Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?

A: Because the farmer had cold hands!

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A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

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Q: What do you call a cow that has had a calf?

A: Decalfeinated

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Great Truths About Life

• You can't trust your dog to watch your food
  

• You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
  
• Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time
  
• If you find yourself in a hole, stop diggin'
  
• Always drink upstream from the herd
  
• Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in
   

Downhome farmer truisms

• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree
  

• Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held it's ground
  
• You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there
  
• Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states
  
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
  
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
  

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A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.

"Well," said the would-be-cattleman, "I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."

"But, where are all your cattle?"

"So far, none have survived the branding."

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