Religion Jokes
I do not consider myself apart of any religion at this point. But I did think these jokes were kinda funny. *l* Enjoy!
Jesus Saves! The Goddess Invests!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!
What's the best thing about Pagan friends? They worship the ground you walk on.
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub? Self-Cleaning Coven
Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch!
Please hold. All muses are busy right now, but your inspiration is important to us...
How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb? None, if a candle was good enough for Gramma it's good enough for me!
How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.
Jesus is coming. Look Busy!
God, Please save me from your followers
WASP...We Are Sexy Pagans
Witches do it in the moonlight
Practice safe hex
Did you hear, Easter is canceled this year...yeah, they found the body.
What do you call a dating club for unattached Wiccans? Craft singles!
Another Catholic School joke: Sex is evil. Evil is sin. Sin is forgiven. So, sex is in.
Jesus saves...but Gretsky catches the rebound! He shoots! HE SCOOORES!
A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out "... and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th.." she poked her husband who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty".
The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath. and later began to doze off again when the minister got to "... and who died on the cross to save us from our sins..." the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ". The Minister said "that's right, That's Right" and went on with his sermon.
The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to "... and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off".
Why God Never Received Tenure At The University :
He had only one major publication.
And it was in Hebrew.
He stated all his results without proofs.
And it had no references.
And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
And some even doubt He wrote it himself.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
He made his graduate student (Mohd/Jesus) do all the work but did not list him as co-author.
He also never explained why some graduate students, with low GRE scores, were working for him in the first place.
He never presented his own results, let his graduate students do all the presentations.
His data on creation of world in 7 days has been questioned.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he published/done since?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
He never wrote a grant proposal.
His research, not matter how useful, was never approved.
He never replied to mail, phone calls, emails, etc when other researchers wanted technical data from him.
He never fully explained his reasons for allowing Dan Quayle to be born.