeah, that's gotta be it. That's how you do it. That's what wins them over every time. That amazingly gentle, persuasive touch of yours.”

Todd groaned as the sound of their spiteful laughter sent wave after wave of stinging pain slashing through his psyche. He tried to turn away, seeking to close off his awareness of them. “Leave me alone,” he begged as their laughing voices continued to cut through him, dicing up his insides. “I thought this crap was over with. I thought all this stuff was settled,” he choked out angrily, fighting to clear his tormented senses. “Okay...okay, I'll say it again... I'm sorry! I'm really sorry for every sick, perverted thing I ever did to you and everyone else in this God damn town... Is that what you want...? Is that what you came to hear? Now, get away from me... Please...please, just go away and leave me alone...!”

“You're sorry?” Marty's soft, haunting voice sliced effortlessly through all his defenses. “Are you, Todd...?”

The eerie tone in her voice drew his awareness back. He reluctantly focused his attention on the ghostly images of the two women again. Now silent, they floated transparently before him, eyes staring coldly, defiantly into his--devoid of even the remotest hint of forgiveness or compassion...

“Don't tell us...” she whispered icily, turning slowly with Nora to look down at Téa lying helplessly under him. “Tell her, Todd... Tell her how damn sorry you are...”

*  *   *   *

“I'm not trying to make you out to be someone I can love,” Téa replied gently, wincing from the pressure his grip was exerting against her skull. “You're part of the man that I love already--the wild, dangerous part that I've always been afraid of--but can't seem to turn away from,” she said softly. Slowly she slid her hands down from the pillow to touch his. “Like it or not, when I said my vows tonight, I promised myself to you, too...remember?”

Her trembling fingers caressed his hands and came to rest lightly on his wrists. Relief flooded through her as she felt his painful grip on her head ease considerably. She allowed herself to indulge in one brief moment of hope... He knew he was hurting me and he stopped... That's got to mean something...

With infinite care she slid her hands down his forearms in a hesitant caress. “I've tried to hate you,” she whispered. “I've tried so hard to walk away, to end this madness...but I always come back... I'm sorry, Todd--but I can't let go of this anymore than you can... I can't delude myself anymore...or pretend that I hate you... I can't give you the terrified reaction that you want...because that's not what I feel... All I feel is sadness...sadness and love...”

“Shut up!” He forced the words out through clinched teeth. “You're lying! You're lying to me and you're lying to yourself! Save those stupid, useless words for him. They don't work with me, Delgado. I'm not a man that you can love. I have no use for it, or you...”

His body tensed suddenly as deep feelings of remorse swept through him, flowing unexpectedly from some unknown interior source. The faces of his past victims intruded abruptly into his consciousness. The vision excited and hurt him simultaneously, producing intense chills that flowed across his skin in waves of tiny goose bumps. The soul wrenching pain returned abruptly to plague him, building from deep inside, crippling his mind--making him want to cry out and move away from her...

His head started to fill with bizarre, unimaginable thoughts about his intended victim. In the course of a few tortured heartbeats, she became startlingly real to him--not just a flesh and blood target for his pent up rage. In spite of his distrust and hatred for everything female, there was something about her that he just couldn't resist. Something that had lured him in every time he had encountered her tonight. Something in the way she looked at him, the way she spoke, the way she caressed him--made him want to believe her, protect her...be gentle with her...

No woman had ever gotten under his skin this way. Only a few minutes before, he had been poised to strike--to savage her the way he had all the others. But, for some unclear reason he had hesitated--and now he found himself unwilling to follow through at all, unable to violate her. He still lusted after her wickedly, with an insatiable, primal hunger that electrified his senses. His body strained against her even now, aching for penetration and release. He was in an agony of indecision and confusion, caught between his animal instincts and his new found awareness of her. He felt different, changed--as if his basic nature was morphing into something alien and unrecognizable. There was something going on deep, deep inside--in a place that he couldn't reach, couldn't control...

Feelings were bleeding through from some other part of his psyche--strange feelings that he didn't want or know how to handle. For the first time in his existence, he felt his power weakened, felt his raging desire to inflict damage diminished. He suddenly had a head full of conflicting thoughts and ideas that had never been his before. His mind snapped back to the events that had occurred earlier, how it had felt to engage her in foreplay, how her beautiful body had responded so eagerly and perfectly to his touch. He shuddered in pleasure as the memory evoked intense, erotic images in his mind--images of raw, violent sex. In response, he pressed against her once more, feeling the inviting warmth as he penetrated her slightly. Then he recoiled as if slapped, stunned by new feelings that he had never known before--feelings of protectiveness...of love...

These gut wrenching feelings that the woman now provoked were unbearable. He had never experienced anything this powerful. It was too much...too debilitating for him to withstand. In response, he felt the overpowering urge to crush her, to grind her into oblivion for causing these forbidden, unwanted feelings and weaknesses--for making him wish momentarily that things were different, that he was a different creature...

A new sensation suddenly erupted in his consciousness...fear! He felt overwhelmingly compelled to protect himself, to resurrect and secure his loathsome identity. In a lightning flash of desperate, livid rage--he summoned the memories...

To be continued...