Bob Hill wrote Tuesday 25 July 2006 @08:04:47 EDT:

Geez I can take about anything, but when people start using
cranked-up Barry Manilow to fight noise I gotta draw some
kind of line across my treble clef.

                                                                 outraged hoosier

Fred Dean, a DePauw University alumnus, wrote Tues 25 July
2006 @08:59:30 PDT re the Greencastle, Indiana, "R" thief:

"Townie."

A 17-year-old sniper killed one motorist and wounded another in
shootings a hundred miles apart on I-65 and I-69.

One state agency fined another  $1.4 million  for patient abuse at a
state-run nursing home.  This assessment against Peter to pay Paul
will inure to the benefit of Pauletta:   The  funds  will go into a state
nursing scholarship fund. . . .

A federal appeals judge suggested that defense attorneys might play
dumb in capital cases to get death penalties reversed  for  ineffective
assistance of counsel. . . .

Three copper thieves have been electrocuted robbing live utility wires. . . .

School resumes this week.

                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal, KNN]

"I enjoy cocaine because it's a fun thing to do.  I enjoy the company
 of prostitutes because it's a fun thing to do.  If you combine the two
 it's probably even more fun."

                                 -- Congressman Robert Wexler (D-Fla.),
                                     on the Colbert Report, being prodded
                                     to "say a few things that would really
                                     lose the election" (but he's unopposed)

A semitrailer carrying a Tomahawk missile overturned in New
York City.  .  .  . Scientists said wealthy British neighborhoods
may cause cancer in children. . . . British actor Frank Harrison
was fined for spanking an actress.  .  .  . The National Enquirer
admitted that Britney Spears' marriage is stable.  .  .  . Saddam
Hussein told his court  he  should be executed by a firing squad
and not hanged if convicted.  . . .  A new version of Monopoly,
issued  in  Britain,  comes with Visa debit cards instead of cash.
. . . Seven persons attending a "zombie dance party" at the Mall
of America in Minneapolis were arrested for carrying "simulated
weapons of mass destruction."  . . .  Three 17-year-old students
at  a  high  school  in Ellicott City, Maryland,  were charged with
trafficking  in  yellow  smiley-face  marijuana  gumballs. . . .  Mel
Gibson  asked  a  deputy  sheriff  who arrested him for DUI if he
was a Jew and said, "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in
the world."
                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

"Cocaine Heroin" sent us an e-mail titled "tradition."

And we received e-mail from "Long," "TOP" and "medium."

A restaurant planning to sell 30 different types of cereal at all hours of the
day will open next month in Bloomington.  "It'll be everything from Grape
Nuts to Sugar Corn Pops," said Mark Wilson, owner of the Cereal Barn
and Peanut Butter Cafe. . . .

About a hundred R's were taken from signs in Greencastle.  It turned out
that an 18-year-old girl was supplementing her lettering collection,  and a
19-year-old boy friend was helping her. . . .

The 18-year-old whose car hit ten spectators at the Madison Regatta be-
fore plunging into the Ohio River was charged with driving under the influ-
ence of Freon.
                                                   [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

BS Advertising, Park City.

"People don't take this costume seriously."

-- Steven Turnage, at whom people shot bottle
    rockets as he paraded in a chicken suit out-
    side a fast-food place in Searcy, Arkansas

"So, the idea is, you're only supposed to be delivering mail to people who are
 actually back in their homes?"

-- Melissa Block, of National Public Radio's All Things Considered,
    interviewing New Orleans' 9th Ward postman Wayne Treaudo

Art Linkletter, 94

Officials in a Sydney suburb were blasting loud Barry Manilow
and Doris Day recordings to drive carousers from a public park
late at night. . . .  Scientists found that two-thirds of people who
had taken psilocybin had had meaningful experiences. . . .  Sen-
sors implanted in a paralyzed man's brain  enabled him to check
e-mail.  . . .  A German accused of robbery was caught stealing
from the judge during his trial. . . . A dying Jack Kevorkian said
he would not commit suicide.  .  .  . The Vatican turned a $12.4
million dollar profit last year despite a $9 million outlay for Pope
John Paul II's funeral.  . . .  A chicken in Kazakhstan laid an egg
with the word "Allah" on the shell (in Arabic). . . .  A queen-size
electric blanket with cord and control box was surgically remov-
ed from a 12-foot Burmese python in Ketchum, Idaho.

"Royal" sent us ten simultaneous e-mails titled "yo."

"Gwendoline Dickey" sent us "important email."

Keith Durbin wrote Sun 9 July 2006 @09:32:07 CDT:

The Las Vegas police were cleared of all charges
and actually given a medal of honor  because  the
man was playing rap on his loud stereo.

The state made 8,591 entries in a federal data base of sites to be pro-
tected from terrorists – including farms,  nursing homes,  and 13 more
tall buildings than Illinois entered in the data base. . . .

                                              [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Congressman John Hostettler introduced a bill to amend the U.S. Code
to eliminate awards  of  attorney  fees  in cases in which the government
violates the separation of church and state. . . .

                                   [courtesy American Atheists, Edwin F. Kagin]

"Shoot for the moon and you get a star or two on the way."

-- UCLA  Law  Professor  Brad  Sears,  Executive  Director  of
    the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public
    Policy,  on National Public Radio's Weekend Edition Sunday

Don Herbert ("Mr. Wizard"), 89, July 10

Police in Princeton,  West Virginia,  chased a man over a 50-
foot cliff; the first pursuing policeman could not stop and tum-
bled after him, and the second cop jumped off the cliff to res-
cue his partner and landed in a tree. . . .  Three persons were
arrested for plotting to sell Coca-Cola secrets to Pepsi.  .  .  .
Poland's  President  appointed his twin brother prime minister.
. . .  Russian President Vladimir Putin explained that he kissed
a boy on the stomach because he "wanted to stroke him like a
cat." . . . The world's oldest crow died in Bearsville, N.Y. . . .
An article in the debut issue of the British police magazine Safe
advises women "intent on getting ratted" (drunk) to make sure
they are "wearing nice pants" in case they pass out. . . . A Ha-
waiian acquitted by a jury was jailed for shouting  "Thank you,
Jesus!"  when the verdict was read.  . . .  British tabloids Daily
Mirror, Daily Express and the Sun  called an Italian magazine's
printing a photo of a dying Princess Diana in her mangled auto-
mobile shameful. . . . Peter Coors' driver's license was revoked
for DUI.

"fsdafsfsd" sent us an e-mail titled "[Suspected Spam]»óÇ°±Ç ¼ö·® ÇÑ...."

"Sheree Gallegos" sent Bruce Mitchell an e-mail titled "0YC."

We received, "returned" as undeliverable, 963 e-mails we did not send.

A dozen riders were left hanging upside down for 45 minutes in an accident
on a loop-de-loop roller coaster at the Fun Spot amusement park near An-
gola  --  and none of the eight news reports of the incident linked to Google
and Yahoo! news carried a photograph of the hapless passengers.

For the second time this year, a Louisville policeman caused an automobile
crash by driving the wrong way on a one-way street, without lights or siren
engaged.  Four persons, including the cop, were injured Wednesday.   In a
January crash, the other motorist was killed. . . .

KFC's Colonel Sanders is getting a facelift.   You can vote here for your fa-
vorite Colonel.
                                                       [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

German breweries reported that English  soccer  fans  were en-
dangering the German beer supply.  . . .  The coordinator of the
"Habitat for Offenders" trailer park in Florida said,  "Everybody
deserves a second chance." . . . An airport search found Viagra
prescribed to someone else in Rush Limbaugh's luggage.  . . .  A
62-year-old Englishwoman  had  a  baby.  .  .  .  Police shot and
killed a man who refused to turn down his loud car stereo on the
Las Vegas strip. . . . Professor Oyedola of Olabisi Onabanjo U-
niversity was found dead behind Poopola Hospital in Ijebu-Igbo,
Nigeria (suspects include the Eiye fraternity).

                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

"Complains H. Custard" <Herbert@kichimail.com> sent
D. Hopkins an e-mail titled "Join the Hoodia revolution."

Ted Fiskevold wrote Sunday 25 June 2006 @10:57:13 CDT re the Kentucky
Governor's blockage of political blogs from state employees' internet connections:

They should ban the newspapers from most state employees as well. . . .

Editor's note:   Perhaps all internet connections should be blocked.   We were in the Cir-
cuit Court Clerk's office a few weeks ago and heard what sounded like cartoons coming
from our favorite Deputy's computer. We accused her of watching cartoons, and she de-
nied it. Then we heard a familiar voice and looked at her monitor: It was George W Bush
making a speech.  "Aha!" we accused.  "You are watching a cartoon!"

A good Republican, she maintained her denial.

Web sites blocked on state employees' computers  included Rush
Limbaugh's and Al Franken's.  Sites remaining accessible included
Ann Coulter's and the Onion.                                                    
                                        
                                         [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"If Paris Hilton fell down drunk in a forest, would there be a sound?"

                       -- Tamara Ikenberg in the Courier-Journal

"I'm in this huge feud with Lindsay Lohan. She knows what she did."

                                                             -- film star Al Gore

"I go on line and find millions of articles of jewelry,  pants,  vests,  jackets,
 helmets,  gloves,  and T-shirts  featuring  an . . . American  flag. . . .  Can
 burning a flag be any more demeaning than wearing one across your butt?"

                                        -- Bob Hill, Courier-Journal columnist

The U.S. will have to turn to Saddam Hussein to quell the in-
surgency in Iraq,  his chief lawyer said in an interview. . . .  I-
owa Congressman Steve King said Abu Musab Al-Zarqaw-
i's heavenly reward will be 72 virgins who  "look  like  Helen
Thomas." . . . President Bush and Prime Minister Koizumi of
Japan sang "I Want You, I Need You, I Love You"  to each
other at the White House.  . . .  Hillary Clinton described Re-
publicans as similar to monkeys. . . . Daryl Hannah was forci-
bly removed from a walnut tree in Los Angeles. . . . A Louisi-
ana State University student was fined $1,624 for streaking a-
cross the football field at a game against Oregon State  in 20-
04. . . . A woman in Corpus Christi, Texas, received a sever-
ed finger in  the  mail  along with a letter from her former boy
friend saying, "This is my last chance to touch you." . . . A stu-
dy by Pfizer  found  that most women between the ages of 25
and 74 prefer sex partners with hard penises.

"Sophie Vallet - CD PRO" sent us an e-mail titled "Créez, Gravez, Imprimez vos CD."
"Augustus Winter" sent us an e-mail titled "of Terry a sheets examined PAT."
"GZRrcWbF" sent us an e-mail titled "jatWOCP Pafy oau NipJ/."