• Her family is in denial
• Her friends are fascinated
• All of Hollywood is asking . . .
  

Stephen Yates wrote Fri 24 July 2008 @13:38:26 CDT:

Thank you for Tabloid Headlines!   I love Tabloid
Headlines!   I live for Tabloid Headlines!   I don't
want these fucking Tabloid Headlines  out  of  my
life!  I need Tabloid Headlines!  I get all my news
from Tabloid Headlines!

The senior pastor at the Crossroads Community Church in Koko-
mo rode a dirt bike out to the altar to demonstrate the concept of
unity and broke a wrist driving off the platform into the vacant first
row of seats. . . .

A 36-year-old woman  stabbed  herself  in  the foot  with a 3-foot
sword  performing a Wiccan good luck ritual at a cemetery in Leb-
anon, Indiana.
                                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

A man in Elkhart complained  to  National  Public  Radio  about the
broadcast of the two stories above on Morning Edition and sugges-
ted that the staff look for "knuckleheads elsewhere in the country."

                                                                              [courtesy NPR]

A teacher who threatened to bring a gun to school, a teacher who took
students shopping  and kept them overnight in her home,  a teacher ab-
sent without leave  for a month,  and a teacher  who called her students
"a bunch of assholes" are among 18 suing to get their jobs back in Lou-
isville, saying they weren't given a chance to correct their behavior.

                                                 [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"John McCain is aware of the internet."
                                                                    – Mark Soohoo, McCain aide

"I might take it upon myself to prevent all bad poetry from being published."

                                            – Kay Ryan, new United States poet laureate

"Janis Ian now lives in Nashville, with her wife."

                                                        – Robert Siegel, National Public Radio
"Get in the hole!"
                                – unidentified fan at British Open Golf Tournament

Orson Bean, 82
David Spade, 44

Radovan Karadzic was arrested. George W. Bush, Dick
Cheney,  Paul Wolfowitz,  Douglas Feith,  Donald Rums-
feld, Robert Mugabe and Mwai Kibaki weren't.  . . . The
Chicago south suburb of  Lynwood  Park  banned saggy
pants. . . . Hillary Clinton unveiled a new hairdo, with the
part shifted to the right. . . .  A laser light show at the Aq-
uamarine Open Air Festival  in  Russia  burned dozens of
spectators' retinas and left them partially blind. .  .  .  Fin-
Land's Theater Totti presented the world's first opera for
the deaf. . . . A man in Lewiston,  Maine,  found a 9-foot
python under the engine of his pickup truck  (a woman in
Gorham,  Maine,  found an 8-foot python  in her washing
machine a week earlier). ... A toad ate a three-foot snake
in Australia.  .  .  . A motorist was arrested in Providence,
Rhode  Island,  with a 0.491 per cent blood alcohol level,
a state record. .  .  . A family court judge in New Zealand
ordered a new name (not made public) for 9-year-old Ta-
lula Does The Hula From Hawaii. . . .Eating tofu daily was
found to reduce men's sperm count. .  .  . Emily, a little girl
from Kentucky,  ran  crying  from the  T-ball  field  on  the
White House lawn  when  President Bush  and a chipmunk
named Dugout  tried to present a game ball to her.

      [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, Reuters, Len Zanger]

• The groom is an ex Hell's Angel
• She's 62, he's 38
• The quickie Las Vegas ceremony
• Their $600 million prenup
• Why they're not telling anyone
  

June floods created a new island in the Wabash River  in Posey County,
separating farmers from their fields and stranding farm equipment.  Since
the Wabash is the Illinois border, one must wonder what state this island
is in (but we have not seen that question raised in the press).

                                                 [courtesy Evansville Courier & Press]

A new terminal at the Indianapolis International Airport will be  named  for
World War I  ace  Harvey Weir Cook – but not the whole airport,  which
was known as Weir Cook Municipal Airport from 1944 to 1976.

                                                                     [courtesy Associated Press]

Governor  Stevie  promised to campaign  for  an  "In God We Trust"  license
plate as a free altnerative to the plate with the  new  state  motto,  "Unbridled
Spirit"  ("In God We Trust" is everyone's motto, he said). . . . A man convict-
ed of jury tampering was appointed by Governor Stevie to two boards, inclu-
ding one that acts as judge and jury in claims against the state.

                                                         [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"Good-bye from the world's biggest polluter."

– George W. Bush, leaving his last G-8 climate summit

"They shriek a lot, like Italians on steroids."

– American filmmaker Lena Dunham, upon her arrival in Greece

Nelson Mandela, 90
Phyllis Diller, 91
Art Linkletter, 96

Jo Stafford (her real name), 90
Mak Erot, 130

Osama bin Laden's teen-age son posted a poem on line. . . .
Seventy-nine persons were  arrested  for various indecencies
on Dubai's beaches,  including going topless and fucking. . . .
Abu Dhabi bought New York City's Chrysler Building.  .  .  .
Iran Photoshopped its latest missile test. . . . Abbie  Hawkins,
a British teen-ager  who  assumed  that  tremors in her bosom
were caused by vibrations of her cell phone, found a baby bat
nesting in her 34FF bra. . . . "Compassionate release" was de-
nied  by  California's parole board  to  Susan  Atkins, dying of
cancer at 60. . . .The Chicago Transit Authority planned to use
cattle cars in el and subway trains at rush hour. . . . Last week's
New Yorker cover cartoon was taken seriously  by  "hopeless"
Neanderthals. . . .  Sarah Jessica Parker had the mole removed
from her chin. . . . Czar Nicholas II (executed by the Bolsheviks
in 1918)  had a slim lead over  Josef  Stalin  in a Russian poll for
the greatest Russian of all time,  with Lenin  a  distant  third  (in a
similar poll in the U.S. in 2005,  Ronald Reagan was found to be
the greatest American of all time).  .  .  . The high school football
team beat an "illegal" Mexican immigrant to death in Shenandoah,
Pennsylvania. . . . A 30-story crane fell in Houston, Texas, killing
four workers. . . .  A parachuter in a military review at Fort Riley,
Kansas,  landed on the 1st Infantry Band,  destroying  two  tubas
and injuring three players.  .  .  . Paris  Hilton  was shilling canned
champagne.

• 'Call me Bush Lite now!' he challenges
• Hillary's supporters cry 'foul' again
  

FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 6 July 2008 @11:01:12 PDT re the Oak Park (Illinois)
city manager's complaint about the Supreme Court decision on the 2nd Amendment:

It appears that the Court feels that youth gangs qualify as "well regulated militias."

A Georgetown father who got help on air from TV's "Supernanny "
earlier this year shot and killed himself. . . .

A Kentucky woman stopped for watching a TV show on her lap-
top while driving on I-95 in Maine explained that she was doing it
to stay awake.
                                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

"The historical intent of the Second Amendment is to prevent a gov-
 ernment monopoly on force.  Its point is to protect us not from  'the
 criminals,'  but from the police.   Another stolen election,  eight more
 years of Republicans, and we left wing nuts might turn out to be very
 happy that the right wing nuts preserved our guns."

                                                                       – Alexander Boldizar

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.   Wisdom  is  knowing
 not to put it in a fruit salad."
                                                                                            – KarlG

"I am not hurt that bad."
                                      – Marcus Wolf,  gored in Pamplona with a 5-
                                          inch gash in the right buttock, after surgery

A man flew 235 miles from Bend, Oregon, to Cambridge,
Idaho, in a 400-pound garden chair,  held aloft by helium-
filled party balloons  (he used a BB gun  to control the alti-
tude and to land). . . .Federal Express delivered a package
of 200 pounds of marijuana to the wrong address  in Balti-
more, and the intended recipient was arrested. . . . Nelson
Mandela  was removed from America's terrorist watch list.
. . . Fifteen boys died from botched circumcisions in South
Africa.  .  .  .  Thirty-three persons have been injured in the
running of the bulls in Pamplona, but only five of them were
gored (the figures do not include the Irishman who fell from
an old city wall and died just before the festival began).  . . .
Google cofounder  Sergey Brin  raised employees' day care
fee to $57,000 a year  because he was tired of parents who
"feel entitled to bottled water and M&Ms." . . . Psychologist
Himanshu  Tyagi  warned that children raised on social inter-
networks will put less value on real identities,  and  will  be in
danger of impulsive behavior and suicide. . . .A University of
Central Florida student,  in Orlando,  was accused of a "hate
crime" by Catholics for walking out of mass with his wafer un-
swallowed,  "held hostage" in a ZipLoc bag. . . .  Dog was ta-
ken off the menus  of officially designated Olympic restaurants
in Beijing.  . . . A British study found that eating too much tofu
leads to dementia. . . . Archaeologists found slave quarters but
no cherry tree at GeorgeWashington's childhood home.

          [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, WFTV, Edwin Kagin]

• Transfer his delegates to Minneapolis and grab the Republican nomination
  
• Leave Hillary delegates in Denver to forestall a McCain grab and cope with demonstrations
  

Highway officials announced an "invitations only"  groundbreaking
the week of July 13  for the extension of I-69 from Indianapolis to
Evansville – but refused to disclose time, exact date or location, to
ward off protest demonstrations. Two tree-sitters were arrested en
route June 20.

    [courtesy Evansville Courier & Press, Indiana Daily Student]

See photo below (courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal).

"Yeah, I am a fag!"
                                – Pete Wentz

"It's just completely befuddling that our Supreme Court
 would be in alliance with the gangbangers."

                                – Oak Park (Illinois) village manager Thomas W. Barwin

"My dream is to fly."
                                  – Kazakh supermodel Ruslana Korshunova, 20, who jumped
                                     to her death from a Manhattan apartment building

"The West can go hang a thousand times."

                           – George Charamba, aide to Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe

"It's better than someone that doesn't write anything at all."

    – British schoolmaster Peter Buckroyd, who gave a 16-year-old student 2 points
        (out of 27 possible) for a paper that said nothing but "Fuck off" (he said the
        student would have received a higher mark if he had punctuated his essay)

Dear Abby, 90
Lena Horne, 91
Olivia de Havilland, 92
Lindsay Lohan, 22

Fifteen camels, two zebras, and an undetermined number of
llamas and potbellied pigs escaped from a traveling circus in
Amsterdam when a giraffe kicked a hole in their cage.  .  .  .
A school in Lund, Sweden, confiscated an 8-year-old boy's
birthday party invitations  because he did not invite everyone
in his class  (school officials said they had a duty to ensure a-
gainst discrimination). . . . Italy planned to fingerprint all Gyp-
sy children. . . . AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" and Led Zeppe-
lin's  "Stairway to Heaven"  were about to break in to the top
ten requested funeral anthems at the largest cemetery in Ade-
laide, Australia.
                                           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]