Terry Crow wrote Sun 21 Jun 2009 @10:46:58 PDT:
The only one I know on that [previous Tuesday's birthday] list is
Laurie Metcalf, who is sort of an actress. She played Roseanne's
sister on the show of the same name.
Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 21 Jun 2009 @11:57:41 PDT:
Laurie Metcalf is an actress who played Roseanne's sister on the long
running show Roseanne. The rest remain allegations.
"Roseanne"? – Ed.
Patricia M. wrote Mon 22 Jun 2009 @06:23:22 PDT:
I think Diana DeGarmo was an American Idol contestant several years
ago.
"American Idol?" – Ed.
PatSolstad@comcast.net on Sun 21 Jun 2009 @14:49:12 GMT
sent us an e-mail without content, but with the following message
in the subject line:
"Please unsubscribe me."
This reader seems to have overlooked or ignored our very pre-
cise instructions on how to "unsubscribe," which are not printed
in every issue but are each time we gain a new subscriber, and
are reproduced again below for this reader's convenience. – Ed.
See last week's dumb news from Indiana for an explanation.
Anneta, Grayson County (exclusive Tabloid Headlines photos)
"The President of the United States is supposed to lead the free world,
not follow it. He's been timid and passive more than I would like."
– South Carolina Senator
Lindsey Graham
"We were not expecting Mr. Obama, who has talked about change, to
fall in the same trap and follow the same path that Bush did. I hope you
express your regret in a way that the Iranian people find out about it."
– Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
"He'll swat that fly!"
– Jeanetta Girard
Meryl Streep, 60Deaths:
Phyllis George, 60
Lindsay Wagner, 60
Farrah Fawcett, 62
Michael Jackson, 50
Obituaries mentioned that Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album
outsold the Beatles' "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."
They didn't mention that so did at least 13 other albums, inclu-
ding the sound track from "Dirty Dancing," and that the Eagles'
"Greatest Hits" has outsold "Thriller," depending on the list you
go to. http://www.classicbands.com/bestsellers.html#top100
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_best-selling_albums_worldwide
http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/25-best-selling-albums-of-all-time.htm
In "Let's Keep Facebook Fun, People," a blogster flamed u-[courtesy Harper's Weekly, National Public Radio, Associated Press]
sers who reported getting fired. . . . A woman dialed 911 in Sy-
racuse, New York, to complain that a police car was blocking
her car, then keyed the cruiser when the cops failed to move it
fast enough. . . . A Swiss woman asked her wealthy French lov-
er for a million dollars as they made love; he said, "That's a lot
of money to pay for a whore," and she shot him dead. . . . The
sixth dead body turned up in the seven years of the Bonnaroo
festival in Tennessee. . . . Three men and two women died in a
pickup truck in a shallow pond in west Texas. . . . The Los An-
geles Dodgers' Manny Ramirez, suspended from major league
baseball for 50 games for use of artificial testosterone and a fe-
male fertility drug, was being allowed to play out his suspension
in the minor leagues. . . . A woman was cited for having 334
rabbits in her yard in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. . . .South Caro-
lina's governor went for a "hike" in Buenos Aires. . . . H. R. Hal-
deman called Thomas Eagleton a "pipsqueak" in newly released
Nixon archives. . . . Children in Chino Valley, California, had to
go back to school for six weeks because administrators shaved
too many minutes from regular term school days. . . . Greenland
changed its name to Naalakkersuisut.
Preevious
issue
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Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 14 Jun 2009 @11:26:00 PDT:
"Fish need water, Feds say" is not so foolish as it sounds
in the headline. This was a study relating to the minimum
instream flows needed to sustain endangered salmonid
populations in river systems where there are many com-
peting demands for water . . . .
Blah, blah, blah, etc., etc. If you have more than a tabloid curios-
ity about the subject, or just want the rest of this dissertation, you
can e-mail Mr. Mitchell at ibaminv@gmail.com. Or you can "Goo-
gle" the subject. – Ed.
MO wrote Sun 14 Jun 2009 @18:24:05 CDT:
AS ALWAYS!!! GREAT TABLOID!!! I LOOK FORWARD
TO READING THIS CRAP EACH WEEK, AND IF NO ONE
ELSE DOES THAT'S TOUGH – KEEPEM COMING TO ME!!!
FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 14 Jun 2009 @11:09:39 PDT:
I wish to thank you for serving me my weekly diet of sleaze.
The attorney for the Jeffersonsville City Council was found sleep-
ing in his neighbor's garbage can at 7 a.m. after a night of revelry.
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
A four-foot-long alligator was frightening fishermen on Pine Lake
in LaPorte County.
[courtesy Associated Press]
Kentucky representatives John Yarmuth and Brett Guthrie formed
a Bourbon Caucus in Congress, with 17 members so far. . . .
A limousine belonging to a judge of the state Court of Appeals was
found parked at a drug dealer's home in Bell County.
[courtesy AP]
"They didn't rig the vote. They didn't even look at the vote.
They just wrote the name and put the number in front of it."
– anonymous Iranian election official
[courtesy Harper's Weekly & New York Times]
"That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."
– President Obama, after swatting a fly
with his bare hand in a TV interview
Aung San Suu Kyi, 64
Anne Murray, 64
Paul McCartney, over 64
and these were the birthdays listed in last Tuesday's "Buzz":
Lamont Dozier, 68
Eddie Levert, 67
Joan Van Ark, 66
Laurie Metcalf, 54
Jenny Shimizu, 42
China Shavers, 32
Diana DeGarmo, 22
Your editor and his staff had never heard of any of these al-
leged persons. Perhaps our readers can give us a tip or two.
The umpire at a high school baseball game in West Burlington,
Iowa, ejected the entire crowd of a hundred spectators for
yelling and arguing. . . . Two teens in Sarasota, Florida, were
arrested for copulating in the driver's seat of a moving car (and
were charged not with reckless driving, of which at least one of
them clearly was guilty, but with "lewd and lascivious behavior").
. . . A police station in Gerihun, Sierra Leone, was taken over
by hundreds of venomous snakes. . . . A demolition company
razed the wrong house in Carroll County, Georgia. . . . An Ital-
ian woman who arrived late at the airport in Rio de Janeiro and
missed Air France's fatal flight 447 died a week later in an auto-
mobile accident in Austria. ... New Jersey residents got out their
snow blowers to deal with 2˝ inches of hail June 15. . . . David
Letterman apologized for saying Sarah Palin's "daughter was
knocked up by Alex Rodriguez" in the seventh inning at Yankee
Stadium. . . . Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tripped and stum-
bled in the State Department garage and broke her elbow. . . .
California's Babs Boxer rebuked an Army general for calling her
"ma'am" instead of "Senator." . . . California's Gov'nor Ahnold
"tweeted" his airplane's emergency landing in Los Angeles. . . .
An Oregon woman who was banned from being within 100 feet
of a bunny 2˝ years ago after police found 250 in her Hillsboro
home (including 100 dead) was arrested last week at a hotel after
a maid found rabbits hopping around in her room. . . . A kitten
was dumped in a mailbox in Boston.
[courtesy Daily Snopes, AP, TheStar.com]
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FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 7 Jun 2009 @09:18:16 EDT:
Who ARE these people?
We were afraid someone would ask – but we expected such, and we
were prepared.
Kate and Jon Gosselin became reality TV icons as the ideal parents of
twins and sextuplets in Wernersville, Pennsylvania. But an enterprising
paparazzo for Us Weekly tailed Jon, 32, with a videocam as Kate, 34,
went on a book tour with her best-seller Eight Little Faces, and found
him in flagrante, at his own home, with a third-grade teacher from Read-
ing – whose face and name then also were plastered all over the sleaz-
ettes (she's the lovely Deanna Hummel, 23). The rest, as we say, is tab-
loid.
We had sincerely and sorely hoped to avoid this ongoing saga, but the ed-
itorial pressure became too great. It was a choice between ignoring the
worst of the sleaze and serving our readers. We chose to serve. – Editor
Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 7 Jun 2009 @11:02:27 PDT:
Damn you, Borf, and yer JPEGS. I wanna read alla petty details
of the Alton attorney who accidentally suits hisself.
That JPEG and the previous week's (headlined "Utah Poison Control
Center reminds everyone not to take poison") were presented in our
usual "tidbit" style, and exactly as we received them from an experien-
ced and respected journalist in Australia (thanks, Eric). We do give
our readers links, occasionally, especially when we think they might be
left "at sea" without context; but these were not such cases (both items
were clearly "old" news anyway). And surely, sir, you know how to
"Google" and "Yahoo" the news yourself. – Ed.
The fourth annual Red Skelton Festival in Vincennes was kicked
off with a clown pie fight. . . .
The Petersburg police chief was indicted for letting his girl friend
use his department's computer to obtain prescription pain killers
illegally. . . .
Three black families in Indianapolis sued Chuck E. Cheese for
refusing to serve them.
[courtesy Associated Press]
David Joseph Poppiti, 18, of New Castle, Delaware, pleaded guilty in Pine-
ville to killing a deputy sheriff and his dog who were in a parked cruiser struck
by Poppiti's vehicle as he fled a service station where he had not paid to refuel.
Poppiti got 25 years for murder and evading a police officer. Charges of spee-
ding, driving without a license, and first degree assault on a service animal were
dismissed in the plea bargain. . . .
Henderson County Judge Sandy Watkins, who has received awards for pro-
moting recycling and closing illegal dumps, was cited for illegal burning.
[courtesy AP]
Following his appointment in 1990 as circuit judge, Russell Cletus Maricle
earned a reputation as being intelligent and compassionate. But early in his
law career, he was accused of murder. . . .
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
"Obama is making us stupid. Love can make you stupid."
– Naomi Klein
Prince Rogers Nelson, 51
Tom Jones, 69
Vic Damone, 81
Robert McNamara, 93
Les Paul, 94
Parking tickets accumulated for weeks on a minivan beneath a
Brooklyn-Queens Expressway overpass in New York while
the driver lay dead inside. . . . Supreme Court nominee Sonia
Sotomayor tripped and stumbled at New York's LaGuardia
Airport and broke her ankle. . . . President Barack Hussein O-
bama spoke in Arabic in Cairo. . . . A French court ruled that
contestants on the reality show "Temptation Island" are entitled
to a 35-hour work week, overtime pay and vacation. . . . Aus-
tralian prostitutes marched on International Whores Day in pro-
test of high advertising rates. . . . The free speech defense fail-
ed Helen Immelt as she was convicted of harassment for lean-
ing on her automobile horn for ten minutes at 5:50 a.m. in front
of her neighbor's house in Snohomish County, Washington. . . .
Two What-A-Burger employes in Albuquerque, New Mexico,
were convinced by a prank caller impersonating a company of-
ficial to shed their clothes and break the windows to test the
fast food shop's fire suppression system. . . . Two persons were
arrested in the Miami, Florida, suburb Palmetto Bay in the muti-
lation deaths of two dozen residents' pet cats. . . . Swine flu a-
chieved a "pandemic" rating from the World Health Organization.
. . . Chastity Bono will undergo sex change surgery. . . . Miss
California was fired.
[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP]
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Keith Durbin wrote Mon 1 Jun 2009 @07:27:56 CDT:
I vote for Rush Limbaugh and his favorite person Rush
Limbaugh as the the biggest dumbass morning radio duo.
Stephen Yates wrote Tues 2 Jun 2009 @03:59:54 CDT:
I am surprised that you left out the dumbass morning ra-
dio duo Bob & Tom – the Bob the Knob show, out of
Indianapolis – aired on 103.7 in your area.
Gee, we got mixed up, switching back and forth between 103.7
and 105.3 (Bob & Sheri). We thought Tom was just Sheri in
drag! (Tom and Jerry?) Who is that dumb bitch on the Bob &
Tom show? – Ed.
FGDean@aol.com wrote Sun 31 May 2009 @10:00:50 PDT:
Carlos Zambrano probably also misunderestimated the conse-Indeed he did. He was suspended for six games. – Ed.
quences of his overexaggeration.
Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 31 May 2009 @08:13:04 PDT:
Get with it, Borf! Have the decency to convert your JPEG
pix of news articles into PDF format before attaching to fu-
ture editions of this rag so readers don't have to dig out ma-
gnifying glasses to read the damned text.
You weren't supposed to read the "damned text." The headline
said it all. – Ed.
Andy Horning, of Freedom, two-time Libertarian Party nominee for
governor, is moving to Texas.
[courtesy Associated Press]
A 19-year-old father and 14-year-old mother were charged with meth-
ampheatimine production in Wayne County and also with murder in the
death of their 22-month old son from a drain cleaner he drank from a
cup (which contains a chemical used in making meth). . . .
State police shot and killed a man charging them on a front-end loader
in Bracken County.
[courtesy AP]
The New Bethel Church in southwest Louisville has scheduled an "Open
Carry" service urging the flock to wear unloaded guns in holsters, listen to
talks by gun merchants and firing range operators, and enter a raffle for a
free handgun: http://www.newbethelchurchky.org/openCarryCelebration.htm . . .
A nine-hole golf course at Bellarmine University in Louisville will be paved
over for a parking lot.
[courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]
"Wax the baby!"
– Jeanetta Girard
Clint Eastwood, 79
Andy Griffith, 82
Terry Waite, 70
Carlos Zambrano, 28
Susan Boyle was admitted to a mental health clinic in London
suffering from exhaustion after losing the championship round
of Britain [Has] Talent. . . . A 25-year-old Egyptian cut off
his penis after being denied permission to marry a woman of a
lower class. . . . 16 & Pregnant premieres this week on MTV.
. . . A car came to a dead stop on a highway in Switzerland
when all four wheels dropped off simultaneously. . . . An Eng-
ish jogger ran into a tree while tweeting on Twitter. . . . A 29-
year-old minimum-wage earner who has 21 children under the
age of 11 with 11 different women appeared in court in Knox-
ville, Tennessee, on 15 child support cases. . . . The last survi-
vor of the Titanic died. . . . A 5-year-old girl reared by dogs
and cats was found in Siberia talking in hisses and barks. . . .
British scientists concluded that cats have a poor understand-
ing of the relationship between cause and effect. . . . An Israeli
woman lay down between the rails at a crossing; a train passed
over, and the woman got up and walked away. . . . A jury in
New Jersey awarded $115,000 to a man who had sued his
mother for tapping him on the shoulder as he operated a power
saw, causing him to lose a little finger. . . . David Carradine was
found dead of autoerotic asphyxiation in his hotel room in Bang-
kok. . . . Commencement was canceled at Centerburg High
School in Ohio when it was discovered that a senior had hacked
into teachers' computers and distributed tests to classmates in ad-
vance. . . . A man in Kannapolis, North Carolina, recruited a ra-
pist for his wife on Craigslist. . . .Maine's topless coffee shop was
destroyed by arson.
[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, AP, Bob & Tom]
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Ideas for a Better America Box 413 The Columbus Book of Euchre Brownsville KY 42210 War Stories: The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer (270) 597-2187 Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher Natty Bumppo, writer/editor |