They made me do this for school. They always make me do things. But I'll have the last laugh. HA HAHAHAHA!
English is FUN-tastic. Where else can I turn in an essay then wait around for days, nervously biting my nails, for my grade to be assigned at random by a Macintosh computer in the library? Then I get to read all sorts of enlightening comments like: "Your use and misuse of the comma, the apostrophe, and the colon constitute a serious breach of protocol. Cease and desist immediately or I will be forced to slap you into next Tuesday, then go to next Tuesday, slap you back into the present, then go to your house and slap your mother." We also get to do fun stuff like read plays. Although, we haven't listened to any books yet, unfortunately.
The best of these plays are the ones that were written by Shakespeare after he defeated the Spanish Armada. Shakespeare has improved the quality of my life in innumerable ways, since I can't count. For example, it's now much easier for me to fall asleep. Why just the other day, while I was walking down the street with a friend of mine, I said, "It would be lovely if thou were to come with me to thine bowling alley to throw thine ball of bowling at thine pins and cause them fall." A random passerby overheard and approached me.
"I couldn't help overhearing your conversation," he said, "your use of hopelessly out-of-date English has impressed me greatly. Would you like to be the CEO of my multi-national corporation."
"Please except my humble apologies, but my interest lies in business not; It bears the slings in arrows of outrages science."
"Oh damn my cursed fortune! I shall never find the CEO I needeth. But alas, I too find my young mind wandering off to thoughts of chemistry. I too hear the beaconing cry of thine electrons in thine energy-level and of the reactions betwixt potassium and water."
As we wandered off, I wondered what might have been had I accepted the offer. Just then, my friend turned to me and said, "We shall, perhaps, read Julius Caesar instead."
If I'm ever bored, I can always count on English to cheer me up. I just love interpreting literature. I can take comfort in the fact that, however I interpret it, I'm wrong. Unless I agree with my teacher, who read not only the book, but the Cliff's notes as well. I thought that the random passerby mentioned earlier in this essay was actually a random passerby. Boy am I stupid. He actually represents Mike Tyson and his struggle to return to boxing after a string of unfortunate events.
It is quite obvious to me, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Confuscious and every other genius since the dawn of time that English is the most important class anyone can ever take. Every student should be required to take a full year of it every year of their life until they graduate or die. I personally love English above all things and would never insult it in any way.