...*sigh*...I've never really minded being broke before...but I do now....Brian always has money but he doesnt buy me things anymore...he spends tons of money on himself...but when I need something I have to beg him to buy it for me....I only ask when I need something...I never ask for something I have no need for....he wants me to get a job, and of course I want one too...but I don't have "nice" clothes to go on interviews...I live in huge baggy clothes...they arent exactly what an employer is looking for on someone he's gonna hire...so I found the most beautiful outfit and I cant have it...of course I cant damnit...*pout*....it really upsets me...and I guess it's selfish of me to want other people to buy things for me...and if I had my sorry ass a job I wouldnt need to depend on people for things like this...but where do I start?...if I'm me going to a job interview wearing "me" clothes, I will not get the job....I look like a little hodlem girl...or atleat that what other people think of me.....*grrr*...I'm sick of being so little girl like...I'm 19 years old I'm an adult, I can vote and smoke and drink legeally...why do people look at me like I'm a little street kid?...I hate it!....people just shouldnt judge!!!

I actually went out yesturday, all day....a friend of Tara's left for Alberta yesturday morning so I stayed up all night so I could go with her to see him off....it was kinda sad but really inspiring at the same time...he left all on his own...that's a really hard thing to do! Anyway, she haddent slept either so we went and got coffee...she was so funny I was on the floor laughing me ass off...it was great....we were both suffering fron sleep deprivation...so we were in a pretty sever state of delerium...sadly after that we went shopping...which is when I tried on that outfit *sob*...then we went to the mall and I got a roll of film developed...the pictures werent too bad but a lot of them didnt turn out..la la la...then Tara went to work and I came home to bed....

I'm bored right outta my head...I guess I could clean...but...ahhh, I don't wanna!....Shanna called last night but Brian didnt give me the message till 2am...sorrry Shanna!...well, guess I'll do something...work on my page maybe....