:

Fred Dean wrote Sun 1/21/18 @11:15 PST:

Much briefer, but your story about a Montgomery County (In-
diana) woman who stabbed her children, 7 and 3, to death be-
cause her husband sued for divorce seems as gruesome as the
"Crazy News" I alerted you to from California.

You have an excellent point, sir; but the main point of our terse re-
buttal to your letter of January 16 was  to  falsely  portray  Tabloid
Headlines as "holier than they" ("they" being the Washington Post,
the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times,  the National Enqui-
rer, and the Globe).   Please be assured that Tabloid Headlines will
pursue diligent coverage of the Perris 13 (and please be assured al-
so that our future coverage will include investigation of why  Cali-
fornia insists on misspelling "Paris" as "Perris").  – Natty Bumppo,
Editor, Tabloid Headlines

Banners posted outside a Unitarian church in West Lafay-
ette slurred gays and included the message "DIE, FUCK-
ERS, ORLANDO JUST LIKE LAS VEGAS,"  seeming-
ly referring to a Jackson Browne performance scheduled
in Orlando,  Florida,  Tuesday  (officials in Orlando took
precautions).
                              [courtesy Lafaytte Journal & Courier]

shelonda.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Shelonda Dillard, BF, 5'5", 210 lbs, theft, fraud, failure to appear (and she has a new haircuit); Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Geoffrey Kish, WM, assault with a dangerous weapon (and a John A. Durbin II lookalike) (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

johnrobt.jpg John Robert Smith, WM, 24, 6'0", 275 lbs, theft, criminal confinement; Onica Deakins, WF, 44, 5'9", 150 lbs, theft: Brandy Doss, WF, 26, 5'2", 130 lbs, residential entry, criminal mischief; Lorna Lea Cottom, WF, 52, 5'2:, 135 lbs, burglary; Craig Alan Elinger, WM, 45, 5'10", 150 lbs, dealing meth (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)

tyresede.jpg Terre Haute's most wanted: Tyrese McCullum, BM, 27, 6'0", 165 lbs, intimidation; Brittany Jo Olson, WF, 28, 5'3", 140 lbs, possession of a narcotic drug; Amber Danielle Torrres, BF, 25, 4'11", 190 lbs, escape; Tiffany Marie Baldwin, WF, 30, 5'2", 160 lbs, auto theft overstay at the China Buffet; Demarcus Lashun Booker, BM, 25, 5'10", 175 lbs, failure to return to lawful detention

nikkibuis.jpg Nikki Lyn Buis, WF, 23, 5'2", 125 lbs, battery by bodily waste; Katie Frye, WF, 28, 5'1", 115 lbs, burglary; Kellie Ruth Akers, WF, 29, 5'5", 160 lbs, maintaining a common nuisance; Christy Nicole Queen, WF, 28, 5'1", 140 lbs, probation violation; Rachel Nicloe [sic] Camp, 27, 5'1", 100 lbs, auto theft (Wabash Valley Crime Stoppers)

A Corbin High School basketball player apologized  for  saying,  af-
ter beating Knox Central High School, "Sometimes you just have to
put the monkey back in  its  cage,"  which  some  Knox County fans
viewed as a racist remark directed at their black players . . . .


      

quadariu.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Quadarius Wright, BM, 20, 5'7", 165 lbs, misspelled Polish translation of "Quadarius" on visa application; Rachel Spencer, WF, 32, 5'6", 140 lbs, contagious sadnss; Mary Chastain, WF, 32, 5'2", 110 lbs, socked it to her; Lech Yanicko, WM, 27, 5'11", 165 lbs, 127 traffic violations ("it's not easy being Polish in a Southern city") (dragged kicking and screaming from the Hereald-Leader); heltonsa.jpg Earl Helton Jr., WM, 43, 6'0", 170 lbs, unlawfully macho; Amanda Beatty, WF, 38, 5'4", 120 lbs on the prowl and caught between the Helton brothers; Steve Helton, WM, 39, 6'2", 210 lbs, unconrolled lust

A  pickup  truck  was stolen at a service station in Frankfort
while its owner was inside paying for his gasoline. . . .

A bill in the state legislature would consolidate 100 of  Ken-
tucky's 120 counties into 34  (leaving 54, if we got the math
right). . . .

Reba  McEntire  was commissioned the new Colonel of KFC
(formerly Kentucky Fried Chicken). . . .

A 19-year-old Illinois man told a Paducah  high  school  girl
(falsely) that he was the Marshall County High School shoo-
ter and that she would be next. . . .

One of the fatal victims in the Marshall County shooting tele-
phoned her mother after she had been shot but failed to speak.

                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]

The editor of the Marshall County internet newspaper rushed
to the school when she heard of the shooting only to discover
that the shooter was her son. . . .

The Institution of Corruption Studies at Illinois State University
rated Kentucky politicians the most corrupt in the country.

                                          [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Helicopters were relocating the state's elk.
                                                                            [Herald-Leader]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "There's a lot of controversy about Alanis Morissette." – Leonard Simon

A German nurse was charged with killing 99 patients at hospitals in Ol-
denburg Delmenhorst  (at his first trial, he said he intentionally brought
about cardiac crises because he enjoyed the feeling of being able  to  re-
suscitate them) – or, why did the moron beat his head against the wall?)
.  .  .  Thai Prime Minister Pryayuth was under fire to fire Deputy Prime
Minister Prawit (you may need to listen to this one).
                                                                                    [courtesy AP, NPR]

ebonyedd.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kaansas): Ebony Pennington, 37, black hair, brown eyes, 145 lbs, 5'7", PR bond canceled, evading arrest/dention [sic] with vehicle; Eddie Ramone Barry Jr., 32, blonde [sic] hair, green [sic] eyes, 200 lbs, 5'8", federal supervised release violation, cash reward for tips

ericjess.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Eric Donta Wright, BM, 35, a/k/a Tyson Chepelle, Derrick Pleasant, Eric Carraine, 6' 3", 185 lbs, tattoos "EZ" on neck, "T" on chest, "Thug" on left arm, "Easy" on right arm, possession of opiates and firearm; Wanted in Waco: Jessica Bahena Aguilar, HF, 35, 5'2", 280 lbs, conditional release violation, unauth. absence from jail, overstay at the China Buffet (Sedgwick County Sheriff, City of Waco)

I am a 37-year-old divorced mom of two.  I have recently got-
ten into relationships with two completely different men. One
of them,  "Steve,"  has the life I have always wanted;  and  he
says he loves me more than life itself.  The  other,  "Rick,"  I
love more than life itself; but sometimes I have the feeling he
doesn't love me as much as I do him.

If I were to love Steve the way I love Rick or if Rick were to
love me the way Steve does,  the decision would  be  clear.  I
can see myself making a life with either of them. I risk losing
either one as a friend if I pick the other one.

They both love my kids, and I love theirs.  Both want to build
a life with me.  How do I decide which path to take?   Once  I
choose,  how  do  I  not  have  questions or doubts about what
might have been if I had chosen the other?
                                                                      Stuck in a Triangle

Yorkshire hog of the week (the sports):
                                           Tonya Harding   

:

Fred Dean wrote Tues 1/16/18 @14:47 PST:

Crazy news from California.

Yes,  it's all over the internet and the TV – but the torture,  im-
prisonment and shackling of 13 children, aged 2 to 29, in their
own "home school" is too  gruesome  and  bizarre  for Tabloid
Headlines.  Thanks anyway.    – Editor

The Hancock County health service network paid $55,000
in ransom to hackers  to regain access to its computer sys-
tem, and then hackers hit the Adams County network. . . .

A resident shot out the windshield of a Dubois County high-
way snow plow at Birdseye, injuring the driver. . . .

A Montgomery County woman stabbed her children, 7 and
3, to death because her husband sued for divorce. . . .

The woman who crashed through the ice into a pond in In-
dianapolis three weeks ago died. . . .

A state senate committee killed a bill that would have allow-
ed cold beer sales by groceries, pharmacies and convenience
stores.
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

sunnysar.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Sunny Stewart, BM, 5'8", 135 lbs, criminal recklessness; Sarah Bruggner, WF, 5'5", 145 lbs, felony DUI; Rebecca Banks, WF, 5'5", 130 lbs, violation of court order; Michael Cinelli, 5'11", 200 lbs, incest x2; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Demetrius Demond Gordon, BM, domestic violence, welfare fraud; Shelekia Ta-Shay Davis, BF, larceny in a building; Sean Eugene Allen, M, race unknown, domestic violence x3 (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The assistant police chief of Prospect, a Louisville suburb, sent a
Clutterbook Facebook message to a Louisville police recruit tell-
ing him that if he caught black juveniles smoking marijuana,  he
should shoot them.
                                                      [courtesy the Courier-Journal]

A  pizza  was delivered to a home in Goldbug,  Whitley  County,
that had not ordered it; and the deliveryman said it was from Piz-
za Hut in Williamsburg, which does not have delivery service. . . .

The Bowling Green neighbor who attacked Senator Rand Paul in
Paul's yard,  already charged with the state crime of assault,  was
charged additionally with the federal crime  of assaulting a mem-
ber of Congress. . . .

A sheriff's posse rescued a horse from a  frozen  pond  in Jackson
County.
                                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

Borf Books' secretary's sister,  misspelling  "neighbor"  in a "text"
message,  was "auto-corrected" to  "nigger"  by her I-Phone.

emprince.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Emprince Chenault, BM, 23, 5'7" 200 lbs, featured fugitive of the week, 4° assault; Vicky Hopkins, WF, 52, 5'2", fugitive from Texas; Sequanthie Taylor, BF, 22, 5'10", 160 lbs, arrested for lineup color balance (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); keithbra.jpg Keith Jefferson, BM, 25, 6'0", 260 lbs, unlawfully happy; Brandy Becksted, WF, 21, 5'4", 145 lbs, unlawfully hot; Ashley Lester, BF, 30 5'5", 128 lbs, danger to herself and others; Linda Perkins, BF, 61, 5'4", 180 lbs, still working at it; Meiondre Evans, BM, 20, 5'8", 150 lbs, unlawfully hoppy

Louisville Mayor Greg Fischer suggested increasing Kentucky's
cigarette tax from 60 cents a pack to $1.60 a pack – as the Parks
Department in Fishers, Indiana, a suburb of Indianapolis,  intro-
duced an ordinance to  prohibit  "vaping"  in city parks  (where
smoking already is prohibited) – and New Jersey adopted a law
prohibiting droning while intoxicated.

   [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal, Indianapolis Star, NPR]

An Ohio sheriff was named commander of the Indiana National
Guard's 38th Infantry.
                                                                                        [LEX18]

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "I do not like you.  This inbred thing – it's working against   you.  I'm not saying you'd  suck  a  dick,  but I'll bet you'd   wallow one around in your mouth a little. . . ." – Leonard Simon

Yorkshire hog of the week:
                                                Dale Ann Bradley

New Orleans iced over. . . . Hank Williams, the biggest star in the history
of country music, was booted from the Grand Ole Opry for drinking; and
Tony Bennett had a bigger hit with Hank's song "Cold, Cold Heart"  than
Hank did. . . . Brigitte Bardot called #MeToo's "vast majority" "hypocriti-
cal and ridiculous." . . .  Taylor Swift said  she  was  stalked. . . .  Former
Governor  Chris  Christie  of  New Jersey  was blocked from the VIP en-
trance to the Newark airport  and  ordered  to the Transportation Security
Administration  screening  line  by  the  Port Authority of New York and
New Jersey, which operates the airport (and also the George Washington
Bridge). . . .  A  deputy  sheriff  fatally shot a 16-year-old boy in a court-
room in Columbus,  Ohio. . . . An artist sculpted a DeLorean automobile
completely out of snow in Montreal, Canada, complete with a windshield
wiper for police to lay a ticket (it was parked in a snow removal zone). . . .
California Governor Jerry Brown again vetoed Leslie Van Houten's parole.

                                                                                    [courtesy LEX18, AP]

analizay.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week: Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Andrrea Benevides, 25, black hair, brown eyes, 156 lbs, 5'1", surety off bond, manufacture delivery of controlled substance PG1 o/4g-u/200g; Alizay Anderson, 22, black hair, brown eyes, 250 lbs, 5'4", surety off bond, violation of probation, harassment of public servant (and overstay at the China Buffet); tianarus.jpg Tiana Leigh Scroggins, 37, blonde hair, green eyes, 193 lbs, 5'7", PR bond canceled, possession of controlled substance in drug free zone (and overstay at China Buffet); Russell Alan Klimek, a/k/a "Shiny Dome,," 47, brown hair, blue eyes, 145 lbs, 5'7", aggravated sexual assault of a child; armed and dangerous; cash reward; call Crime Stoppers 940-322-9888

    

wetbackj.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Marie Ann McDonald-Moses, WF, 40, 5'9", 180 lbs, blonde hair, green eyes, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon; Kelli Millard, WF, 27, 5'5", 145 lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, possession; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Joe Reyna, HM, a/k/a Wetback Joe, 36, 5'8", 230 lbs, black hair, brown eyes, tattoos on chest, both arms, both hands, evading child support arrest (Sedgwick County Sheriff, Abilene Crime Stoppers)

NASCAR hottie Danica Patrick was sleeping with Aaron Rod-
gers, quarterback of the National  Football League's Green Bay
Packers.

I play cards with guys I've known for more than 20 years. We
switch partners after every six hands so that everyone partners
with everyone.

One member of the group has now become unable to remember
the rules and constantly asks how he should respond to his part-
ner's bid.  He also keeps asking the  score  and  whose deal it is.
Because we give small prizes for the high score I think it's chea-
ting to discuss a hand across the table.

What should we do when he asks the rules or how to bid a hand?
I think we should play as we always have,  and  not  discuss  the
hand or how to bid.   Should I find  another  group  to play with?
And how can I explain my reason for leaving the group?

                                                                          Simon in the South

Fred Dean wrote Sun 1/7/18 @11:13 PST:

Just what is a Yorkshire hog?

It's a breed of swine,  beloved by the Wheat.   He  had
intercourse with a husky guest at our 1989  "20 Years
After" Woodstock festival,   and when he  got  back  to
the camp the next morning he was scolded for mating
a "Yorkshire hog."  – Editor

A 51-year-old Gary man, trying to beat a train to the crossing,
on foot, slipped and fell and got run over. . . .

State Senator Greg Walker, of Columbus, introduced a bill to
require election officials to count  dead  people's  votes – i.e.,
the ballots mailed in early by people who then died before E-
lection Day. . . .

Monroe County,  which lost the last of its 14 covered bridges
to arson in 1976, was spending $1.6 million to rebuild an 18-
85 covered bridge it got from Shelby County, over Beanblos-
som Creek.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

gregmari.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Gregory Douglas Nicodem Jr., WM, possession of stolen credit card; Mario Adonis Cummings, BM, assault with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Yorkshire hog Kenzie Slone, an 8th grader with Down's syn-  drome, was named Homecoming Queen in Owesnboro. . . . A man who sold crack cocaine to an undercover cop in Har- din County ate the $20 bill used to pay for it and was charg- ed with, in addition to dealing, tampering with evidence. . . .

A 20-year-old man was charged with raping a 13-year-girl
who kept him hidden in her basement in Elizabethtown for
five days. . . .

The principal of the Union Pointe Academy K-12 school  in
Union County, wearing a policementality cap, sang a school
closing announcement on Clutterbook Facebook  to the tune
of the Mariah Carey song "Hero."
                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]

  

sarypaul.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Sary Shalash, WM, 36, 6'2", 180 lbs, Theft, alien, unisex name (courtesy Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Paul Felty, WM, 31, 5'11", 225 lbs, wide of the law; James Wray, WM, 36, 6'3", earring theft (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); russrick.jpg Wimps' row: Russell Gentry, WM, 26, 5'8", 140 lbs; Ricky Rowe, WM, 33, 5'8", 135 lbs; think they're innocent and the courts will treat them fairly

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Back in the old days the best connections were the Indians and the Chinaman   that hung around the saloons.  The Indians had the peyote, and the Chinaman   had the heroin.  And the Kentuckian had the whiskey." – Leonard Simon

A pen pal of the late Charles Manson and men claiming to be his son and
grandson were battling in a Los Angeles, California, court over his "mur-
derabilia" – his  estate,  mainly songs and other writings – as his body re-
mained frozen more than a month after his death. .  .  . A hundred French
celebrities, including actress Catherine Deneuve, signed an open letter in
Le Monde decrying "new puritanism"  and the denunciations of scores of
men in the "Me, too" sexual harassment scandal. . . .Willie Nelson, 84 and
having trouble breathing,  left a show in San Diego,  California,  after one
song and canceled his next three shows. . . . Doctors were urging their pa-
tients not to eat laundry pods.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18, HuffPost, AP]


     

deidraal.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Deidra Sharna Embers, 26, 125 lbs, 5'0", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance; Alton Mytavian Mackey, 22, 160 lbs, 5'11", deadly conduct; Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week; calvnico.jpg Calvin Luis Escalate, 22, 210 lbs, 6'0", theft over $30,000, under $50,000; Nicole Veronica O'Keefe, 28, 125 lbs, 5'3", violation of probation, possession of controlled substance; texomalb.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week; call Crime Stoppers 940-322-9888, cash reward for tips leading to arrest; these fugitives should be considered armed and dangerous

                                                   
            

flyhorse.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Orvin J. Flyinghorse, native American male, 39, 5'11", 165 lbs, burglary; Shelley Ann Bice, WF, 54, 5'2", 140 lbs, theft (Sedgwick County Sheriff); Wanted in Waco: Jasmine Monique Sapp, BF, 21, 5'6", 125 lbs, robbery with a deadly weapon (City of Waco, Texas)

College  football's  national championship game between
Georgia and Alabama was not on TV; so we can't tell you
who won or what the score was. . . .

Cleveland Browns fans held a parade to celebrate the 0-16
season  of only the fifth team in National Football League
history not to win a game. The other four  were the Dallas
Cowboys in 1960  (11 losses),  the Tampa Bay Buccaneers
in 1976 (14), the Baltimore Colts in 1982 (8), and the De-
troit Lions  in  2008  (16).  But the Cowboys and the Colts
each got one tie in their record seasons.

                                                Sarah Huckabee Sanders

I'm in eighth grade, and I'm friends with more boys than girls
– probably because I'm a  "tomboy."   In manufacturing class
today I was hanging out with  "Ian."   We were in a big group
of boys and he started bragging about how this girl  had  sent
him  a topless photo  of  herself,  and then he pulled it up and
passed it around.  I was shocked,  but I realize people my age
don't always make smart decisions.  Adults tell us not to send
photos to people we don't know and never to send inappropri-
ate pictures to anyone.  That lesson sure  hit  home  when Ian
did what he did.

I want to caution other girls not to do what his girl friend did.
Pictures don't stay private.  I feel bad for that poor girl!

                                                                          "Tommie" in PA

lifelove.jpg Love has no label Life Saver Dude: Break my heart! Only Marlene Dietrich could do it before . . . .

:

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 12/31/17 @05:18 PST re
one of last week's headlines:

Rich  Republicans  always  have  separate  bedrooms –
that's why there are more Democrats  than Republicans.
(That was the joke told by a certain party leader at state
conventions in Michigan back when I was a lad.)

An Indianapolis woman drove 150 yards from shore on a fro-
zen  pond  before her car fell through the ice  and  submerged
(she was rescued but hospitalized in critical condition). . . .

A 4-year-old boy left in his mother's running SUV  while  she
went into a store in Brownsburg climbed into the driver's seat
and drove it into the store.
                                                   [courtesy Columbus Republic]
           

cauffman.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Angel Cauffman - a new look (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

State representatives were ordered to attend training to pre-
vent sexual harassment. . . .

A woman hiking in freezing temperature near Berea on New
Year's eve fell 50 feet off a cliff.
                                                                     [courtesy LEX18]

murillol.jpg Covington's most wanted: Martin Murillo-Rodreguez, HM, 39, 5'7", 200 lbs, armed and dangerous, assault, possession of handgun by felon, overstay at the China Buffet; Lakisha Bandy, BF, 26, 5'4", 150 lbs, armed and dangerous, domestic violence; Jovaun McCrary, BM, 24, 5'8", 180 lbs, armed and dangerous, burglary; Robert Haynes, WM, 29, a/k/a Teddy Smith, 6'0", 165 lbs, armed and dangerous, robbery, burglary (River City News)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "My new year's resolution for 2018, the Year of the Wheat:  Self-centered. self-  seeking, self-absorbed, self-loathing, self-indulgent, living vicariously." – Leonard Simon

Schrecker, 71
                                                                                     [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Yorkshire hog of the week:
                                              Sarah McCammon, National Public Radio reporter

The license of a New Jersey surgeon suspected of using "one use" disposa-
ble anal catheters on multiple patients was temporarily suspended. . . . Bio-
logists were hoping to prevent the extinction of the cacao plant. . . . A man
was found frozen to death in a trash bin in  St. Louis,  Missouri. . . . Carrie
Underwood got 40 to 50 facial sutures after a fall at her home in Nashville,
Tennessee  (we'll show you a pitture when we get one). .  .  . Snow  fell  on
Jacksonville and Tallahassee in Florida,  while the high temperature in An-
chorage Alaska was a record-tying balmy 44°.  .  .  .  Temperatures fell into
the 30's in Miami, Florida, and iguanas were falling from the trees.

                                                        [courtesy LEX18, Raw Story, NBC.com]

Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Lindsey Kaathleen Washington, BF, a/k/a Lyndsie, 30, 5'3", 130 lbs, probation violation, theft: Jennifer Marie Jackson, WF, 41, 5'4", 150 lbs, tattoo on left ankle, mistreatment of adult dependent, theft (Sedwick County Sheriff)

This year's Rose Bowl not only did not have a team from the
Pac-12 college football conference or the Big 10; it wasn't e-
ven on TV. . . .

We are now accepting nominations for the Smorgasbowl,  to
be added to the list next winter.   We  already  have  Slippery
Rock, Berea and Indiana.  Please send us your suggestions. . . .

Basketball hottie – Sam Fuehring, University of Louisville:

What is "training to prevent sexual harassment"?
                                                                                 Just Curious

lifeaths.jpg American Atheists, 225 Cristiani St., Cranford NJ 07016-3214; forwarding service requested, 'It's time to fight back'; Life Saver Dude: Cristiana St., huh? And is the Pope's address on Diavolo Strada?