November 27, 2022:  Things you  would  never  know  if you did not browse
    the  tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket
    – this week's headlines
:


hed22114.jpg Trump trying for historic third impeachment (Borowitz); Musk accidentally includes himself in mass layoffs (Borowitz); Artemis rocket carrying mannequins to test department stores on moon (Onion); Clutterbook Facebook HQ on lockdown after Zuckerberg avatar breaks out of Metaverse (Onion); President, 80, can't be trusted alone, puppetmaster Jill pulls Joe's strings (Enquirer); King Charles' secrret gay life exposed (Globe)
hed22114.jpg Trump trying for historic third impeachment (Borowitz); Musk accidentally includes himself in mass layoffs (Borowitz); Artemis rocket carrying mannequins to test department stores on moon (Onion);
Clutterbook Facebook HQ on lockdown after Zuckerberg avatar breaks out of Metaverse (Onion); President, 80, can't be trusted alone, puppetmaster Jill pulls Joe's strings (Enquirer); King Charles' secrret gay life exposed (Globe)
Dumb news from Indiana:
Indiana reported its first monkeypox death.

                                                      [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

A high school student was shot by a deputy sheriff in Clinton
in a class on vocational training.
                                                                [courtesy USA Today]

Scores of Methodist churches in Indiana left the United Meth-
dist Church  over the parent congregation's acceptance of  ho-
mosexuals.
                                    [courtesy Lafayette Journal & Courier]

sinozich.jpg Wanted in northern Indiana (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Richard Jennints, WM, 6'1", 200 lbs, federal supervised release (bank rob.); Christopher Sinozich, WM, 6' 190 lbs, fed sup release (weapons); Tiler Jefferies, BM, 5'10", 240 lbs, f sup rel (fraud); Lee Adams Jr.,BM, 5'9", 190 lbs, parole violation (child molesting)
sinozich.jpg Wanted in northern Indiana (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Richard Jennints, WM, 6'1", 200 lbs, federal supervised release (bank rob.); Christopher Sinozich,
WM, 6' 190 lbs, fed sup release (weapons); Tiler Jefferies, BM, 5'10", 240 lbs, f sup rel (fraud); Lee Adams Jr.,BM, 5'9", 190 lbs, parole violation (child molesting)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said):

"Excuse me, Miss, but – are those your legs?  (I can smell your
  armpit)."

 
                                                                                 – Leonard Simon
                                        armpitct.jpg

Dumb news from Kentucky:
Although parimutuel betting at horse races is legal in Kentucky,
betting on sports generally is not.  Some legislators are trying to
change that.. . .

Metro United Way was distributing $900,000 total to 150 young
adults in three Louisville neighborhoods through March – that's
$500 a month to each of them – with no requirements on how it
is spent.

                                                                   [courtesy LEX18]
blakeaus.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Blake Austin Green, 23, Bardstown, assault 4°; Mary Adelaide Elmore, 31, Elizabethtown, DUI; Abby Jones, 29, Cox's Creek, DUI, speeding; Tiffiny [sic] Renée Cox, 35, Bardstown, disorderly conduct 2°; Marcus Alejandro Durbin, 18, Bardstown, criminal trespass 3°

blakeaus.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Blake Austin Green, 23, Bardstown, assault 4°; Mary Adelaide Elmore, 31, Elizabethtown, DUI;
Abby Jones, 29, Cox's Creek, DUI, speeding; Tiffiny [sic] Renée Cox, 35, Bardstown, disorderly conduct 2°; Marcus Alejandro Durbin, 18, Bardstown, criminal trespass 3°
Quotations of the week:
                                            "Normal is boring."
                                                                                Litraca Matthews
         "Vampires are cool people; are they not?"
                                                                                 Herschel Walker

        "So today I'm happy and rejoicing that, thanks to all that's happened in feminism,
          people can at least recognize the clitoris.
"
                                                                                Julia Pietri

Birthdays:
                  November 21:  Björk Guðmundsdóttir, 57
                                           Goldie Hawn, 77

                                           Earl "The Pearl" Monroe, 78
                                           Marlo Thomas, 85
                  November 22:  
Scarlett Johansson, 38
                                          
Jamie Lee Curtis, 64
                                           Billie Jean King, 79
                                           Jesse Colin Young, 82
                                           Jacob Cohen ("Rodney Dangerfield," 1921-2004)
                   November 23:  Miley Cyrus, 30
                                            Nicolás Maduro, 60
                                            Robin Roberts, 62 (this one, not that one)
                                            Bruce Vilanch, 74
                                            Luis Tiant, 82
                                            Lew Hoad (1934-1994)
                                            Alfonso the Wise (1221-1284)
                                            Otto the Great (912-973)
                   November 24:  Pete Best, 81
                                            Oscar Robertson, 84
                                            Todd Beamer (1968-2001)
                   November 25:  Barbara and Jenna Bush, 41
                                            Amy Grant, 62
                                            Kathryn Grant Crosby, 89
                   November 26:  Tina Turner, 83
                                            Charles M. Schulz (1922-2000)
                   November 27:  Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, 65
                                            Bill Nye, 67
                                            Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970)
                                            Bruce Lee (1940-1973)
Tabloid deadlines:
                                John Y. Brown Jr, 88
                                Irene Cara, 63
                                Nicki Aycox, 47

Crossword  puzzle clue of the week:
                                                             59D  "It's taken before a trip"
           Answer:  LSD                                                                              
[New Yorker 11/17/22]

chadedwd.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls Texas): Chad Edward Gomez, WM, 42, 5'11", 150 lbs, parental custoday interference, interference with LEO; Gabrielle NicolePalacio, WF, 27, 5'6", 150 lbs, parole violation (interference with parental custody); Jaime Ramiro Cervantes, WM, 32, 5'10", 170 lbs, kidnapping aggravated battery by the Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Unidentified (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
chadedwd.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls Texas): Chad Edward Gomez, WM, 42, 5'11", 150 lbs, parental custoday interference, interference with LEO; Gabrielle NicolePalacio, WF, 27, 5'6", 150 lbs, parole violation
(interference with parental custody); Jaime Ramiro Cervantes, WM, 32, 5'10", 170 lbs, kidnapping aggravated battery by the Sedgwick County Sheriff); Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Unidentified (Abilene Crime Stoppers)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
A mountain lion was captured in Springfield, Illinois. . . . Mormons
endorsed proposed legislation to legalize same-sex marriage. .  .  . I-
owa Senator Grassley, 89, filed to run for re-election in 2028. . . . E-
lon Musk
testified that he does not want to be CEO  of any compan-
y. . . . Jair Bolsonaro dropped out of the public eye after a skin infec-
tion prohibited his wearing pants. . . . An Australian woman was un-
allowed to board a plane by airport security in Abu Dhabi  for wear-
ing a butt plug containing her lover's ashes. . . .

                                                        [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
Dear Eleanor:
                            I am in a relationship I can't get out of.  I was told by my "boy
                            friend" that what he's doing is "normal." He says it's what peo-
                            ple who love each other do,   and that he loves me  more  than
                            anyone has ever loved me.  I have told him  repeatedly  that  I
                            don't love him.


                            He drives by my house and follows me to  work. He has also
                            watched to make sure I'm going where I said, like to the gym
                            and the store.    He tells me that every man wants to have sex
                            with  me,  and that I dress too sexy  (I wear leggings and tank
                            tops).  He has monitored Zoom meetings I go to.


                            All of the watching and following is without my permission or
                            knowledge.  He usually tells me about it later,  saying  he  only
                            does it  "out  of  love."  This has been going on for years.  Why
                            do I put up with it?  I have tried to break up.  It  started  after  a
                            few months together. But he guilted me into staying, saying he'-
                            d be all alone.  Or he'd kill himself.  Then I found out he'd film-
                            ed us having sex a few times; and he's threatening that if I don't
                            stay, people will see it.


                            Please tell me what to do.  I have no self-esteem left;  and, yes,
                            I feel like the slut that I am made out to be.    I'm not sure what
                            you can do to help me.  I have no one to talk to.

                                                                                                Anonymous Prisoner
Dear Annoying Petitioner:
                                                Ask your grandmother.

curtistv.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): (Texoma's) Curtis Stevens, 33, family assault; Maria Garza, 34, deadly assault; Marcus Garcia, theft, trespass; Jamaal Diensen, 19, no license; Jimmy Ngueyen, 19, tobacco purchase; Celeste Garza, 22, crim. trespass; Jazmyn Saldana, 21, minor w/alcohol; Brandon Gonzalez, 24, failure to signal 
curtistv.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): (Texoma's) Curtis Stevens, 33, family assault; Maria Garza, 34, deadly assault; Marcus Garcia, theft, trespass;
Jamaal Diensen, 19, no license; Jimmy Ngueyen, 19, tobacco purchase; Celeste Garza, 22, crim. trespass; Jazmyn Saldana, 21, minor w/alcohol; Brandon Gonzalez, 24, failure to signal
The sports:
                    The Buffalo Bills beat the  Cleveland  Browns
                    31-23 at the Bills' home game in Detroit as 6½
                    (not 4) feet of snow fell on Buffalo. . . .  At the
                    soccer World Cup in Qatar,  a sportswriter was
                    detained for wearing a  pro-LGBTQ  shirt  into
                    the stadium. .  .  .  Texas  Technical  University
                    scored 72 points and  held  the  University  of
                    Louisville to 38 in a basketball game in Hawa-
                    ii, Louisville's lowest score since 1948. . . . An
                    18-year-old co-ed joined the Brown University
                    baseball team as a utility infielder-outfielder.


lifepray.jpg that one time Jesus turned water into Jack Daniels Life Saver Dude: I'll pray for that
lifepray.jpg that one time Jesus turned water into Jack Daniels Life Saver Dude: I'll pray for that

DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include the Alaskan elector-
ate
.


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 20, 2022:  Things you  would  never  know  if you did not browse
    the  tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket
    –“ this week's headlines
:

hed22113.jpg Cover-up conspiracy 59 years after Dallas, Biden still protecting JFK's killers, seals 16,000 files on assassination, the truth about Lee Harv. Oswald (Globe); Kanye West psych ward emergency (Enquirer); Ye demands million$ payout, Kim vs. Kanye divorce war explodes, threats, blackmail, restraining orders (Star); Gisele & Tom, who cheated? (IT); Joe picked her up when she was down, Taylor Swift: Her untold story, The two exes who almost ruined her, starting family in Rhode Island, breakups eating disorder, getting married (L&S); Joe & Taylor: How they make it work (US)
hed22113.jpg Cover-up conspiracy 59 years after Dallas, Biden still protecting JFK's killers, seals 16,000 files on assassination, the truth about Lee Harv. Oswald (Globe); Kanye West psych ward emergency (Enquirer); Ye demands million$ payout, Kim vs. Kanye divorce war explodes, threats,
blackmail, restraining orders (Star); Gisele & Tom, who cheated? (IT); Joe picked her up when she was down, Taylor Swift: Her untold story, The two exes who almost ruined her, starting family in Rhode Island, breakups eating disorder, getting married (L&S); Joe & Taylor: How they make it work (US)
hed221132.jpg Joe & Taylor: How they make it work (US); Joe & Taylor figting over $570M prenup (Enquirer); Gwen & Bake miracle baby at 53 (US); Plastic surgery confessions, Jessica two tummy tucks, Victoria hates new boobs, Chrissy armpit lipo! (IT); Jealous Kate bans William from school runs with kids (L&S); Kate begs Harry: 'Don't destroy William' (IT); $4,000 a day limit,Boozing Camilla sent to rehab! Ordered to soberup for Charles' coronation, shocking reason she fell off the wagon AGAIN (Enquirer); Royals shocked by lawyers on standby, What Harry's memoir reveals, Charles warned it's worse than first feared, begged friends & exes to speak out, raises old rumors of his real father (US)
hed221132.jpg Joe & Taylor: How they make it work (US); Joe & Taylor figting over $570M prenup (Enquirer); Gwen & Bake miracle baby at 53 (US); Plastic surgery confessions, Jessica two tummy tucks, Victoria hates new boobs,
Chrissy armpit lipo! (IT); Jealous Kate bans William from school runs with kids (L&S); Kate begs Harry: 'Don't destroy William' (IT); $4,000 a day limit,Boozing Camilla sent to rehab! Ordered to soberup for Charles' coronation, shocking
reason she fell off the wagon AGAIN (Enquirer); Royals shocked by lawyers on standby, What Harry's memoir reveals, Charles warned it's worse than first feared, begged friends & exes to speak out, raises old rumors of his real father (US)

Dumb news from Indiana:
Mike Pence' autobiography, So Help Me God, was published.

                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

wintersw.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): William Winters, BM, 5'8", 165 lbs, robbery & bodily injury; Jerald Minzey, WM, 6', 235 lbs, narcotics, bodily injury; Charles Frierson, BM, 5'7", 170 lbs, meth; Gregory Rhodes, WM, 6'2", 190 lbs, coke & syringe
wintersw.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): William Winters, BM, 5'8", 165 lbs, robbery & bodily injury; Jerald Minzey, WM, 6', 235 lbs, narcotics, bodily injury; Charles Frierson, BM, 5'7", 170 lbs, meth; Gregory Rhodes, WM, 6'2", 190 lbs, coke & syringe
Dumb news from Kentucky:
Pumpkin Gorge's high school athletic teams' nickname the "Black
Gnats
" was confirmed by the school board and the city council.

                                                                             [courtesy LEX18]
quincy-p.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Ronald Wesley Skaggs, 23, Buffalo, parole viol.; Emily Nicole Burke, 23, New Haven, contempt of court; Rodney Keith Green, 34, Louisville,mobery; Perry Capri White Jr., 20, Lexington, conempt of court; Cynthia Ann Hawkins, 54, Boston (Ky.), contempt of court; Michael Quincy Parrott-Blaine, 26, Bardst., p.v.
quincy-p.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Ronald Wesley Skaggs, 23, Buffalo, parole viol.; Emily Nicole Burke, 23, New Haven, contempt of court; Rodney Keith Green, 34,
Louisville, mobery; Perry Capri White Jr., 20, Lexington, conempt of court; Cynthia Ann Hawkins, 54, Boston (Ky.), contempt of court; Michael Quincy Parrott-Blaine, 26, Bardst., p.v.
Quotations of the week:
                                           "It did not end well."
                                                                                Mike Pence

        "It doesn't take courage to break the law;  it takes courage to  uphold  the law. . . . The
          President's words were reckless.  It's clear that he decided to be part of the problem."

                                                                                                                            – Mike Pence


        "The American voters decided they preferred a party that is out of touch over one
           that is out of its mind."
                                                   – David Brooks

munozmar.jpg Arrested in Abilene: (Texas, not Kansas): Antonio Munoz Martinez, HM, 70, 5'6", 190 lbs, child sex; Erik Aaron Hubbert, WM, 22, 5'7", 185 lbs, upside down ears, robbery; Thomas Cody Rowden, WM, 36, 5'8", 190 lbs, aggravated assault; Osbaldo Coronado, HM, 5'6", 220 lbs, upside down ears, indecency with child; Zachary Thomas Gotelaere, HM, 33, 5'9", 175 lbs, burglary, assault (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
munozmar.jpg Arrested in Abilene: (Texas, not Kansas): Antonio Munoz Martinez, HM, 70, 5'6", 190 lbs, child sex; Erik Aaron Hubbert, WM, 22, 5'7", 185 lbs, upside down ears, robbery; Thomas Cody Rowden, WM, 36,
5'8", 190 lbs, aggravated assault; Osbaldo Coronado, HM, 5'6", 220 lbs, upside down ears, indecency with child; Zachary Thomas Gotelaere, HM, 33, 5'9", 175 lbs, burglary, assault (Abilene Crime Stoppers)
Birthdays:
                  November 14:  Condoleezza Rice, 68
                                           now "King"
Charles "III," 74
                                           P. J. O'Rourke (1947-2022)
                  November 15:  Lofa Tatupu, 40
                                           Anni-Frid Lyngstad, 77
                                           
Petula Clark, 90
                                           Ed Asner (1929-2021)
                  November 16:  Oksana Baiul, 45
                                          
Diana Krall, 58
                                          
Chi Coltrane, 74
                                           Garrett "Garnet" Mimms, 89
                  November 17:  RuPaul, 62
                                           Danny DeVito, 78
                                           Jim Boeheim, 78
                                          
Lorne Michaels, 78
                                           Martin Scorsese, 80
                                           Gordon Lightfoot, 84
                                           Rock Hudson (1925-1985)
                  November 18:  Megyn Kelly, 52
                                           Margaret Atwood, 83
                                           Alan Shepard (1923-1998)
                 N ovember 19:  Jodie Foster, 60
                                           Calvin Klein, 80
                                          
Ted Turner, 84
                                           Dick Cavett, 86
                                           Larry King (1933-2021)
                  November 20:  Judy Woodruff, 76
                                           Joe Biden, 80
                                           Dick Smotthers, 83
                                           Duane Allman (1946-1971)
                                           Bobby Kennedy (1925-1968)
Tabloid deadlines:
                                Robert Clary, 96


Crossword  puzzle of the week:
                                                            20A  "Era known for Pegasus and other winged stallions?"
    Answer:  WHENHORSESFLY
                                                           33A  "Tenderize steaks?"
    Answer:  BEATADEADCOW
                                                           41A  "Pet restriction set by the condo board?"
    Answer:  DON'THAVEAPIG
                                                          56A  "Wall Street site, and what happened in order
                                                                     to form the answers to the clues above?"
    Answer:  STOCKEXCHANGE
                                                                  [L.A. Times 11/4/22]

tinajone.jpb Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Johnathon Paul Jensen, WM, 38, 6'2", 200 lbs, tattoos on chest, back, both arms, left leg, probation violation; Chrstina ("Tina") Ann Jones, WF, 23, 5'4", 130 lbs, tattoos on right neck "1999," upper right cheek & chest, probation violation (opiates); Anthony Lee Duncan, WM, 46, 5'11", 175 lbs, theft, bad check (by Sedgwick County Sheriff)
tinajone.jpb Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Johnathon Paul Jensen, WM, 38, 6'2", 200 lbs, tattoos on chest, back, both arms, left leg, probation violation; Chrstina ("Tina") Ann Jones,
WF, 23, 5'4", 130 lbs, tattoos on right neck "1999," upper right cheek & chest, probation violation (opiates); Anthony Lee Duncan, WM, 46, 5'11", 175 lbs, theft, bad check (by Sedgwick County Sheriff)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Roberta Flack was diagnosed with ALS ("Lou Gehrig's disease") and un-
able to sing. . . . Pennsylvania's longest-serving state representative,  An-
thony DeLuca, 85 – 20 terms,39 years – was re-elected posthumously. . . .
Researchers found that primrose oil increased women's enjoyment of sex.
. . .  Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President. .  .  .  Wimble-
don
relaxed its all white clothing rule for women  to allow colored panties
(as long as they don't show). . . . A prediction of four feet of snow in Buf-
falo
, New York,  moved the Bills' Sunday home football game against the
Cleveland, Ohio, Browns to Detroit, Michigan.  .  .  .  A Taylor Swift tour
concert ticket sale was halted by Ticketmaster over extreme demand.  . . .
An unknown animal rightser uncaged and released  thousands of mink  at
a farm in Ohio. . . . Baltimore, Maryland, prostitute Miss Laid completed
her thousandth fling of the year.
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]

zachcruz.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Zachary Cruz,27, trespass; Jessica Rodriguez, 24, fraud; Crystal Curl, 34, trespass; Logan Steed, 20, hwy dam; Maribel Fernandez, 24,theft; Raymond Taylor, 50, DUI; Dustin Duffy, 34, contmpt
zachcruz.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Zachary Cruz,27, trespass; Jessica Rodriguez, 24, fraud; Crystal Curl, 34, trespass; Logan Steed, 20, hwy dam; Maribel Fernandez, 24,theft; Raymond Taylor, 50, DUI; Dustin Duffy, 34, contmpt
Dear Eleanor:
                            I was outside early one morning with my dog  in
                            the back yard.  It was well before dawn, about 3:-
                            45 or 4 a.m.     The dog is old  and often wanders
                            around the yard aimlessly while I sit on our patio,
                            which is surrounded by a fence.

                            Even  though  I'm nearly 60,  my  anatomy  works
                            well;  and I often wake up to a  morning  erection.
                            Usually I simply masturbate,   and  that  helps me
                            last longer and later in the day when my wife and
                            I are intimate.  As usual,  I had a full erection this
                            particular morning  and  had  thrown  my robe on
                            and taken the dog out.     She wandered about the
                            yard sniffing the flowers as I began.

                            Several minutes in I heard our gate open and saw
                            our neighbor walk in.  She let out a scream, and I
                            looked up in shock and blew my load everywhere
                            in front of her.   She immediately apologized  and
                            ran back home. I cleaned up and went back inside.
                            What now?  I've been avoiding her;  and  it's  awk-
                            ward,  as we were good friends.  We  often  barbe-
                            cued and beered together on our patios.     I  know
                            she  saw  everything,  and also
I never would have
                            thought she'd wander into our back yard at 4 in the
                            morning.  What now?
                                                                                                 Roscoe
Dear Rocky-Top:
                                  What gave the bitch the nerve?   Maybe she
                                  has a thing for you.  Knock on her door and
                                  ask her if she'd like to suck you off  at 4  ev-
                                  ery morning to keep you from masturbating.



DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings  in  the  near  future  include  Mike Pence and
Rand Paul.

  lifecaws.jpg It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws Life Saver Dude: Thank ou for answering my ancient classicogrammatic query
lifecaws.jpg It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws Life Saver Dude: Thank ou for answering my ancient classicogrammatic query

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 13, 2022:  Things you  would  never  know  if you did not browse
    the  tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket
    – this week's headlines
:


hed22112.jpg Thay all hate each other, Kardashian sisters at war!; Kim, Kendall, Klohé, Kourtney, New TV show canceled, Kendall says Kanye should get the kids (Star); Kanye West most hated man in Hollywood (Enquirer); Brad finally tells all, 'My 17 years of misery with Angie,' Lies, constant screaming & revenge, Never had sex after the wedding, How Angelina became mean & distant following Shiloh's birth (IT); Meghan's ultimatum to Harry, 'It's me or the monarchy!',Fears he's backtracking on promises, He's accused of changing his story, King Charles' threat to ban pair from his coronation (US)
hed22112.jpg Thay all hate each other, Kardashian sisters at war!; Kim, Kendall, Klohé, Kourtney, New TV show canceled, Kendall says Kanye should get the kids (Star); Kanye West most hated man in Hollywood (Enquirer); Brad finally tells all, 'My 17 years of misery with Angie,' Lies, constant screaming
& revenge, Never had sex after the wedding, How Angelina became mean & distant following Shiloh's birth (IT); Meghan's ultimatum to Harry, 'It's me or the monarchy!',Fears he's backtracking on promises, He's accused of changing his story, King Charles' threat to ban pair from his coronation (US)
hed221122.jpg Meghan's mental breakdown! New suicide fears! Harry's codependent! Why they'll divorce (Enquirer); What really happened in Capitol Hill assault, Secret Service tried to kidnap Pence, in cahoots with new-Nazis (Globe)
hed221122.jpg Meghan's mental breakdown! New suicide fears! Harry's codependent! Why they'll divorce (Enquirer); What really happened in Capitol Hill assault, Secret Service tried to kidnap Pence, in cahoots with new-Nazis (Globe)

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
T. Mallon Tawarhaag wrote Sun 11/6/22 @09:04 EST:

           You misspelled actress Duvall's first name:  It's Shelleynot
            "Shelly."     Not to mention Sissy's surname  –  Spacek,  not
            "Spacechick."

Good points:  You're right on the first of your gripes (it's been correc-
ted) but not on the second.
                                                – Editor

Charles McWhorter wrote Tues 11/8/22 @12:19 CST:

            Playing cards on line today I drew a partner named "Irrelevant"!
            And he wasn't a robot!  (And he wasn't irrelevant – we won!)

Malachi Royer wrote Sun 11/6/22 @10:02 CST to his father
:

            Your friends are .all morons

Dumb news from Indiana
:
Diego Morales was elected Secretary of State.
                                                                         [courtesy Muncie Star]

asanchex.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Austin Sanchez, WM, 5'10", 200 lbs, domesticbattery; Tori Richards, BM, 6'4", 150 lbs, battery of official; Jessica Stevens, WF, 5'7", 145 lbs, poss. of syringe, auto theft; Adrien Wright, BM, 6', 175 lbs, armed robbery; Raymond Angotti, WM, 5'8", 160 lbs, robbery
asanchex.jpg South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Austin Sanchez, WM, 5'10", 200 lbs, domesticbattery; Tori Richards, BM, 6'4", 150 lbs, battery of official;
Jessica Stevens,WF, 5'7", 145 lbs, poss. of syringe, auto theft; Adrien Wright, BM, 6', 175 lbs, armed robbery; Raymond Angotti, WM, 5'8", 160 lbs, robbery
    morenort.jpg more in nothern Indiana: Ronald Johnson, 6'1", 185 lbs, Mj lookalike (Marshall County), Jessie Hanson, WM, 6', 200 lbs, Escape (state) (Michiana)
morenort.jpg more in nothern Indiana: Ronald Johnson, 6'1", 185 lbs, Mj lookalike (Marshall County), Jessie Hanson, WM, 6', 200 lbs, Escape (state) (Michiana)

Dumb news from Indiana and Kentucky:
Two Hoosiers and a Kentuckian were indicted for a
conspiracy to sell U.S. military secrets to China.

Dumb news from Kentucky:
duca1113.jpg Perps of Paducah (McCrracken County Clutterbook page)
duca1113.jpg Perps of Paducah (McCrracken County Clutterbook page)

Gerrymandering was found  constitutional  in the circuit court
in Frankfort, the state capital. . . .

Rebecca Blankenship, elected by write-in to the school  board
in  Berea,  became the first openly transgender to be elected to
public office in Kentucky. . . .

Rand Paul was re-elected senator.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]
Quotations of the week:
                                        "As we say with most things you come across in a national park,

                                          whether it be a banana slug, an unfamiliar mushroom or a large
                                          toad with glowing eyes  in  the  dead  of  night,  please  refrain
                                          from licking.
"
                                                                    – The National Park Service, on Clutterbook

        "Some of us have horrible children."
                                                                      Donald Trump

The oldest living stars include:
Ali MacGraw, 82
Lee Majors, 82
Warren Beatty, 84
Alan Alda, 85
Sophia Loren, 86
Clint Eastwood, 91
Mel Brooks, 95
hollings.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas)(Sedgwick County Sheriff): Izeail Hollingsworth, BM, 18, 5'6", 120 lbs, probation violation (robbery); La'Niha Banks, BF, 18, 5'2", 106 lbs, narcotics
hollings.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls,Texas)(Sedgwick County Sheriff): Izeail Hollingsworth, BM, 18, 5'6", 120 lbs, probation violation (robbery); La'Niha Banks, BF, 18, 5'2", 106 lbs, narcotics
Birthdays:
                    November 7:  Roberta Anderson ("Joni Mitchell"), 79
                                           Johnny Rivers, 80
 
                   November 8:  Lynndie England, 40

                                           Bonnie Raitt, 73
                                           Bonnie Bramlett, 78
                    November 9:  Lou Ferrigno, 71
                                           Whitey Herzog, 91
                                           Mary Travers (1936-2009)

                                            Bob Gibson (1935-2020; not this Bob Gibson 11/16/1931-9/28/1996).
                   November 10:  Miranda Laambert, 39
                                            Dave Loggins, 75
                                           
Donna Fargo, 77
                   November 11:  Leonardo DiCaprio, 48
                                           
Calista Flockhart, 58
                                            Daniel Ortega, 77
                                            Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)
                                            George Patton (1885-1945)
                                            Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881)
                  November 12:  Ryan Gosling, 42
                                           Tonya Harding, 52
                                           Sammy Sosa, 54
                                           Nadia Com
ăneci, 61

                                           Neil Young, 77
                                           Booker T. Jones, 78
                                           Charles Manson (1934-2017)
                                           Grace Kelly (1929-1982)
                  November 13:  Caryn Elaine Johnson ("Whoopi Goldberg"), 67

                                           Merrick Garland, 70
                                           Steve Bilko (1928-1978)
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Dow Finsterwald, 93
                                Gallagher, 76
                                Aaron Carter, 34

Crossword  puzzle clue of the week:
                                                               58A  "Reached from behind"
           Answer:  BUTTDIALED                                                               
[L.A. Times 10/31/22]

shenalee.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, no Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's): Devonte Deon Ivory, BM, 26, 6'1", 180 lbs, child aband.; Charles Newby, 21, WM, 6'4", 315 lbs, prob. viol. (assault w/deadly weap.); Amber Nicole Scherff, WF, 39, 5'4", 128 lbs, probation viol. (forgery); Victoria Mercedes Gayton, HF, 32, 5'3", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (c.s.); Shena Lee Bazan, HF, 36, 5'4", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation viol. (aggr. assault); Jenny Dawn Page, WF, 35, 5'6", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog), controlled substances
shenalee.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, no Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's): Devonte Deon Ivory, BM, 26, 6'1", 180 lbs, child aband.; Charles Newby, 21, WM, 6'4", 315 lbs, prob. viol. (assault w/deadly weap.); Amber Nicole Scherff, WF, 39, 5'4", 128 lbs,
probation viol. (forgery); Victoria Mercedes Gayton, HF, 32, 5'3", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (c.s.); Shena Lee Bazan, HF, 36, 5'4", 180 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation viol. (aggr. assault); Jenny Dawn Page, WF, 35, 5'6", 210 lbs (Yorkshire hog), controlled substances
Borf 's weekly BONUS:     
Research on mice suggested that picking your nose can lead  to Alzheim-
er's disease. .  . .   A dick and balls image drawn
in the sky by a U.S. Air
Force plane near a Russian base was not intentional,  the  Air Force said.
. . .  A nurse in Pierce County, Wisconsin, was charged with felonies for
cutting a dying man's foot off  without  his or his doctors' direction. .  .  .
Two Denver, Colorado, firemen were suspended  for finding a living wo-
man to be dead. .  .  .  A woman in Kampala,  Uganda,  was arrested  for
drugging men with sedatives placed  on  her  nipples  and  then  robbing
them. .  .  . An 8-year-old boy in India bit to death a cobra that had wrap-
ped itself around his hand and wouldn't shake loose. .  .  . A 23-year-old
Englishman was arrested for  throwing  eggs  at King Charles III and his
wife Queen Camilla.
                                                                             [courtesy Harper's, AP]

austdugg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Austin Dugger, 25, DUI; Anastasia Escamilla, 27, theft; Truth Chapman, 25, trespass; Adrienne Leon, 34, mj, family assault; Mary Aguilar, 50, DUI; Monica Perez, 27, family assault, child aband.; Beatrice Sanchez, 24, mobery; Abel Garcia, 20, ctl. subs.
austdugg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Austin Dugger, 25, DUI; Anastasia Escamilla, 27, theft; Truth Chapman, 25, trespass;
Adrienne Leon, 34, mj, family assault; Mary Aguilar, 50, DUI; Monica Perez, 27, family assault, child aband.; Beatrice Sanchez, 24, mobery; Abel Garcia, 20, ctl. subs.
Dear Eleanor:   
                           
I don't cry when friends and relatives
                            pass  away;   but I cried when my cat
                            died.   Is there something wrong with
                            me?
                                        Dry Eye

Dear Dreidel:
                            Maybe,  maybe not.  Do you have hay
                            fever?

People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included Cemret Cemret.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

    Don't  forget!  Readers interested
in intellectual dissection  of  impor-
tant current events are invited to at-
tend the WeeklyWorld News Round
Table at the offices  of  Borf  Books
outside Brownsville, Kentucky,  af-
ter  church  every  Sunday.    Guest
speakers  lined  up  for meetings in
the near future  include  the  family
of Mahsa Amini.
mahsaami.jpg Mahsa Amini


HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)
 
 lifeyard.jpg We have video We know where you live If you don't pick up after your dog, we'll send our grandson to poop on your lawn Life Saver Dude: I'm gonna get me one of them signs and a grandson
lifeyard.jpg We have video We know where you live If you don't pick up after your dog, we'll send our grandson to poop on your lawn Life Saver Dude: I'm gonna get me one of them signs and a grandson

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



November 6, 2022:  Things you would never know if you did not browse
    the  tabloids  while waiting for your wife at the counter in the super-
    market –“ this week's headlines
:



hed22111.jpg Inside Arethat's FBI files (Globe); Explosive SEC probe & $1.2M fraud find, Kardashian greed empire busted, How crooked Kim fleeced her fans, Kylie caught in bait & switch, Mom Kris accuased of peddling porn (Enquirer); Loretta Lynn's deathbed confessions, forbidden love with Conway, tragic family curse, Dolly made her jealous (Globe); War at House of Windsor, King Charles purges Royal Family! Meghan & Harry are OUT! Fires 100 palace advisors for dislayalty, Strips Andrew's girls of Princess titles (Globe); Kate slams Camilla: 'You're not fit to be Queen!" (Star)
hed22111.jpg Inside Arethat's FBI files (Globe); Explosive SEC probe & $1.2M fraud find, Kardashian greed empire busted, How crooked Kim fleeced her fans, Kylie caught in bait & switch, Mom Kris accuased of peddling porn (Enquirer); Loretta Lynn's deathbed confessions, forbidden love with Conway,
tragic family curse, Dolly made her jealous (Globe); War at House of Windsor, King Charles purges Royal Family! Meghan & Harry are OUT! Fires 100 palace advisors for dislayalty, Strips Andrew's girls of Princess titles (Globe); Kate slams Camilla: 'You're not fit to be Queen!" (Star)
hed221112.jpg

Dumb news from Indiana:

Sentencing for Shiam Sunder Shankara Subramanian, 26, Co-
lumbus,  found  guilty  in  the  hit-and-run death of a 16-year-
old Columbus East High School student, has been postponed
to 1:30 p.m. December 8.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]
                miwontay.jpg Wanted in Northern Indiana (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Otis Young, BM, meth, strangulatioon (wanted in Marshall Co.); Miwon Taylor, BM, 5'8", 145 lbs, felon with firearm (wanted by feds); Daniel Richardson, BM, 5'10", 180 lbs, parole viol (rape) (wanted by state)
miwontay.jpg Wanted in Northern Indiana (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.): Otis Young, BM, meth, strangulatioon (wanted in Marshall Co.); Miwon Taylor, BM, 5'8", 145 lbs, felon with firearm (wanted by feds); Daniel Richardson, BM, 5'10", 180 lbs, parole viol (rape) (wanted by state)

scribner.jpg Sought in Shelby County, Indiana: Paul L. Scribner, WM, 43, 6', 200 lbs, dom. battery; Katelyn M. Mathis, WF, 25, 4'9", 95 lbs, meth; Melissa A. Hoffman, WF, 38, 5'2", 120 lbs, meth; Pamela A. Kresin, WF, 43, 5'8", 143 lbs, meth; Gregory P. Hays, WM, 28, 5'10", 145 lbs, leaving the scene
scribner.jpg Sought in Shelby County, Indiana: Paul L. Scribner, WM, 43, 6', 200 lbs, dom. battery; Katelyn M. Mathis, WF, 25, 4'9", 95 lbs, meth; Melissa A. Hoffman,
WF, 38, 5'2", 120 lbs, meth; Pamela A. Kresin, WF, 43, 5'8", 143 lbs, meth; Gregory P. Hays, WM, 28, 5'10", 145 lbs, leaving the scene
Dumb news from Kentucky:
A Barren County Sheriff's cruiser parked at a traffic crash site
was struck by another vehicle. Charges are pending.

                     [courtesy Park City (Bowling Green) Daily News]

As  you enter Mammoth Cave National Park  in Edmonson Coun-
ty you will see a sign stating,  in English, "CAUTION DEER ON
ROADWAY."   We did not find any signs stating, in Deer, "CAU-
TION AUTOMOBILES ON ROADWAY."

rowlettk.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): James Wayne Griffey Jr.,37, Louisville, failure to signal, meth; Daniel Lee Marshall, 43, Leitchfield, contempt of court; Anthony John Linton, 49, Bardstown, viol. protective ord.; William Todd Rowlett, 33, Bardstown, contempt of court; Kenny Ray Sandler, 46, Sonora, meth & marijuana
rowlettk.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): James Wayne Griffey Jr.,37, Louisville, failure to signal, meth; Daniel Lee Marshall, 43, Leitchfield, contempt of court;
Anthony John Linton, 49, Bardstown,viol. protective ord.; William Todd Rowlett, 33, Bardstown, contempt of court; Kenny Ray Sandler, 46, Sonora, meth & marijuana

Quotation of the week
:

                                         "To strive you need three bones:  A wishbone, a backbone and a
                                           funny bone."
                                                                         – Julianna Christine
Quotation of the weak:
                                        The British pop star Adele said her name should be pronounced
                                        "uh-dehwl."
Birthdays:
                    October 31:  Jane Pauley, 72
                                         Tom Paxton, 85

                                        
Dan Rather, 91
                   
November 1:  
Coco Crisp, 43
                                           
Lyle Lovett, 65
                                           Richard "Kinky" Friedman, 78
                                           Gary Player, 87

                                           Larry Flynt (1942-2021)
                    November 2:  K. D. Lang, 61
                                           Pat Buchanan, 84
                                           Ken Rosewall, 88
                                           Shere Hite (1942-2020)
                    November 3:  Kendall Jenner, 27
                                           Colin Kaepeernick, 35
                                           Rosanne Barr, 70
                                           Lulu, 74
                                           Ken Holtzman, 77
                                           Roy Emerson, 86
                                           Bob Feller (191832010)

                   November 4:   Puff Daddy, 52
                                           Delbert McClinton, 82
                                           
Loretta Swit, 85
                                           Dick Groat, 92
                                           Walter Cronkite (1916-2009)
                    November 5:  Tatum O'Neal, 59
                                           Peter Noone, 75
                                           Art Garfunkel, 81
                                           Elke Sommer, 82
                                           Gram Parsons (1946-1973)
                                           Ike Turner (1931-2007)
                    November 6:  Sally Field, 76
                                           Glenn Frey (1948-2016)
                                           Guy Clark (1941-2016)

                                           Stonewall Jackson (the country music star, 1932-2021; not the Civil War general)
Tabloid deadlines
:
                                Patrick Haggerty, 78
                                Ray Guy, 72
                                Tony Siragusa, 55
                                Julie Powell, 49

edondrel.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) (Texoma's): Julie Ann Williams, WF, 63, 5'8", 180 lbs, probation viol.; Matthew Wayne Gregory, WM, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, assault on pub. svt.; Roslyne Young, BF, 40, 5'8", 130 lbs, probation violation (family assault); Marcos Javier Garza, HM, 47, 6', 210 lbs, organized crime; Edondre Lyntre Smith, BM, 20, 6', 340 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon
edondrel.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) (Texoma's): Julie Ann Williams, WF, 63, 5'8", 180 lbs, probation viol.; Matthew Wayne Gregory, WM, 34, 5'4", 130 lbs, assault on pub. svt.;
Roslyne Young, BF, 40, 5'8", 130 lbs, probation violation (family assault); Marcos Javier Garza, HM, 47, 6', 210 lbs, organized crime; Edondre Lyntre Smith, BM, 20, 6', 340 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon
Crossword  puzzle clue of the week:
                                                               38A  "Funds posted to free a rancher?"
                         Answer:  HAYBAIL                                                                     
[L.A. Times10/21/22]


Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Referenda are scheduled in Arkansas, Maryland, Missouri and both Da-
kotas on whether to legalize "recreational" marijuana. . . . Seventeen in-
ternet sites suggesting information on the third game of the  World  Ser-
ies neglected to mention the time of the start of the game.  . . .  "Nigger"
usage on Twitter jumped 500 per cent after completion of the network's
sale to Elon Musk. . . . It  was  estimated  that Musk and Jeff Bezos lost
$58 billion apiece  and that Mark Zuckerberg lost $90 billion  since  the
start of the year.  .  .  . 
A former Brazilian congressman supporting  Jair
Bolsonaro  fired a rifle and threw grenades at federal police trying to ar-
rest him  for calling a female Supreme Court justice a witch and a prost-
itute
. .  .  . Iranian state media announced that the "world's dirtiest  man"
had died at age 94 a few months after taking  his  first  bath  in  decades.
.  .  .  A study reported that pedestrians give panhandlers dressed in suits
more than twice as much money as they give panhandlers in jeans. .  .   .
A former Miss Puerto Rico and a former Miss Argentina announced that
they had married one another in Puerto Corrupto.

                                                                [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]

melismed.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Dillon Powell, WM, 30, 6'1", 170 lbs, endanger child, interference w/Leo; Cantra Holden, BF, 52, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol. (robbery); Melissa Medina, WF, 39, 5'4", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (ID theft); Sky Brewer, WF, 25, 5'5", 172 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation violation (theft); Jose Salinas-Navarro, HM, 41, 5'5", 180 lbs, tattoo on left neck, aggrav. battery
melismed.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Dillon Powell, WM, 30, 6'1", 170 lbs, endanger child, interference w/Leo; Cantra Holden, BF, 52, 5'7", 165 lbs, probation viol. (robbery);
Melissa Medina, WF, 39, 5'4", 135 lbs, prob. viol. (ID theft); Sky Brewer, WF, 25, 5'5", 172 lbs (Yorkshire hog), probation violation (theft); Jose Salinas-Navarro, HM, 41, 5'5", 180 lbs, tattoo on left neck, aggrav. battery
Dear Eleanor:
                            My cousin's bat mitzvah was held at a resort in
                            the middle of nowhere.  Getting there would re-
                            quire a long train ride and hotel costs;   and  I'd
                            had to share a  room with my parents  (I'm  35).
                            I politely declined.

                            My aunt and uncle are well off, and I work
only
                            part time. I prefer to save my money.   Recently
                            I received an invitation  to their daughter's wed-
                            ding. This would mean a tremendous amount of
                            money on my part plus I'd have to take off work
                            So I RSVP'd that I couldn't come. Now my aunt
                            says I'm alienating my family. I say my aunt and
                            uncle aren't being fair to their guests.   Shouldn't
                            we be allowed to save our  money  and  vacation
                            days for our own leisure?  Destination weddings
                            can be a problem.  When another cousin married
                            I attended but didn't give because it cost me $150
                            just to get there.  Isn't that enough?
                                                                                            New York
Dear Yorkshire:
                                Yup,  that's  a-plenty.   You have every right to
                                dump the fam and resign as a hippie.

melzaror,jpg Locked up in San Agelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Melzar Ortez-Navas, 37, misc border ptrl hold; Mlarie Zachary, 23, credit card abuse; Olivia Porter, 38, public drunk; Ashley Castillo, 34, crim. misch., reckless driving, cruelty to animals; Danielle Faison, 22, misc parole violation; Melvin Gonzalex-Perez, 35, miscellaneous border patrol hold
melzaror,jpg Locked up in San Agelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Melzar Ortez-Navas, 37, misc border ptrl hold; Mlarie Zachary, 23, credit card abuse; Olivia Porter, 38, public drunk;
Ashley Castillo, 34, crim. misch., reckless driving, cruelty to animals; Danielle Faison, 22, misc parole violation; Melvin Gonzalex-Perez, 35, miscellaneous border patrol hold
The sports:
Four Houston Astros pitchers  no-hit  the Philadelphia Phil-
lies in the fourth game of the World Series, 5-0, in only
the
second no-hitter in World Series history  (the  first was the
New York Yankees' Don Larsen's perfect game against the
Brooklyn Dodgers in 1956).

sishelly.jpg

Shelley Duvall is back in the movies
   (here she is being photographed
          by Sissy Spacechick)


DISCUSSION GROUP:

        Don't  forget!    Readers interested in intellectual dissection of
important current events are invited to   attend   the  Weekly  World
News  Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Browns-
ville,  Kentucky,  just after church every Sunday.    Guest   speakers
lined up for meetings in the near future include
uh-dehwl.

lifemeto.jpg I'm tired of watching the dog make a fool of himself for the human let's go catch mice, Life Saver Dude: Meow, too! I'm bored!
lifemeto.jpg I'm tired of watching the dog make a fool of himself for the human let's go catch mice, Life Saver Dude: Meow, too! I'm bored!
 
HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But  remember  also,  you  have  to  spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks,  and  without  that
redundant  "Re: "  that  appears in so many subject lines  or  you'll  keep
getting  this  shit!  ("Cut and paste"  won't  work,  either.  We have a spe-
cial filter to detect that.)



"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" – €“Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor