Well....I am SO over emotional...everything hurts me...Brian has been so mean to me the last couple of days...nothing I do is good enough...but I guess it's always been that way...today it definitely a "pity party" day....I layed in bed all day...just laying there...I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind...I urn to be curled in a ball...and when I secom to those urges I cry and cry...I'm not happy....
I watched the movie "kids" the other night and in one part Jenny is in a cab...the cab driver is trying to cheer her up....he says something along the lines of: "my grandmother told me the secret of being happy...she said that to be happy you cant think.....I listened to my grandmothers advice and look at me....I couldnt be happier"...
goddamn...don't I wish I could listen to his grandmothers advice!...but I cant...who I am doesnt allow me to just "go through the motions" of life...I have to analyze everything....thinking, worrying, analyzing...that's what I have to do and if in the end knowing too much kills me...so be it...I'd rather be informed about the terrible ways of the world...than go through life pretending that nothings wrong!!
Brian and I went to the drug store today...we had to get toilet paper and tooth paste....I found a site on the web that listed all the companies that do and don't test their products on animals....and I vowed that I wouldnt buy ANYTHING from those companies...which made shopping today very difficult!!!....I refused to buy tooth paste because all of them were made by companies on that list...I cant exactly go without brushing my teeth so I'm gonna have to find a toothpaste made by a company that doesnt test on animals...which is a pain in my ass but definitely worth it!!...I was thinking of making my own tooth paste...sounds retarded I know....but I'm growing a mint plant...so a couple leaves mixed with some baking power (not arm&hammer)and peroxide, should work just fine....
I have to go and apply for a couple jobs tomorrow...blah...I hate doing it but hopefully I'll get a job and finally get Brian off my back...and of course have money...it's been a long time since I actually had my own money....*sigh*...
our cable was disconnected today...took em long enough!...so I'm bored outta my mind...I cant watch T.V till Friday when our satellite is connected...I'm so excited!!...900 channels...you know you're sad when!!!!ahhh well...
I posted some new pictures yesturday...and Terry pointed out that the new ones of me don't show my face...sorry about that...it must have been a subconscious thing...but I am (hopefully) getting my two other rolls developed tomorrow and scanned sometimes during the week...there may be pictures of my face on those two rolls...hell I dunno....but believe me you arent missing much!!!
I guess I should fix up my resume for tomorrow......
Lotsa love,
Missa
