I hate monkeys more than I hate cleaning gutters.  
    Monkeys are worthless mounds of crap.  Monkeys are filthy, 
    discusting creatures with IQ's equivelent to that of an 
    Electro-Harmonix Big Muff distortion pedal.  And by monkey 
    I don't mean penis; if I had wanted to say penis, I would 
    have said cock.  I also don't mean the band, even though 
    they sucks equally hard.
         My little sister once had a pet monkey.  It bit her so 
    my dad had to woop its ass and sell to some blind kid we met 
    at the childrens hospital.  But by the time we sold it, it 
    was too late; my little sister started swelling and turning 
    all green and pussy from the deadly monkey virus.  At first 
    this was kind of funny, but when she popped and got all this 
    green crap all in my hair I started to get pissed.
         I ran down to the childrens hospital and found the 
    blind kid and I kicked his ass when he wouldn't let me have 
    the damn monkey.  Then I took the monkey and beat the ever-
    loving piss out of it with an aluminum baseball bat.  Of 
    course, it turns out that this is not the monkey and is
    actually the blind kid's little brother.  I would have felt 
    sorry about this but I just had to kill that monkey and he 
    was standing in my way.  
         As my search for the elusive monkey continued, I ran 
    into an organ grinder, the kind with the little monkey 
    sidekick.  I beat him (the monkey) to death with the litle 
    crank on the organ.  I then proceded to shove the monkey up
    the organ grinders ass as punishment for owning a pet monkey.
    When he (the organ grinder) pleaded for his life he told me 
    that the monkeys had village about three blocks away from 
    where we were at the time, which just happened to be in 
    front of a pawn shop.
    

        I thought about how luck I was as I entered the small 
    but well equiped pawn shop.  I told the one-armed man at the 
    counter that I needed a whole bunch of bombs and shit so I 
    could blow the living crap out of the monkey village.  He 
    had just smoked two or three pretty wicked bongs and washed 
    it down with a bottle of cheap vodka so he let me have 
    everything I needed for free.  I took a big rambo-style 
    machine gun,  a box of handgernades, and small atomic weapon 
    to eliminate the vilage.  Then I turned around and saw it, a 
    lazer death-ray.  It was beatiful.  I put it in the fith 
    pocket of my jeans for safe keeping.  Then I was off to 
    kill the monkeys.
         When I came to the Monkey village, i tossed a few 
    gernades and sprayed a few rounds of Rambo-gun bullets to 
    clear out the guards in front of the entrance.  "Take that 
    you monkey bastards!" I yelled at the top of my lungs to 
    inform them of my arrival.  Legions of monkey enforcers 
    attacked me with everthing they had but they were no match 
    for me and the rambo-gun.  When they sent the monkey 
    ninjitsu squadron it only took a few handgernades to knock 
    them the hell out of commision.  Then they sent there secret 
    weapon a giant monkey robeast it the form of the monkey who 
    bit my sisster. 
         At first, he seemed invincible.  My gernades and 
    rambo-gun bullets just bounced off his strong monkey armor.  
    I thought I was finished.  Then it hit me, I should use the 
    lazer death-ray.  I reached deep into my fith pocket and 
    retrived the death-ray.  It felt so perfect in my hands. 
    like it was part of me.  I held the death-ray at eye level 
    then aimed it at the giant robot's ball.  I fried them with 
    a single blast from my beloved death ray.  The monkey's face 
    turned green then yellow then a color that can only be 
    discriped as the color of a three pack a day smoker's mucas.  
    I place the atomic weapon on the foul monkey's chest and ran 
    like the bejesus so I would not be covered in a torential 
    rain of monkey parts.
         When it was over I went home and shot my little sister 
    for getting green pus in my hair.
    
    THE END