*Tuesday March 31, 1998 (12:45pm)*
I was going throught my friends page and I
happened across link about stopping cruelty towards animals...there was a little
memorial for pets that had died...I started reading it and just broke down... sitting
home alone in the middle of the day curled up on the floor balling...I've felt on the
verge of crying for the last week but I couldnt bring myself to actually cry...I feel
better now I think ...I'm still really shakey and emotional...I feel like I could cry
again...it's hard holding things in but crying makes me feel so weak ...so alone...I've
been trying so hard lately to be open and honest about my feelings...not only with
others but with myself...but I havent been...I am so hurt and confused right now
but I cant let it out... I dont want to bury my emotions anymore...I know no other
way...I'm crying and I dont even know why...I've just allowed everything to build
up... I'm cryng because I dont want my cats or dog to ever leave me...I mean thats
why I started crying...but I'm just letting out everything...my frustrations...my
disappointment, in others and in myself..my fears of being alone...I dunno
anymore... Brian told me last night that he cant live with me anymore...he isnt
happy...so I now have a month to find a job and an appartment....and move
out...where am I supposed to go?...doesnt matter to him I suppose ....