September   27,  2020  (National Corned Beef Hash Day):  Things you
would never know if you did not browse the tabloids while waiting for
your wife at the counter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed20094.jpg Scientology's prison, trapped for life, why its most famous member cannot walk away (US Weekly); America's New Civil War, terrorists exposed, frightened families flee cities (Globe); Jen's dating again, a billionaire, a chef, Gerald Butler (Star); Prince Andrew silences Epstein madam, Chislaine Maxwell terrified she'll bekilledin prison too (Enquirer); Duck Dynasty clobbered by hurricane (Globe); 2 shot during O hhioigh school football game (LEX18)
hed20094.jpg Scientology's prison, trapped for life, why its most famous member cannot walk away (US Weekly); America's New Civil War, terrorists exposed, frightened families flee cities (Globe); Jen's dating again, a billionaire, a chef, Gerald Butler (Star); Prince Andrew silences Epstein madam, Chislaine Maxwell terrified she'll bekilledin prison too (Enquirer); Duck Dynasty clobbered by hurricane (Globe); 2 shot during O hhioigh school football game (LEX18)
 
hed200942.jpg
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Publius Leget wrote Sun 9/20/20 @09:38 CDT:
I read in the Hurricane Wilfred link  that  "because of the lack
of names for some letters, there are no storms using the letters
Q, U, X, Y or Z."  Oh, yeah?  Whassammada wit' Quentin, U-
riah, Xavier, Yurian and Zeke?  Queenie, Ursula, Xena, Yvon-
ne and Zoe  (or Zooey)?   We could go on.  One of the biggest
windbags I ever knew was a guy named Yale.
Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 117,656; died, 3,566.
                                                               [courtesy N.Y. Times]

michcity.jpg Wanted in Michigan City: You figure it out. The Michigan City Police Department's Clutterbook Facebook page was designed and implemented by one of its perps' children. We know at least that the dog was picked upon Barker Avenue
michcity.jpg Wanted in Michigan City: You figure it out. The Michigan City Police Department's Clutterbook Facebook page was designed and implemented by one of its perps' children. We know at least that the dog was picked upon Barker Avenue

The first black on death row at the federal prison in Terre
Haute  was  executed since the Trump administration this
year resumed executions after a two-decade pause.

                                           [courtesy Columbus Republic]
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 69,150; died, 1,179.
         
                                                    [courtesy N.Y. Times]

A grand jury in Louisville warranted the unwarranted fatal
shooting of Breonna Taylor.   Among those arrested in pro-
tests in  Louisville   were  a state representative and two re-
porters
.
                                                                       [courtesy LEX18]

davistev.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Steven P. Davis, BM, 33, 5'10", 190 lbs, wanton endangerment, heroin, paraph., parole violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Missing from Pikeville, Valoria Hunt, WF, 3, 5'8", 160 lbs (LEX18)
davistev.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Steven P. Davis, BM, 33, 5'10", 190 lbs, wanton endangerment, heroin, paraph., parole violation (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Missing from Pikeville, Valoria Hunt, WF, 3, 5'8", 160 lbs (LEX18)
Quotations of the week:
                                         "I never married because there was no need.   I  have  three pets  at
                                           home which answer the purpose of a husband:  I  have  a  dog that
                                           growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat
                                           that comes home late at night."
                                                                                               – Marie Corelli

        "Dog owners will notice that if you give them food, water, shelter and affection, they'll
          think you are God; whereas cat owners are compelled to realize that, if you give them
         
food, water, shelter and affection, they will think they are gods."
                                                                                                                 – Christopher Hitchens
        "That's exactly right."
                                                – Rollie Renfrow

        "
If there’s a Republican president in 2016 and a vacancy occurs in the last year of the first
          term, you can say, 'Lindsey Graham said let's let the next president, whoever that may be,
          make the nomination'."
                                                     – Senator Lindsey Graham (R - S.C.), in 2016
        "The rules have changed."
                                                         – Senator Graham, 2020

        "There is a very limited pool of black talent to recruit from."
                                                                                                            – Wells Fargo CEO
                                                                                                               Charles Scharf

rayfordd.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas not Kansas): Rayford Dwayne Wheeler, WM, 33, 6'0", 155 lbs, injury to a child; Curtis Dusrin Dickerson, WM, 43, 5'8", 175 lbs, upsd. down ears, indec. w/child; Wanted in Waco: Robert Dan Parrish, BM, 63, 5'9", 140 lbs, fail. to register as sex offender; James Hamilton Tillery, WM, 28, 5'7", 127 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. assault); Kerry Lee King, BM, 42, 5'9", 235 lbs, probation violation (assault) (Abilene Crime Stopper, City of Waco)
rayfordd.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas not Kansas): Rayford Dwayne Wheeler, WM, 33, 6'0", 155 lbs, injury to a child; Curtis Dusrin Dickerson, WM, 43, 5'8", 175 lbs, upsd. down ears, indec. w/child; Wanted in Waco: Robert Dan Parrish, BM, 63, 5'9", 140 lbs, fail. to register as sex offender; James Hamilton Tillery, WM, 28, 5'7", 127 lbs, probation viol. (aggr. assault); Kerry Lee King, BM, 42, 5'9", 235 lbs, probation violation (assault) (Abilene Crime Stopper, City of Waco)
Birthdays:
                    September 21:  Bill Murray, 70
                                             Stephen King, 73
                                             Bill Kurtis, 80
                                             Leonard Cohen (1934-2016)
                    September 22:  Joan Jett, 62
                                             Debby Boone, 64
 
                   September 23:  Bruce Springsteen, 71
                   
September 24:  B. "Woo" Woods, 66
                                             "Mean" Joe Greene, 74
                                             Gerry Marsden (of "and the Pacemakers"), 78
                                             Linda Eastman McCartney (1941-1998)
 
                    September 25: 
Cheryl Tiegs, 73
                                              Michael Douglas, 76
                                             
Ian Tyson, 87
                                             
Barbara Walters, 91
                                              Ferdinand the Wise (1712-1759)
                    
September 26:  Serena Williams, 39
                                              Olivia Newton-John, 72
                                              St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)
                     September 27:  Avril Lavigne, 36

Deaths:
                Jackie Stallone, 98
                Sir Harold Evans, 92
                Gale Sayers, 77
                Icyphine Singleton, 90
                Steven "Steve" Wilson, 45
                Raylen Ja'kari "Kar Kar" Malik-EL Green, infant
                                                                                                    [Louisville Courier-Journal,

                                                                                                                       Edmonson News
]
thomcook.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Thomas J. Cook, WM, 31, 5'9", 175 lbs, felon with firearm; Elizabeth M. Murphy, WF, 19, 4'11", 140 lbs, prob. viol. (contrib. to child miscond.); Nathan M. Randall, WM, 39, 6'0", 180 lbs, felon with firearm; Amber N. Scuito, WF, 30, 5'10", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), burglary; Trent L. Dalberg, WM, 26, 6'0", 140 lbs, tattoo on neck, pro. viol. (aggr. assault, felon with firearm) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
thomcook.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Thomas J. Cook, WM, 31, 5'9", 175 lbs, felon with firearm; Elizabeth M. Murphy, WF, 19, 4'11", 140 lbs, prob. viol. (contrib. to child miscond.); Nathan M. Randall, WM, 39, 6'0", 180 lbs, felon with firearm; Amber N. Scuito, WF, 30, 5'10", 220 lbs (Yorkshire hog), burglary; Trent L. Dalberg, WM, 26, 6'0", 140 lbs, tattoo on neck, pro. viol. (aggr. assault, felon with firearm) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
 
Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A man rode a horse down the Dan Ryan Expressway in Chicago, Illinois,
in  rush  hour  (he was arrested).  .  .  . The four town councilors of Black
Brook, New York, voted unanimously not to rename the hamlet Swastika,
N.Y.  . . . A national park in Thailand began mailing rubbish back to litter-
ers. .  .  .  The federal Department of Justice designated Portland, Oregon,
and Seattle, Washington,  and NewYork, New York,  as anarchist jurisdic-
tions
." . . . Uncle Ben changed his name to Ben Original. .  .  .
Vice Presi-
dent Mikey's airplane struck a bird on takeoff in New Hampshire, causing
the pilot to return to the airport out  of   caution.
  The VP  flew home on a
Secret Service cargo aircraft. 
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

sanchezs.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas, Sheriff): Kenneth Lambert, 18, DUI; Camille Sanchez, 18, possession; Adrian Ybarra, 20, drunk; Beth Sanchez, 30, fam. ass.; Sabrina Medina, 30, crim. tresp.; Atonio Villegas, 43, DUI; Taylor Dawson, 27, marijuana; Evagine Shields, 34, tres.; Kory Lower, 46, parapher.
sanchezs.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas, Sheriff): Kenneth Lambert, 18, DUI; Camille Sanchez, 18, possession; Adrian Ybarra, 20, drunk; Beth Sanchez, 30, fam. ass.; Sabrina Medina, 30, crim. tresp.; Atonio Villegas, 43, DUI; Taylor Dawson, 27, marijuana; Evagine Shields, 34, tres.; Kory Lower, 46, parapher.
The sports:
The Dallas (Texas) "Stars" are battling the Tampa Bay (Flori-
da) "Lightning"  for  the  National  Hockey  League's  Stanley
Cup
in Edmonton,  AlbertaCanada. . . .  Tabloid Headlines'
prediction for next year's championship series:  Kenya vs. Ec-
uador,  in  Fredericton,  New BrunswickCanada.. . . . The
Kentucky  High School Athletic Association abandoned bask-
etball's "jump ball" for a coin toss in obeisance to covid-19. . . .
Kobe Bryant's widow sued the Los Angles County, California,
Sheriff  over his
deputies' photographs of the National Basket-
ball Association star's helicopter death.

Dear Eleanor:
                            I had a doctor appointment in the Big City at 1:15.  I can
                            get there in a half-hour if I speed,  but for comfort  I took
                            off 45 minutes early. I figured I'd get a fast lunch after the
                            appointment and then do my shopping.

                            But I would pass my favorite "fast" food, Hardee's, on the
                            way;  and I decided to turn in there, for a lunch I could be-
                            gin before the appointment and finish afterward.   I  order-
                            ed a small hamburger  ("NO CHEESE!" – you have to say
                            that because the ditzes that operate those places think that
                            "hamburger" means "cheeseburger").  "$6.14," she said.  I
                            had the exact change!

                            The girl took it,  and then scratched her head.  Apparently
                            her   computerized cash register did not know how to deal
                            with actual money.  An older girl stepped up to help.   She
                            too scratched her head.

                            Meanwhile another girl brought my order – but to the first
                            two girls,  not to me.  The first attendant continued to hold
                            my $5 and $1 bills and five coins in her hand, continuing to
                            scratch her head (even with a Covid-19 mask on).  She said,
                            "Sorry."  Then,  five minutes later,  the computer opened up;
                            it took my money, and the girl gave me my food.  That  was
                            eight  minutes  out of my 45 to get to my appointment.

                            I got to my doctor's office with seven minutes to spare,  but
                            the intake clerks took  five  of  them to get to me;  and mine
                            told me I had a $30 "co-pay" to pay.  "Do you take cards?" I
                            asked  (it's easier to keep track of my deductible medical ex-
                            penses).  "Sure!" she said.  So I handed her myAmerican Ex-
                            press.  "Oh,  dear!"  she  said.  "That's the only card we don't
                            take"  ("Wha'!"  I asked. "Isn't that the one  that  says  ‘Don't
                            leave home without it’?"). She made a telephone call to see if
                            there was an exception, and there wasn't.  "I guess I'll have to
                            put in on your bill," she said, which is what should have been
                            done in the first place.  I had the cash, but I wanted to reserve
                            it for beer and whisky.

                            The upshot of the intake episode was that it made me 3 min-
                            utes late to my appointment.  Does anyone care?

                                                                                                  Less than Patient
Dear Patient:
                            No.  This is 2020, remember.

                            Are you the same octogenerian bozo who wrote me the last
                            two weeks?


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near
future include Brett Hankison,  the  one  cop (of
three)  fired  and indicted  in the Breonna Taylor
case  (but not for shooting Breonna Taylor).

hankison.jpg


Unopened e-mail last week included
four more messages from "Clutterbook"
        Facebook titled "
You have 100 notifications from Stephen and others," a
        message titled
"You have 99 notifications from Stephen and others," and
        two
messages titled "You have 98 notifications from Stephen and others."


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

lifemask.jpg "I hate those things! I can never tell which one of you is talking" Life Saver Dude: OK, Dr. Fauci,that's it for masks
lifemask.jpg "I hate those things! I can never tell which one of you is talking" Life Saver Dude: OK, Dr. Fauci,that's it for masks

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“
Karen Crockett


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Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



September 20, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

hed20093.jpg Why young Charles married Diana instead of Camilla (Examiner); Pregnant Meghan & Harry trapped in their lonely world, no real friends, sleeping in separate bedrooms (Life & Style); Brad, 56, in love with married model, 27; what made Angela go berserk (In Touch); How Elvis' daughter excaped Scientology (Enquirer); Michael Jackson had himself cloned (Examiner); The new American Revolution, visions of a black future (Time)
hed20093.jpg Why young Charles married Diana instead of Camilla (Examiner); Pregnant Meghan & Harry trapped in their lonely world, no real friends, sleeping in separate bedrooms (Life & Style); Brad, 56, in love with married model, 27; what made Angela go berserk (In Touch); How Elvis' daughter excaped Scientology (Enquirer); Michael Jackson had himself cloned (Examiner); The new American Revolution, visions of a black future (Time)
 
LETTERS to the EDITOR:

Anthony Dean wrote Sun 9/13/20 @10:52 CDT re last week's Dear Eleanor:

Among the worst abusers of authority are cops and flight attendants,
closely followed by medical professionals.

Dumb news from Indiana
:

Tested positive, 111,900; died, 3,495.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]
The state's chief justice tested positive.


                                                     [courtesy Columbus Republic]


Western wildfires were turning Indiana skies gray and red.


                                                         [courtesy Indianapolis Star]


A killer serving two life sentences without parole  and accused of

killing a fellow prisoner last year at the prison in Pendleton
told a
judge he will keep killing people unless he gets the death
penalty.

                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]


hardypeg.jpg South Bend's most wanted (another reminder that black crimer matters): Hardy Pegues, BM, 5'8", 185 lbs, family strangulation; Daveyaun Groves, BM, 6'1", 260 lbs,murder, upside down ears; Marcus Betts, BM, 5'11", 160 lbs, battery by deadly weapon; Alonzo Cleveland, BM, 6'1", 140 lbs, battery by d.w. (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
hardypeg.jpg South Bend's most wanted (another reminder that black crimer matters): Hardy Pegues, BM, 5'8", 185 lbs, family strangulation; Daveyaun Groves, BM, 6'1", 260 lbs,murder, upside down ears; Marcus Betts, BM, 5'11", 160 lbs, battery by deadly weapon; Alonzo Cleveland, BM, 6'1", 140 lbs, battery by d.w. (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Tested positive, 64,155; died, 1,132.
                                                                   [courtesy N.Y. Times]

The Edmonson News,  in announcing a new location in Browns-
ville, said its deadline is "12 p.m. Friday" (you reckon there will
be anyone there to take your copy at midnight?   Don't oversleep
on Friday! Your obit might not make it!).
                                                                      [courtesy the Gimlet]

The University of Kentucky canceled 2021 spring break on ac-
count of the coronavirus pandemic (along with
Ohio State Uni-
versity, Purdue, California State, the University of Iowa,  Iowa
State,  the University of Northern Iowa  and  the  University of
Wisconsin).
                                         [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A Louisville man took a Greyhound bus to Chicago with body
parts
of his girl friend packed in his bags (he left her torso in a
park near his home)
.
                                                                          [courtesy LEX18]

. . . 'n' an'er'n' . . .         warfield.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Jaron T. Warfield, BM, 29, 5'7", 200 lbs, wanton endangeerment, DUI, marijuana (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
warfield.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Jaron T. Warfield, BM, 29, 5'7", 200 lbs, wanton endangeerment, DUI, marijuana (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
Quotation of the week:
                                        "And they think they're doin' it right."
                                                                                                        – Jonell Carder

bradlees.jpg Arrestd in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Brad Lee Stevenson, BM, 32, 5'8", 130 lbs, fam. viol.; Mike Isaac Gomez, HM, 28, 5'8", 140 lbs, injury to child; Braderick Benet Christian, BM, 34, 6'1", 190 lbs, uncertain ears, deadly family assault; Wanted in Waco: Stephanie Cortes, HM, 29, 5'3", 130 lbs, probation violation (joy ride);
bradlees.jpg Arrestd in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Brad Lee Stevenson, BM, 32, 5'8", 130 lbs, fam. viol.; Mike Isaac Gomez, HM, 28, 5'8", 140 lbs, injury to child; Braderick Benet Christian, BM, 34, 6'1", 190 lbs, uncertain ears, deadly family assault; Wanted in Waco: Stephanie Cortes, HM, 29, 5'3", 130 lbs, probation violation (joy ride);
Birthdays:
                    September 14:  Joey Heatherton, 76
                                             Amy Winehouse (1983-2011)
                    September 15:  Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor ("Prince Harry"), 36
                                            
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, 43
                                             Dina Lohan, 58
                                             Marco Polo (1254-1324)
                    September 16:  Amy Poehler, 49
                                            
casalros.jpg
                                             Rosemary Casals, 72
                                            
Elgin Baylor, 86
                    September 17:  David Souter, 81
                                             Hank Williams (1923-1953)
                    September 18:  Lance Armstrong, 49
                                             Otis Sistrunk, 74
                                             Frankie Avalon, 80
                    September 19:  Leslie Hornby ("Twiggy Lawson"), 71
                                            
Dave Bromberg, 75
                                             Sylvia Fricker, 80
                    September 20: 
Sofia Costanza Brigida Villani Scicolone ("Sophia Loren"), 86
Deaths:
                Bill Gates Sr., 94
                Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 87
               
Shere Hite, 77
ebertobi.jpg Robert W. Ebert Usmc Ret.




This obituary ran for  51 consecutive
days  on  the Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal web site,  and  not  once  in the al-
phabetical order intended – every day
in the R's,  for "Ret." (retired).
                  Tana' L. Hillman, 36
                  Ja'Ziyah Promyse Renee Battle-Dice, infant
                                                                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Borf 's weekly BONUS:

        "Transgender"  Ari  DiMezzo  won the Repub-
        li
can nomination for sheriff  of Cheshire Coun-
        ty,
New Hampshire, unopposed, on a campaign
       
slogan of "Fuck  the Police." . . . Wilfred is the
       
only name left for an  Atlantic  Ocean  tropical
        storm this season. . . . 
Production of Peeps has
        by Covid-19. . . . A
federal judge, in Pennsylva-

adimezzo.jpg
        nia, finally ruled that mandated closures for coronavirus avoidance are
        unconstitutional. . . . Opa-Locka, Florida,  re
pealed its 13-year prohibi-
       
tion of saggy pants. .  .  .  A man riding a bus in Manchester,  England,
        was wearing a snake for a face mask  (there are two photos at the link).
        . . .
A man walking his dog in Port St. Lucie, Florida, was bitten on the
        leg by an 8-foot alligator. . . . Before-and-after photos of an Australian

        sheep,  "Ewenice," –––>
       
unshorn for four long years,
        now 44 pounds lighter after
        a woolcut. . . .  Barbados an-
        nounced  that  it was dump-
        ing  Queen  Elizabeth II
  of
        England
as its head of state.
        . . .
Sheriff's deputies found
woolybul.jpg
        a woman's body by a railroad track in Liberty County and wrapped it in
        a sheet for the coroner,  who found it to be a female sex doll. . . . So ma-
        ny wore face masks below the nose on public transit in Berlin, Germany,
        that authorities urged r iders not to use deodorant.

                                                                                [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
brennisf.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Brennis Lamarr Marutice Franklin, BM, 28, 5'9", 150 lbs (the only one of his four names that is not misspelled in his last name, which is a first name), probation violation (aggravated family battery); Armando Daniel Escobar-Delara, HM, 29, 5'5", 170 lbs, aggravated assault; Antonio Maurice Green, BM, 27, 5'8", 160 lbs, tattoo r. forearm, probation viol. (opiates, attempted arson); Decima Dawn Staub, WF, 37, 5'6", 170 lbs, tattoos both arms, l. hand, shoulder, right wrist, abdomen, prob. viol. (opiates, forgery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
brennisf.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Brennis Lamarr Marutice Franklin, BM, 28, 5'9", 150 lbs (the only one of his four names that is not misspelled in his last name, which is a first name), probation violation (aggravated family battery); Armando Daniel Escobar-Delara, HM, 29, 5'5", 170 lbs, aggravated assault; Antonio Maurice Green, BM, 27, 5'8", 160 lbs, tattoo r. forearm, probation viol. (opiates, attempted arson); Decima Dawn Staub, WF, 37, 5'6", 170 lbs, tattoos both arms, l. hand, shoulder, right wrist, abdomen, prob. viol. (opiates, forgery) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm 80 years old.   I played tennis when I was young;   and
                            I still follow the pros, especially the women  (I was in love
                            with Chris Evert, thanks, anyway, not with Billie Jean Mof-
                            fitt King (whoever s/he was).  I was particularly excited  by
                            this year's lineup,  which did include  Serena Williams
  and
                            Jennifer Brady.   But when Serena crushed Victoria Azaren-
                            ka   (who so resembles  Roger Federer  that I thought I was
                            watching a "mixed" match in the first set of the second sem-
                            ifinal match, as Azarenka couldn't get  a  serve  over the net,
                            let alone a return), I went to bed.  I learned by the media, the
                            next day, that Azarenka had won the match 1-6, 6-3, 6-3.  So
                            I tuned in – NOT.  It was raining; satellite was not delivering,
                            and the match was not on TV (Osaka won in three sets, not in-
                            cluding the first, 1-6).
                                                                                                                You know

Dear TV fan:
                            Yeah, I remember; you used to be able to watch sports on tel-

                            evision.  Take me out to the ball game.

shannaka.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas,Sheriff): Shanna Kaufmann, 35, theft of firearm; Lisa Everett, 57, theft; Irene Lara, 35, possession; Stacey Garcia, 35, possession; Christopher Lawrence, 38, Fam. as.; Paula Flanigan, 61, exp. lic.; Aalihay Rodriguez, 25, c.s.; Jandie Sanchez, 37, paraphernalia
shannaka.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County,Texas,Sheriff): Shanna Kaufmann, 35, theft of firearm; Lisa Everett, 57, theft; Irene Lara, 35, possession; Stacey Garcia, 35, possession; Christopher Lawrence, 38, Fam. as.; Paula Flanigan, 61, exp. lic.; Aalihay Rodriguez, 25, c.s.; Jandie Sanchez, 37, paraphernalia
The sports:
The Washington formerly Redskins  made  their
2020 debut  in the National Football League   as
the "Washington Football Team." .  .  .  The  Big
Ten
  announced that it will play football this fall
after all  (don't miss Nebraska at Rutgers). . . .

Celebrity lookalikes

fedrenka.jpg
                              Roger Federer              Victoria Azarenka
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectu-
al dissection of important current events are invi-
ted to attend the Weekly World News Round Ta-
ble at the offices of Borf  Books outside Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.
Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near
future include Molly Wood.
mollwood.jpg

Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "scad@scad-group.com" titled
        "These are external links and will" and seven
messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "You have 100
notifications from Stephen and others."
lifeburg.jpg Unemployment benefits application, occupation burglar, reason for unemployment, "everyone is home" Life Saver Dude: Covid-19 strikes again!
lifeburg.jpg Unemployment benefits application, occupation burglar, reason for unemployment, "everyone is home" Life Saver Dude: Covid-19 strikes again!
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



September 13, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

Kinky Prince Andrew, Trial of the century, extradition to U.S.,, facing 20 years, ex-wife Fergie may be forced to testify (In Touch); Epstein madam sells out Clinton (Globe); Prince Harry bombshell, 'My mother was murdered!" $25 million documentary on Diana's last days, shocking new evidence, Meghan's kidnapping fears (Star); Tucker Carlson TV's most hated host (Globe)
Kinky Prince Andrew, Trial of the century, extradition to U.S.,, facing 20 years, ex-wife Fergie may be forced to testify (In Touch); Epstein madam sells out Clinton (Globe); Prince Harry bombshell, 'My mother was murdered!" $25 million documentary on Diana's last days, shocking new evidence, Meghan's kidnapping fears (Star); Tucker Carlson TV's most hated host (Globe)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Hank T. Hebhoe wrote Sun 9/6/20 @09:27 CDT:
"Tuesday" in Polish is "wtorek" (pronounce the
"w" as an "f").  "Mardi" is French  (think "Mardi
Gras").
Anthony Dean wrote Sun 9/6/20 @22:51 CDT:
Given that Mardi Gras takes place in  New  Orleans
and that it has a significant Cajun population with a
French-influenced culture, it makes sense that "Mar-
di" would be a French word.  N'es pas?
You mean "n'est-ce pas"?  Mardi Gras takes place every-
where;  it's just  celebrated  a little more ostentatiously in
New Orleans.    – Editor

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 9/6/20 @22:34 PDT re the study
that found atheists sleep better than Baptists:
What, the fear of god doesn't help you sleep better?
That's what keeps me awake.    – Editor
 
Dumb news from Indiana:
Tested positive, 105,703; died, 3,420. . . .

A 17-year-old girl  and her 19-year-old
boy friend  in  Lafayette
were alleged to have held up a 37-year-old pizza delivery driver,
who shot and killed the boy friend before the girl shot and killed
the driver; she was charged with murder in both deaths.

                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
lisadawn.jpg Lafayette's most wanted: Damon L. Gardiner, WM, 47, 5'9", 210 lbs; Lisa Dawn Gailey, WF, 28, 5'3", 175 lbs, 10 tattoos, incl. "Love is Pyne," "Leeroy" & "Kacey" on breasts, "Myles," "Cece," "Miah," "Khalil," halo & angel wings; José Francisco Garcia, HM, 34, 5'5", 120 lbs; Rosa Maria Garcia-Maldonado, HF, 51, 5'3", 130 lbs; Chandler Raven Garling, WM, 19, 6', 180 lbs, tattoo on neck? All wanted by Tippecanoe Sheriff for F.T.A.
lisadawn.jpg Lafayette's most wanted: Damon L. Gardiner, WM, 47, 5'9", 210 lbs; Lisa Dawn Gailey, WF, 28, 5'3", 175 lbs, 10 tattoos, incl. "Love is Pyne," "Leeroy" & "Kacey" on breasts, "Myles," "Cece," "Miah," "Khalil," halo & angel wings; José Francisco Garcia, HM, 34, 5'5", 120 lbs; Rosa Maria Garcia-Maldonado, HF, 51, 5'3", 130 lbs; Chandler Raven Garling, WM, 19, 6', 180 lbs, tattoo on neck? All wanted by Tippecanoe Sheriff for F.T.A.

These  are  among
license   plate   re-
quessts     refused
by    the    Indiana
Bureau  of  Motor
Vehicles this year.

   [courtesy LEX18]


licplate.jpg WTF2020. C0VID19, FKNGWRD0, P000PS
licplate.jpg WTF2020. C0VID19, FKNGWRD0, P000PS
Dumb news from Kentucky (see also the Sports):
Tested positive, 59,349; died, 1,087 (finally over 1,000). . . .
     
         barkleyl.jpg

Why would there
be   a   swimming
pool     extending
out into a lake?

[stupidity Kentucky
  Living magazine]

This handmade li-
cense  plate
  got a
motorist  pulled o-
ver in Millersburg
(he   was  charged
also  with  driving
on a suspended li-
cense and no insu-
rance. . . .

kenplate.jpg

A black woman (no kin to Breonna Taylor) was appointed inter-
im police chief in Louisville.
               
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]
    johnathn.jpg Johnathan (sic) K. Morris, WM, 25, 5'8", 135 lbs, terroristic thrreatening (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
johnathn.jpg Johnathan (sic) K. Morris, WM, 25, 5'8", 135 lbs, terroristic thrreatening (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotation of the week:
                                        "I
s someone in the Pentagon deliberately trying to trigger PTSD in NYC?"

                                             – City Councilman Mark Levine, protesting a planned Hudson River
                                                flyover in memory of 9/11 (canceled for all the "social media" furor)
ryanmcox.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ryan M. Cox, WM, 32, 6', 215 lbs, tattoo on l. arm, probation violation (gun possession); Marino N. Kirk, red-blooded BM, 20k, a/k/a Mariano Kirk, 5'3", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (aggravated family assault); Andrew W. Jenkins, WM, 38, 5'8", 170 lbs, probation violation (aggr.battery); Jeremy J. Sleeper, WM, 46, a/k/a Jeremy Sleepers, 5'10", 260 lbs, tattoo on right arm, felon with firearm (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
ryanmcox.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Ryan M. Cox, WM, 32, 6', 215 lbs, tattoo on l. arm, probation violation (gun possession); Marino N. Kirk, red-blooded BM, 20k, a/k/a Mariano Kirk, 5'3", 160 lbs, prob. viol. (aggravated family assault); Andrew W. Jenkins, WM, 38, 5'8", 170 lbs, probation violation (aggr.battery); Jeremy J. Sleeper, WM, 46, a/k/a Jeremy Sleepers, 5'10", 260 lbs, tattoo on right arm, felon with firearm (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
Birthdays:
                   September 7:  Molly Holly, 43
                                         
Julie Kavner, 70
                                           Sonny Rollins, 90
                                          Charles "Buddy" Holly (1936-1959)
                                         
Queen Elizabeth (1533-1603)
                   September 8:  Alecia Beth Moore ("Pink"), 41
                                          
Bernie Sanders, 79
                                          
Christoph von Dohn
ányi, 91
                                           Patsy Cline (1932-1963)
                                           Richard the Lion Hearted (1157-1199)

                   September 9:  Michael Bublé, 45

                                           Kentucky Colonel Harland Sanders (1890-1980)
   
                September 10:  Margaret Trudeau, 72
                                            José Feliciano, 75
                                            Roger Maris (1934-1985)
                                            Arnold Palmer (1929-2016)
                                            Ted Kluszewski (1924-1988)
                                            Rin Tin Tin (1918-1932)
                   September 11:  Harry Connick Jr., 53
                                             Junior Duvall, 55
                                             Bashar Al-Assad, 55
                                             Leo Kottke, 75
                                             Dylan Klebold (1981-1999)
                    September 12:  Jennifer Nettles, 46
                                             Leonard Peltier, 76
                                             Maria Muldaur, 77
                    September 13:  Dupey Dumpy, 74
                                             Jacueline Bisset, 76
                                             David Clayton-Thomas, 79
                                             Barbara Bain, 89
Deaths:
                Diana Rigg, 82
                Lou Brock
, 81
                William "Bill" Brooks, 70
                Gerald "Jerry" Lowry, 83
                Martin "Marty" Meece, 47
                Michael "Mike" Noel, 67
                Reginald "Reggie" Paschal, 78
                Arnold "Goat" Carter, 82

Borf 's weekly BONUS:

       The latest in covid-
       19 couture   ––––>
       . . . The U.S. spent
       $22,970  on  anti -
       Hugo Chavez rock
       songs while he led
gunmask.jpg
        Venezuela. . . . Denver, Colorado, recorded a temperature of 90° on
        Labor Day and then less than 24 hours later, on Tuesday,  got  snow
        and 33 degrees. .  .  . A 3-year-old girl was lifted 30 feet into the air
        by her kite at a festival in Taiwan. .  .  .
Jay  Leno  was scheduled to
        bring Groucho Marx' "You Bet Your Life" back to TV. . . . A Kansas
        City Jewess who posed as a Caribbean Black from New York resign-
        ed as professor of Afro-American history  at George Washington U-
        niversity. . . .
A woman barred from voting in an anti-Trump shirt in
        Exeter,  New Hampshire,  voted topless. . . . A  prowling  tiger  was
        seen in Knoxville, Tennessee. .  .  . A
New York Times reporter was
        removed from President Trump's political rally
in Detroit, Michigan,
        after "tweeting" that few in the crowd were wearing face masks. . . .
        Discarded "PPE" has become a pollution concern.

                               [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, HuffPost, Raw Story, AP]
The sports:
Novak  Djokovic,  the only former winner in the lineup,
was  kicked  out  of  the  U.S. Open Tennis Tournament
after, in frustration over a lost point,  he slammed a ball
behind him  that hit a line judge in the throat,  knocking
her out. .  .  . The Houston Texans stayed in their locker
room during  the  National  Anthem  before the opening
National Football League game at Kansas City (boos in-
terrupted a  later  moment  of  silence  observed by both
teams), and the Miami Dolphins said they would stay in
in the locker room during the anthem and the "Black Na-
tional Anthem"  today  at  their opening game in Boston.
.  .  .  A giant baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger
Museum and Factory was painted red by vandals.
kimbrust.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Saul Arrellano, 44, mobery; Kimberly Rust, 21, DUI; James Garrett, 18, DUI; Anna Reyes, 43, family assault; Tristan Wilhelm, 19, DUI; Victoria Morales, 23, marijuana; Braeden Swain, 19, marijuana; Samantha Malloy, 48, tresp.; Dillon Greer, 32, fraudulent driver ID; Monica Diaz, 30, mj; Jessyka Alvarado, 28, crim. mischief; Deven Lewellen, 25, marijuana, desecrating the flag
kimbrust.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Saul Arrellano, 44, mobery; Kimberly Rust, 21, DUI; James Garrett, 18, DUI; Anna Reyes, 43, family assault; Tristan Wilhelm, 19, DUI; Victoria Morales, 23, marijuana; Braeden Swain, 19, marijuana; Samantha Malloy, 48, tresp.; Dillon Greer, 32, fraudulent driver ID; Monica Diaz, 30, mj; Jessyka Alvarado, 28, crim. mischief; Deven Lewellen, 25, marijuana, desecrating the flag

DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in in-
tellectual dissection of important current
events  are  invited to attend  the Weekly
World News Round Table  at  the offices
of Borf  Books outside Brownsville, Ken-
tucky,   just  after  church  every  Sunday.
Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in
the near future include Poseidon,  Biden
and a few drunken sailors.   Incidentally,
Austin, Texas,  was  not  the  only  place
Trump boats got smashed.
posbiden.jpg Poseidon for Biden 2020
Dear Eleanor:
                            I'm 80 years old.  I've had a stroke (or two or three; the
                            last two episodes were not strictly diagnosed);  but I've
                            never had heart trouble,  to my knowledge.   However,
                            about a year ago my doctor, listening on a stethoscope,
                            became concerned about my  "rhythm"  and sent me to
                            a surgeon in the  big  city.   The
surgeon had me wear a
                            Holter  monitor  for  a day  (I thought they said "halter";
                            that's how it fit);  and,  as the findings were not conclu-
                            sive,  he wanted to  implant  a  "loop  recorder"  in  my
                            chest.  I reluctantly agreed.

                            For reasons I don't remember, the implant was delayed;
                            and I went back to the surgeon this spring. Although he
                            billed me for the visit, he said he could not schedule an
                            implant then because the  "coronavirus - covid-19"  cri-
                            sis had restricted hospitals to surgeries  needed  immin-
                            ently to save lives.  So we rescheduled.

                            We got a date at the hospital,  in  "outpatient  surgery."
                            "It'll be quick!" he said.  "In and out!"  He  didn't   tell
                            me, as they usually do for surgery, to get a driver;  and
                            out of an abundance of caution  I  telephoned  the next
                            day to ask if I would get a local anesthetic or a general.
                            His office would not answer the phone  except  with  a
                            recording asking for your phone number and a promise
                            to call back; but an assistant did call back.  She told me
                            to get a driver.   She wouldn't tell me what kind of anes-
                            thetic I would get. I decided to drive myself, rather than
                            to bother a friend so  early  in  the  morning  (I had to be
                            there at 6).  If it turned out to be a general anesthetic, I'd
                            just sleep it off in my car or a bar.

                            Then, five days before the procedure,  I got a call from
                            the hospital asking if my doctor had told me to "bring a
                            covid swab."  I had  no  idea.  "Isn't that something you
                            can do at the hospital when I get there?" I asked.  "No,"
                            the lovely-voiced woman said,  "it has to be done three
                            to four days before your implant."

                            I  lost  it.  "You might as well cancel the fucking opera-
                            tion then, you dumb bitch," I said as I hung up on her.

                            The next day I called the
surgeon's office to report that
                            my implant might have been canceled.  His nurse call-
                            ed back three hours later,  and before I could ask about
                            the "covid swab" – which they had not told me about –
                            the nurse told me my implant had to be rescheduled be-
                            cause my insurance company required, first,  an "echo-
                            cardiogram."  I lost it with her,  too – but I did not cuss
                            her out; and I agreed to another appointment (for which
                            I will be billed)  for the "echo"  and rescheduling of the
                            implant – and maybe a "covid swab."

                            Should I'd kept my mouth shut?
                                                                                  Having a Heart Attack
Dear Hearty-Har:
                                    Yes, but not at the dentist.  You must remember that
                                    this  is  2020,  when no one knows what he or she is
                                    doing.


Unopened e-mail last week included messages from
from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        suggesting that we might like to make "friends" with Sely Sawitri, Zubai Dah,
        Kevin Sanjaya, Umi Salama, Bunda Fiir, Bude Lii, Eko Prayitno, Aminnolloh,
        Arumaya,
Didik, Muhammad Rizal, Alia Nur Hafidah, Muji, Misbahul Munir,
       
Jualan Santai, Isa Ansori, Cahyono Noy and Mbak Yanti (separate e-mail for
        each name), and a message titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other noti-
        fications you've missed
."

libebrid.jpg "Did you get stuck." "No I'm delivering a brdge" Life Saver Dude: One for the Excuses Hall of Fame
libebrid.jpg "Did you get stuck." "No I'm delivering a brdge" Life Saver Dude: One for the Excuses Hall of Fame
"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett

Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



September 6, 2020:    Things you would never know if you did
not browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the coun-
ter in the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:


hed20091.jpg Lies, affairs & doomed marriage, Miley: I made a lot of bad choices, why she'll never date men again - or have kids (In Touch); William & Harry seeking truth about mom's death, Diana exhumed again (Globe); Trump says he could beat Lebron James in a dunk contest if not for bone spurs (Borowitz); Trump: "Any shooting actually inspired by me would have left thousands dead' (Onion)
hed20091.jpg Lies, affairs & doomed marriage, Miley: I made a lot of bad choices, why she'll never date men again - or have kids (In Touch); William & Harry seeking truth about mom's death, Diana exhumed again (Globe); Trump says he could beat Lebron James in a dunk contest if not for bone spurs (Borowitz); Trump: "Any shooting actually inspired by me would have left thousands dead' (Onion)


LETTERS to the EDITOR
:
Molly Luz Dean-Polacheck wrote Sun 8/30/20 @ 8:58 CDT.
Thank you for putting my picture in the paper, Grandpa!

Natty Bumppo, Edtor, wrote Thurs 9/3/20 @15:40 CDT:
I know that "Mardi" means "Tuesday" in French or Polish,
 but I can't remember which.
Dumb news from Indiana (see also Dumb News from Kentucky):
Tested positive, 100,011; died, 3,350. . . .

A
drive-by shooter.killed a 7-year-old girl attending a front  yard
birthday party in South Bend.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

              cyrildik.jpg Lafayette's most wanted, Delbert
                  Cyril Dickey, WM, 63, 5'7", 160 lbs, Coke
                  (TheMostWanted.net)

Dumb news from Kentucky
:
Tested positive, 55,500; died, 1,028. . . .

Cheapside Park in Lexington, once the site of slave auctions,
was renamed Henry A.Tandy Park,  after  a  freed slave  who
became a construction entrepreneur.
                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]

The black bear is classified as the major animal predator of
Kentucky, and the coyote, of Indiana;  but a black bear spot-
ted near Prospect, Kentucky, was considered a threat to Indi-
ana's Clark County,  just an Ohio River's swim away  (in Ha-
waii it's domestic cats).
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

          robstewt.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Rob Stewart, 37, 6'2", 165 lbs, meth, smack, paraphernalia (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)
robstewt.jpg Lexington's most wanted, Rob Stewart, 37, 6'2", 165 lbs, meth, smack, paraphernalia (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

Quotations of the Wheat
(Simon said):


    "I now wish I had lived vicariously through someone else and

      let someone else get my kicks for me."

                                                                            – Leonard Simon

Quotations of the week:
                                        "What I’d really like to do is smash your face in."

                                                     Jair Bolsonaro, President of Brazil, to a reporter
Quotations of the weak:
                                            "
It's 5:04 Central, 6:04 Eastern."
                                                                                                   
– Colin Jackson, @6:04 CDT
       
"Good morning.  This is the last day of Monday – "
                
              
                                                              – Colin Jackson, WKYU-FM

        "It looks like the virus is not as deadly as the mainstream media first made it out to be."

                    – Herman Cain,who died of covid-19 about a month ago, in a posthumous "tweet"

        "He does not deserve to have his entire life destroyed because of the actions of violent
         anarchists during a lawless riot."
                                                               
College Republicans United at Arizona State University,
                                                                   in a fund-raiser for Kyle Rittenhouse
ivelasqu.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) (Abiliene Crime Stoppers): Iziah Jo Velasquez, HM, 24, 5'8", 175 lbs, child sexual assault; Rodney Jermaine Briley, BM, 47, 5' 7", 175 lbs, assault of pub. svt.; Douglas Jerome Sims, BM, 48, 5'6", 190 lbs, aggravated robbery; Albert Willis Feagan, BM, 42, 5'6", 190 lbs, aggravated assault; John Gabriel Flores, HM, 22, 5'5", 135 lbs, indedency w/a child
ivelasqu.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas) (Abiliene Crime Stoppers): Iziah Jo Velasquez, HM, 24, 5'8", 175 lbs, child sexual assault; Rodney Jermaine Briley, BM, 47, 5' 7", 175 lbs, assault of pub. svt.; Douglas Jerome Sims, BM, 48, 5'6", 190 lbs, aggravated robbery; Albert Willis Feagan, BM, 42, 5'6", 190 lbs, aggravated assault; John Gabriel Flores, HM, 22, 5'5", 135 lbs, indedency w/a child
Birthdays:
                  August 31:  Richard Gere, 71
                                     Van Morrison, 75
               September 1:  Barry Gibb, 74
                                      Leonard Slatkin, 76
                                      Lily Tomlin, 81
                                      Harold Jenkins ("Conway Twitty," 1933-1993)
               September 2:  Salma Hayek, 54
                                      Jimmy Connors, 68
                                      Terry Bradshaw, 72
                                      Jimmy Clanton, 82
               September 3:  Charlie Sheen, 55
                                      Valerie Perrine, 77
                                      Mort Walker (1923-2018)
               September 4:  Beyondsay, 39
                                      Tom Watson, 71
                                       Gene Parsons, 76
                                       Mitzi Gaynor, 89
                September 5:  Dweezil Zappa, 51
                                       Loudon Wainwright III, 74
                                       Al Stewart, 75
                                       Raquel Welch, 80
                                       Bill Mazeroski, 84
                                       Bob Newhart, 91
                September 6:  Christopher Christie, 58
                                       Carly Fiorina, 66
                                       Jane Curtin, 73
Deaths:
                John Thompson, 78
                Tom Seaver, 75
                Chadwick Boseman, 43
                Neil Aulick, 39
                Norma Jean Caulk, 84
                Jacqui Falk, 77
                George Hauck, 100
                Olda Mae Mauk, 93
                Alvia Onkst, 88
                Karen Kniaz, of Cadiz, Ky., 73
                                                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]

ignaciow.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir (SpotCrime): Ignacio Rosales, 38, leader, bond cancellation (possession); Shomeka R. Smith, 39, surety off bond (forgery); James A. Ivory, 22, bond forfeiture (family assault); Wendy Lynn Martin, 45, forgery; Kelly Kea, 59, surety off bond (controlled substance)
ignaciow.jpg Wichita Falls' Criminal Cathedral Choir (SpotCrime): Ignacio Rosales, 38, leader, bond cancellation (possession); Shomeka R. Smith, 39, surety off bond (forgery); James A. Ivory, 22, bond forfeiture (family assault); Wendy Lynn Martin, 45, forgery; Kelly Kea, 59, surety off bond (controlled substance)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
A 5-year-old girl lying in her bed in Columbus, Ohio, was shot in the
back by someone firing into her residence from outside. .  .  .  A post-
humous  "tweet"  by actor  Chadwick  Boseman  announcing his own
death was "liked" 5.9 million times on Tweeter Twitter  and retwitted
retweeted 2.9 million times, both records. . . . Labor demonstrators e-
rected  a  guillotine  at the front door of Jeff Bezos' mansion in Wash-
ington, D.C.  .  .  .  An Oregon archer shot a bull elk that gored him to
death when he tracked it down the next day. . . . Atheists  and  agnost-
ics
  sleep sounder than Catholics and Baptists,  according to a  Baylor
Religion Survey study.
                                           [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, NBC.com, AP]

casehard.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Case Hardin, 26, drunk; Brittany Zunino, 27, criminal trespass; Rebecca Campbell, 26, no ins.; Martha Torres, 39, family assault; Jalisa Serenil, 29, theft; Janell Briones, 43, parole vi.; Vanessa Gonzales, 22, mj.; Matthew Florie, 24, family assault
casehard.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Case Hardin, 26, drunk; Brittany Zunino, 27, criminal trespass; Rebecca Campbell, 26, no ins.; Martha Torres, 39, family assault; Jalisa Serenil, 29, theft; Janell Briones, 43, parole vi.; Vanessa Gonzales, 22, mj.; Matthew Florie, 24, family assault
The sports:
The race horse Authentic won the146th Kentucky Derby  in a time of 4 months,
3 days, 2 minutes, and 0.61 of a second. . . . President Trump asked the Big Ten
to resume college football this fall. . . .                George Hauck, 100

Many Kentuckians did not get to see the Kentucky Derby.   Both the grandstand
and the infield were closed to spectators on account of covid-19,  and  television
was  touchy.  It was telecast by NBC  (the "National" "Broadcasting" Company),
but the two NBC channels near your editor's home  –  Channel  4,  in  Nashville,
Tennessee, 95 miles away,  and Channel 41.1,  in Bowling Green, Kentucky,  25
miles away – have not been received reliably since television reception was "im-
proved" by going "digital" a few years ago; and they were not coming in on Der-
by Day.  So we went to a friend's house in Silent Grove,  for  satellite  reception.
He had NBC,  but not Kentucky Derby NBC.  So he and I went to his next-door
neighbor's house, and they were getting Channel 4; and we saw the Derby – and
Bob Baffert, too.

Dear Eleanor:
                            Although he has never hit me, my husband has been emo-
                            tionally and verbally abusive ever since our wedding five
                            years ago.  One of his favorite names for me when he's an-
                            gry is "F------ B----."  I know this is my fault because I've
                            tolerated it.

                            Today my 2½-year-old daughter (usually a good girl) threw
                            a tantrum and called me the same name twice.  I try to disci-
                            pline her, but she doesn't understand that she's saying some-
                            thing bad if Daddy can call me that. How can she?  He says
                            he hasn't called me that in a month, but he said it last week.
   
                            I have suggested marriage counseling, but he has refused.  I
                            can't leave him because I'm seven months pregnant with our
                            second child.  How do I get both of them to respect me?

                                                                                   No Respect in Dreamland
Dear Nory:
                        Er, let's see, is that "FUCKING BITCH"?  Dream on. . . .

                        The only thing to do in your situation  (if you feel  that  divorce
                        is out of the question)  is to  "fight fire with fire."  Start out with
                        "FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT KIKE NIGGER WOP."  When  your
                        little girl asks, "Mommy,what does that mean?" you reply, "Shut
                        the fuck up,  you
dumb little cunt."  If Hubby gets contentious or
                        curious,   just tell him,  "Shove your dick-shaped tongue up some
                        other pussy, you DUMB FUCK!"  Then point to your daughter.

laronxav.jpg Wanted in Waco; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Laron D. Long, BM, 28, 5'6", 125 lbs, credit card abuse; Xavier Dale Powell, BM, 23, 6', 145 lbs, probation violation (aggravated assault); Priscilla Marie Martinez, HF, 32, 5'6", 145 lbs, injury to a child; Loretta Dawn Sanders, WF, 38, 5'7", 165 lbs, prob viol (forgery); Adam Michael Marcellus, WM, 35, 6', 190 lbs, prob vi (rude choking) (City of Waco, Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kas.) Sheriff)
laronxav.jpg Wanted in Waco; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Laron D. Long, BM, 28, 5'6", 125 lbs, credit card abuse; Xavier Dale Powell, BM, 23, 6', 145 lbs, probation violation (aggravated assault); Priscilla Marie Martinez, HF, 32, 5'6", 145 lbs, injury to a child; Loretta Dawn Sanders, WF, 38, 5'7", 165 lbs, prob viol (forgery); Adam Michael Marcellus, WM, 35, 6', 190 lbs, prob vi (rude choking) (City of Waco, Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County (Kas.) Sheriff)
hutchens.jpg Also wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Robert E. Hutchens, BM, 42, 6'5", 260 lbs, tattoos, barbed wire on l. arm, "J Dubb" on left forearm, Nike Swoosh r. arm, cross-hairs w/head in middle on chest, probation violation (theft, hallucinogens, evading arrest), gamg mbr.; Eli Hinman Johnson, 28, 5'3", 175 lbs, tattoos "Amani" on neck, "Never smile" on belly, "Life & death" on right forearm, probation violation (opiates); Robert Lee Dearman, WM, 32, 5'10", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (burglary); Cody A. Stone, WM, 24, 5'11", 150 lbs, probation viol. (theft); Prince N. Alcaraz, BM, 27, 5'7", 160 lbs, tattoos, neck & right arm, theft, aggr. battery, misspelling of prison name; Philip Jason Harriger, WM, 33, 5'9", 130 lbs, pro. viol. (opiates) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)
hutchens.jpg Also wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Robert E. Hutchens, BM, 42, 6'5", 260 lbs, tattoos, barbed wire on l. arm, "J Dubb" on left forearm, Nike Swoosh r. arm, cross-hairs w/head in middle on chest, probation violation (theft, hallucinogens, evading arrest), gamg mbr.; Eli Hinman Johnson, 28, 5'3", 175 lbs, tattoos "Amani" on neck, "Never smile" on belly, "Life & death" on right forearm, probation violation (opiates); Robert Lee Dearman, WM, 32, 5'10", 170 lbs, pro. viol. (burglary); Cody A. Stone, WM, 24, 5'11", 150 lbs, probation viol. (theft); Prince N. Alcaraz, BM, 27, 5'7", 160 lbs, tattoos, neck & right arm, theft, aggr. battery, misspelling of prison name; Philip Jason Harriger, WM, 33, 5'9", 130 lbs, pro. viol. (opiates) (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

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DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissection
of important current events are invited to attend  the  Weekly
World News Round Table  at the offices  of Borf Books  out-
side Brownsville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.
Guest  speakers  lined up for meetings in the  near  future  in-
clude Ginger Zee.
gingrzee.jpg


Unopened e-mail last week included nine messages from "Clutterbook" "Facebook"
        titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
.," a
        message titled "You have 90 notifications from Stephen and others," four
        messages titled "You have 91 notifications from Stephen and others," two
        messages titled
"You have 89 notifications from Stephen and others," and
        messages stating that "Exist" ("works at Exist Invictus Badminton Club
        Lampung") and "Samsul Ar" would like to be my "friends."


liberect.jpg Grammar Police they serve and correct Life Saver Dude Capt. J. Ewing is my hero
libebrid.jpg Grammar Police they serve and correct Life Saver Dude Capt. J. Ewing is my hero

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor

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