1.] You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2.] You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3.] Job interfering with your drinking.
4.] Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5.] Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6.] The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7.] Sincerely beleive alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8.] 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
9.] Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10.] When you can focus better with one eye closed.
11.] The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12.] Every woman you see has an exact twin.
13.] You fall off the floor...
14.] Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
15.] Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
16.] The glass keeps missing your mouth!
17.] Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
18.] Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
19.] At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
20.] Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
21.] You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
22.] The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
23.] You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and women.
24.] Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
25.] "Hi ociffer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
26.] "I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFFER!!!!!!"
27.] Roseanne looks good.
28.] Don't recognize spouse unless seen through bottom of glass.
29.] "That damned pink elephant followed me home again."
30.] Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
31.] You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
32.] "I'm as jober as a sudge."
33.] You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
35.] You've fallen and you can't get up.
36.] When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass the ice pack....
37.] "BeerTender! Get me another Bar!"
38.] The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
39.] Your name is Ted Kennedy.
40.] Foster Brooks appears sober to you.
41.] "I'm not as think as you drunk i am"