Strange Love

By Jakeemo

Hello, happy monday!! You look like you've had a long weekend. So you have, well I hope it was fun whatever it was you did. Well relax a while the bus is late again. How was my weekend? Well, I found out my dear friend and lover, Brian passed away sunday morning. I know I have always considered him a close dear friend almost like a brother, but something happened over the weekend that I cannot explain; I fell in love with him. I know I just said he passed away; listen the bus is late anyways, would you like for me to tell what happened? I must warn you it is very strange and you might think of me as crazy or a desperate female who has yet to find love and would try to get it anywhere; even in my own imagination about dead friend. I will say this, I have never been one to believe in the supernatural or the paranormal, until now.
Brian called me saturday, around mid-day like he does every weekend and we discussed about what we were going to do that night. He said he wanted to go to a club and I said I was not in the mood for that scene, I just wanted to go relax at a lounge, have a few drinks, and go home.
"Come on," he said. "thats how you want to spend your night, at alounge?"
"I deal with people all day. I don't want to deal with anyone, anymore today." I replied. "I just want to relax and chill with my bestfriend."
I have always known how to flatter and get my way with him since we met in high school. No one knows him better than me accept his mother. You look at me strange, why do I talk of him in the present tense? I will continue, the bus is not here yet, and who knows when the damn thing will show up.
Brian agreed, as I knew he would, to meet me at my house. From there we would go to the lounge where we and our friends hung out. He told me that he would be there at 6:00pm, so naturally I expected him at 7:00 or 7:30 because he is always late. Well, 6:00 rolled around then 7:00, 8:00 and still no Brian. Angry by now I got into my car and went alone. One of our mutual friends was there. A very loud girl named Elizabeth. I told her how Brian stood me up.
"Why are you upset It's not like you're in love with him." She said. "You're not are you?"
"Of course not it's just that I wish sometimes he'd be on time. He is always on time when there's something he wants to do. Why can't he give me the same consideration."
"Jaime, girlfriend, you don't want to admit it, but you are in love with Brian." "I am not, I just care a great deal about him."
I really was in love with him, I just forced myself not to believe it. I would say to myself we had been friends too long for anything to happen now. Plus, he wasn't my type. I want perfection and Brian was far from perfect, then again so are all the other guys I have been with. I don't know why I fought so much not to let my feelings go, but after tonight I would fight no more. Finally at 9:00pm Brian shows up standing at the front entrance of the lounge. He was wearing brown slacks, a black non-buttoned, non collared shirt, and a brown sport coat. His shoes were shined as if he just had them polished and his hair was perfect. I must admit he looked very handsome, almost perfection. He approached me and Elizabeth even she looked at him stunned. He had a hypnotic affect over everyone, it was supernatural. I managed to shake it off and my anger returned.
"Hello." he said softly, as he sat next to us."How are you guys doing? Sorry I'm late again. I had some car trouble."
"You couldn't get to a phone and call someone?" I snapped.
"Look, let me make it up to you. Have you eaten yet? I realize it's late, But I myself am starving. Let me take you to dinner, mytreat."
Elizabeth abruptly looked at her watch and saId it's time for her to get home because she had to work sunday. She didn't have to work. It was her way of saying "I'll leave you two alone." I didn't want her to go. There were feelings I was having that were frightning. Brian just appeared we didn't see him walk up. And, if he had to work on his car why weren't his nice clothes the least bit wrinkled. Not only that, I really looked at him differently and I didn't like that.
"Maybe we should just go back to my parents house." I said "We can grab something at the store and just go chill there."
"No, let me please take you out, not to a club, but just out. There is so much I need to tell you and I don't have a lot of time."
The sound of his voice was desperate. I hate it when he gets like that. So I agreed. I can honestly say this would be the greatest night of my young life. Brian was not the Brian I knew at all, he was almost regal and this night I was his princess. He took me to Tony's at Redondo Beach Pier, where we managed to get a booth by a window overlooking the ocean. Each booth had candles and complimentary wine. We ordered the grilled chicken and shrimp, with clam chowder as the appitizer. I asked him if he had this planned all along because you generally need reservations for Tony's.
"I guess it's just our lucky night." He laughed. His laughter turned serious after a moment and he spoke in a very sad tone.
"You know, you and I could have had something very special. I have never met anyone like you, that I can get along with so well. Why are you so afraid of to let your feelings go towards me?"
I replied ignorant as to pretend I didn't understand the question. "What do you mean, feelings?" He looked at me with a look as to say "Don't play stupid." So I tried to change the subject.
"This clam chowder is good, probably the best I've had. So what are we going to after this why don't we....
He gently grabbed my hand. "Please don't change the subject? Just let go for one night. That's not to much to ask."
I don't know what it was but I had to comply with him. Dinner came and we ate, laughed and talked about old times. afterward we went for a walk along the beach. The moon was full and it's light was glistening off the water and the waves were gently hitting the shore.
"So what did you think of that place?" He asked.
"Excellent." I said. "I normally don't like places like that you know."
"I know. But, since this night has to be perfect, nothing but the best for you."
As he said that, he took both my hands. I looked at him in his eyes and I did not hold back. Brian was perfection and he always had been. I was just too stubborn to want to see it. We kissed gently on the beach that night and it was such an intense kiss that I blocked out all sound. I could not even hear the waves hitting up against the shore. After all these years, in one night Brian had broken me. Why? Why did it happen that night? I had know answers to that question. He and I went back to my parents house, whom were out of town, and made passionate love. He was fabulous and perfect in other ways I would find out. Afterward, we laid there talking.
"You know, you have been stuborn too. Why did it take you almost ten years to do this?" I asked.
"Well, this would be my last chance."
"What do you mean? I want to be with you, I just wish it would've been sooner."
"I know, I want to be with you to but it cannot be, at least, not like this."
My heart dropped. "What are you saying, was this some kinda' one night stand with you?"
"Of course not I have and always will love you, and I will always be with you even in death ."
Now I was really scared. "Death?!? What do you mean death are you sick?"
"No. I.... must go now. Remember I will always be with you."
He got up, got dressed and started to leave. I pleaded with him not to go, to stay with me alnight. but he insisted he must go. Angered now, I yelled at him "Fine go!!!! You weren't that good anyway!!!!!" I heard the front door open and him walk out. I did not hear his car start though. I sat there and waited. Nothing. Thinking that he was sitting in his car waiting for me to go and apologize, I got up, put on my robe and went outside. There was no sign of Brian or his car. I assumed he drove off and I just didn't hear him. I went back inside and went to bed.
Sunday morning I got up and went to call Brian's house when I noticed my answering machine was blinking two messages. The first message was at 9:00pm. I listened.
"Jaime, this is Brians mom. Brian has been in a terriable auto accident. He is in a coma and they don't know if he is going to make it."
The second message was at 2:00am that was about the same time Brian left. Brian's mom was crying.
"Jaime, it's me again, Brian is dead. We are making funeral arrangements for a next sunday. I'm sure he would want you to be there."
I was horrified, then I began to question whether the night ever happened. I was sad and at the same time frightened. Brian had told me he would always be with me even in death. What did he mean? Did he mean he was going to take me with him? I was so overwhelmed with the news I fainted right there. While I was out I dreamed, that I was in a beutiful field drawing a picture of trees and a hillside in the distance, when someone touched me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was Brian.
"Hello." He said with a smile.
I jumped up and began to run. I knew I was dreaming, but Brian was real and I also knew that. And, for some reason I couldn't wake up!
He appeared in front of me. "Jaime stop, please." I turned and ran the other way and again he appeared in front of me. This time there was a large piece of branch laying on the ground. I picked up and prepared to fight.
"You may be dead, but you're not taking me without a fight!!!" I said sternly.
Brian looked at me sadly "Do you think I would ever hurt you? I would not ever hurt you. This is where I will be able to see you, spend time with you," he rubbed my cheek and kissed me gently, "and love you."
"Brian," I said "I can't see you like this, if I can't have the real you I don't want you at all."
He kissed me again. "This is as real as you want it to be. But, if you can't handle it just tell me to leave and I will go... I will have to go."
"I don't know what I want. I just know I had chance to have you and I blew it. Now, you're dead"
"I am only dead physically and here in you're dreams I am as alive as you want me to be. Here you and I have another chance to be together. Do you want to blow it again?"
I thought about it and I thought at all the chances I have had at love. No one has been more understanding than Brian. No one knows me like he does. I grabbed him and began to kiss him and with that I felt somone shaking me and calling my name. As I was waking up, I could hear Brian saying I will see you again tonight. I awoke to see my brother standingover me.
"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.
"Yes," I said smiling, " Brian is dead"
My brother was shocked when I told him what had happened to Brian and even more shocked that I was smiling. I did not dare tell him why or the rest of what happened, he and my family might have me committed.
That night I saw Brian again in the same field in my dream and this time we finished what we started. It was wonderful and even in a dream he is still perfect. You look at me as if I am mad. I told you that's what you would think, but I assure I am not mad, I am just female who has finally found true love. And, it doesn't matter how one finds love or where, as long as they find it. Oh, I see the bus is finally comeing I hope you have a great day. On my lunch break I am going to take a nap, Brian and I have lots more to discuss and it may take about an hour.
Comments for Jakeemo? E-mail her:jakeemo@gte.net