:

Dianne Hopkins wrote Sat 5/20/23:

Response to J. Ewing's letter to the editor about her list of interesting
things she's done in her lifetime:  I can top that. Here are some of my
jobs, training, and experiences:  My first job, at age 13, was delivering
newspapers on horseback in a semi-rural area.  At 16 I worked a night
in a pizza parlor until I found out the owner wasn't paying and custom-
ers weren't tipping.  Then  it  was  (in no particular order) clerk/typist,
real estate photographer (with a 4.x 5 Speed Graphic),  chimp. and ele-
phant trainer and performer, zoo dietitian, first woman in charge of big
cat collection (lions, tigers, leopards, jaguars, cheetahs and tiglions.– I
loved telling people I worked in six cat houses), and first woman to back
up the Big Cat Act – the job of protecting the head trainer in case of mis-
behaving lions, trained cosmetician (ugh!), bartender, cocktail waitress,
food waitress, coordinating secretary at an ecumenical ministry where I
supervised the junky halfway house, helped organize an Appalachian
arts and crafts festival, disarmed an angry junky with a gun, and talked
down a drunk redneck with a baseball bat, typed church notices and cor-
respondence, and repaired the plumbing as needed, got drunk and smo-
ked pot with Bill Kunstler, attorney for the Chicago Seven, after 22 of
my radical associates were arrested for chanting "Fuck Nixon" at the
Billy Graham Crusade, where Nixon was campaigning for reelection
to prez that year a newspaper photographer crash-landed in a hot air
balloon), advertising design and sales pump jockey ("public relations
director" for the Sunshine State Horse Council (and credited with per-
sonally raising $25,000 for the Hurricane Andrew Horse Relief Effort,
donation fraud investigator. media liaison for the Disaster Animal Res-
cue Team ("DART"). panhandler in the Village in NYC, pro tem chair-
person of a Committee for Handicapped Access to Federally Funded
Buildings at the Capitol Arts Center, two photos accepted in the first ju-
ried arts exhibition at CAC, arts reporter, wrote and read arts news on ra-
dio, Art Guild member and exhibitor, focus of FBI investigation for anti-
war activities, my dog nominated for president of thé Student Government
Association at the University. of Tennessee Knoxville, player with the wax
paper kazoo band at the nominating convention. swam almost naked in the
reflecting pool of the Washington Monument (there were a few thousand of
us and I was too shy to take off my panties), rode on a mounted drill team
at Los Pasos (all women, all Paso Fino horses), performed at nursing homes
and cancer centers, rode in parades (team took third in state competition),
mapped and maintained horse trails with Triple B riding club, served com-
munities with Christmas caroling on horseback, actor, horse trainer, dog train-
er (amateur), electrician, cable television installer, assault victim, repeated vic-
tim of robberies, photographer's model (posed as Mrs. Santa Claus), sworn
peace officer, humane and animal control officer, avid gardener, degree in
photo retouching and restoration (pre-Photoshop), darkroom technician, color
photo processor and printer (Watercolor), ink and graphite artist. co chair of
county PAC for Kinky Friedman for Governor campaign, massage therapist,
camera sales, park ranger, ordained Buddhist Upasika PR planner and spokes-
person for humane society fund raisers, blogger for planned off-the-grid com-
munities for elderly and handicapped persons with pets, supporter of The Uni-
ted States Constitution and its amendments, mother of one son (deceased), vic-
tim of Texas injustice (prisoner ).  I have undoubtedly forgotten a few of my
roles in this lifetime.   Whatever.  It's not really important – just momentary a-
musement, I hope, for whoever reads this autobiography in a nutshell.  In case
you wonder, yes, I am the nut.  Or at this late date, maybe just the shell?  Peace,
happiness and love to all beings, wherever and whatever they may be.

Thank you for the longest sentence in Tabloid Headlines' history.
                                                                                                            – The Editor

Indianapolis' 500-Mile Race was run on  Decoration Day  from
its inception in 1911 until 1974,  when it was moved to the Sun-
day of the Memorial Day weekend.  Memorial Day was known
as Decoration Day from 1868 to 1971 and was observed on May
30 from 1868 to 1970, when it was moved to the last Monday in
May.  So this year's race will be held today, May 28.  Tomorrow,
May 29,  will be Memorial Day;  and Tuesday, May 30, will not
be a holiday.
                                                                       [courtesy Wikipedia]

Another horse died at Churchill Downs,  in Louisville,  and
a horse died at Pimlico, home of the Prickness.in Baltimore,
Maryland.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

    

Lexington's most wanted: Jerree Dupree Hill, BM, 29, 6', 150 lbs, large tattoo on neck, felon with handgun (LEX18)

Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Kenneth Adams, BM, 54, 6', 265 lbs, probation violation
(evidence tamper.);Aaliyah Turner, BF,54, 5'1", 125 lbs, probation violation (robbery); Lucas Kellison, WM, 46, 5'10", 266 lbs, bond forf.
(burglary); Ashley Jenkins, WF, 24, 5'1", 143 lbs, prob. viol. (ctld. substance); Frank Martinex, HM, 53, 5'4", 150 lbs, prob. viol. (family assault)

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "Ya gotta stop and smell the pussy!"                                                            – Leonard Simon

Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Michael Webber, WM, 41, 6', 155 lbs, burglary; José Cantu, HM, 19, 5'8",
142 lbs, firearm violation; William Johnta Nichols II, BM, 43, 5'10", 153 lbs, probation violation, aggrav. assault); Marion Stuard Morales Pellecer, HM,
49, 5'6", 175 lbs, tattoos arms and hands, prob. viol. (assault,opiates); Taylor Dee Shannon, WM, 30, 6'1", 155 lbs, probation violation (opiates)

The  Vibe  on  line  has  rated as the 46 most overrated singers of all time
Katy Perry,  Ozzy Osbourne, Camilla Cabello, Axl Rose,  Britney Spears,
Dave Matthews,  Rihanna, Lou Reed, Avril Lavigne, Liam Gallagher, Se-
lena Gomez,  Adam Levine,  Janet Jackson,  Jon Bon Jovi,  Miley  Cyrus,
Bono,  Taylor Swift, Johnny Rotten, Lady Gaga, Kurt Cobain,  Madonna,
Chris Martin, Gwen Stefani, Bob Dylan, Beyonce, Ed Sheeran, Justin Bie-
ber,  Jennifer Lopez, Bret Michaels, Shania Twain, Kelly Clarkson, David
Lee Roth, Cher,  Eddie Vedder, Adele,.Billie Ellish, James Hetfield, Mich-
ael Jackson,  Gerard Way,  Bruce Springsteen,  Billy Joel,  Billie Joe Arm-
strong, Lemmy Kilmister, Dave Grohl and Patrick Stump.  We have to dis-
agree with the listings of Bob Dylan,  Cher,  Michael Jackson  and  Bruce
Springsteen, of course,  and also with the listing of Lou Reed. . . . A study
found that the old are more easily distracted than the young. . . . The Pope
took a cell phone call in the middle of his weekly audience. . . .  Belief  in
Heaven has fallen in Britain,  but belief in Hell is constant.

                                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissec- tion of important current events  are  invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table  at  the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky, after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Molly Seavee-Nesper.

lifeseeal.jpg Life Saver Dude: Me, too, babe! I'm an oughter!

:

J. Ewing wrote 5/7/23 @ 12:11 EDT:

The Indiana Governor signed a bill to allow people to request a ban
on school library books they deem "offensive"  and to impose felon-
ies on school librarians for having such.     Do you have to live in In-
diana to recommend books to ban?  If so,  then I recommend every
"Mike Hunt" and "Ima Hog"  Google  random Indiana addresses to
submit   https://www.generatormix.com/random-address-in-indiana
while recommending the banning of at least these books?   Such  as

former Indiana Governor Mike Pence's So Help Me God  for using
the Lord's name in vain in order to sell his self-promoting book?

And  the Bible,  which reeks of content void of "serious literary, artis-
tic, political, or scientific value" for kids. The Skeptic's Annotated Bi-
ble on line offers a handy list of categories to use to find examples and
specific verses.

P.S.  You need to link Joe Nickell's web site and give him full credit
forcoming up with the idea of listing lifetime personas:

No, no; the Indiana example is not exclusive.  – Editor


Dusty Hopkins wrote 5/14/23:

A felony drug parolee said "Hi!"  to  another.  The other replied
"No, but thanks for asking." . . .

The parole officer greeted the drug offender, "Hi!"  The parolee
stammered, "Oh, no, ma'am!"

The opening  day of the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race warm-ups was rained out. . . .          [courtesy Columbus Republic] Jewel  will sing the  National Anth- em at this year's 500 Mile Race  in Indianapolis.

A 25-year-old Columbus attorney  recovered  from  a  traumatic brain
injury and depression seems to have established a successful personal
Iinjury practice.

                                                                              [Columbus Republic]

A Pulaski County teacher was suspended after a student showed
up in a Ku Klux Klan costume in a history assignment. . . .

Three dry counties voted wet in last Tuesday's election. . . .

An eighth horse died at Churchill Downs in Louisville since the
Kentucky Derby warm-ups.
                                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

Martha Stewart, 81, made the cover of the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated

Quotations of the week:
                                            "I havnen't spoken to  my wife in years.  I don't want
                                              to interrupt her."
                                                                            - Rodney Dangerfield

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "A cunt by any other name would be as dumb."                                                                                       – Leonard Simon

Birthdays:

Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted) Benito Rodriguez, HM, 46, 5'8", 150 lbs, probation violation (fam. assault, controlled substs.); Tricia Denise Pugh, BF, 42, 5'2", 115 lbs.,
burglary; Anfernee Henderson, BM, 22, 5'5", 145 lbs, probation violation (money laundering); Lauryn Weber, WF, 35, 5'3", 169 lbs (Yorkshire Hog), theft; Charles Lee Bragg, WM, 51, 6', 170 lbs, prob. viol. (theft); DUI

A line drive by a Philadelphia Phillies batter gave Colorado Rockies pit-
cher Ryan Feltner  a  skull  fracture  at a game in Denver. . . . Olympics
gold medal figure skater  Sarah Hughes  is running for Congress in New
York. .  .  .  National Treasure won the Prickness,  beating Mage and oth-
ers.
                                                                                [courtesy Kinetic, AP]

Locked up in San Angelow (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Andrew Barnett, 29, robbery; Kimberly Richardson, 48, family assault; Edwin Flott, 50,
criminal trespass; Mary Sutton, 56, family assault; Irene Gonzalez, 38, joy riding; (bailed out or escaped before we could identify her); June Garcia, 40, miscellaneous
U.S. Marshal hold; Ted Deloria, 65, drug paraphernalia; Humberto Lucio-Martinez, 50, border; Adela Lopez,58, c.s., escepe; Savannah Gonzalez, 20, marijuana;
Minnie King, 29, joy ride; Melissa Honesto,52, evid. fabric; Vincent Aguilera, 37, public intox.; Veronica Morales, 24, ctld. substs.; Santiago Lopez, 39, c.s.

DISCUSSION GROUP:     Don't  forget!  Readers interested in intellectual dissec- tion of important current events are invited to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the offices  of  Borf Books outside Brownsville, Kentucky, after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Meghan McCarty Carino.

:

J. Ewing wrote Tues 5/9/23 @15:19 EDT:

Interesting "exercise" when you try to list all that you have
done and experienced in life,  roles you've played,  degrees
and licenses you've earned, titles/certifications you've held,
job/employment history/titles, etc.

I'm finding myself far more interesting than I ever imagined.
So far, some of my more interesting entries run the gamut of
KGB Target, Mixologist, Bouncer, Terrorist Threat, Photog-
rapher's Model,  Museum Artifact  Donator, Thief,  Aeroflot
Survivor, Mugging Victim and Ordained Minister.

Think of it as a highly inflated, lifetime CV.

The Governor signed a bill to allow people to request a ban on
school library books they deem "offensive" and to impose
felonies on school librarians for having such.

                                                                     [courtesy Muncie Star]

South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Sean Stockinger, WM, 5'7", 125 lbs, handgun w/o license; Jason
Krassow, WM, 6'1",  135 lbs, narcotics, syringe; Trisha Flynn, WF, 5'3", 145 lbs, meth; Charles Frierson, BM, 5'7", 170 lbs, meth

A 15-year-old boy graduated high school in Covington with
a 4.48 grade-point average.
                                                                   [courtesy LEX18]

jannamar.jpg Busted in Bardstown (Nelson County Gazette): Larry Nicholas Lawson, 31,Owensboro, meth, paraphernalia; Lisa Rae Burden, 52, Shepherdsville, probation violation; Janna Maarie
Borders, 28, Bardstown, assault 4°; Bonny Sue Burgess, 40, Buffalo, probation violation; Judith Gail Downs, 60, Loretto, prob. viol.; Derrick Paul Hughes, 37, Bardstown, disorderly, probation viol.

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I got pulled over for driving drunk. The cop said, ‘Your eyes look a little glazed.  You  been  drinking?’  I said,  ‘Your hands look a little glazed. You been eatin' donuts?’  Needless to say, he didn't like my joke."                                                                                       – Leonard Simon

jorgeart.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted): Jorge Arturo Delgado, HM, 33, 5'10", 178 lbs, burglary Dequana Manuel, BF, 52, 5'5", 120 lbs, abandoning a child;
Hugh Wesley Harris, WM, 6'3", 170 lbs, assault of police officer; Frances Lynn Burge, WF, 36, 5'5", 132 lbs, prob. viol. (burg.); Ujamaa Ballard, BM, 26, 5'8", 155 lbs, unlawful possession of a firearm

A Hilton Hotel manager in Nashville, Tennessee, was arrested for enter-
ing a guest’s room and sucking on his toes. . . . The house of Brazil's ex-
president  Jair  Bolsonaro,  who had asserted that Covid-19 vaccinations
would turn Brazilians into  crocodiles,  was raided in an investigation of
forced  vaccine  cards  that may have helped him enter the United States.
.  .  .  The Centers for Disease Control announced that coronavirus drop-
ped to the  fourth  leading  cause  of  death in the United States,  behind
shootings.  .  .  .  A study found that 44 per cent of Americans could not
name a famous Asian-American (how 'bout Kamala Harris?). . . . A shop-
per in Edgewood, Texas, who pulled a knife on a grocery store clerk was
arrested for shoplifting even after she paid for what she got.  .  .  .  Susan
Sarandon  and seven other persons were arrested in  Albany,  New York,
in a protest for higher waiter wages.  .  .  .  Olivia  and  Liam were the top
new baby names in 2022.  Noah and Emma came in second,  and  Oliver
and Charlotte completed the top three.
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

dreyawns.jpb Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (Sedgwick County Sheriff): Dreyawn Warren, BM, 29, 5' 9", 240 lbs, probation
violation (burglary); Taree Thompson-Johnson, BF, 21, 5'8", 186 lbs (Yorkshire hog), aggr. battery; Jerome Mullins, BM, 56, probation violation (forgery)

lifepose.jpg Life Saver Dude: Hubba, fuckin' hubba!

The U.S. Supreme Court declined to review an Indiana law re-
quiring burial or cremation of aborted fetal remains.

                                      [courtesy Fort Wayne Journal-Gazette]

South Bend's most wanted (Michiana Crime Stoppers Inc.) John Jenkins,
WM, 5'8", 135 lbs, theft, St. Joseph Marshall & Elkhart counties; Jessica
Stevens, WF, 5'7", 150 lbs, auto theft; Jose Torres, HM, 5'5", 200 lbs, meth

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon said): "I find it appropriate that when pronounced literally, ‘Phuket’ is in ‘Thailand’."                                                                                     – Leonard Simon

Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas) (by Sedgwick
County Sheriff) Shaun R. Jones, BM, 32, 5'7", 186 lbs, felon w/gun;
Jeffrey Taylor, WM, 43, 6'2", 190 lbs,violation of protective order,
Tina Fountain, WF, 53, 5'11", 135 lbs, probation violation (narcotics),
Brendin Ossman, WM, 18, 5'10", 135 lbs, probation violation (theft)

It was reported that over an 8-year period  Chief Justice John Roberts'
wife earned more than $10,300,000 in legal recruiting fees from corp-
orations and law firms,  many of which had cases before the Supreme
Court. . . . A photographer in Dildo,  Newfoundland,  Canada,  took a
picture of a phallic iceberg called Dickie Berg. . . . Other concertgoers
said a woman loudly orgasmed during the Los Angeles Philharmonic's
performance of Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony.

                                                              [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

Wanted in Wichia Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's
most wanted) Jeffery Adam Arreedoneo, WM, 35, 5'7", 140 lbs,
prob. viol. (credit card fraud); Sarah Gerene Case, 32, WF, 5'1",
100 lbs, theft; Keonta Travon Hardeman, BM, 33, 5'10", 190 lbs,
rape; Lashevonia Mitchell, BF, 33, 5'7", 150 lbs, cr. mischief;
Carlos Solis Lopez, HM, 63, 5'6", 147 lbs, evading arrest

Life Saver Dude: Chop one for me,cunty cunty!